Thread 33784336

On the positive side, I feel good and light humility

You are a problem and a menace to society

gf didn’t respond to me for five hours. started to worry. checked an app she frequently used that has a last online tracker and…
last online five hours ago
I hope she’s having a nice long nap

it's over.

a rolling stone gathers no moss.
Do I even want to have 'moss'?
Maybe moving on is the right choice here?
Maybe I'm just scaring myself into thinking it's impossible because I've always followed others advice to shelter myself from true risks.
Maybe it's time to take that really long on foot trip.

I feel truly actually depressed for the first time in my life. I feel tired all the time and it's like being alive hurts but the worst part is that I don't really know what to do about it. I have an appointment with my doctor in a few weeks but that still feels so far off and I don't know if I should just suffer in the meantime or what? It's all just so confusing. I hope I can get a therapist or some medication or something.

I'm a woman and I've been coming on here every night. I don't like revealing I'm a woman because you all act differently once you find out. It's not like I'm calling myself a man or gonna deny it either.

You do not need human contact
Emotions besides anger are fucking gay.
Immediately cut off contact with everyone you had a relationship with. It may be hard, but just put all doubts to the back of your mind
Stop caring so much about things. Whatever it is, it is NOT that important.
Just become a slippery snake and cheat, lie, kill and use people till you are at the top. Seek power like the worthless clump of matter you are

I'm still learning how to use this site. How TF do I reply?

>>33785006
Click or touch my numbers.

>>33785012
Oh. Thank you. I appreciate it

>have mom watch my high needs elderly dog
>completely ignores my extremely detailed word document care instructions gives him diarrhea and he's noticeably thinner after 13 days away and sleeps for going on 8 hours straight not even flinching at loud noises being home
No wonder I was so traumatized and depressed as a kid
She's a terrible caretaker
Hiring a dogsitter next time.
I came back from my trip finally got home returned rental car and less than an hour later she is blowing up my phone screeching that he is shitting all over her house because she refused my care instructions and was feeding him random sloppa
I'm sorry little buddy

>>33785071
>I was so traumatized
bro an old ass ANIMAL is different to a human child. you were not traumatized, you are just an egocentric little autistic faggot who is cruelly prolonging the suffering of your mutt slave. fucking nigger, if you knew she was so traumatic, why did you leave him there, grown ass man getting dog shit on his elderly mothers floor because he is in a fkn rental car lmao

>>33785086
My parents are not going to fuck you

>>33785091
I dont want that, lmao, I just like bullying retarded spergs online

>>33785101
takes one to know one

>>33785101
I'm a woman with a bf annoyed my mom fed my dog the wrong food when I was away and made him ill you're barking up the wrong tree

>>33785105
incorrect, non retards can tell when someone is retarded.

>>33785106
tits or gtfo, faggot.

>>33784722
I’m starting to really get worried that something happened to her. She’s been sleeping poorly lately but I don’t know how she could just nap for what’s coming up on seven hours.

>>33785115
why would posting it here do anything beneficial? either actually do something or not?

>>33785124
we’re long distance and she’s a friendless sperg. there’s no one who can check up on her

>>33785130
then move in with her or buy a house, fag.

tfw living in japan with curly hair
literally impossible to get a good haircut
wtf do i do

>>33785130
>we’re long distance

Let's play poker

I can't really express myself well sometimes. My aura reading is kind of off too.

>>33784336 (OP)
I tried so fuckin hard to carry that goddamned e-fed and I got told to eat shit. Fine. Fuck it. I'll eat shit.

I met a close friend, a best friend I could even say, we were inseparable. Everyone joked about it.
It was 2013ish. High school. Freshman year. That’s when we met.

Fast forward to life after graduating high school, 2017ish, all the years in between filled with great adventures and good times between me and my best friend.

One important piece of context real quick, my friend has suffered depression his whole life, always struggling romantically. Me not so much.

So yes, 2018, I get this girlfriend who I was very into at the time, and here’s where it gets weird. My best friend and girlfriend also get along very well. They become essentially “best friends.” Then my best friend claims he’s in love with my girlfriend, became obsessed, from that point on, our friendship kinda died, I have never been able to let it go, we talked and put it behind us, he accepted he would never get anything out of her besides friendship, and suppressed his romantic feelings I guess? And my girlfriend and former best friend continued to basically be best friends, and while my former best friend desperately wished I would attempt to be friends like we used to, but still, I just never talked to him. By this time it was like 2019, almost 2020.

I should also mention when the girlfriend drama stuff started happening he also started drinking profusely.

Well this year, I was slowly warming up to the idea of us interacting again, maybe taking some trips down memory lane. But what happened was, by the time I was starting to open up to this idea, I received word that he was in the hospital in the ICU with end stage liver failure due to his alcohol abuse. When I rushed to see him, he was completely yellow, eyes too, he couldn’t talk, he could only look around and move his mouth as if trying to talk. I don’t know if he was fully lucid. I was only able to say some half hearted reflections on our friendship and apologize for our falling out. A week later he died at 27.
(Cont.)

So now he’s dead. I miss him dearly already, despite our issues. Of course, your brain floods with all the years worth of things you put to the back of your mind that you wished to say but now know you can’t.

But honestly, the most complicated part of my feelings is towards that of my girlfriend.

I honestly feel really betrayed and hurt by her, I told her after he started acting weird that I was uncomfortable with friendship and she made some half hearted attempts to back off but, it never amounted to anything significant. So I feel resentful that all the years we stopped talking because of her, she still actively talked to him and gamed with him, she essentially took my spot, while leaving me angry at him.

And of course now she’s acting all devastated about it, and it’s valid, but I can’t help but feel annoyed like she violated our friendship, but I know that’s unfair to her because their friendship was real to both of them. And, in my dead friends defense, she was the only person who would bother talking to him. He really didn’t have many other people after we fell out.

Her excuse the entire time was “you know I have physical feelings towards him” and “I have had lots of guy friends who like me but I don’t like them back, im used to it, don’t be insecure”

“Whatever that’s so long ago get over it” “it’s controlling I can be friends with who I want” etc etc

So yeah I don’t know how to feel right now. My brain feels scrambled.

Anyone have any thoughts, questions or comments?

Anyone else lose a friend to alcoholism and wanna share the story?

i've been trying to sleep but i can't because my neighbor makes so much noise and it's always in the middle of the night (3am)
whether it's slamming doors, coughing loud (cigarettes), or talking loud
it never stops
you can't tell anything to this guy because he doesn't listen or care
he will berate, yell, or threaten people with his gun if they set him off
i can't believe this is a person who has the same rights as me
i can't believe i have to share space with this "human being"

>>33785882
>>33785901
I'm sorry you had to see him in the hospital like that and I'm sorry for your loss.

Your girlfriend should have respected your boundaries because.. she's your girlfriend.
You did a good thing respecting your own boundaries by cutting off your friend after he said what he did.
I recommend you leave this chapter behind by leaving your girlfriend because "don’t be insecure" says more than you know.
Grief shows itself it really weird ways but I hope the best for you anon.

It really does get old to see all the emotional manipulation larpss

>>33772536

>>33785058
Haha

Underneath the surface a lot is happening

GOD MEL YOU ARE SO PRETTY IT HURTS TO LOOK AT YOU
I HATE YOU I WISH YOU COULD LEAVE SO I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN

everything will be ok

>>33786781
<3

Our relationship is nowhere where we say it's at
You don't love me? That's cool, I'm okay with that

Im trying not to be an incel but its insane how much easier it is to get with guys than it is girls.

Like im firmly convinced the majority of women dont even find men attractive in the slightest, or if they do its only a 6/6/6 gigachad that they can latch onto for life that simply doesnt exist.

I just cant get over the differences. The last time I slept with a girl it took 5 fucking dates before we did a thing lmao.

If I never ask for my sweater back, will you just hold on to it as an excuse to keep talking to me? I wouldn't mind to be honest. You're so fucking cute.

>>33784336 (OP)
My girlfriend blew me when i told her I was super stressed from work

Gonna wife this bitch up

>>33786781
Ok. I trust you over them

fucking christ.

we're dating, get a new boyfriend, you block me saying your boyfriend said dont talk to me anymore. Then you unblock me to say happy birthday not even an hour into the day before not talking to me again?!?!

but youre still dating him??

why even say anything!?!?

My family is abusing the family dog. I cant take the dog myself since I dont have my own place and Im broke atm. Was thinking of just getting him in my car and leaving him somewhere... Is this better than him being tied up, beaten, not feed properly? At least he would be free...

>>33787171
Some people don't deserve good puppers...

>>33785901
I think its best to break up with her

>>33787171
If he is domesticated he will die unless someone cares for him.

>>33787269
Isnt it better though? At my parents house they got him tied up on a chain and I cant reason with them. They also beat him when he is misbehaving

i feel like ive gained more hatred for the elderly and women in my two days working at a grocery store than i've ever had with any other experiences with both old people and women

i want to fucking quit already

>>33787383
Don't quit yet anon, you need the money and you wont be able to find another job. Keep enduring

>have online acquaintance
>He's been working on a book for a couple of years
>Story sounds pretty decent
>Eventually he started sharing excerpts
>the actual writing is incredibly cringe
Do I keep my mouth shut? We aren't that close anyway

I'm worried you'll lose interest in me if I don't make a move soon but I'm just not ready to do that right now. I need to get my shit together first. Please be patient with me.

