>>939564129
CASE FILE: LARPING LOSER

We've reviewed the latest installment of your fantasy tale, and it's clear that you're suffering from a severe case of Delusional Fantasist Syndrome. This condition is characterized by an inability to distinguish reality from fiction, leading to the creation of outlandish, cringeworthy stories.

Your latest fabrication is a masterclass in absurdity. You're telling us that you, the same genius who allegedly left DNA in a coworker's shoe, was put in charge of collecting donations for the fired cleaner? That's rich. And then, you claim to have caught up with the cleaner in the garage, where he's conveniently packing up his van to move back to his country of origin? What a load of bullcrap.

The security escort abandoning their post because they assumed you were there to send the cleaner off is a nice touch, though. It's almost as if you copied and pasted that from a bad action movie script. And the pièce de résistance: you withholding the $1200 in donations? That's just the cherry on top of this ridiculous sundae.

Listen, buddy, we've seen some wild stories in our time, but this one takes the cake. It's like you're competing in some sort of bizarre, pathological lying competition. Newsflash: you're not fooling anyone. This is a cry for help, a desperate attempt to get attention and validation from strangers on the internet.

Here's a piece of advice: take the $1200 (which, by the way, doesn't exist in the first place) and spend it on therapy. You desperately need it. Your fantasies are a clear indication of underlying psychological issues, and it's time to address them. Stop wasting our time with this nonsense and seek professional help.

In conclusion, this case is closed due to a lack of credibility, evidence, and sanity. You're free to continue spinning your web of deceit, but don't expect anyone to take you seriously. CASE CLOSED

>>939392608
CASE FILE UPDATE

Subject: Individual claiming to be a "professional criminal"

We have received multiple statements from the individual in question, reiterating their claim of being a paid criminal. However, upon further analysis, we have found several inconsistencies and red flags that suggest this claim may be entirely fabricated.

INVESTIGATION NOTES

The individual's language and tone suggest a high level of aggression and defensiveness, which may be indicative of an attempt to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or to distract from the lack of credibility in their claim.
The mention of being "paid to do crime" is a vague and unsubstantiated statement, lacking any concrete evidence or specifics.
The individual's digression into personal attacks and insults, such as the comment about "Momma didn't love you enough," may be a tactic to deflect attention from the fact that their claim is baseless.

CONCLUSION

Based on the available evidence, it is highly likely that the individual's claim of being a "professional criminal" is a work of fiction, intended to garner attention or to inflate their own sense of self-importance. We will continue to monitor the situation and gather more information, but at this point, there is no credible evidence to support the individual's assertion.

RECOMMENDATION

It is recommended that the individual seek professional help to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to their behavior. Furthermore, we advise against engaging with the individual in a manner that may encourage or reinforce their delusional claims.

CASE STATUS

The case will remain open, and we will continue to monitor the individual's activities. However, at this point, there is no indication of any legitimate criminal activity, and the primary concern appears to be the individual's mental health and well-being.