>>40796322
Know several who attempted, witnessed several such attempts play out and barely stalled or distracted them by sheer luck. I also have friends who have been in your exact shoes. There's many things I could tell you now, right now, I gotta tell you one thing first and foremost, the thing everyone will tell you and the thing that will take you time and effort to accept. It is not your fault. You did not fail him, you alarmed his brother, you kept talking to him for as long as he let you. You did it by the book, everything else was not in your hands. The most, most, MOST important thing YOU need to do is what you are doing right now: speaking up about your pain and lean on people. As many as you can. Do not worry about being a burden. This is general advice for dealing with death. I would have gone insane on my own after having seen the life leave my mom's eyes in her last moments this year. I told many of my friends. They kept me sane. I would have crumbled alone.