I gave away silver to you for helping me move and I regret it every day since because the price has gone up. Why did I ever think that a bauble of Mammon would be a gift you would want as a Catholic? Give it back! Silver is up!

>>33787495
Is this person looking for critique or advice? Did they just share it with you because you asked or because they're proud of it?
Either way post examples. I'll tell you if you should say something or not.

You will power me
Your children will kill for me

This has got to be a sick fucking joke. I'm 29, never had a girlfriend. I had sex 3 times in my life with 2 different women. From one of those two whores I somehow managed to contract HPV. I'm having an outbreak right now in my throat and I'm freaking out about having fucking throat cancer.

What makes this unbearably ironic is the fact that for the last month or two I've been talking to a girl that I REALLY like and has for the first time in my life expressed real interest in me. I was planning on asking her out very soon. But now I have to tell her I have throat AIDS and she will understandably be grossed out and I'll never know how it feels to have a woman love you.

>>33787826
Wtf did you eat one of them out? Maybe you're jumping to conclusions. Go see a doctor. Ffs

>>33787826

>What makes this unbearably ironic is the fact that for the last month or two I've been talking to a girl that I REALLY like and has for the first time in my life expressed real interest in me. I was planning on asking her out very soon. But now I have to tell her I have throat AIDS and she will understandably be grossed out and I'll never know how it feels to have a woman love you.

Anon, I felt this way when I was diagnosed with herpes and acted accordingly for a long time. I was terrified of telling my current girlfriend when we first started seriously talking, especially because it was going so well. I knew it would have to come up eventually because I didn't want to be a dick and not tell her until after we had sex for the first time.
When I told her, I was surprised by how little she cared. All she asked is if I get regular outbreaks (I don't; I haven't had any since the first presentation) and if I would be okay using condoms. She also asked me if there were any medications I could take to suppress it and if I would use them should we ever decide not to use condoms at some point in the future. Then she thanked me for telling her and nothing bad happened. We're still together three years later without any issues in that regard.
All this to say that your mileage may vary, but if she really likes you it likely won't be too big of a deal. If she has any requests of you, consider them and weigh how much you care about her with however onerous the request is and go from there. Good luck, man. I'm sorry this happened, but it's not all over for you and her.

>>33787839
Yea I did actually. I did see a doctor but I'm not getting the results for another WEEK for some reason...
The doctor said it's probably hpv

>>33787862
Your doctor could be wrong. I tried looking up helpful things for you. ..your doctor will probably recommend surgery and or chemotherapy, that's why you never do oral on women anon. Shieet. I hope your doctor will be wrong about it being hpv, it's probably some nasty flu.

>>33787858
The fucking timing is ridiculous though. And right now I wouldn't even dare to kiss her, not as long as the outbreak is active. But if I wait for this to pass it could be too late since from what I've read it could take months or years. Provided its not more serious.
>>33787871
Well the doctor did say it's probably HPV but I shouldn't worry since that doesn't automatically mean it's cancerous. But looking at some pictures online it looks too close for comfort. fuck fukc

>>33787911
lol some of us wouldn't have any luck if we didn't have bad luck. It is what it is, I guess.
\Definitely don't kiss her any time soon. I would say take it slow with her and tell her what's up if she tries to go for a kiss or asks you why you won't, but I understand how daunting that is. I can't offer you much else than wishes of good luck and my sympathies.
I mean... You could go mostly-AWOL for two years while drip feeding her lies about how you've been captured by by the IDF or otherwise roped into some kind of espionage you can't go into detail about while still maintain the relationship in hopes she sticks around while your body fights off the visible infection. It's not impossible. But what's more likely is that the visible warts won't last for more than a couple months at most and you can ask your doctor about how infection you might be after that amount of time has passed. Have you considered that at all?

I know the girls are going to be young but I'm not going to sex any of them for a while. If I get Birdy then I doubt I'll sex any of them for like 4 years (well, it's up to Birdy). I definitely want to get intimate, I need intimacy in my life and these girls are the only ones that will understand me. They know what I am, what I'm like, and they are probably hyper sexual like I am. We've all been through the same torture. It changes you and it will all come from a good place when we get together.

I honestly just want kisses and cuddles. I want so many kisses. I'm going to be hugging and kissing all of them. I've never actually made out with a girl before so that should be really exciting. I get my first. I am a virgin again afterall. I'll make my first really special.

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time. This time it won't be rape.

When it comes to this, I can't state a lie
Everything's forgiven, still, I can't wait to die

>>33787955
>But what's more likely is that the visible warts won't last for more than a couple months at most and you can ask your doctor about how infection you might be after that amount of time has passed. Have you considered that at all?
Yea I guess I am overreacting here. I don't even know 100% if it is HPV. I will definitely speak to my doctor but man WHY does it take so long to get the results. I won't know for another week and a half. I probably wouldn't be freaking out so much if I knew what was going on.

I gently smacked him once for biting and not letting go and another time for chewing the wires on my headphones again. Tickled his feet when he didn’t like it. I don’t think Andrew needed to play hero to save my cat.

Wish I could quit and find a job where people don't gossip about others

I need my girls. I need them so fucking badly. I can't do this anymore.

Should we blame women's retardation on men for not telling them to shut the fuck up?

I think I'm gonna quit my job I've been fucking up so much lately one really unlucky thing happened to me and I don't think I want to stay there with that on my record and a tragedy on my back I vaguely threatened to sue the company too....someone tell me I should just move on please

>>33788008
Target* on my back

I just want to end it I'm burnt out

>>33788017
I'm burnt out too, wouldn't kill myself though.

>>33788008
probably find another job before quiting

>>33788034
You know what man fuck it I'm going in tonight, I'm gonna keep going till they get rid of my ass and I'll look for something else at the same time.

Seriously, it's so obvious that my life is just a massive lie. What do you people plan on achieving by continuing this? Just so you can live another day not dead or in prison? What are the good guys doing then? Just sitting there twirling their thumbs? Every day that goes on is a day I'm separated from my girls. It's a day that you don't have your leader. We are under the gun right now. Things NEED TO HAPPEN. The human race is just ticking away right now and you people are doing nothing.

>>33788050
I hope I can do the same as you anon

One week later after posting that I may be able to fix everything within a week. This didn’t come to be true however I’ve made more progress than I ever have within a short span of time. I believe fixing everything before November is certainly achievable and within the next week as possible. Just need to keep making progress.

>>33788060
After another 2nd thought I'm actually not going in I'm done with that place 2 years was enough for me

Why is it every move I make turns out to be a bad one?
Where's my guardian angel? Need one, wish I had one

>>33788097
My nigga

I hate my bf he’s so autistic he can barely keep up a simple conversation, never mind maintain any sort of relationship. He literally has no friends and only plays games all day. Dont pity fuck weak men

I wasn't always tortured, right? But I have been. Doctors have always lied to me, my mental health has always been neglected. My exes were always fucking with me. Girls were always just leading me on and I have never had a real conversation with anyone in my entire life.

But there were some good times, right? Renee in Chicago was amazing. I was depressed for the first half of ringling but I got to be alright. It wasn't always this bad.

It can't always be like this. It just can't. I'm holding on just one week at a time. You people keep getting my parents on my case. To go to fake doctors appointments, about showering or changing my shirt, and now about this stupid chair. I'm not ordering a fucking chair. I'm going to keep buying drugs and you guys can just get on my case I guess. You'll achieve nothing but keep doing it? Like, what do you think will happen? They aren't going to kick me out for not buying a chair. You have my mom make her serious face which is fucking retarded every time. It's so obvious you told her to complain about something. Just leave me alone and save yourselves the trouble, seriously.

>>33788102
Do you feel like you can do better?

>>33785000
You are mentally ill bro. Seek help

>>33788051
You dont know

>>33787320
I would not abandon someone I love.

>>33788102
It has to do work your bf being pathetic. It's always on the individual.

>>33788255
I meant it has to do with your boyfriend being pathetic. It's him specifically as an individual. You made a mistake with him. Not with generalization of people, him specificallu

>>33788146
He's just being an honest spamming anon

>>33788102
Not his fault, he probably wanted a gf that had the same interests as him. Just break up

I still don't know how to deal with it now that you're gone
The girl that is attached to me as an efwb is just a boring yes girl where I get nothing but semi dry convos until I'm too horny then do shit I regret
The one I had a crush on I realized just how empty all of that truly was
You know the rest of the others
I just
I miss you
I do and I'm really fuckking sorry for missing you
I know I don't deserve it I can't fucking help how I feel
I'm sodry i don't deserve you i'm sorry for writing this

I really need to get out of my house and do something today but I don't know what to do. The only thing I have in this situation is drinking but I am too focused on fitness to be drinking today

>>33788401
Go get a hair trim

Years ago this girl my friend group knew blew the fuck up at me for using 'she' instead of 'they' and made it their entire identity, then went through years of dropping out of the internet, rebranding, dropping again,in repeat until I just saw she got married with a huge feminine wedding gown saying how shes the luckiest girl in the world and like good for her whatever but did you need to bitch scream like an banshee in my face?

