This has got to be a sick fucking joke. I'm 29, never had a girlfriend. I had sex 3 times in my life with 2 different women. From one of those two whores I somehow managed to contract HPV. I'm having an outbreak right now in my throat and I'm freaking out about having fucking throat cancer.

What makes this unbearably ironic is the fact that for the last month or two I've been talking to a girl that I REALLY like and has for the first time in my life expressed real interest in me. I was planning on asking her out very soon. But now I have to tell her I have throat AIDS and she will understandably be grossed out and I'll never know how it feels to have a woman love you.