>>40765063
>>40765072
>>40765086
>Okay, let's start with an exercise. Name admirable traits in other people that you gravitate towards. What I want us to do is examine them, realize a lot of those are learnable skills, and then incorporate some of them into you. You can make things you love about others a permanent fixture of your own person. Become a monument to that which you value in the world. We can't all be surgeons but we can all learn to be kinder, or more patient. We can learn to be silly. You get it.
I like this exercise. One thing that I very much like about the people that I admire is their sense of independence/their lack of needing anyone in life so to say. They're able to emotionally regulate okay on their own, they're capable of being happy on their own (outside of I guess romance), and they're able to handle life on their own. I am very clingy and needy and insecure in a relationship context and have difficulty regulating my emotions and it results in me doing things that feed my self hate.
>One simple example which may not apply to you is self denial. "I can't go to this party I was invited to, I will just bring the mood down". Sometimes we start imagining what people MIGHT think of us, projecting our own hatred. That can poison our relationships in ways outside the control of the others. We treat imaginary conversations like real ones. That is delulu default human being behavior we kinda have to actively fight.
I see what you mean now, a lot of my arguments in relationships are usually just projections of my own insecurities and fears of them abandoning me because of it, despite them not actually saying anything or implying it.
It's difficult to glean even with fact checking, because sometimes it does have root in reality (like me experiencing issues when I go out cause I'm trans) and when I'm having a BPD episode it feels as real as that.
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