Thread 42456389

Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: Purging useless links.

ITT: A leaner OP, printing a book, 30 year old zoomers, age gaps, Aryanne, reading bad books by mediocre philosophers, Russian and Chinese fics, redeeming villains, not really talking about fics, IQ, and the schizo club will rise again!

>/fimfic/ Secret Book Club
The one hundred and nineteenth book is The Bug in the Cave:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/455858/the-bug-in-the-cave
If (You) want to join in the discussion, read up to (and including) Hunger Pains by August 17th
Past bookclubs: https://ponepaste.org/11255

>Recommended stories:
Tired of authors crossing over a dozen IPs? Fed up with downer shipping? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!
New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/
Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png

>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:
http://www.mlpficreviews.org.uk
Use the commands ">review " and ">discuss " to add reviews to a story.
Userscript for extra features: https://ponepaste.org/8619

>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:
https://eznguide.neocities.org/

>Additional material for authors:
Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932
Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4f

>Various reviews and riffs:
Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555
Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
IHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakura
Appleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPm
Deluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU
A Guide to Rational Fics - https://files.catbox.moe/3jzrfm.png
The Royal Canterlot Library's Top 16 Fanfics - https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/top16/

Previous Thread: >>42428627

First for best duo!
Enjoy this conveniently packaged Tuna: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/246579/luna-princess-of-space

Second for actual first of HORSE PUSSY.

3rd for illiteracy.

I just want to be able to finish writing my fics.

>>42456531
Write the ending first.

>>42456537
Because that went so well for Miss Just Kidding.

How far in does Homestuck get good?

I hate to nitpick but could the circled things be added back with the next OP? Fic abbreviations and can you pre-read my story were criticized in the last thread but nobody called for them to be removed. And nobody said anything about removing https://youtu.be/ufO8LbwTdu0
>>42429130
I also think this guys recommendation is good.

>>42456593
It doesn't

>>42456609
I just came thrice in one session.

>>42456617
Ah yes, I too remember when I was 14.

>>42456707
It's actually the meds.

>>42456713
When i used to take meds i couldn't cum at all. It was an interesting but a pretty unpleasant experience. I think it's called delayed ejaculation.

>>42456707
Was it to Fluttershy?

Fics about insomnia and/or irksome sleeping arrangements?

>>42456596
I support this, it's convenient to have the list there even if you don't normally need to reference it. It's also good in case there are any newfags come to visit who bother looking through the OP.

>>42456867
I swore i said I used the abbreviations page before. At the very least it needs to be updated, or turned into an iceberg.

>>42456958
It would be cool to make a MLP fanfic iceberg. And not like those lame things from youtube essays but a real iceberg, using secret insider /fimfic/ knowledge.

Any fics that focus on alicorn supremacy?

>>42457145
I wrote a shitty one shot ages back because I wanted Celestia to use an orbital death laser.
Luna also mogs a dude.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/502583/the-diarchy

>>42457031
The bottom of the iceberg is wai-wai.

for the past 5 or so years, i haven't cried at all. no amount of tragedy or pain has caused me to cry. i assumed that i somehow just lost the ability. i just read statistics, and for the first time in 5 or so years i cried. 10/10 fic. zero complaints. this is my new favorite pony anything. i don't think i can explain why i find it so powerful. i don't think i even understand why i find it so powerful. it just really speaks to me somehow. thanks for subscribing to my blog.

>>42457584
You're autistic.

>>42455071
The more I find out about the preg fetish, the more it resembles the cripple fetish: wholesome on the surface but has some insidious implications when you think about it.

>>42457677
Yeah, men who want to care for and protect their family are insidious.

>>42457687
That's not what I meant but I'm not gonna argue with you over your fetish, it's your business

>>42457687
>I fetishise the act of severely limiting my partner's body autonomy
>in fact I fetishise it more the more of an impact it has on her life
>I fetishise the idea that she'd be totally and unquestionably happy with it
>I fetishise the way it's innately something I impose on her and a fundamental aspect of the asymmetry in our dynamic
>that's totally because I care about her
At least the other preg fetishists I know admit it's tied to their maledom kink instead of trying to spin it as wholesome while consistently writing fics about absentee fathers.

>>42457701
Well, what did you mean?

>>42457726
>I fetishise the act of severely limiting my partner's body autonomy
There are women who openly prefer their man having a mutilated penis, which in the US is done to newborns, and this is fine and dandy to most people. Bodily autonomy as it applies to pregnancy is a meme. Infanticide isn't healthcare. Rape is rarely the reason.

>in fact I fetishise it more the more of an impact it has on her life
Sure. Having children is a big change.

>I fetishise the idea that she'd be totally and unquestionably happy with it
Yes, somewhat. I've touched the other side a little.

>I fetishise the way it's innately something I impose on her and a fundamental aspect of the asymmetry in our dynamic
Yes.

>that's totally because I care about her
Yes.

>At least the other preg fetishists I know admit it's tied to their maledom kink
Sorry, by "maledom kink" do you mean what was the norm for most of human history?

>instead of trying to spin it as wholesome while consistently writing fics about absentee fathers.
There's a difference between leaving the father vague and writing him as absent entirely. I dislike shipping for the most part, and there's usually no reason to ruin a story for someone who prefers one pairing over the other.

Have an inflammatory image.

>>42457787
Though I do not share your fetish, this is a based response. You're OK for a fetishfag.

>>42457787
>Sorry, by "maledom kink" do you mean what was the norm for most of human history?
By this logic, dying and having your body degrade is the most normal thing there is, since it's happened to everyone across human history, so I guess gorechads have the most normal and natural fetish.

>>42457787
>Sorry, by "maledom kink" do you mean what was the norm for most of human history?
By this logic, dying and having your body degrade is the most normal thing there is, since it's happened to everyone across human history, so I guess gorechads and necrochads have the most normal and natural fetishes.

Preg fetish is just a variation on fat fetish.

>>42458049
I agree, though pregnancy is more acceptable because there's a general life purpose behind it.
It also looks natural as opposed to a landwhale with fat rolls.

>>42458053
I mean, fat rolls are "natural" too, I guess.

>>42458056
It's more about overeating to the point of being unnaturally fat and immobile, which is often where fatfags immediately try to go.

>>42458057
Well, preg fetish as >>42457787 describes it is basically just a subset of force-feeding fat fetish.

>>42458060
No? It's the way in which the person is in an altered state, at least as far as I know.
If the 'pregnant' mare was just obese and that belly wasn't glowing with life but just the gargantuan weight of five-hundred hayburgers I have a feeling pregfags wouldn't like it.
The preggo fetish as it's been explained to me before mostly comes from the fact that the female is fulfilling her biological imperative and is her happiest state, and usually with non-pony it's about massive fukkin' milky tits to suck on.
There was definitely other aspects I'm forgetting though it wasn't to do with being fat.

>>42457165
Hey that was pretty good, really hit a lot of the right buttons.
You said it was inspired by another fic, is that in a similar vein? Mind shairng?

>BtRM remaster coming within the end of the year
Dreams really do come true.
What's that unfinished fic / sequel / whatever you're still holding out hope for, anon?

>>42458207
It was called 'Why no one messes with Celestia' I think.

>>42458216
Do I even need to say it?
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/75199/asylum

>>42458216
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/324959/hc-svnt-equus-pinnis
But the guy not only wants people to pay to continue certain stories, but he hasn't been online in three years...
Honestly, might write my own in this vein, pony returns to Equestria with stories from another fucked up world they had to survive through.

>>42458216
twiguard 3

>>42458216
What is BtRM an acronym for.

>>42458310
Any day now.

>>42458377
Back to Ruan Mei
It's a Honkai Star Rail crossover.

>>42458597
Wow, sounds terrible.

>>42457584
Yeah, it's great. Thanks for reminding me of that fic, i think i'm gonna reread it.

>>42458216

>>42458299
This and east horse are mine. Every day I cling to probably pointless hope that they come back. At least give us an info dump stream like you did for End of Ponies, Skirts. Please. It can't end like this.

>>42458216
well it was https://www.fimfiction.net/story/408955/thicker-than-water but he actually went and finished it.

>>42458299
I've finally given up hope on this one. Dude seems dead as a doornail. Just watch TNG s6e21 (heh, 621) and take that as the intended ending for the fic. Or DS9's various "Sisko as a writer in the 30s" episodes, but I kind of hated how postmodern that whole thing was.

