Thread 81582977

Im not sure if its a suicidal thing or a deep depression thing but at this point in my life i have totally stopped caring about finding someone. I have reached the point where i have totally given up on it. And as a result, i literally have stopped caring about how i present myself.

Hair looks like shit? Who cares.
My job isnt good or status like? Who cares. Im not going to work harder to do something stressful and harder.
I act weird? Who cares, it didnt matter when i was normal
Im out of shape? Why do i care about ever getting into shape?
House is dirty? Barely anyone comes over anyways

Its a state where i have recognized I dont see anything in my future besides the immediate. And truthfully it has me a bit concerned for my future but i feel like i dont really have one so why be concerned. I probably wasnt going to live a good successful life anyways with how i am. I am done pretending eventually i will have some epiphany and fix everything thats been plaguing my life since i was a child. Ive recognized it literally doesnt matter. I will never be better. I will never be anyone. I am basically just waiting for life to be over but not actively trying to end it

>>81582977 (OP)
The thing is, I get the first parts; hair, job status, acting weird.. that's all fine, live your life.
But you still are holding onto this idea of other people perceiving you. This can be seen a la:
1) You posting here at all (if you truly did not care about others' opinions, you wouldn't be here)
>"House is dirty? Barely anyone comes over anyways"
2) This ^^^ is a completely neurotic take, because what you're essentially saying is that you're okay with living in filth and disgust. I would personally not care about others' opinions, but living in filth just because others aren't there to see it is gross, it's MY living space.

Asylum. Nao.

>>81583006
I still clean up occasionally but i dont as much as i used to. I just dont give a fuck as much anymore.

>>81583020
you can not give a fuck about others' opinions of you and still try to do self-improvement to improve your living situation.

Or, I guess.. if you really don't care, then your living situation doesn't matter to you?

Anon please explain how you feel in detail

>>81582977 (OP)
i feel this, ill rot for days but i can only maintain it for a bit before it starts feeling like shit.
I have nappy hair so it needs to be cleaned or it will physically begin to hurt, i hate a dirty room so i clean it.
The good status and job/acting weird part i do get as well. People ask what i do i just straight up tell them im unemployed i don't do shit.
i used to jestermaxx because i was just genuinely a retard, i still just tell morbid jokes about death and suicide but mostly i just disassociate in social settings like who cares brah everyone is just farming social credits right now anyway

>>81582977 (OP)
Hey your just like me, minus the house, I once had ant on my bed while I was jacking off and immediately got to cleaning

>>81582977 (OP)
So you went from
Feeling like shit because you were too lazy to achieve your goals.
To now knowing it wouldn't have mattered, your goals wouldn't matter because the world is shit. And you can't even achieve a small but happy life, without big goals; because all women are whores.
Same

>>81583047
>once had ant on my bed while I was jacking off and immediately got to cleaning
Well, if it gets you to clean... :)

>>81582977 (OP)
living in a clean space that makes you happy, having a fulfilling job and being healthy and hygienic have nothing to do with "finding someone". were you really living your whole life for women up until this point? thats just sad.

>>81583033
I tried to self improve for years and failed at it before i really started to realize there isnt really a way out and i will always be a loser. Something will always happen, something will always stop me. So instead of trying to force my way into being something i can never be, i sort of exist as this ghost person that could fit in at like a walmart or something now. I just dont care to try anymore. And at the end of the day i am basically treating life as a waiting room where i might "read a magazine" so to speak to pass the time but the entire reason i am waiting there is to die. There is no promises i am expecting life to keep, and it really just feels like this is who i am, so ill just wait for something to hopefully kill me.

>>81583069
Women,social approval and money basically. I didnt grow up with love, social approval or money so i think i still chase after that. I was a loser all growing up so theres still this part of me that thinks "if i become a successful adult, then all that struggle would be worth it" but in the end i dont think i ever will be, and know for me to be successful ill have to bust my ass harder than i ever have in my entire life, on top of all the other difficulties ive already had, and on top of just not caring about life anymore. Just being sick of it.

>>81583069
>you lived your life for women up to this point? That's sad
If that's sad then I guess I'm the saddest clown. It's the life destiny willed for me, I'm just a product of my environment.

>>81583096
Normal people cant understand how much not having this fucks with you as a man and a person. Its made me question if i even am a man because i feel like a child most of the time.