This election is going to ruin my city and the bitch who's going to win doesn't even live here! How the fuck can someone from the suburbs have any good ideas for the city itself? And all the retard boomers who pay zero attention to anything but bike lanes and fucking property values are, once again, going to throw us all under the bus (pun not intended) because they're too fucking stupid to realize that their complaints about traffic are due to the fact that the city's population has grown by over 100k people in the last ten years. That's quite a few more cars on the road in a city with rather small roads.
Do these fucking retards really think that by limiting other options for safe transportation traffic will decrease? How can they possibly come to that conclusion?
In a city with rising rents and low vacancy pushing people out into the suburbs, thereby necessitating more vehicle usage, they will elect a landlord who has a history of getting caught breaking the law by renting illegal dwellings and airbnbs. I'd better not hear them complain about traffic or homelessness then. But I will. And I'll have to sit there and grin because medical technology will ensure that these ghouls live long enough to continue voting and pissing away my generation's inheritance (monetary and in terms of property) by going to casinos and gambling it all away or otherwise selling their properties to blackrock so their kids can never own a home.
Total boomer death today.

>>33788322
Have you tried emailing her on an alt and dumping your efwb? You smell like a cheater lol.

LETSSS FUCKING GGOOOOO

It's a fucking shitcoin apocalypse.

Feel like this is the year to part with some things that aren’t healthy.
https://youtu.be/vqWiGrabf0w?si=R_A9eNifN5r5Glkg

YOU ARE A DISGUSTING PIECE OF TRASH FOR DEFENDING A RAPIST INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN FAMILY.

YOU AND THE RAPIST BELONG IN HELL TOGETHER FOREVER.

SYMPATHIZERS ARE JUST AS EVIL AS THE MONSTER

I pressed my thumb under his chin for less than two seconds suppressing breathing out of anger because he kept chewing my headset and it as the worst thing I have ever done in my life. There u go. I’d rather think about the good memories instead now.

>>33788631
Either that or the woman who I left behind at the hotel. Both memories bring me shame.

I always had an idea of why mom suddenly started placing an orange on the counter in front of me every day. U got me fucked up if that was ever a genuine concern of yours. All I care to say about that.

I've had mild-to-moderate burning/stabbing pain on the right side of my chest all day. 2 years ago I had a massive DVT and pulmonary embolism then learned I had a blood clotting disorder factor V Leiden homozygous. They removed most of the clot but left some in my lower leg because it was too dangerous to remove. Then a month later the massive DVT had formed again and they had to do a second thrombectomy.

In the past 2 years since then I've been stable on warfarin. The remaining clot is still in my lower left leg but my doctor said it's unlikely to break apart or get worse. I've been to the ER 3 times for pain in my leg or chest which turned out to be false alarms.

I feel like I shouldn't go to the ER because this probably just another false alarm, maybe heartburn or something

Just three more years before I can finally live life on my terms. Given I don't get stop lossed

I miss you and I wish you never left me. My family despises you for what you did to me and say you wasted a year of my life but I still love you Adrijus I check my email every day for even a message of harassment from you. I hope you think of me even if it is full of hatred.

>>33788723
Stop eating certain meats that are fatty for your heart

>>33788232
Yeah I thought about it more
I'll try to look for better options

3 months today
You still don't care and I still cry every day
It's not fair but it's how it goes
Trying really hard to reframe it and move on but it's slow

I'm addicted to masturbation. I've been trying to quit for years, but I can't, and I just did it again.
I've tried to stop it, I really did, but I can't, I'm not strong enough to endure the urges. I'm sorry.
I'm mentally ill, taking many ills currently. I'll be drinking them all now, mixed with alcohol, and hopefully that will be the end.
This place was the closest thing I had to a social circle. Thank you.
If you have bothered to read this far, please cherish the fact that you didn't end up like me.

I had just a couple of "I hate my life" beers last night and managed to wake up with a hangover because my dumb ass forgot to hydrate. Completely fucking forgot that today is Oktoberfest and I could have been having happy "beer is good" beers today, if only I could stomach the thought of drinking any. What a waste.

I peed on the ground

>>33788958
I’m having some hate my life beers tonight. I have adhd and self medicate with weed, but I’ve ran out and won’t be getting any till the end of next week or longer. So I’m drinking tonight even though I hate it, to prepare myself for the next week or so of dopamine crashing and withdrawl.

My heart is racing right now. The prospect of seeing you in person soon has me anxious as fuck. I just hope we can actually spend some time together. God I'm so into you, you don't even know it.

>Be IT guy, in charge of third (graveyard) shift
>Have really good rep with every department, everyone knows me by name
>Have been awarded employee of the month twice organization wide due to overwhelming nominations by other staff

>Different department staff member on third shift has recently taken a new position, requests access to certain resources
>Grant them what I can and tell them I'll talk to the other section of IT since the last part is out of my hands
>Know the head of that department will be away starting tomorrow, so I instead address her second in command directly and explain the new staff member does indeed need access, ideally as soon as possible so she can be trained over the weekend on it

>Get a hostile message the next day from the other department's boss (The boss of the lady who needed access to resources)
>Apparently they think I am dictating who can get access and who do I think I am
>Tell them I am working on their access as best I can as we have limited resources to hand out and am imparting to the other department the urgency of the request
>Now I'm being patronizing and must apologize

>Gloves are off
>Pay the department head a visit in person and ask to discuss the matter directly
>Tell her I am dissatisfied with her reaction and disappointed that my efforts to grant her staff access were not only not recognized, but met with hostility
>Told she still accepts an apology for my "condescending tone" in an email
>Tell her she has two options: She can either accept that she might've jumped the gun and misread the situation, or she can take up the matter with admin. Before she decides though, she should ask her staff if they find there has ever been a time when I have not strived to aid them, and ask herself if whoever comes after will be more forthcoming or not

I'm going to see what happens on Monday, but either way I don't care. I was planning to leave for another job in a few months anyway, and they're not going to like my replacement.

I had a horrible vision about the possible truth in my dreams today, that's why I'm adding you again

>>33787858
condoms don't protect against warts and herpes lol. These things are wayyy more common than people want to think about.

>>33789293
Truth related to us btw. Not about like the general world or anything

>decide to go out of town to take a little weekend vacation
>takes 2 hours just to get out of the fucking city because traffic is so fucking bad
>shitty traffic all the way here
>finally get here
>go into the bathroom to use it
>person here before me didnt fucking flush
>there's a grill here too that I was going to use
>turn grill on
>just kidding, person before me used up all the propane and didnt replace it

Honestly I'm so fucking irritated I kind of want to just get back in my car and go home

Fucking cunts

I have a headache and I'm irritated

I hate everything and everyone

>>33789577
You'll feel better soon.

Holy fuck I miss him
This is irrational
He left, he moved on, he stopped caring
Why can't I stop holding all this emotion and care for someone who threw me away like none of it meant anything
I hate it so much I just want to move on but I can't
I'm trying to heal the initial wound but it's taking a long time

>>33789586
I'm still here, dummy.

>>33789592
The worst part is even if he came back I know I'd be too codependent to tell him how bad it hurt me and just try to crawl my way back into how it used to be, which was safe and comfortable but not all I wanted
That in itself is a cope though. He's not coming back. So maybe it's for the better. Try to turn it into a lesson. I didn't want him to be a lesson.

>>33789602
Okay.

>>33789607
You replied to me with your bullshit so you will hear my venting

>>33789608
jej Keep going, it's okay.

What's worse between being an obsessive girl stalker and a closeted gay man?

I had an alcoholic beverage, brie cheese, and a bread with cherries in it. It's cold outside. So nice. I hope I have more days like this.

I'm worried this will backfire horribly but I'm really excited too. I know what I have to do but it's not time yet. There's still some things I have to wrap up first.

>>33788841
You still have lots of healing time to go unfortunately. I'm 8 months on now from mine. Though it gets easier, you'll still find you'll break down randomly. Love hurts a lot during withdrawals.The hardest part now is looking at other people and finding them even remotely attractive physically and emotionally once more. Until you can do that and have any spark whatsoever, you're still healing...

So many people get away with believing bullshit only because it doesnt affect their day-to-day lifes until it actually does and then they are fucked.

You know I have this weird obsession of updating software and upgrading PC's. Though I won't always do it if i know its going to cause problems. Its just weird of me.

>>33789586
You will feel a little better tomorrow, and a little more the day after. The sooner you accept the reality, the sooner you can lick your wounds

A few months ago I reconnected with this girl I met in high school. We didn't really interact much back then and she soon after moved to another town. She went to the same university I did but we never met up while we were there either. Anyway, she followed me on IG and messaged me there and we started chatting. She was very sweet and we discovered we had quite a few things in common.

Fast forward to a month ago, I ask her what made her reach out to me after 9 years. Long story short, she saw me in her recommended and said she always thought I was cute. She is incredibly pretty by the way, and I told her I thought as much. Two weeks ago, I ask her if she's interested in me. She says yes, and I reciprocate. I ask her on a date and she agrees initially. Additional context - I live 1 state over because I'm working on my PhD and I'm about to apply for internship. My top 2 sites are in the state she lives, but she also knows this by this point.