I don't think Growth Spurts is ever gonna finish, CG seems pretty done with ponyfic. But I'm still holding out for https://www.fimfiction.net/story/207079/mis-shapes . Grimm seems to have written himself into a corner with it, but I'll wait as long as I have to in the hopes that he finishes it up someday. Even an imperfect, messy ending would be more satisfying than simply leaving it hanging.

>>42458749
oh, and one more, which has virtually no chance of happening, but Sleepless actually showed signs of life in 2023 long after I'd given him up for dead.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/27517/up-in-the-clouds-down-to-earth

>>42458597
>

If only I could write fic with the same talent with which I'm able to convince people to watch shows about magical teenagers having sex.

>Give an HiE story a chance
>hmm this is alright
>the human shows up
>quality immediately takes a nosedive
I see.

>>42458299
Preach, brother.

>>42458224
Also fun, as was its sequel about Luna.
Blegh, now I just want more. Any lewd stuff?

>>42458996
She's literally me.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/581538/tallys-tiny-train

This was cute.

>>42457584
Statistics is pretty good, but calling it worthy of crying over is a massive overstatement. This anon >>42457650 is probably right.

>>42457726
>it's innately something I impose on her
Not pregfag but this reads like an "all sex is rape" kind of thing. Why shouldn't a mare be happy about bringing new life into the world? Not to mention the fact that it's her own foal as much as the father's.

>Give an HiE story a chance
>hmm this is alright
>the human shows up
>quality immediately improves
I see.

>>42458216
There is a correct answer to that question, and >>42458648 already posted it.

>>42458310
But this one is a good copium to be huffing, too.

>>42459305
I mean that'd probably be the case if it focused more on "I want to have a kid with the guy i'm building a life with"

Can we get a fic about Scanty Kneesocks establishing her superiority over the rest of Equestria?

>>42459305
The issue is not with pregnancy itself but rather with the way the fetish deliberately underlines the way it's something the male causes in the female. It's stroking the same buttons as something like collaring. And that's not bad innately, you can get off to whatever, the bad is trying to veil the fetish aspect under a pretense of wholesomeness. When a preg fetishist says he wouldn't want to be pregnant it's because he perfectly understands all the physical consequences that come with it and the hardships involved, and he would not want to suffer them, but he actively gets off on imposing all of that onto another creature. And again, get off on whatever you want, you can jerk it to mutilating others as long as it's fiction, but the problem is again that some pregfags will then pretend this baggage of consequences isn't there and that the mare is merely happy and cheerful about the kid, because they construct an insidious scenario where the suffering role of the mare is divinely ordained and always appreciated. It's like if I had a ryona fetish but instead of writing a story where a girl gets beaten until eventually she gets into it I wrote a setting where all females always love being subject to physical violence, except pregfags have a layer of plausible deniability to hide behind when they do that. I know based and honest pregfags who freely admit they get off on the idea that their cock defeats mares in a lasting way and renders them a permanently marked vessel of their victory whose life is now bent around it. Kassaz instead writes stories where this also mindbreaks the mare into loving her condition, except the whole setting is already mindbroken from the start that way. But he never makes it explicit, hoping you won't notice. It's the same reason he doesn't write lesbians. He's disgusted by the thought of a vagina character being in any role other than divinely ordained subservience found righteous by the order of the world. He constructs a setting where females are permanently inferior to cope with the way his crippling autism has doomed him to permanent virginity, forever unable to approach another human much less breed one. Ironically he'd be perfectly able to live out his fantasies if he accepted more measured solutions, but he cannot concoct a scenario where the status of the relationship isn't part of the fiber of reality itself. He's incapable of being a real Dom because he genuinely believes the tenets of a rp session are truth and can't take the establishing steps.

>>42459333
Checked but should be 11 months.
>>42459415
After I'm done with my HRT crossover (season 3 soon).

>>42459506
read the filename, phoneboy.

>>42459333
But then it just becomes a baby/parenting fic which pregfags hate

>>42459695
What if the baby gets pregnant?

>>42459695
I'm a pregfag and I love it when it focuses more on the family stuff and later baby stuff. It needs the whole shebang.

>>42459499
Did you sit down to make a stupid post, or was making it so disconnected from reality a later goal?

>>42459783
It's less disconnected from reality than Kassaz.

>>42459499
The first half of your post is correct but people will dogpile you because it's an uncomfortable angle for them to consider. The second half is hard to judge because I don't read Kassaz' stuff.

Though I'll say in their defense, having the courtesy to make your sub enjoy it is preferable to straight-up abuse.

>>42459837
Unlike Kaz, he wrote it with his brain and not his dick, which makes the idiocy that much worse.

>>42459499
There's a sort of cosmic hilarity in the intention of this post being to accuse someone else of being blind to their ideological baggage.

>>42459906
Life gets a lot better when you realize that all people are very dumb, no exceptions.
The skill in appearing smart lies in learning when (and to whom) you're most likely to show it.

>>42459888
Checked, but you don't know that for certain

>Give an HiE story a chance
>hmm this is alright
>the human shows up
>it is good
I see.

>>42459677
>read
WDYTYA?

>>42459906
Would you like to be pregnant, anon?

>>42458216
Hold it together and Twilight’s world.
>>42457726
>>42459499
Wordcel
>>42460305
>reading an HIE and thinking it will be good

>>42460393
I feel like if the H isn't a self insert it tends to be okay.

Homestuck's writing style is that of a monkey on crack, even worse than PS was in its "jump the fuck around and keep introducing new shit" style, but in a sense I do feel the comparison to Behemoth isn't entirely out of place.

>>42460445
Like it or not, Homestuck was formative to an entire generation of online fiction writers.

>>42460445
Hussie can write some legit good shit, but by the end of it he lost his mind so fucking hard and got high on his own farts.

Worst of all, it stops being funny.

>>42460456
I wonder if Skirts ever read it. That could be where similarities may have been transmitted.

>>42460456
Locked Tomb's author got her start writing Homestuck fanfic.

>>42460461
Homestuck's one of those things where I'd be less ready to admit I was a fan of it than I was cartoon girl horses. I can't say it wasn't influential, because it knows a lot of tricks to trick you into thinking it's better written than it actually is, but it's somehow the most embarrassing thing I've been into.

I adored Problem Sleuth, but Homestuck was in turn too slow, too convoluted, and then far far too obsessed with shipping nonsense I didn't care about. I literally quit on the panel that introduced the troll love dodecahedron thing and never looked back.

>>42460445
>>42460478
Anon go to /co/ if you want to talk about homestuck

>>42460489
I wouldn't go to 2025 /co/ if you sucked my cock for it. The only thing worse than walking into a shitty board is returning to a board that turned shitty in your absence.

>>42458776
You should write about magical teenagers having sex. You might be able to leave out the magical part.

>>42459311
>>42460305
>bait
Put up or shut up. Post links.

>>42460564
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/577274/first-steps-again

>>42460516
Implying I don't already.

>>42460496
What finally broke the camel's back for you?

Y'all are really dead tonight, huh?

>>42461284
Writing, I assure you.

>>42461297
>Writing
Why?

>>42461299
We choose to publish a fic in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because we are hard.

>>42461312
You stole that from Inside Job. Get out of here. Boo.

>>42457584
Glad you liked it. It's still probably the favorite one I've written, if only because of the nostalgia.

>>42457726
I think the more disturbing >implication is the one OC who's special talent is in pregnancy. Not only is she a literal broodmare but she's been one since she was a filly.

>>42458049
Based and morning after pilled.

>>42458216
I hold out hope The Descendant returns one day and starts posting civil war reenactment blogs again.

>>42461318
>Inside Job
You'll have to be more specific.
>>42461323
Look, if you get knocked up in your teens, you might as well get a cutie mark out of it.

>>42461323
Bun Oven or whatever? The one that's just a constant surrogate? Yeah that one's weird. It's not even her kids.

>>42461323
*whose

Somethings never change.
Like this thread being completely worthless for fic feedback.

>>42456593
Update: when you switch perspective to Rose, a little over 200 pages in.

>>42461658
Hey now be fair
It's also worthless for fic recommendations too

>>42461337
Her name's Bundle Joy, and her backstory here I usually ignore.

>>42462242
Kek, honey, you ain't kiddin'!

>>42462365
why would a mare spend her entire life pregnant if it wasn't her job?

