>>939342825
That's nice of you. I don't think I will, I've been through the trenches in terms of relationships and I've almost been killed by people I've been with before, one of the guys I dated cheated on me with my best friend from middle school after I had the two of them meet because I like integrating my loved ones in one space together (it was a groupchat w my other friends). I did some bad shit to them both after and when we had reconnected he got severe tonsil stones, his home situation was awful and his guardians at the time were getting more and more cataracts, putting them in more medical debt and my ex best friend kept getting pregnancy scares by random men at her school and getting abused and cheated on by her boyfriend.

My most recent one was my favorite, we really loved each other but love isn't enough and it's clear that we're just in different stages in life, I still want to wait for him and support him in all the ways I can though. Like an idiot. Like a FOOL. By the time we're both feeling more adjusted he'll probably move on. Its for the better anyway. I think I disappointed him by being vulnerable with him and showing him how I'm not always le cool finance medfag girl.

Also same, I love my own space more than anything else but I'm worried that that's moreso out of anxiety or fear of letting myself actually breathe around other people.

Have you figured out why you can't be fully vulnerable with other people and why being solitary seems more comfortable to you?

>>939342877
nah that's my 12h lol, it's Taurus 7h

I'm at the bar. The bartender says I've had one too many and that he can call an Uber for me. I tell him I prefer lyft. He calls me a jackass and calls an Uber for me. Same license plate and same face .. At least I think so. I get in. I go home. Tip the guy 40 bucks and give him five stars. I try to put my keys in before the door opens for me and I'm carried to the couch. I turn on the T.V. and watch my favorite shows as I eat some food that's been microwaved for me as well as a Gatorade on the side. At least someone remembered about me talking about how electrolyte heavy drinks are good after warming up your liver.

Maybe love is real, but everything I've seen makes it difficult for me to see it as a feeling. Its an action, the constant checkups, the act of dropping everything for one specific person and the constant restraint of fucking everything up just because I can. The illusion of freedom can be a real motherfucker if you invite it into your home. But that's all I feel and experience right now, so that's all I will be until the morning... By then, I will forget this night ever happened and avoid repeating it again. Tonight was just a night of indulgence that hurts. (Well, if it really did hurt, you wouldn't be doing it. But you need *some* way to justify your poor actions, and what better way than to say it was a form of self punishment rather than just straight up hedonism?) Something, something.. you have betrayed yourself for nothing or however else that shitty quote goes. I'll stop after this.

>>939311632
Terlet!