Fast forward to last week (a few days later) and I tell her I'm excited for our date.
>I actually wanted to talk about that. Are you planning on moving back any time in the future?
>It's definitely a possibility. My top 2 sites for internship are there.
>I'm having second thoughts about long distance. I've tried it before and it didn't go well. I'm also just not feeling a romantic spark between us and we're still getting to know each other so I think we should just be friends for now.

I ask if she still wants to meet up when I'm in town (last weekend) and she agrees. We meet up (she looks incredible btw) and I feel it's nice even though I'm awkward. I make it a point to say:
>I just wanna put out there that I do feel something. I don't know if it's that spark you were talking about or if I just get nervous talking to pretty girls but I feel something. I won't bug you about it.
She then says thank you, and we continue on just chatting and catching up. 1/2

>>33788849
Listen to this Anon: Dopamine Nation by Dr Anna Lembke (2021) full Audiobook in English - Trust me, I've done it.

You're going to need 5hrs and 33 mins to get through that so bookmark it and whittle away at it over the next week or so. It's worth it. Good luck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W56JtSJqGMM&pp=ygUoZHIgYW5uYSBsZW1ia2UgZG9wYW1pbmUgbmF0aW9uIGZ1bGwgYm9vaw%3D%3D

I’m so in love with you, all your friends want us to date, you’ve already admitted you want to kiss me. I know you’re scared of girls but just decide if you have feelings for me or not and ask me out already.

>>33789832
2/2
I then ask her if she wants to meet up again the next day before I head home and she agrees. The next day I check in if she still wants to meet up, and she said there was an emergency and was busy with it. I wait around a couple hours to see if she frees up but she doesn't. She never tells me what the emergency is. The day after I get home, I ask her:
>Can I ask you something? It's about ehat we talked about before. I know I said I wouldn't bug you but it's been on my mind.
She replies:
>Thank you for checking in first. If it's just a short conversation and not an attempt to change my stance, I'm willing to hear you out.
I ask her what she meant by not feeling a romantic spark, if she ever felt one to begin with, and if I had done anything wrong. 11 hours later, she responds telling me she thinks I'm a great guy and I didn't do anything wrong but she just doesn't feel a spark and that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I tell her I respect that and that I just wanted to understand where the boundaries were in case I crossed one. She doesn't reply.

This weekend, I'm back near where she's at and I let her know. She leaves me on read. This morning, I tell her I think I haven't done a good job getting to know her and I'd like to do better if she still wants to be friends. She leaves me on read. I feel like I've pushed too hard, but I don't know because she won't talk to me now.

Shit hurts. I've been depressed. Romantic feelings aside, I miss my friend. I miss our talks. I know she's less than 6 months removed from the end of a 5 year long relationship, but I don't know anything about what she actually feels or wants. I'm left to my imagination. Where did I fuck up? Is there anything I can do now?

I dont even think you saw a snake. You were drunk as fuck and saw a stick or something. I was embarrassed looking for a snake that wasnt there.
>A-ANON, COME HERE
even the neighbor didnt com over at first, I didnt guve a shit either. Then my moms out there mixture later after he leaves setting off 5 fucking gopher smokes. Stuck up the whole garage. Stuck uo the house, and I'm over here breathing in literal poison because my moms a fucking retard

>>33789885
She was probably just flirting because she found you cute, and then it advanced into a real thing she had to take seriously a lot quicker than she expected. I wouldn’t push it further.

>>33789885
I guess my other question is: am I fucked up in the head? Am I autistic? Why does this bother me so much? Like, I can live with her not wanting to date. I think I could even deal with her not wanting to be friends if she would just say that. But only having my imagination to work with is driving me insane. I can't fathom how we could hit it off so well just for her to ghost me less than a week after seeing me in person again for the first time in 9 years. I can't wrap my head around why someone would say they want to be friends but just ignore any attempts to maintain the friendship. It doesn't make any rightful sense in my head.

>>33789921
You sound like you latched on immediately and that you are very needy. Next thing after rejection you feel completely at fault and bad, diregarding her independence. I think you need more self love and inner security. Give people room to breathe.

>>33789921
It's hard for anyone, but yes autism makes people ruminate way harder and longer on unclosed logic loops like that
However she gave you the answer: she doesn't want to be romantic, you do, you keep asking for more clarification, she already told you and is done with the convo and knows it's uneven now
Doesn't make the first part fake, it just means she's not on the same page now.

I'm going through the same shit but I had even less of an explanation at the ghosting. But same story, we had something real, it changed for her, she told me about it, then left. I struggled to accept that and move on but it's all you can do, gonna hurt for awhile

>>33789734
You

Got in an argument with my family about if something were to happen to me I want to be cremated. They told me "Anon it's in are beliefs that you should be buried when you die" Honestly it should be my choice not some churches decision.

you keep saying things like "it has to have meant something. for me to always have you on my mind" and "do you know how important you are to me?" and "you know i care about you" and it pisses me off so much. what the fuck do your feelings have to do with me if you won't act on it? and now I'M obligated to babysit and pacify you and go ohhh you're so kind, you're so great, thank you so much for "caring" about me teehee, you saved my life, our relationship is so deep and awesome. just because you say things like "i care about you" and "i'm worried about you" and occasionally "how are you feeling?" come the fuck on. i just hate how slimy this is.

>>33789974
Yes thats right.

No matter how much I drink, it will always catch up with me. It's all the same.

>>33790002
Possibly the love-bombing phase of a covert narcissist. Definitely not healthy

All I got left are negative thoughts, I don't have any interest in anything, and I can't bring any joy into a conversation. I'm just negative, and I want to have friends, but nobody wants to be around someone like me. I've lost my mind to schizophrenia and it's all I am now. Just a crazy person that hears voices, and feels like his life is a nightmare. I haven't had a real friend in 13 years. I've forgotten how to socialize and be normal.

>>33790325
Also my brain is becoming slower. I struggle to form sentences, and my head is full of paranoia. I will never get better and the medication doesn't work because there is no cure for schizophrenia, I will only get worse and worse until I'm a full loonie never was able to be happy in this miserable world.

I think I'll go back into work Sunday was planning on quitting

>>33789734
Don't assume someone is gay. For example, if someone has gender dysphoria that does not make them gay. They can still be attracted to girls and not men.

My 30s are my favorite time in my life so far

>>33789734
I assume you're talking about two different people
You're descriptors don't actually tell me that they are bad people. For instance the obsessive girl stalker is simply yandere. I am more interested in who she is as a person.

>>33789950
That's interesting for me because I cannot relate to this at all. I experienced love, true soulmate love. That is something that does not change and I don't need to spend any time thinking about how to make something happen when I know it will happen and come together all on its own. That's how soulmates work.


>>33789293
I know in my case it's supposed to just ask me directly. You said you added someone So I assume you're going to do that. If the person cares about you then you're expressing your feelings about something being a horrible vision is good to do.

Why does it all feel so hollow? I have everything I ever wanted and I'm still not happy

>>33790592
Clearly you are missing a thing, something that overrides all the rest. Makes the rest meaningless and worthless, empty

I know what that feels like because I have that all the feeling as well, and have everything I've ever wanted here besides that one

I said this before, there's a happiness only we can provide each other

You asked, I responded

I really wish I was better at relaying tone through text. There's an inference that happens that is completely not the case. I know she has the same difficulty. What overrode that for me is trust, knowing her intent was for me in every way with every word.

I'll rest now with that

I'm such an available useful idiot. Am I a ten on the scale of pathetic yet?

>gf and I match online
>she deactivated her profile when we went official
>I appeared offline to keep access to our messages that had important info like allergies, travel dreams, food preferences, life goals, etc. without meeting new people and have deleted all but our messages
>a few years pass
>I check in to start making tentative Christmas travel plans
>her account is no longer deactivated but nothing else has changed (she moved and lost weight so those would be updated)
>we see each other daily and she works reception at her job so there's no way, time, or suspicion for her to be cheating
In retrospect I should have just written the info down elsewhere. I am curious why her profile is not deactivated anymore, but I also can't bring up that I know.

I was just reminded of something randomly. One time I bounced and completely abandoned an apartment I was renting a room in because the guy renting the other room turned out to be a total psycho.

Basically one night he was in his room slamming shit around and making violent threats to seemingly nobody. That was red flag one. Then another time he knocked on my door and when I opened it to see what's up he was SWEATING buckets with a crazy look in his eyes and he was very angrily complaining that I never talk to him and always stay in my room.

I packed my shit that same night, booked a hotel room for a week, then found a new place. Left my keys in the apartment and texted the landlord to let him know I was outta there. No idea what that guy's up to now, but I KNOW I did the right thing. Dude was NUTS.

>>33790661
Do you know what your one thing might be?

>>33790840
My girl

>>33790772
You're aware that when I see your writing style I immediately disregard what you say and she does too

I want to know everything about you. I want you.

Randomly just remembered a time when I was sleeping over at a friend's house as a little kid. Their parent made us take a bath together, and my friend made it really fucking weird.
I don't have kids, but the thought of having someone else's small child in my house and making them get naked and bathe with my hypothetical child feels like something that'd get me arrested. I don't think I recall having to bathe at anyone else's house either, certainly not communally.
That parent did a few other weird things too, like saying if I'm gonna go to the toilet before changing into my pyjamas, I might as well just take my pants off altogether rather than waste time pulling them up. And telling me on a hot day that I should just take them off.
...Was my friend's parent a fucking pedophile?