>>42462365
Look it's real simple Kaz. I get that you want a bloated belly but all I want to see is Big Mac pinning Twilight Sparkle down in a moment of unrestrained earth pony passion, mating pressing her over and over again and then having to deal with the aftermath for eleven months afterwards as both deal with their complex feelings, Big Mac's discomfort with being thrust into the spotlight as the newest Prince Consort, and Twilight's mounting baby autism. Then end with more scenes of a cute little farm filly alicorn toddling around.

It's as simple as that.

>>42462365
>I just implicitly construct an unreality devoid of what upsets me
Anon was right.

>>42462392
Im more of a lunamac guy

>>42462732
You could have (a) better taste, though.

>>42462390
Does it count as a job when it's an Apple mare?

>>42462392
>newest Prince Consort
>cute little farm filly alicorn toddling around
I don't like it.

>>42462724
It's more like there are multiple versions of her backstory, and none of them matter when telling most stories with her.

>>42462794
>I don't like it.
Then you're weak.

Pregnancy but no babby is what turns it from "yeah okay" to "okay you're weird".

>>42462732
>sexually aggressive luna pursuing Big Mac even in his dreams
It could work.

>fap to something utterly deplorable
>check fimfic in the shameful afterglow
>see a newly published fic whose cover is the exact pic that I busted to

>>42462954
So, what kind of apple do you think Applejack tastes like?

>>42462960
Meat apple.

>>42462960
Applejack tastes like sweat, pears, and sweaty pairs.

>>42462777
checked, stay winning tunachad
although lunamac and twimac are pretty good too, he's a great ship with introverts

>>42462980
I mean if the comics are taken as official he's pretty fucking smart.

>>42462836
Just set it within the DS universe, the syndrome DS2 introduced is perfect for the kink.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/581446/my-little-pony-arc-v-legends
Okay so I get the rationale for a Yugi crossover, but Arc-V? Really? Of all possibilities? Does anyone have that ratings image on hand to showcase just how bizarre of a choice it is?

>>42462980
He did get some with Luna.

>>42463133
Big mac is called big for a reason

>review https://www.fimfiction.net/story/581572/

1.6k SOL fic about pinkie taking rarity to go rest under a tree by a pond outside of town. Nigga busted out the thesaurus for this one, But otherwise this as a cute simple story. The dialogue and character writing was very spot on.

>>42463170
Artists shouldn't be allowed to write.

>>42463156
Surely he has more to offer all these princesses besides a massive hog that ejaculates like a firehose, yes?

>>42463084
Maybe they'll wipe G5 from existence while they're at it.

>>42463191
He does a pretty good aftercare cuddle.

>>42463191
Appul

>>42463191
Two hogs

>>42463191
He's a strong silent hardworking hunk who owns a business and takes care of his baby sister (which gives him hot dad energy without the implications of being a widower or divorcee so it's acceptable).

it's no wonder he's the most fuckable bachelor in ponyville, at least until Sunburst came along.

>>42463288
I'd never seen the full picture and my goodness those look like pure cancer in food form. I mean all processed red meat increases cancer odds but those look like there's way more processed red than there's meat.

>>42463297
Sunburst was thoroughly sucked dry goods by the time he came to Ponyville. Why do you think Starlight kept heading back to the Empire?

>>42463399
>Why do you think Starlight kept heading back to the Empire?
Laying low.

>>42463394
>all processed red meat increases cancer odds
that entire narrative was based on garbage quality cherry picked evidence.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6797176/
https://youtu.be/xDgzgDSInt0
https://youtu.be/Up__RB_rgRM
https://aacrjournals.org/cebp/article/16/9/1745/176913/The-Polyp-Prevention-Trial-Continued-Follow-up
https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/10.7326/M19-1583
https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/10.7326/M19-0622
https://www.acpjournals.org/doi/10.7326/M19-0699
https://www.mdpi.com/2072-6643/13/10/3601/htm
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-022-01968-z
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/202340
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8537381/
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41430-020-0576-9
https://aacrjournals.org/cancerres/article/64/7_Supplement/113/516408/Meat-and-fat-intake-and-colorectal-cancer-risk-A
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0309174014000564

>>42463191
Because he has a big personality you coom brain. That AND a massive girthy cock

>>42463288
>skinless and always straight, never curved
What if I like them uncut with a slight upward curve, though?

>>42462732
>lunamac
Nice. There are a few routes you can take this pairing that I like a lot. You can up play the potential social taboo and shock of the powerful princess saddling up with the big, cozy farmhand. And even from that, you can add a level of secrecy to their relationship. I think there is a natural desire to make Luna the pursuer in this dynamic. Comic Luna was more forward in her approach, but I think playing up her introversion and having her conflicting over the approach works as well.

>>42463898
>You can up play the potential social taboo and shock of the powerful princess saddling up with the big, cozy farmhand
I mean you say that but one fic kind of made it clear that unless there's a male alicorn kicking about somewhere there's not a lot of options on the same level of the princess period, so they can get free pick of any litter.

>>42463493
>linking research several years out of date

>author replaces cover arts of ALL his stories from 2013 onwards with AI slop
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/27555/jmj/stories

>>42463972
BASED BASED BASED

>>42463972
No amount of improvement will enable ai to emulate the artistic output of artists. horny, mentally ill, obsessed, autistic, artists.

I have a pregnancy fetish because I want to raise lots of kids with my waifu

I have a Twilight Sparkle fetish. I want to have sex with Twilight Sparkle.

I have a fetish for seeing other people admit to their own fetishes unprompted.

>>42463912
Which fic is that? I think it works either way, but I feel having a level of shock is more common in romance stories with the princesses. In my experience, there's always at least one character who goes "wow, I can't believe the princess is dating X" or some variation.

>>42464098
I'd admit to my fetishes, but your post would be a prompt.

>>42464089
And raise kids with her?

>>42463972
That's weird. It's fun to pay an artist to visualize and illustrate scenes from my stories. Of course, it's also not cheap, and maybe he can't afford it.

What is the fimfic equivalent of the way baudrillard keeps his books?

>>42464125
Any user who uses their Favourite shelf to keep track of every story they're reading or want to read..

>>42464125
I wanna kill that guy

I have a preg fetish but hate cuck and monster shit. It's suffering.

>>42464153
You just know he does it solely to piss people off.

I had a dream I wrote a fic and published it, which is as close to actually writing as I've gotten in quite a while.

>>42464118
Definitely not

>>42464153
Same. sadly he’s already dead.

Any fics with resurrection?

>>42464236
Any fics with resurrecting a guy just so you can personally end his life?

>>42464246
I can’t think of any

What's the appeal of slice of life? Every time i try to write it i get bored even with a good prompt

>>42464173
Weak.

>>42464312
Low-stakes comfyness. Think S1+S2 MLP

>>42464312
The point of slice of life is to not actually write what life is like what rather an idealized version of it.

>>42464312
Slice of life is like adventure, drama, thriller, and so on, but low stakes. Things like "Twilight writes a book review", "Rarity gets a bad haircut", "Rainbow Dash prepares for a race", "Pinkie burns cupcakes", "Fluttershy disciplines Angel", or "Applejack loses her hat". There's drama in all of these, but they're not as dramatic as "Shining Armor dies in the line of duty". Or it can be adventures like "The CMCs take an unsupervised train ride", "Vinyl searches for an obscure LP", or "Moon Dancer goes outside her NEET cave.". Again, there's adventure, but less adventure than "Starlight Glimmer needs to find an ancient magical artifact or else the world will end".

I think the secret to writing good slice of life is to take the characters' emotions seriously. We know, because we're readers, that it's not really a big deal if Zecora can't think of a rhyme. But to her, being stuck for a rhyme feels like a tragedy. And we know that it's no more than an inconvenience if Big Mac's favorite horse collar gets broken, but he'll think his day is ruined. If you can make the events feel important to the characters, then they'll feel important to the readers, too, and that makes the story interesting.

>>42464448
>it's no more than an inconvenience if Big Mac's favorite horse collar gets broken
You mean the horse collar he was gifted by his late father?

>>42464448
Oh, so im going about this all wrong. Fuck, time to explore a while new depth of writing

>>42464451
If he used that collar full-time, it would have broken long before the show started. Either he was never that attached to his father's collar, or he keeps that one somewhere special and doesn't use it. He can still have a favorite horse collar that isn't his father's. Also, not canon.

