Im not sure if its a suicidal thing or a deep depression thing but at this point in my life i have totally stopped caring about finding someone. I have reached the point where i have totally given up on it. And as a result, i literally have stopped caring about how i present myself.

Hair looks like shit? Who cares.
My job isnt good or status like? Who cares. Im not going to work harder to do something stressful and harder.
I act weird? Who cares, it didnt matter when i was normal
Im out of shape? Why do i care about ever getting into shape?
House is dirty? Barely anyone comes over anyways

Its a state where i have recognized I dont see anything in my future besides the immediate. And truthfully it has me a bit concerned for my future but i feel like i dont really have one so why be concerned. I probably wasnt going to live a good successful life anyways with how i am. I am done pretending eventually i will have some epiphany and fix everything thats been plaguing my life since i was a child. Ive recognized it literally doesnt matter. I will never be better. I will never be anyone. I am basically just waiting for life to be over but not actively trying to end it