It's another year, and another holiday season approaching where I'm single. I could always bury the feeling that I would always be alone under the notion of "dude, you dont make enough, you just need to level up your income and things will fall in place".
Well, I did. Things still havent fell in place.
>you're sweet but...
>too short
>you're not my type
>I just dont want a relationship at this point
>etc...
>BUT IM CERTAIN THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR YOU TEEHEE
Well? Where is she? I get it, I'm on the short side, but come on man. I went through all the trouble of doing the right things even with all the set backs I had in my life. Now I'm sitting here in my living room, laid up on the couch at 8 am on a Saturday morning, already drinking trying to not cry. I'm desperate guys. I want to meet someone who wants me, and every trip it's something that ends it after a first or second date. I have been on 8 dates in two months. Nothing is working out. Is it just not going to happen? I want it to, I'm putting in the effort, and things keep blowing up. I'm tired man. Really really tired.

You're just making everything difficult as usual. How the fuck am I supposed to get anything ready when you keep fucking off without a word, leaving me with the baby? Fucking spastic.

As usual you are behaving like a fucking toddler just because you haven't got 20 hours sleep. It really is pathetic.

Every time we go anywhere you overcomplicate everything and turn into a stressy cunt for no reason.

Been thinking about my holiday fund. When it's ready we'll fuck off without you. You don't deserve to come along and you'll just ruin it.

I know they are young but I absolutely will use the girls as reference. The pictures will be on my super secured computer so I'm not worried about that.

I'm sure a lot of people are going to blanket "dur underage girls pervert." about all of this even on the good guys side but come on. I think we all know that these girls are sexual creatures, I think people are starting to realize that age gaps aren't that big of a deal when you are dealing with a saint.

rejection

i'm stalling because i'm waiting for the right time and for the right words. but i'm sure it has to happen

>>33791641
Spit it out

I'm an alcoholic impulsive retard with affection problems. Also a misanthrope.

>>33791699
(‘:

You disgust me and I wish I could hurt you like you hurt me

>>33791754
What did they do?

>>33791766
Nothing they did. Just who they are. It’s definitely a me problem but this bitch disgusts me to no end. Just feels really, really bad to have to eat it

>>33791783
Jesus

>>33791787
What?

Don't you dare.
Never again.

>>33791940
Fuck off stalker.

>>33790772
The other Anon who replied to you is a fuckwit with low reading comprehension and zero empathy. I believe you and I'm glad you saved your ass. It does sound like your ex roommate was mentally fucked and you probably saved your life.

>>33791004
To moids a female baby would be a sexual creature. Moids should be born in jail and fight and rape other moids to escape.

I hate how my ex knew it was me in an anon email but didn’t really care. I wish I could regret being in love with them and saving them from killing themselves for a whole year.

What is the male version of a BPD girl? I think they were one of those but why am I still so into them? Men are logical surely there’s a solution to loving bad women/men?

I will never understand why am I so low value. I know it is my fault I was cheated on. I know it is my fault that I love them. I just wish we could die together in a murder suicide atp.

>>33791949
? I have never stalked anyone, ever

>>33788815
thanks, I think you're right because I feel better today and I have been eating too much fat recently even though I'm losing weight

>>33792085
what happened to you to make you like this?

>>33792127
You make it sound like you're me stop it

>>33784336 (OP)
I can't handle the fact that everyone goes along with what fucking cunts with zero proof (it could be easily proven) about me, some bitch said I killed her dog and there is no autopsy at all, some bitch said I touched her wrong back in high school (she literally did the same thing at a football game in front of her faggot theater friends), some pathetic fat ginger wigger tried to say I was racist after being groomed on roblox and my right to exist freely disappearing over night (could easily look into the roblox cults, skype shutting down, kik, etc.) but no, also on top of that another bitch got mad because she saw me apparently be weird, through my own window, mind you I WAS LITERALLY BEING GROOMED ON SKYPE, fucking stupid bitchmade retards, i hope they all fucking choke

>>33791940
Likewise, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

>>33792158
Healthy meats:
Lean beef
Lean chicken
Goat meat
Lamb
Salmon
Turkey
Tofu
Steamed vegetables

Anyways, you’re a fucking loser

How the fuck do I get hard and fuck the shit out of my gf consistently

>>33792275
fucking prove all the shit you've said about me you stupid FUCKING BITCH

>>33792198
Trusting moids made me like this. Moids are only honest about these desires online see vtuber fanbases. Moids love prostitutes that act like children.

I'm worried there's a misunderstanding here and that if you find out, you're going to be upset even though it's not my fault. Well maybe it's my fault for not clarifying even though I know there might be a misunderstanding here.

>>33792565
hunnaypax

>>33792586
We get it, your dad/uncle/cousin molested you and you now feel icky when your pussy tingles.

I never felt lonely once in my 31 years on this earth. I was always happy and excited on my own. People would approach me to feed off my energy, and others would resent me because I should be miserable (I was alone?). I have a great personality, am self-deprecating and all I want to do is to enrich people's lives.

Then this cunt entered my life and I thought maybe it was time for me to find somebody. She saw that I really didn't have many friends and that what she thought was the perfect life was actually a facade. She ghosted me and started lol'ing at me while settling for someone else as I chased for answers. The other guy lived with his rich parents and she took him in. I just don't know why she chose him over me. Maybe she thought if she was going to go for a loser, she might as well go for a compatible loser rather than someone she previously idealized? I have no earthly idea. He moved in with her anyway and I was reduced to a joke.

Every night I feel like a lonely faggot now and I feel like the clock is ticking. I want to kms from loneliness and the loneliness is all a desire for me to "show her". She probably doesn't even think about me anymore. I am just a sick joke in her life story. How do I recover my self-image? I've started drinking after months of struggling with this. Strangers have started talking about me as a lonely guy. I'm considering moving and I'm looking at houses right now.

I feel like I'm reaching my limit in this gay earth. How do I recover?

>>33788003
this is the only question worth answering on this entire board

>>33792786
Damn I'm sorry anon, don't give up

>>33792805
I'm a really good guy yet I keep asking what she must think of me now and I absolutely obliterate my character. I saw a psychiatrist and I learned "how to feel". I realize I didn't really know how to feel prior to her. Maybe my detachment is part of why she was attracted and reality was different? I don't know. Now, I ask myself how I feel about things, I observe how it feels and I act based on emotions. I have no idea what I am doing anymore.
I learned my neighbor talked about me as a loner and I asked myself how that made me feel and while previously, I would just confront him next time I saw him and maybe ask him how life was treating him, to set a clear boundary, now I just observe that he is bad news and I do not even speak to him. I don't know if my current response is better. I am not wasting my time on abusive people. Is acting on your emotions the right way to exist? So this loneliness might be a good thing because it pushes me to rely on somebody for reassurance? I have no fucking idea what I am doing anymore, It's insane how bad its becoming

>>33792725
Interesting how you think all women who despise your kind are “raped” and unpure while fantasizing about it yourselves. All moids watch rape porn, why should they not be raped by other moids to fulfill such desires? Moids do not love women as people but as commodities thus they can only find true love and respect from rapesex with their own kind. Why serve moids when they will rape a child rather than be with you? They say “virginity” is important but would rather groom a teenager into their personal jezebel.

>>33792832
>all men watch rape porn
Sorry, that's women's domain. In fact, it's a large subset of your smut books. Among other degenerate subgenres.
>men do not love women as people, only as commodities
Projection
>they say being a virgin is important
It is, as it facilitates pair bonding.
>would rather groom some teenager into their personal jezebel
I'd rather be with a fertile young woman than some ran through blown out hag on her last dozen good eggs on the verge of menopause. The fertile young woman can bear me children, the hag cannot. The fertile young woman has considerably less emotional baggage I have to defuse like a perpetual The Hurt Locker analogy than the hag. The fertile young woman looks better than the hag. I'm sorry young women far outcomes you in the sexual marketplace. Perhaps you should have locked down a good man instead of being the communal cum receptacle in university while your professor injected your cerebellum with copious amounts of stupid and cope.

>>33792892
>outcomes
Outcompetes*

>>33792892
I am a young virgin adult but you prove my point that men are shit by assuming that I am the whore you hatefully desire why be 18 when your boyfriend can cheat on you with an 11 year old loli?

>>33792892
>her last dozen good eggs
Jesus. Wasn't really paying attention in biology class huh?

>>33792910
Plenty, im sorry that joke flew clean over your head.
>>33792903
>assuming I am the whore you hatefully desire
Why would I desire a whore?
>when your boyfriend can cheat on you
>with an 11 year old
Scenarios you made up in a fever dream for $1200, Alex.

>>33792786
>>33792826
I'm actually destroying myself for no reason.
I'm beginning to view myself from other people's point of view.

I'm working on my e-store. I bother no one. I'm considering buying a house with my dad abroad. I am not flaunting anything to anybody. Yet right now, I'm thinking about how my neighbor probably thinks I'm the biggest bitch in the world. How do I stop doing this guys?

>>33792941
All men love cunny this is why they love JAV.

>>33792946
>all men
All women fantasize about being raped and/or offering themselves to mythical beasts such as minotaurs and werewolves. I can speak in monliths as well.