>>42464478
Not to Ackshually, but the horse collar is called a yoke. Idk if they actually call it that in the show

>>42464490
It's a good thing you didn't try to Ackshually, then.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse_collar
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoke

>>42464272
Posts like this make me feel happy and good inside. Not because I'm part of some intellectual elite who totally understands the arguments being made (I'm not and I don't), but because it shows there are people who care enough to get worked up about niche subjects and write anonymous rants that only a few dozen will ever see. People who affirm that there's something true and meaningful above my head that's worthy of being defended, even if, again, I don't really get it.

>>42464494
Well, fuck me, I've never heard anyone call that thing anything other than a yoke

>>42464520
>Well, fuck me
Careful, you might not want to say that in this thread.

>>42464118
You really think you can handle Nyx and Dyx?

>>42464312
The appeal's supposed to be a sort of "what do the characters do once the cameras are off". It's supposed to be showing stuff from a regular day that isn't necessary plot worthy enough to typically be bothered with. This invokes a sense of peacefulness (the "comfiness") and can also really give more depth to the characters and setting by showing them in a more relaxed, "normal" state that doesn't have the pressure of drama or silliness of comedy muddying the water.

Most people just treat SoL as a lesser form of drama or comedy, but true Slice of Life requires anything like that to be incidental at best, as it typically would be in someone's day-to-day life. That "off camera" feel is critical to it. Otherwise, it's just a less funny comedy fic or a less exciting adventure fic.

It's already a slice of life show.

>>42464639
IT'S A

>>42462392
Sounds kinda boring

>>42464272
I have no opinions on this guy but any argument based on "you just can feel it" is immediately dubious and speaks of narrow-mindedness, like the person just arrogantly expects everyone to perceive the world the same way they do.

>>42464312
This >>42464448 post makes it sound like slice of life always has some sort of conflict, but in practice there are tons of SoL fics that are effectively fluff where nothing happens. I don't remember if there's a "Fluff" tag on Fimfic, but probably not.

>>42465210
>writing thread
>unable to appreciate the beauty in writing
>needs le things to le happen
The age of summarization and reduction of art to plot has been a disaster.

>>42465136
Only if you're weak.

>>42465217
>random amateurish 3k words SoL fanfiction
>the beauty in writing

>>42465329
Yes.

>>42465210
>makes it sound like slice of life always has some sort of conflict
Look at the examples in the post again. The only one I see with any built-in conflict is "Fluttershy disciplines Angel". None of the others have any obvious conflict at all. And the post says, "the secret to writing good slice of life is to take the characters' emotions seriously". It says nothing about conflict.

>>42465396
Well obviously you're looking for conflicts like "Sweetie Belle accidentally uses Rarity's dildo" or "Twilight has to explain masturbation to Spike" right

>>42465979
>accidentally

>>42466153
The accidental part was it getting stuck.

>>42465136
That's the plan, yes. Big Mac is boring into Twilight.

>>42466463
Better than a door handle.

>>42466815
I read that fic.

>>42465396
Is this something that really needs to be spelled out loud? Conflict is a broad term in storytelling and encompasses any sort of struggle. It can be internal, too. "Rarity gets a bad haircut" is still a conflict, of Rarity against her insecurities, or maybe the uncaring nature of the world, or something else. Same for "Pinkie burns cupcakes". Every premise in that post implies a conflict.

>>42467297
Silly Nonny, written words make no sound. You can't spell things louder with text.

>>42467297
On their own, "Rarity gets a bad haircut" or "Pinkie burns cupcakes" don't have any built-in conflict. You can tell those stories without including any conflict:
>One day, Pinkie Pie was baking cupcakes.
>Suddenly, there was the smell of smoke.
>Pinkie said, "Whoopsie-daisy! Looks like I burned those cupcakes! Guess I'd better try again! Good thing I like baking!"
>Then she baked more cupcakes, and when they were done, they were yummy. The end.
That's a story with no conflict. To get conflict, you need to add something more to the story. It's easy, and it improves the story, but it's not built-in.

>>42467717
You're right. He made the mistake of assuming the writer would actually give a fuck.

>>42467717
Wrong

>>42467717
>>Suddenly, there was the smell of smoke.
>>Pinkie said, "Whoopsie-daisy! Looks like I burned those cupcakes!
>>Guess I'd better try again!
Sorry, anon, but
>(bad) thing happens
>(bad) thing is acknowledged
>(bad) thing is reacted to
At its core this is still conflict. Dealing in with it quickly does not remove its inherent existence.

Slice of life stories can have conflict.

>>42468362
Nah, that's not conflict. Conflict is if the recipe was AJ's treasured family recipe she wanted Pinkie to try, and now Pinkie has to decide whether or not to tell AJ it sucks; or Pinkie has to figure out if it was a freak accident or if her baking mojo has left her (and why.)

>>42468380
i'll do you one better, slice of life stories should have conflict.

>>42468554
Wrong

>>42468362
Conflict requires opposition. There's no opposition in that story, merely events, so it has no conflict.

>>42468777
Wrong. There is inner conflict, made evident.

>>42468803
You're reading things into the story that aren't there. There's nothing that indicates any inner conflict. If you want to prove otherwise, point to the exact words that describe Pinkie's inner conflict.

>>42468860
>Whoopsie-daisy!
>I'd better try again!
This indicates clear and undeniable opposition between the achieved outcome and the desired result. Lack of conflict would require Pinkie to burn the food and do nothing in response. The focus on adversarial cause and effect happenings motivated by will and not sheer physics is the root of conflict's presence. Where a character chooses to act one way as a result of things around them, that is conflict.

>>42469122
The conflict is there. Is it good conflict? That is the better question. Conflict is not an innate good.

>Have a breakthrough moment where you know how to write the rest of a chapter
Feelsgoodman.
I think when it comes to writing out another large story in future that I'm not going to do just 'primary story beats' + 'beginning, middle, and end' and on we go.
It's not nearly enough planning for my 'tism brain.

>>42469224
>>Have a breakthrough moment where you know how to write the rest of a chapter
For me, it was switching the perspective to another character.

>>42469122
The achieved outcome is an event determined by physics. It has no will and so cannot oppose anything; it just is. If there is any conflict, it's internal to Pinkie; but we're never told anything about her mental state, so we don't know if she has any internal conflict. I grant that it's not a big leap to imagine that she has internal conflict, but it's not actually in the text.
>Where a character chooses to act one way as a result of things around them, that is conflict.
Choice is not the same as conflict, opposition, competition, or struggle. If I go to a restaurant, I can choose to order soda or iced tea, but that is not necessarily a conflict. Consider:
>The waitress asked, "What would you like to drink?"
>I said, "Oh, I always order iced tea."
>She nodded. "One iced tea."
That's a choice made as a result of circumstances, but it's not a conflict.

>>42469224
I've had luck taking a brief outline like you describe and then making a second draft of it with more detail. The second draft is a great place to add characters, scenes, subplots, etc. and make sure they're integrated into the story before you start really writing.

>>42469786
Writing's like gamedev. You just iterate.

>>42469151
Oh no, it sucks and is tiny and bad, but it's there.

>>42469534
Just say you have autism and are incapable of understanding emotions.

>>42469079
>Why is everyone so mean to me?

>>42469945
She's sad Celestia's ass is so much bigger.

>>42469952
A few kids will fill her out.

>>42469963
Silly anon, kids go in the belly.

>>42469976
Once they're out all that weight has to go somewhere. Celestia didn't become a MILF through ruling effectively.

>>42469963
I thought Luna was the one who gobbled foals.

>>42469980
No but she did scoop up hundreds of orphans in Canterlot once to found her own moon colony.

I HEARD YOU GUYS READ. OUTSIDE TWITTER THREADS. >:O

BLASPHEMY. BURN THE BOOKS.

READING IS FOR FAGS.

I don't view vorefags as people.

>>42469994
I don't view fags of any kind as people

>>42469994
That's good. I view you as food.

>>42470011
If you can view anything you're not eating enough.

>>42469976
Kids go in mountain ranges to lick sweaty hikers

>>42469952
She's already got an enhanced butt there, it must be something else...

>>42469943
I accept your surrender.

>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/457709/twilight-sparkle-has-a-type
>story about twilight having a type
>look inside
>the “type” is just dark triad or masculine traits that every women is attracted to

>>42470499
Who would have been napoleons favorite pony? And by I mean which pony of most similar to Josephine de Beauharnais?

Princess Luna getting pregnant to gain weight is something to which I've given a lot of thought.

>>42470543
>bottom left

>>42468860
>>42469534
The opposing force is the circumstance of burning cupcakes itself. It's mare against reality.