>>81583105
>normal people
I'm so deep in the sauce I don't believe in the normal people. We are all Crabs in a barrel in different layers. We just happen to be deemed as societal "losers," but I love myself and a large percentage of slaves can't say the same. "Normal people" always have skeletons in the closet whether it be abusive relationships, alcohol abuse, poor self control, ect. We are all working for Jewish overlords and we are shamed by the Sambos of the plantation for not
>reproducing
>working hard enough
>conforming hard enough
Inaction to their plans is the greatest reaction. We live life as we see fit rather than as society deems. So, even when we die, atleast we can say we lived what most will never see. True freedom is self love. I will not settle for a women who will never love me, I will not obsess over a career wherein I work under a boss, and I don't wanna drag you down to get ahead.

>>81582977 (OP)
Same. I haven't given a fuck for a decade or more now.
I only survive due to 'bux, as I am too autist for the modern hellscape that is service jobs.
The inceldom (regardless of circumstances) doesn't help either. No skin in any game, so why give a fuck.
I certainly enjoy rotting at home over being more miserable dealing with normies every day for Shekelbergstein.

>>81583183
I think a lot of people like us live more interesting lives they are just lonelier ones.

>>81582977 (OP)
If you were dropped in the middle of a war zone, caught in a fire fight, do you think that would change, or would you be one of those pussies that depersonalizes?

>>81583242
It's more interesting to us and that's all that matters. It's our own lives and we take the wheel to where we want to go to regardless of how much our masters benefit.
>>81583271
I refuse to die in a slave war for old reptilians

>>81583280
Yeah yeah yeah, Israel tongues my anus. I never said you'd be fighting for the US nor that you'd be part of the military, I was just asking if you being in a life or death situation like a gun fight would make you feel any different--like appreciating life or just shutting down completely.

You can imagine yourself as a brave Mujahideen freedom fighter, LA gangbanger, or the Ghost of Kyiv for all I give a fuck.

Majority of people who are apathetic with their lives do fuckall; they've been buck broken by their complete lack of involvement or passion in anything. The others were molested.

>>81583305
I'm in the molested and traumatized category lol and to answer your question about war I would probably just accept I'm gonna die there. The only reason why I didn't kill myself 13 years ago at 18 is because I believe in hell and thought if I could die by another way I could argue I lived my life tell it was abruptly ended and thus could just be obliterated into nothing instead of being tortured for all eternity.

That's my hope at least. So I guess I would die, just in a way that didn't look like suicide.

>>81583305
>I was just asking if you being in a life or death situation like a gun fight would make you feel any different--like appreciating life or just shutting down completely.

If I win then I go on with my life. No remorse no regrets, if I die then I died knowing I was satisfied with my life. Either way I win. I'm just flesh and bones and we all have an expiration date. I've made the most of it and if it's my time then so be it.

>You can imagine yourself as a brave Mujahideen freedom fighter, LA gangbanger, or the Ghost of Kyiv for all I give a fuck.
So brave fighting for old men who don't give a fuck about you, your land, your life. It's cattle killing cattle. It's cuckoldry at its finest. Their is nothing honorable about being a soldier, cop, or a judge. At the end of the day it's just another game of lets pretend while sun keeps on burning. Nothing new has happened and we have no heroes or villians. All that exists is the dead and the living.

>Majority of people who are apathetic with their lives do fuckall;
As they should it's there life and the world won't stop regardless. We only got 1 life, so best to enjoy it.
.
I don't understand your buck breaking and molest quip

I think most people go through life with the vague sense that they are permanently living in a prelude to a grand story. That their life hasn't really started yet. That their true loves and their true personality is waiting to be drawn out by some fantastic circumstance. All that heroes journey shit.
But it's all bullshit. There is likely no big change coming anyone's way.
And it doesn't matter whether you are waiting for the perfect woman to sweep you off your feet or a fucking war to come to your country so you can be a hero.

>Its a state where i have recognized I dont see anything in my future besides the immediate

Well good. That's the thing about these fantasy prone people. They end up spending more time preparing for their real lives than taking the opportunities in front of them or developing a real personality.
In a way, it's like those cult members who fuck up their lives because they are too focused on preparing for the mothership to come to earth.
Stop believing in the mothership and you can actually start living.

>>81583364
Preach sistah! Preach!