>>33792275
It sounds like you're upset that you got caught

im an idiot

>>33792786
I don't really give a shit about money. My parents have money, I have money, it's worth personally nothing to me in a relationship

>>33784336 (OP)
So what's next? Are you going to kill my Dad while he's on the operating table?

Is the government just going to cover up everything?

Are you going to keep driving me out of jobs I wanted or tried to study for? Like those freaks in VA when I tried to study for my Network certificate they def did something to me to make it difficult to concentrate. So no arrests for them? Not going to arrest any of the freak teachers and their cooperating with the freaks stalking me?

No nothing?

Life is a wetfart and people sure make it that way.

My mother is an old bitch that envies me for merely existing. She wasted years of my life by psychologically stunting me and undermining me in countless ways. My mother is one of the worst people in my life and my whole family is fucked up. Thats probably why Im on 4chan.

Seriously, I'm being legit tortured. I'm pretty sure there are laws against this sort of thing. Even like, war crime laws. How fucked up is this?

I'm being tortured and the good guys are doing nothing but watch. Everyone is just watching it happen for some fucking reason and doing nothing about it.

>>33793252
How are you being tortured? If you dont mind explaining.

>>33793278
A screaming is implanted into my ear that goes off 24/7 and has been for 200+ days. Also random pains being shot throughout my body constantly.

It's a rip roarin good time. I'm fucking loving it.

My father hasn't ever touched me, but he's hit me through my childhood. I'm now scared of him beating me again or even touching me. I feel unsafe when he barges into my room. They get mad at me for locking my door and threaten to remove it. I'm scared of him.

Sometimes you do stuff that makes me raise an eyebrow. I hope I'm not letting it slide just because I like you so much. You're so cute. I think we're perfect for each other and I'm the biggest cynic out there.

>>33793319
If you're past a certain point this won't help. But generally earworms, hallucinations, and the like only stay over long periods of time when you feed them. You're feeding into the screaming somehow. You may not have enough control of your own mind to stop, but it's a place to start investigating. Meditation helps, but it's slow.

Can't help you on the random pains.

I don't get what makes people actively retarded. I mean you have to have some self preservation in life to live that long. She fucked over multiple people and got in trouble where everybody is actively switching times to get away, and then tried to fuck me over and expected me not to be mad and report her. Who do you think you are?

Now that I’ve thoroughly destroyed the connection to my soulmate, I can begin the self death

>>33793412
Congratulations!

I hate to sound like an edgy teenager when I'm almost 29, but my parents really need to get over me being a goth. It's clearly not a phase at this point. I tone it down whenever I have to visit them and they are still upset. Whenever I try something productive out of this, like creating music, they have nothing but negative comments. This has been going on for over 10 years.

I just realized I wasted my youth on you. Holy shit, I'm actually really depressed thinking about it.

>>33793472
Thanks I’ve been crying like a fucking bitch

>>33793412
>>33793485
Soulmates aren't real
You're free

>>33793490
Makes it worse but yeah

>>33793490
TVRTH NVKE

>>33793111
it sounds like you don't know shit about the situation, stupid fucking faggot, i wish i could irradiate you right now

>>33793111
also it's so easy to prove all of it, firstly the dog thing, stupid cunt never did an autopsy on her dead dog that she suspected was murdered, then blamed me because of psychedelics. secondly, i don't think i need to explain being fucking groomed lest i start a crusade to expose every victim of ever being groomed, especially in the group i was being abused by (which was also negated by the glowniggers) and thirdly, the faggot wigger cunt never asked about anything i ever did to help people of different races, REGARDLESS of their race. fourthly, the stupid cunt that says i abused her was the first to abuse me, first by saying she wanted a massage and then recanting that shit like a typical fucking bitch does, and then repeatedly groping me in an area i was sensitive in (my buttocks) infront of all her stupid fucking theater/band cunt friends AND FINALLY i will never take the blame for something i didn't fucking do

>>33793111
and literally TO THIS DAY, i have never massaged anyone ever again, not even as a haha funny joke. and i NEVER fucking will

>>33793490
The concept is real, and it's a trap.

My dad's back in the hospital bros

>>33793522
Sounds like you are nuts and you did kill her dog

>>33793412
The thing with soulmates
Is
you cannot actually destroy the connection.

That's literally impossible to do.

That's why someone's always find their way back to each other

>>33794030
That's why soulmates always find their way back to each other

>only 2 beers tonight
grim.

>>33794064
You're still a drunk
>high grim

>>33794069
This has been my only six pack within the last two months

>>33793412
I’m sure you didn’t even if you hypothetically cheat on a woman they still adore you. >>33792950
Turkish culture is about men fucking wolves in a myth and you are concerned over semi human fictional creatures when men in Dubai force women to fuck camels for male enjoyment?

I miss you grandpa. Wish I've ever knew you, and I really need you right nos

I don't get it
It's getting worse, not better
How could he just stop caring all at once, why could he immediately be done with me and I can't move on 3 months later and somehow it's worse now when it should have faded
I legitimately think I'm fucking insane
He should've known this would fuck me up like this, yet he did it anyway
That's brutal

>>33794191
You wanted me to leave you alone, so I did what you said.

>>33794226
It is weird to inject your stuff on random anons here

>>33794233
Okay. Well, I should just overlook vagueposts, huh?

>>33794238
If someone told you to leave them alone they wouldn't be posting like that
He ghosted me when I was trying to maintain connection and care through a rough patch of his life he was going through

>>33784336 (OP)
I don't really feel any compulsion to give a shit about anything in life.
I'm supposed to go work on my family's homestead next year and build it into a generational thing, but I don't have kids and probably will never find a loyal partner. Besides the fact that I just don't care about any of anything at all whatsoever, of all time.
I've been spending all my free time staring at the ceiling because I just don't give a fuck.
Try jacking off sometimes but I just don't find it interesting anymore.
Try to workout but I just don't give a shit.
Try reading but who the fuck cares.
Try going outside but what's the fucking difference.
I have access to a gun but I don't really want to leave my family with the mess, and I feel obligated to go work on the homestead.
>Stats
26, Male, 129 IQ, blonde hair, blue eyes, well read, travelled everywhere, worked a lot of jobs, 168lbs fit, not shredded but alright I guess.
Just don't care about anything, no emotions, no goals, no values, just floating in empty space.
Is there a better way to kill myself that it won't fall back on my family?
I tried making mustard gas once but all it did was make me throw up blood for a day.

>>33794254
>If someone told you to leave them alone they wouldn't be posting like that
That's a good observation.
>He ghosted me when I was trying to maintain connection and care through a rough patch of his life he was going through
I'm sorry you went through that.

Mike take fucking M all you want. She's all your's!

my life is pornography for a sick god

>>33794191
He knew what he was doing they all do. It’s as if the more you love a man the more they discard you.

I miss my ex I tried killing myself for him once after he cheated on me. Still as the one person I ever dated he felt special as if he was made for me. I keep blaming myself how did I not give him enough attention. I wish he would talk to me again but he hates me. Why else would he say and do the things he said? He said dating me was a mistake after all.

The worse part was I was settling for being cucked just to be with him still and he dumped me over finding my hidden twitter account. I miss him he was my best friend damnit. I hope he’s doing ok he probably is being in Britain and all. Why lie about living in Lithuania? Why lie and cheat?

>>33794360
Maybe
But at the same time I know what he was going through at the end
There was a lot to it
I don't even blame him because I've gone through my own mental instability
Maybe I'm too empathetic

oh well, at least i tried.
still feels like shit though.

I won't go to extremes anymore

Fuck this assignment. I'm gonna get penalized because it's two days late. It is way too much work for the amount of marks it's worth. I'm tired man. I got another one after this too.

Does emdr even actually work or is it just gonna make me feel fucked up, destabilized, and unable to sleep for months while I'm doing it
This shit is weird, it's like playing with your brain

>>33794401
Tried what anon?

I'll be ok

Normally when I count the money in the tray I try to focus on it and ignore people talking to me. Today I felt the need to look to my right and a little way behind. Then I saw her, I think I did a double take from surprise. This isn't the first time I've had that feeling to look behind me like that just to see her there. Not sure how to process it honestly. Do I notice it cause I see her or is she the reason I feel the need to look? Maybe I'm just not meant to know or understand it.

Why does she keep trying to call every couple months?
Things aren't working out like she thought they'd be.

>>33794357
Sorry

A death penalty for cheating would be great.

What a fool I've been, I've wasted nearly half a life's budget.

I figured out you can't even pay people to say something nice about me. I hate myself even more than I thought was possible.

This is the bottom

Waitress: Oh hi miss I guess you're here for the blueberry pie. It is a special here okay.
Miss: Yeah I really want it specially made better than what it was.
Waitress: Okay that sounds really good! We do need to do better on our SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN blueberry pie. Though are you gonna eat your lemon pie?
Miss: Eww fuck that!
Waitress: I will say most people get other pies not the blueberry one. But we'll get it specially made.
Miss: Yeah go do that.
-10 minutes later-
Waitress: Okay it took a Hell of a lot of effort getting this blueberry pie made, but I hope y-
Miss: -starts throwing salt and pepper on it and dumping sugar on it-
Waitress: What are you doing?
Miss: -gets up and leaves-
Waitress: Are ya gonna at least pay for this?
Miss: -gives middle finger-

>>33784336 (OP)
AI is gonna destroy social media and the very idea of a digital town hall. It may not seem like it right now, but over time, people will come to realize they can't trust anything they see on there anymore outside their immediate social group of people they actually know.