>>42470607
"Looks like I burned those cupcakes!" indicates that Pinkie fully accepts the reality of the situation. There's no indication that she's conflicting with reality, nor that she is opposed to the reality of burnt cupcakes. It would be surprising if she weren't opposed to burnt cupcakes, but it could happen. Consider:
>The drugs were really taking hold now, and Pinkie was tripping balls.
>Suddenly, there was the smell of smoke.
>Pinkie said, "Whoopsie-daisy! Looks like I burned those cupcakes! Maybe I can burn down the whole house! Whee!"

The newest chapter in my slice of life story features Fluttershy fighting a basilisk.
^:)

>>42471215
Which one of them is pregnant? Are they both pregnant?

>>42456389 (OP)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/249782/magical-mystery-oops
Im reading this and man it’s kinda not that good. Whoever nominated it for the starter kit has shit taste.
I made a review of Chaotic Neutral here a bit ago and the characterization of discord in that fic is far better

>>42471249
Neither, actually. I'll post the scene here later. It's short.

>>42471250
Discord should only ever be shipped with an industrial rock crusher.

>>42471328
Mad because you got cucked by entropic spaghetti

>>42471328
So Maud?

>>42471573
Sunburst's poor pelvis.

>>42470738
>whoopsie-daisy
>I'd better try again
Pinkie rejects the outcome. If you cannot see this you are emotionally stunted.

>>42471328
C'mere, you.

>>42471584
>unwashed NEET wizard/autistic fourth wheel
Do you really need /two/ self-inserts in your shipfaggotry?

>>42471678
It's Jay's shipfaggotry actually.

>>42471678
You'd think more people would self insert as Sunburst with all the autistic psycho mares he pulls.

>>42471250
I've yet to read it but you sure you're not just a fluttercordfag who can't stomach the superiority of Twicord?

Following the world's most pathetic incubus in,
>/FSBC/

Was there ever a more "eh, it's OK" story than this? I cannot think of any. I don't think it'd be an exaggeration to say that almost every aspect of this fic lies somewhere between 4/10 and 6/10 on a 1-10 scale. Well, no—it gets bonus points for show compatibility. The one good thing about this story is that it is very close to FiM's setting and not too far in tone, either. But even that is not a clear win, as the tone of the story in the first few chapters oscillates wildly, and the fic only clarifies what it wants to read like somewhere ~25% into the story.
I know some will say the writing is bad, but what happened is that we've just had a few above-average stories in a row. This fic's words are not great, maybe not even good, but they are adequate, and the errors are not so common as to make it distracting. They are mainly typos, wrong punctuation, and capitalization errors—none of which are too awful. Some words and idioms are used in spots that don't seem right to me, which felt worse, but it's still not that common. The light-ish tone of the fic helps a lot there. Even though I'm not loving the fic so far, reading it wasn't a chore.

Then there's the matter that the fic is usually consistent. Only 'usually', and even without reading the comments, every other chapter has a very visible "time to explain/retcon small error from the last chapter that the commenters pointed out". Please don't do that. Thorax and Twilight are OK. It is probably difficult to write Thorax in a way that would be impressive while keeping him in-character, but no such excuses exist for Twilight, and her depowered, helpless state is too much. Uncharacteristically unprepared, too. Yes, yes, she's written like that for Thorax to look better, but that is not an elegant solution. This is much worse than what Voltaire's fic did to Celestia. Oh, and several scenes have a "but somehow, he just knew that wasn't true" moment that smells of very blunt steering of the plot. And if I had to guess, this Thorax feels a little self-insert'y as well.

To its credit, the fic doesn't waste your time. Each chapter sets out to achieve something and does that in relatively few words. There are exceptions—such as Twilight explaining in detail the characters of all her friends and Spike as well—but it does okay++ on that front. Am I impressed by the fic? No, not at all. But I acknowledge that I prefer when stories at least try to do something great, even if they have to fail at that. This one doesn't do that. Doesn't try, I mean, but also doesn't fail. Maybe the second half will make more of an impression.

Next week, we're finishing the fic.
[Voting]
Recycling some ideas. Suggestions are always welcome!
fimfiction.net/story/57463/twilight-sparkle-night-shift
fimfiction.net/story/375944/one-white-unicorn
fimfiction.net/story/57956/integration
fimfiction.net/story/434003/the-archetypist
fimfiction.net/story/519321/sorry-we-missed-you

>>42472016
True to character, Twilight shows her gash to the first stranger she sees and gets head. There's another crude joke somewhere with Twilight's first instinct being to measure the purple-scaled worm's length and girth (especially just after "Secret of My Excess"). Aside from that, the story hasn't done anything trouser dropping, nor anything trouser raising. I was rather stone-faced throughout.

Let's get the rationalism out of the way. Twilight complains about not having a vessel to boil water, yet uses a magic umbrella to deflect away water. She complains about not having anything to write with, despite sitting next to a campfire with ash and charcoal. She complains about not having paper, while holding Spike's letter. Dispel such vile thoughts, as the author mentions—they're a mere framing device.

I liked the descriptions of the hive: they flowed nicely and painted a good dynamic picture. Even the changelings, flying bug vampires, respect the sanctity of a safe workplace by installing railings on their balconies. And hey, the changelings can even file for annual leave! Chrysalis ain't so bad! As a little detail, Twilight used imperial measurements while Thorax used metric. On the other side, characterisations were spotty with some strange dialogue here and there. The criticisms are minor; I don't have room to squish them into this single post!

I didn't have much more to say, until I noticed that despite the story trying to create a wholesome, heartwarming friendship, there's something unsettling—something sinister about it—that's bugging me. Thorax has admitted multiple times that he has done this purely because Twilight has shown him kindness; he's not doing this out of any moral compass, empathy, or duty, but just because he receives this in kind—it's a transactional relationship. Twilight is completely at his mercy, and anything she may do to offend him can very well get her killed by him, the hive, or simply abandoned to starve. Additionally, it alludes to Thorax feeding off of her, although I don't remember Twilight ever giving him consent to do so. She cannot even think negatively without him peering into her mind. He also uses his submissive and timid behaviour as a way to garner sympathy and emotionally manipulate prey. Twilight is completely oblivious or too pure-hearted to cotton on that he is the ideal weapon of subterfuge and manipulation. It's all quite creepy, and if not for the tags, I would think this was a rape fic. The only character in the story that seems to show genuine affection is Pharynx.
The question I have: is this tone a part of the story, the author's own worldview, or my neuroses leading me on? I'm perhaps over-analysing, but whatever the case, Thorax is definitely giving me the ick. Though, in his defence, he doesn't know any better.

The truth is we, the real-life readers, will never receive such a heavenly gift of Twilight's dysentery-and-sweat soaked bedroll to sit down upon. Why even live?

>>42463084
I can see the thinking. Arc-V is the crossover series, after all.

I'm glad that Yu-Gi-Oh is over. The two Rush series were terrible.

>>42472031
>that's bugging me
Hehe

>>42472016
I like this one. Although maybe that's just because it's a Twilight fic. I was also getting Jigsaw flashbacks, which made me realize that was the Celestia Code and I think Jigsaw gets mentioned one single time and not by name after the Luna Cypher kek. I like how Twilight thinks of the expedition team while she's stranded, it's very considerate. She never outright thinks they abandoned her and when she finally accepts the situation she wishes both them and herself good luck. Twilight's survival is completely secondary and the author straight up tells us that in an A/N to stave off the horde of survival experts that inevitably show up in the comments. The fic goes as far as to never show us Twilight getting her own food. Not once do we see it, and yet it supposedly occurs offscreen on a regular enough basis for her to not die. Which also leads to my least favorite part of the fic so far, the last chapter. Thorax has some sort of brain blast when he sees Twilight hungry (she's been hungry 100% of the time he's known her) and has the great idea to go steal more food! ??? I suppose the plot just truly needed this to happen since he has already done that. It makes no sense that it hits him like a new idea. And it makes no sense that it would even happen since she is no longer dying. Also it wouldn't even be in preparation for Twilight's journey home, it's just for no reason at all.
>the name of the next chapter
Truly a certified plot moment. Anyways
>worm attack reminds Twilight that she is more kino than the average pony
>a/n telling shippers to fuck off
kek
>the hive is like a living entity that will build you a bridge as you walk
>Thorax gets home and asks some drones where his bro is and they tell him to fuck off because they don't know
>the hive has crime
Kek, a weird interpretation of a changeling hive but sure
>Twilight never thinks to just send the letter back
Celestia must've been using that same parchment to polish her idiot orb

