>>42472031
>Aside from that, the story hasn't done anything trouser dropping,
Not only did the author pick one of the faggiest characters in the show, he also went out of his way to say no shipping of any kind will take place. Maybe it's for canon compatibility, but it is pretty nice, every once in a while, when authors resist the "mash two dolls together and have them kiss urge". After this and the fr*nchman from last week, we're at 2 in a row!

>Let's get the rationalism out of the way. (...) they're a mere framing device.
It's not that easy, imo. I mean, sure, it's fine, I guess, but when you write a 'survival-themed' story without surviving, you have to make it abundantly clear in the fic(!) that you're not interested in those elements. Using A/Ns for that is poor.
>I liked the descriptions
They're maybe pushing that 6/10 score ceiling I set for the fic, but also they're all the things we've seen in the show, which does limit how creative they can be.
>something sinister about it
I've noticed, but I, perhaps wrongly, dismissed it. Like the lack of realism, I assumed the author didn't want the readers to focus on anything not explicitly said in the story. And while he does feed on her in the fic, the many internal monologues where he's so happy to have a friend implies he's being genuine. Can a succubus fall in love? I would say so, and so bugs can have friends, too. The fact that he didn't mention this to Twi can mean two things: either that whole dilemma is not meant to be relevant to the fic, OR (and this would be preferable) it's setting up the main conflict in the last part of the fic. As things stands, I doubt that the story will go for that slightly more ambitious path, and instead we'll get other bugs as antagonists. So, in short:
>is this tone a part of the story
Hopefully, but unlikely.

>>42472230
>I was also getting Jigsaw flashbacks
Same, except that, so far, I think that CC is a better story. Very flawed, but it had a much better focus and in general was written to be simply... less mediocre.
>the last chapter
Yep, very hamfisted conflict. It makes me doubt the writer.
>>Twilight never thinks to just send the letter back
Or do a hundred other things! Just, idk, burn her cutie mark into the parchment with magic. Something! But no, Thorax-the-Champion has to be a hero, so Twilight willingly absorbs all of the idiot orb's pull in this fic.
>it's a breathe of fresh air after reading hie
I have an irrational wish for Thorax to change into a human just to scare you away. The painful truth was that Fagtaire was a more interesting protagonist, and ironically Thorax has a stronger HiE pony dumbness aura.
>Twilight feeding herself entirely off-screen
My favorite is ending a chapter with them sending magic flares into the sky—which are visible from the hive during the day since that's how he saw her—all night and brighter than ever, only to start the next chapter with, "they're actually not bright enough to be seen". Hilariously bad retcon.