I feel like I've honestly been leveling up lately like a character in one of my video games. Fuck, I wish I could go back in time and teach young me. So much wasted potential.

>>33794827
"Southern Gentleman"

So not only a narc pos but also delusional.

>>33794892
It was the best fucking blueberry pie made Mike! The best fucking one! The miss fucking left it there and it was too undercooked for the woman its age Mike. But soon it will be properly cooked which was the most damn complaint about it.

>>33794493
I tried it. In my opinion it's like placebo, like most therapies/psychiatry.
Just try it and see what happens.

>>33794261
Either you're genetically fucked or you're traumatized. Maybe there is something that happened but that you dont want to remember or you have never been properly loved as a child.

Compulsion is not how people give a shit. People give a shit because they like something.

Also dont be cocky because you have 129IQ. I have 145+ IQ so you better listen.

its not even a relationship; we've been seeing each other for a month now, and honestly I feel like I'm the one always initiating things like meeting her; however I cant just dump her because i need sex, and I'm not in the mood to find a replacement so fast.

I can't stop fucking up and acting bpd towards my bf. I just want to be married so fucking badly but no man wants to marry an unstable psycho. Lord help me calm the fuck down so I don't lose the best thing that ever happened to me

>>33795003
The lord took it away because you didn't repent. Had you been repenting like you made yourself out as, sure he would have showed up. But no you didn't.

>>33795003
I recommend therpy to you. BPD people have a high chance of success in therapy.

I don't care what he did or said. I understand this man was a figure of controversy. He was a human being. I don't give a shit what others think but the fact I know you said something vile, vile enough that even someone in your shitty commy trans circle jerk chats on FB outted you and doxxed you?
I'm glad you said we aren't friends anymore. I don't think I could trust someone who puts the pit of vipers pretending to be caterpillars over real people. Your politics is your personality now and that is sad.

It's incredible how quickly your trust in a person can crumble. 10+ years of my life dedicated towards you, building you up and learning to trust you, all so it could go up in flames over the span of six months. Now you're coming back home, and instead of feeling happy, I feel nothing. I have to forgive you so I can move on, but it's hard to do that when for such a long time my version of the future revolved around you. Now I have to figure out who I am, who I can become, without you. But you're back, and I suppose you'll want some form of "closure", a face to face meeting where we make amends or you meekly ask for some form of forgiveness, and honestly...why even bother? I just want to feel free of your influence, free of my feelings for you, and free of this pathetic little voice in my head that says I could be happy again if I just run straight back into your arms and pretend like this whole past year never happened. But I can't. I won't.

I don't like weekends. I don't like work either but at least I have something to do there. On weekends I just remember how badly I want to kill myself.

I've had a voice in my head been telling me to end it all for 14 years, I'm tired of it. Sometimes I read stories about rich and successful people killing themselves and I realize that they had the same problem, and no amount of money or good people in life would solve this for me, I will always have the devil in my head telling me to kill myself.

I waited on an ugly black girl at work today and then I saw she had huge tits and I literally couldn’t stop staring at them

I think fuckboys have it worked out
If you value sex why stick with one women long term if it always ends in a dead bedroom?

I'm able to start at that Saturday forward with you

You can't fix me. I know you're trying to help, but you cannot, I mean cannot, fix me. When I tell you "I'll take your advice" or "that's a good point, I'll try that" I'm lying to you. I have no intention of doing any of that. Yes, I know it's healthier to do that. But I'm not doing that. You need to accept that I don't want help and if I don't want help, fixing me is not possible.

You cannot save me. I know you think you can, but you can't. Please stop trying. Any progress you think you're making with me is me lying to you to get you to stop trying to help me.

>>33795501
Not wanting help is consistent with The Way. Someone trying to help you is not.

>>33795501
I can. No reason to push.

I'm not asking you to change, I wouldn't want that

>>33795532
I'm the type of person who, when I see someone making an attempt to give me help I don't want, it makes me entrench even more. Trying to help me when I don't want it just makes me want help less. It has to run its course.

>>33793831
The concept is made-up, hence it is a concept. You trapped yourself by choosing to believe in it.

>>33795578
I know that, but it still exists as that concept, it's also Idolatry.

>>33795588
And? The concept of unicorns is real. The concept of Santa Claus is real.

You did this to yourself.

>>33795596
>The concept of unicorns is real
Unicorns existed at one point in reality.
>The concept of Santa Claus is real
Saint Nicholas existed.

>>33795598
You're too retarded. Not replying anymore.

>>33795602
They were bad analogies, bro.

I can't wait to see you. I hope it goes well.

>>33795501
I forgive you for who you are, but you can only date me if you are willing to change. I've dealt with people in similar situations and if you are like this rabid dog you make yourself as, I can't mess with it. And if you got people like Mike here who treats me like a cuckable Chris Chan then what's the use of dating you if there is no love? And you may be saying oh I so wouldn't have dated you. Lady you missed out on a good man. You were bound to get this mature sensible man you saw Mike as but now it is going for someone else who is like you but is choosing to repent not repeat until they really fuck themselves over. You choose to be a Judas over a Peter. A Peter goes to Heaven, but a Judas goes to Hell. And yes I have to stick to being this fuck up who pisses people off all the time. But despite that I'm going to stick to the promises I made for you and unlike your boyfriend I have the willpower to overcome my addictions... Albeit I'm fucking crazy and that can't be fixed. But like my mother and being crazy you should see the intelligent caring person behind it.

>>33795501
I can fix her.

>>33784336 (OP)
NIG

Though still fuck hipsters. A fucking BPD person walked ten miles despite using me and a damn hipster can't even have the balls to walk a foot. Hell she even used me in the most caring way possible. Having to fucking invest in someone's education and well being and getting them to stop smoking is the best damn thing to happen... Unfortunately it came to an end...

Can't live with them can't live without them

I jerked off from 2 PM to 10 PM yesterday to AI generated porn. My lower back is killing me. I'm 28, I can't keep doing this shit. I need to grow up, Jesus Christ I'm such a manchild it's not funny. Working full time doesn't make you a man.

>>33795706
Dude it's actually so fucking bad. I spent maybe 10 bucks on a good generator and it's absolutely fried my sense of self and I've been jerking off at least once a day for over a decade. I don't even want to interact with women anymore.

>>33795706
>>33795714
Also
>Working full time doesn't make you a man
I ran into this wall too.
>I have my own apartment
>Will soon buy my own car
>Live in a great area near family
>Contribute with a job that's necessary to people's lives
You will still feel like a man child. It's your inner mom telling you to do what you set out to do. So, go ahead and do it
t. 27 year old virgin

>>33795697
was she a hipster?

>>33795727
No, she was a ghetto chick. Next girl I get I want to be a ghetto chick.

>>33795706
How the fuck do people even edge for 8 hours straight? Was it drugs?

I'm going to have a daughter some day. It might not be for another couple hundred years but I will. I don't know what I'll name her but she's going to be a fashion star. I'm going to make a ton of music videos for her just like my mom made for me.

She's going to be smart as fuck. Like Dakota Fanning in War Of The Worlds. I'm going to be a great mom and she won't know the world like I did. She will grow along side her human counterparts in harmony, not as a thing to be afraid of or to torment and test. I don't want her to be a battle angel. An angel yes, but not a battle angel.

>>33795548

I will not be someone I am not or shape my words to be what you want to hear. I feel like that is deceptive.

My care is genuine and does not change when being pushed away.


I hear you and I'm not going to push.

It's not a contest for your affection and being chosen.

Others are worthless. I'm put above all else.

Loyalty and commitment. Faithfulness. Everything we promise each other just as we were.

I choose you, all of you, for who you are. I'm not asking you to change. I would like to grow with you. I would like to learn from each other. I want everything we talked about.

>>33795935
Mike please just contact her and stop spamming

>Take a week off of work.
>By Thursday feel like garbage.
>Spend the last few days just F5ing YouTube, don't even click on anything.
>Return to work feeling worse for the experience.
The worst thing is that I didn't even finish my "fun" to-do list. This always happens, I don't think my brain works properly. I have another week of annual leave coming up in November. This should make me happy but I'm dreading it.

I choose my Maria. The in between washed away. There's lessons learned and growth but at its core I choose my Maria. We are not perfect in the eyes of others, but we are perfect for each other, love and lust.

I don't care how I come across to others. All I care is that you see me for who I am just as you did before without any of the pollution from the outside.

The moon only has eyes for the Sun

>>33795548
I also do not care to continue the cycle of isolation and building anxieties over things that can be quickly surpassed and grown from instead of letting build into great distortions and drifted away. That is what happened as well as the manipulations of others.

We keep our promises to each other and trust each other overall else.
You can have fear, you can feel whatever emotions you want. Be honest with me about them, that's all I want. We communicate through it and grow from it together.

We don't "let it's run its course" because we did that and we lost 4 years now.

Either lose me forever and detach or choose our truth. Choose home. Choose our promises.