>>42472016
>Was there ever a more "eh, it's OK" story than this?
>I know some will say the writing is bad, but what happened is that we've just had a few above-average stories in a row
Meanwhile me thinking it's a breathe of fresh air after reading hie
>it is very close to FiM's setting and not too far in tone, either
Yes, Twilight's view of things is nice and pony. She even has an internal battle accepting the changeling society from a pony in equestria view vs. a scientific badlands ecology view
>"time to explain/retcon small error from the last chapter that the commenters pointed out"
seems inevitable when doing something survival based like this unfortunately. This is probably what led to Twilight feeding herself entirely off-screen

>>42472016
>"but somehow, he just knew that wasn't true" moment that smells of very blunt steering of the plot
I didn't specifically note it, but I had this exact thought during one of the convos they had. He said or thought something and I immediately thought 'wait what? How would he know that?' And speaking of steering the plot, that entire last chapter and deciding to steal more food for no reason at all but to break his own oath lmao

>>42472031
>Let's get the rationalism out of the way.
>Dispel such vile thoughts
Yeah, you can't think too hard about anything here. The more you do the less intelligent Twilight seems.
>I liked the descriptions of the hive
Yeah, it was certainly interesting to read about and I kek every time someling tells Thorax to fuck off
>Even the changelings, flying bug vampires, respect the sanctity of a safe workplace by installing railings on their balconies
mere steps away from the form-as-you-walk bridge with no railings kek
>As a little detail, Twilight used imperial measurements while Thorax used metric
based
>until I noticed that despite the story trying to create a wholesome, heartwarming friendship, there's something unsettling—something sinister about it—that's bugging me
I'd agree actually. I think part of it is also that this seems like Thorax's fic more than Twilight's. He is the proactive character and is the catalyst for things on both ends of the fic, his hive and the cave. And now we left off on him almost holding Twilight hostage since she just has to live in the cave getting weaker and weaker until he goes on vacation to take her home.
>It's all quite creepy, and if not for the tags, I would think this was a rape fic.
I wouldn't go that far although I've only just now considered this view. But I feel like I'm usually one of the first ones to get this feeling in a fic lol
>I'm perhaps over-anal
yeah probably

>>42471589
>If you cannot see this you are emotionally stunted.
Oh, an ad hominem argument. I accept your surrender, again.

>>42472128
This will never not be funny. Doubly so given the average slop tolerance Yugi fans have built in.
>>42472372
Is it ad hominem to call a blind man blind?
>>42472010
I'd rather insert self in him.

>>42472411
I've said the same many times in many places: Arc-V had foundational issues in the Synchro arc, but it did not collapse until the very instant that Sergy did his thing.

>>42472031
>Aside from that, the story hasn't done anything trouser dropping,
Not only did the author pick one of the faggiest characters in the show, he also went out of his way to say no shipping of any kind will take place. Maybe it's for canon compatibility, but it is pretty nice, every once in a while, when authors resist the "mash two dolls together and have them kiss urge". After this and the fr*nchman from last week, we're at 2 in a row!

>Let's get the rationalism out of the way. (...) they're a mere framing device.
It's not that easy, imo. I mean, sure, it's fine, I guess, but when you write a 'survival-themed' story without surviving, you have to make it abundantly clear in the fic(!) that you're not interested in those elements. Using A/Ns for that is poor.
>I liked the descriptions
They're maybe pushing that 6/10 score ceiling I set for the fic, but also they're all the things we've seen in the show, which does limit how creative they can be.
>something sinister about it
I've noticed, but I, perhaps wrongly, dismissed it. Like the lack of realism, I assumed the author didn't want the readers to focus on anything not explicitly said in the story. And while he does feed on her in the fic, the many internal monologues where he's so happy to have a friend implies he's being genuine. Can a succubus fall in love? I would say so, and so bugs can have friends, too. The fact that he didn't mention this to Twi can mean two things: either that whole dilemma is not meant to be relevant to the fic, OR (and this would be preferable) it's setting up the main conflict in the last part of the fic. As things stands, I doubt that the story will go for that slightly more ambitious path, and instead we'll get other bugs as antagonists. So, in short:
>is this tone a part of the story
Hopefully, but unlikely.

>>42472230
>I was also getting Jigsaw flashbacks
Same, except that, so far, I think that CC is a better story. Very flawed, but it had a much better focus and in general was written to be simply... less mediocre.
>the last chapter
Yep, very hamfisted conflict. It makes me doubt the writer.
>>Twilight never thinks to just send the letter back
Or do a hundred other things! Just, idk, burn her cutie mark into the parchment with magic. Something! But no, Thorax-the-Champion has to be a hero, so Twilight willingly absorbs all of the idiot orb's pull in this fic.
>it's a breathe of fresh air after reading hie
I have an irrational wish for Thorax to change into a human just to scare you away. The painful truth was that Fagtaire was a more interesting protagonist, and ironically Thorax has a stronger HiE pony dumbness aura.
>Twilight feeding herself entirely off-screen
My favorite is ending a chapter with them sending magic flares into the sky—which are visible from the hive during the day since that's how he saw her—all night and brighter than ever, only to start the next chapter with, "they're actually not bright enough to be seen". Hilariously bad retcon.

>>42472411
>I'd rather insert self in him.
Starlight please

>>42472016
>Some words and idioms
Yeah, Thorax saying "thin ice", knowing what a party is, "the world’s a big place", etc — not impossible, but not what I would expect from an insect twink in a desert. A lot of "Oh... uh, ah! huh... UGH! Ew", lip licking, and ear movements, too.
>reading it wasn't a chore.
Agree.
>this Thorax feels a little self-insert'y as well
This is worrying, I noticed it too.
>all her friends and Spike
Kek, he didn't even get a say in the opening against Twilight's choice.

>>42472168
Come on, out of all the double entendres and absurdities, that's the one you pick?

>>42472230
>Twilight that she is more kino than the average pony
The opening and the worms were pretty good.
>send the letter back
Don't think about it! There's so much busted shit that this opens up. Griffon the Brush Off shows Spike can send whole ink wells, and the fic itself confirms it with "We mostly use it to send letters and, sometimes, small objects."

>>42472255
>mere steps away from the form-as-you-walk bridge
Top fucking kek, that had to be on purpose.
>holding Twilight hostage
There are also some parallels between this and A Dog and Pony Show; the message is almost the opposite.

>>42472457
>That's the one you pick?
I take simple pleasure in simple pleasures.

>>42472016
This fic is thoroughly fanfiction.
The prose is pretty bad, full of punctuation mistakes and malapropisms. It seems like the author's favorite word is albeit and they'll shove it in wherever there's a hole it looks like it might fit.
It really just wants to have Twilight make friends with Thorax five seasons earlier, and that's what it's about. So many things are sacrificed to the way that this has to happen over seemingly weeks of Thorax occasionally visiting Twilight during his scouting duties. Twilight might not be as pervasively inept as moonhorse in Changeling Heart, but her inability to reply to the letter in particular is really awful. At least she offscreened her way into finding *some* food.

Those sacrifices aren't without some return, though. The fic as a whole doesn't exactly match the show, but there are a lot of small, individual scenes that do seem at home in the show. The scenes with Twilight and Thorax chatting about ponies and changelings are very indulgent, and a lot of the cozyness must be linked to the general lack of tension and extremely relaxed pacing.

I think my favorite scene in the story so far was Twilight teaching Thorax the sparkle spell. It was almost interesting when Thorax arrived at the cave in the latest chapter to find a miasmic fog: I thought Twilight had reinvented magical air conditioning for her cave, but it turns out it was just her sadness over being unable to write a letter. I wonder when we'll get to see the bug in the cave, since this fic so far has been pretty much entirely the pony in the cave.

>>42472255
>The more you do the less intelligent Twilight seems.
It's just too hot to think out there in the desert. Very relatable. She suffered 42 sun strokes already.
>Thorax's fic more than Twilight's
100%. There is still hope that the fic goes for a 2-part structure and, for example, in the second half he gets caught, leaving Twilight to carry the story (and carry out his jailbreak), but the chance of that is very small.

>>42472457
>Don't think about it!
The ARE good stories that ask you to not think too hard, but they usually try a little harder to mask it. Not with a "eh, I kinda didn't want to" A/N.

>>42472479
>This fic is thoroughly fanfiction.
It's a good way to sum it up, yeah, the good and the bad.
>as pervasively inept as moonhorse in Changeling Heart
But Changeling Heart had bigger ideas for her. Not all of them materialized, but there was something there. Here, though, she's bad so that Thorax can do everything, and that sucks.
Attempting to stay close to the show in terms of how it feels has been good, though I worry if the second part continues to deliver. That's where the big conflict has to happen, and we're already in a setting where bugs execute traitors.

>>42472446
>Using A/Ns for that is poor.
agreed
>I think that CC is a better story
definitely agreed
>But no, Thorax-the-Champion has to be a hero, so Twilight willingly absorbs all of the idiot orb's pull in this fic.
It's unfortunate how much of the story is on Thorax's thorax. Hopefully Twilight starts to take a more proactive role in the 2nd half but considering she is just patiently starving, I mean waiting, to go home I doubt that will happen.
>The painful truth was that Fagtaire was a more interesting protagonist, and ironically Thorax has a stronger HiE pony dumbness aura.
Nah, Thorax has yet to instantly be in control of Equestria's government and any fic with Twilight is preferable to a voltaire fanfic.
>—which are visible from the hive during the day since that's how he saw her—
pretty sure he was on nightwatch. But I also thought that was a garbage idea when they did it, and then kek'd when the next chapter opened with that

>>42472457
>Yeah, Thorax saying "thin ice", knowing what a party is, "the world’s a big place", etc — not impossible, but not what I would expect from an insect twink in a desert.
fucking kek, but yeah agreed and also with the ick noises. Also nobody in this fic can say "no" a single time. It always seems to be "Oh no, no no! Oh No! Not that!"
I swear one of the convos was them going back and forth doing that

>>42472479
>Twilight might not be as pervasively inept as moonhorse in Changeling Heart
Now THAT's a rapefic. And what's with author's putting the bugs in OP situations lol
>I wonder when we'll get to see the bug in the cave, since this fic so far has been pretty much entirely the pony in the cave.
kek, maybe he goes with Twilight to Equestria and lives in a cave for the rest of the fic

>>42472510
>It's just too hot to think out there in the desert.
Honestly I said Jigsaw flashbacks, but by the end it was Applejack paralyzing herself climbing a palm tree flashbacks lmao
>There is still hope that the fic goes for a 2-part structure and, for example, in the second half he gets caught, leaving Twilight to carry the story (and carry out his jailbreak), but the chance of that is very small.
True, and actually Twilight teaching him the flare and saying "Just in case ^;)" actually reinforces this and again >that next chapter title

Creep Cast did an episode on my fic
I don't know how to feel about that
Dear lord I hope they used the edited one

>>42472255
>>42472446
That guy who acts like Gold Meddle is a piece of shit, but I don't at all see why you're supporting his notion that Thorax is transacting with or exploiting Twilight.
He is completely in character for himself in the show, guileless and empathetic. There really isn't any ambiguity to why he does what he does for Twilight. At first, he hopes she's doing well and goes to check on her out of worry. She isn't doing well, is dying of a disease he knows how to treat, and he helps her because that's what he'd do for any of his fellow changelings. His recognition of gut rot and reaction to it is transparently empathetic, and the most recent scene where he empathizes with Twilight's hunger could not be more obviously so. He enjoys being in her presence because she's nice to him. None of that has any additional layers to it.

When Thorax seemingly withholds kindness from Twilight, it only reads to me as though he doesn't recognize that she's in need. She's barely surviving in the cave, in a way that's pretty familiar to the way changelings live.

The rest of the story is just the author being bad, not otherwise knowing how to nerf Twilight so that she stays in the badlands long enough for the two of them to build a friendship.

No, they're just being nice to each other because they're nice and they keep trading favors because that's just how they are. Maybe that's why he finds Thorax unsettling.

>>42470738
The conflict is immediately resolved by Pinkie choosing to try again because the original was a rudimentary example, but it's still there. And in your example, the conflict is developed by Pinkie willingly escalating it, but left ominously unresolved. One could say the conflict is more so between the reader's sensibilities and Pinkie being an enabler of things we can tell are obviously undesirable.

>>42472547
Which fic

Tunafag
Is there any fic out there where Luna's like fucked up physically (super ill and your typical sickly waif seer princess) from a millennia of moontime and Twilight nurses her back to health?

>>42472608
Cupcakes

>>42472592
>but I don't at all see why you're supporting his notion that Thorax is transacting with or exploiting Twilight.
For me it doesn't really even seem intentional, as you say he's just acting like himself. But that doesn't mean the dynamic isn't unsettling. He has complete control over her at this point in the story.

>>42472623
People who make shit like this need to be forced to do hard labor so they stop being such little bitches.

>>42472641
You doing okay bro

>>42472623
I doubt it, that premise is garbage. That sounds like some hurt/comfort or plain Luna torture fic, which I wouldn't read anyway. I generally discard "on the moon" banishment fics because they're cheap edge without payoff.
The closest one is I Watch the Moon, it's an "on the moon" fic which explores Luna having depression/being bipolar from her banishment, but it's not trying to be extreme. There are much better fics, like Apotheosis, where Twilight helps Luna rebuild her own psyche, which is much more in line with what Luna should be able to do.

>>42472655
Hurt/comfort is nice.

>>42472657
No, like RGRE, it's only nice if it was not intended to be hurt/comfort in the first place.

>>42472666
Okay, Satan.

>>42472655
>The closest one is I Watch the Moon, it's an "on the moon" fic
Only two or three chapters of the fic involve Luna being on the moon.

>>42472627
I never found it unsettling because it didn't seem to me like he did. We were joking earlier about her offscreening her own food, but Twilight did more than that. She was gathering a lot of boiled water (impossibly finding tons of firewood in the dunes, I guess), scouting the area for food and danger, etc. She looked like she was preparing to go back to Equestria, despite it being clear that she didn't have all the pieces yet, and not because she was expecting to get the rest of them from Thorax.
Besides Thorax's perspective never exposing an inkling of a thought to slow her down, he also doesn't have total control over her. Pharynx's investigation prevents him from even having leverage over her food supply (this falls apart from both sides, of course, and Twilight doesn't even know that), but Twilight can also put a hole him him if he ever turns from a friend into a threat.

If >>42472592 was about Thorax having no malice, the core of this post is that even though Twilight needs him to live, she doesn't act like it. So I just don't see it from either direction.

>>42472623
its certainly not the point of the show but I can't help but enjoy a darker twist to things, Luna being a bit fucked up from a millennium possessed by evil and being stuck on the moon interests me but I get why people wouldn't like it.
feeds into my own edgy(?) ideas for an oc character i suppose.

>>42472751
I don't think that it's fucked up from evil, more like fucked up from being in low gravity and in complete isolation.

>>42472757
oh i know, sorry i meant the idea generally that luna comes back to equestria unwell whether thats from being possessed by nightmare or from the conditions on the moon or both

>>42472451
Starlight wants him to ram his cock deep in her pussy and cum in her womb actually.

>>42472837
She can do both, she's a versatile mare in her prime.

>>42472847
Yeah but Trixie is the top bun of their threesome sandwich usually.

>>42472852
The submissive and breedable trixie is always the bottom part of the bun.

>>42472606
>mindbroken and can't let it go

>>42472643
Fics with repressed wrath and madness?

>>42472993
I'm a different anon, but your post has no counter-argument either way.

>>42472837
There's time to do both, it's not like he's going anywhere when she's locked the doors.

Wendigoon and MeatCanyon did an episode on Cupcakes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUwEl_pPoF8

>>42473201
I don't believe you when you say you're a different anon, so why would I bother?

>>42473235
>normies choose the most normie tier horror fic to read
About what I expected.

>>42473215
He has a job, unlike her.

>>42473475
He's a glorified babysitter.

>>42473481
He's babysitting a nuke. He may be the most important babysitter in the history of babysitting. The threesomes with Shining and Cadence are deserved.

>>42473484
>He may be the most important babysitter in the history of babysitting
Cadance

>>42472016
Hahhhh... So this is a story, definitely. It reads very much like an early fic, so I was surprised to see that the first chapter was published in December of 2019.

The story has plenty of good from that early-ish style. First of all, the characters are very pure. Twilight is cute and innocent, Thorax is also pretty innocent but has some interesting inner conflicts, and his relationship with Pharynx is compelling. The setting has that S1 feeling of there being a big, mysterious, dangerous world outside of where the ponies live, which is very immersive. I suppose the biggest thing is that the main conflict, as the author states, isn't literally Twilight's stranding in the desert but interpersonal struggles between the characters. Sure, Twilight's being stuck isn't helping anything, but obviously the main thing is Thorax's "friendship problem". I have absolute faith that this is a story where friendship (not Friendship) will conquer all and wrap things up in a neat, happy ending.