>>33795935
Why not be the example instead of the words NT? You make the mistake a shit ton of NTs make, all talk no action.

Just as I won't communicate with a mask, the words of someone outside of us mean nothing to me.

Just the wind attempting to be relevant, It whistles in whines outside. It will pass. No value to me as it is outside of home. Outside of the truth.

You matter to me. Your words matter to me. I'll hear them from you directly on discord or such.

Until then.

>>33796127
ALL TALK, NO ACTION

No one cares what you really have to say Zack. You have no part or relevance in this.

I took mine already.

It's her turn to take her action with me.

I told you how I would address the mask as well

The happily ever after for me was a lot better than your's in a way. Your's is like the ending of a slasher film. Mine was riding in the sunset to a better life. But okay then I guess that is how it works. Now if you don't mind I got a job and college to get to my family would be proud of. I do not have time to deal with people who make fun of me for being slow when my boss scolds me for being slow.

You're all so much stronger than you even know

Starting to think that the internet is the root cause of my self-esteem problems, and I don't even use social media that's the funny part. It's the constant flow of disconnecyed info mushing my brain into a fine paste. Just the way people speak online fucks with my mood. This calls for a week of single player games and pirated anime, some gratuitous ultraviolence paired with a cute show.

Meh. It's just two steps forward one step back with you at this time. You've gotten into that pattern. I've stopped reacting to the 1 step back 'its over' that you split between 20 different masks

It is nice when I see that second step forward though.

Slowly but surely We will reach Twilight

I’m not sure I can put it into words. It doesn’t feel allowed. But I want to, and being allowed hasn’t stopped me before. I’m writing this because I want you to see it. Self indulgent, as I am. Because I want you. Because I want you to be happy. Because I still love you. How much I took you for granted, and how often I realize it, they’re both a blessing and curse. Something I can finally understand, your beauty, and lament, my sins. Maybe you despise me, like in my nightmares. Maybe you miss me, like in my dreams. Maybe every step I’m taking is the wrong one. I don’t know what that looks like. I lived my life for you. What a selfish and cruel thing of me to do, putting all of that pressure onto you. And you, with all of your grace, just held it. Held us until I finally jumped out of your arms, like a naive baby. I have been to hell, and I’m scared you’ve been too. My words fail with you because you are more than words to me. I remember your smile and laugh more than any of the words. I remember the letters that I should’ve written. I wish I could hear it again. I wish I could make everything I did better. Love you better, cook better, take you out. You deserve those things. Wherever you are, I hope you can feel that too.

tenneco fucking sucks

>>33784336 (OP)
The new generation actually doesn’t read books anymore. They find mythology boring, see mysteries like the Illuminati as old and uninteresting, and are easily fascinated by things like the Bloop sound or Area 51 — just to take pictures and leave, instead of learning what these things really are or what potential knowledge they hold.

They have no time for anything except scrolling, posing for a snap, and watching the next video endlessly. It shows how limited some people have become, and how easily they are impressed by temporary things.

What will their brains be like in old age? That would be a fascinating subject. Or maybe they already act like zombies, living only on the surface of things — purely superficial lives, more shallow than those of earlier generations.

She's probably already disappointed in me. It's truly inevitable, the rabbit was right. I'll just let things play out naturally. I'm fine with it all now
I never deserved a girlfriend anyway

That strange feeling when you already knew it was over before any of it started but you just don't really care anymore

She is seeing someone else. Even though we decided to give it a try again. I feel very betrayed, hurt, and depressed. We decided to go on dates again and now I need to hear from her new guy that they are dating because she didn't want to say it herself. I feel so ashamed and used. It feels like years of therapy have gone down the drain because I want to kill myself again

Being sent encouraging comments from someone luckier than me makes me want to cut myself. They get help for their issues and im here alone dealing with the effects of talking to older men as a young kid because i cant fucking get help no matter how hard i try. I dont need their pity or sympathy, it makes me feel like shit
You get to fucking date people and have friends and be more successful and have the audacity to act like we are on the same level. Bitch no!

I'm not strong, I'm weak. Im fucking weak. Being hurt never made me strong. Who gave you the right to decide how it made me fucking feel. I never needed to be molested and groomed and hit and abused for the sake of experience.

Not taking your bait

I feel discouraged. I feel like it's all for nothing

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I hope I don't screw it up.

>>33796721
You care about events that haven’t even started.
How is it possible to feel pleasure without ever having it?
Tell me — how sad is your life?

Ok I’m grateful for the blessing of being left alone by women until I fix myself.

gf complaining again about her life again
I dont know why but it makes me angry.

This is personal.

4chan is the only social media I can access at home I am 24 why can I not interact with other online autists? Does not help I pretty much would be a passport girl for British guys.

I miss having a twitter I met my oneitis on there. Since I do not have one I cannot even stalk his new accounts, parental orders and all that. I wish I was a 16 year old egirl instead of a 24 year old virgin girl failure. I am seriously considering killing my self if I never have a child.

I hate how my ex is the only one who seemed to understand my suicidal thoughts and yet he cheated on me while I was suffering extreme depression. I am on meds which he told me not to take and now I am just numb.

Those Hispanic men were assholes and racists. Ughhhhhhh

>>33797594
Yeah, keep looking and you'll find one.

i want to grab my urethra and rip it out

Time to learn the hard way: from experience.

The only reason why I work at that place is because of my father. I keep hearing things like oh we're family. You ain't family, you're a work environment and I knew you were that the first day I was there. I could easily tell that from comparing how my friend from high school approached me. It has to be a two way street which my friend did. It was so damn selective. The issue most of you all at my workplace, high school, and college make is you don't go above and beyond like you do for everyone else, and that upsets me. That polluted my worldview of people my age, because here is the thing, if I have to be a slave and you are the master all the time is that really family? Tell me is it family if everytime I approach you don't give me some freedom. When my friend and I approach each other we don't focus on mannerisms and how-tos or education, we focus on things we like and build from there. Now what upsets me is that a psychopath does a better job at this and you all can't be like that. You all are worse than psychopaths, so no reason why I was almost manipulated. Maybe if you want me to feel like you are family, actually treat me like it not like a stranger. And ladies ditch the stupid idea I'm some little boy in a man's body if a 38 and 34 year old got with me and it ain't a problem if you my age could with me. Literally I am 30 and kissed a 34 year old three times on a date, yet you're over here going ewww.

Like when me and my friend talk it doesn't feel like I'm in the principal's office for example.

Maybe I do care still
But just because I care doesn't mean I'll do anything about it
I don't deserve anything anymore so I'll just live it

I feel annoyed. I was pretty optimistic but I think someone might have snitched on me. I mean idk what their reason would be, maybe to help their friend out? It doesn't really benefit any of us though. People need to learn to keep their mouths shut. I'm feeling annoyed with all of them rn.

>>33797130
>how sad is your life?
It's too much to explain at this point I can't do it anymore
But I have the reasons to believe that it's already over
It's okay
It's all okay

>>33798854
Damn im sorry anon

I'm crying

3 years too late
I never did anything right evr

I am still pissed off I married a middle class homo and not an old money faggot with a family compound in the hamptons. We need to turn all the doors into biofuel

am still pissed off I married a middle class homo and not an old money faggot with a family compound in the hamptons. We need to turn all the poors into biofuel

>>33799013
Seethe cope and mald. He deserves better than you

pls come back pls come back PLEASE COME BACK I BEG YOU

>>33799066
Baby come back!

Yep me and being a schizophrenic on the internet

I think I might react as badly as I do to watching other people get support because the way I was raised has led me to believe no one deserves help. Why are these other people getting help when I don't? Why don't I deserve it when they do? I would rather continue to believe that no one deserves it. I don't want to see other people who are getting help.

But that's not true, I've gotten plenty of help in my life. I've never been without a roof over my head. I've never gotten molested(I think? I'm not sure. I don't know why I have so many strange fetishes and I can't remember a lot of my childhood.) So there's something about me that really doesn't deserve help and I don't like that. I don't know how to fix it. I don't feel happy no matter what I get. It's never enough. There hasn't been a single day in my adult life where I would choose to keep living given the chance to end it instantly.

I don't even have to work a job, I get disability checks. I have a lot of free time, and I'm decent enough at drawing that when I post my art online people compliment me on it. But I can't make friends and it makes me suicidal. I am a difficult person to get along with and I can't seem to fix it. Therapists keep telling me they can't help me and I've tried 5 in a row by now. Getting admitted to psych wards never helped anything but to traumatize me. I really dont' know what to do. I don't even have real problems and I don't know what to do.

I don't know why I keep thinking about her. She makes me so angry. She's more popular than me, better at drawing than me, more experienced than me, had/has a more difficult life than me, has more people to feel bad about her than me, and I keep thinking about how much I want her to fall into obscurity so no one would cry about her death. I really hate how jealous she makes me feel. She keeps saying she likes to talk to me and she's so lonely but she never talks to me, she only talks to her other friends she claims she doesn't have.

It's okay if you don't care about me

If I deleted all my accounts I would regret it but I'm not enjoying having them either. If I had any real friends to hang out with I would have forgotten about this stupid shit so long ago. It's just to pass time but it's not making me happy.

I hate what I do because I hate myself more than I ever could you

You're not good looking enough for me to feel this disappointed by. I guess there's a reason you're single.