Now, there's some bad that goes along with the early style. The prose is quite long-winded in that "here's every detail about Twilight's life and what she's currently thinking about" sort of way. I don't take issue with the slow pace of the story, but it was nonetheless pretty dull. The repeated references to early-season episodes are... nice in that they establish that the story wants to stick close to canon (in a quaint way), but they're also immersion-breaking. I was glad when they stopped being brought up early on, but the issue comes up again (slightly diminished) when Twilight enumerates her friends for Thorax. Ironically, nothing's really gripping me because I'm certain that things will have a neat, happy ending with few complications.

The "alt-history" with Twilight discovering the changelings *without* their queen raping her brother is nice, and I'd like to see where it goes. Otherwise, though, the story is pretty paint-by-numbers and feels like it's mostly retreading ground of other fics or even the show itself in some way or another. I know anons here hated it, but I much preferred Mother of Invention to this one in the "wilderness survival" genre (and Maize in the "Twilight is alone and suffers" genre, for that matter).

>>42473509
Candyass spent half that time inhaling Shining's cock. Thankfully the little autist was perfectly capable of looking after herself.

>>42473548
>Candyass spent half that time inhaling Shining's cock.
so does Sunburst.

>>42473251
I happen to agree with that anon in this particular case, but I believe I've argued with him before and he always jumps to "you're autistic" and "wrong". Anyway, if you have no counter-argument, then the verdict is that there is pretty clear conflict in the presented premise.

>>42473484
Say all you want Sunny, she's not unlocking the door.

>>42472016
>Was there ever a more "eh, it's OK" story than this?
Probably not.
>time to explain/retcon small error from the last chapter
To be perfectly frank, nothing significant stood out to me as "this is an error" other than maybe the broader hanging question of what creatures exactly the changelings feed off of. If they're just wildlife, then it seems doubtful that Thorax would easily understand Twilight's complex emotions (or at least compare them to an iguana or whatever).
>Twilight
She's mostly fine, if handicapped. (But what are you going to do? Throw her into the evil corn dimension?) Remember that this is *early* unicorn Twilight; she wasn't always knock-your-socks-off strong even before her apotheosis. However, you're right that she's too dumb, dumb enough to be going out into the desert during the daytime.
>this Thorax feels a little self-insert'y
"I'm bullied and have no friends" does indeed feel like pandering to the audience, if not the author; "my big brother stands up for me but still doesn't understand me" is similar, but more interesting.
>>42472031
>There's another crude joke somewhere
I honestly think any innuendo by the author is unintentional. Remember that in his author's notes, he was describing the first few chapters as "dark", and he explicitly pre-empted any angle towards Twirax shipping when they still barely knew each other.
>I liked the descriptions of the hive
They were nice, even if the hive's general features were taken pretty directly from the show.
>It's all quite creepy, and if not for the tags, I would think this was a rape fic.
I think you're expecting too much from the fic. The author wants to tell a simple story about a changeling learning what friendship is, and he'll presumably introduce it to the rest of the hive later. Neither he nor Twilight make any negative assumptions about the other after their first meeting, which is naive, but that's the tone. Really, giving this story a "T" rating feels like a stretch so far.
>>42472230
>I like this one.
Thought so.
>my least favorite part of the fic so far
That was mine as well. Everything was going perfectly fine, and Twilight was safe from starvation, *and* Thorax had already sworn not to steal again, and he has additional very good practical reasons not to steal again. It definitely smelled like the author prodding the plot forward with artificial conflict.
>it's just for no reason at all
Despite the author discouraging shipping, Thorax does seem at times like he's falling in love.
>Truly a certified plot moment.
Well, I hadn't seen it, but it really tells you everything you need to know, kek.

>>42456389 (OP)
>Aryanne mentioned
Did someone write a new Aryanne fic or something? That'd really activate my almonds

>>42473556
Maybe I'm just a sucker, but I'll engage at least a little.

I stand by my earlier argument that, without knowing something about Pinkie's mental state, it's impossible to conclude with certainty that there's any conflict. It's a reasonable inference that she has internal conflict; most people and ponies would. However, it's something we are imposing on top of the text.

Regarding the first scenario, the other anon's accusation of autism might be the easiest way to make my point: I suspect that someone who was genuinely autistic would not see any conflict. Pinkie's emotions are never explicitly stated. They have to be inferred from what she says, so they're a matter of interpretation. Someone autistic might not draw the same inference you do about what Pinkie is thinking. A very young child also might not. These readers might see merely a sequence of events. So I stand by my assertion that conflict is not built-in to the scenario, even though such a conflict is easy to imagine.

In the second burning cupcake scenario, you say that the conflict is between the reader's sensibilities and Pinkie being an enabler; while that does sound like a conflict, it happens on some meta level where the reader is thought of as a participant in the story. It's not a part of the story itself.

In any case, I think the original point of this discussion has gotten lost. The question was supposed to be the relation between slice-of-life stories and conflict. Pinkie burning cupcakes was originally presented simply as an example of slice-of-life, and conflict (or lack of conflict) wasn't mentioned at all. Whether or not Pinkie burning cupcakes has conflict, I still think it is possible to write a story with no conflict. It'll be a boring story, though. Like this:
>Anon woke up and browsed /mlp/. He watched some episodes. He jacked off to pictures of mares. Finally, he went to sleep.

>>42473764
I'm not actually arguing that there is internal conflict in the first example though. There is potential for one, but as presented it's an external conflict, just one that's immediately resolved.
>I still think it is possible to write a story with no conflict. It'll be a boring story, though.
Yes, I agree with that, but I know some >fluffchads ITT would object.

>>42472255
>this seems like Thorax's fic more than Twilight's
For certain, but the intended conflict seems to be more about him wanting to help Twilight at the expense of the hive (and at betraying his brother, who'd been his only ally). Basically what Rariflag suggests here:
>>42472446
>that slightly more ambitious path
Of what? Thorax wondering if he's even capable/allowed to have friends? The other lings seem to get along just fine; if we do see this path, it'll probably be along the lines of "can a changeling have *pony-style* friends" i.e. who don't haze each other, but I don't see how the story as it's set up could go there.
>burn her cutie mark into the parchment
Twilight's ass isn't that hot and you know it.
>>42472457
>ear movements
These are important ways of making the story more "horsey", though.
>>42472479
>miasmic fog
That was nice; it underscored how the changelings perceive things differently than ponies (despite all of the awkward idioms and irrationally shared culture).

>>42473776
But in your interpretation, what is the conflict between? I can see one participant, Pinkie Pie. But the only opposing force seems to be the fact of burned cupcakes. That's not a conflict because there's no other participant trying to get their way. The only possible conflict I can see in the scenario is an internal conflict of Pinkie's desires versus Pinkie's capabilities (like in a "man versus nature" story).

>>42473806
>>42473764
At what age was your autism diagnosed?

>>42473830
Same as yours.

>>42473830
Excuse you I have crippling ADHD.

>>42473806
>The only possible conflict I can see in the scenario is an internal conflict of Pinkie's desires versus Pinkie's capabilities (like in a "man versus nature" story).
Yes, you can interpret it that way, this is the nature of a lot of external conflict, a person's desires vs their inability to achieve them in reality. This can develop easily into an internal conflict, though I'm not saying there is one in the first example.
Do you think Rainbow Dash trying to stop a hurricane would not be an example of conflict just because the hurricane is not a living entity with agency? Conflict in storytelling should not always be thought of as a strict opposition between two agents. Broadly speaking, it's anything that evokes any kind of struggle in at least one character, a disturbance of the established normalcy, some problem the attempts to solve which become the narrative focus. Maybe that's counter-intuitive to the literal definition of conflict, but art is full of arbitrary terms that only make sense in context (like "antihero" not literally meaning "the opposite of a hero").

>>42473840
>Do you think Rainbow Dash trying to stop a hurricane would not be an example of conflict just because the hurricane is not a living entity with agency?
The way you stated this already implies a conflict. The word "try" indicates that Dash wants to stop the hurricane but might not be able to. So we have a mare versus nature story where Dash's desire might conflict with her abilities. If there's no question about her ability, then the story no longer has even that conflict:
>There was a small cloud in the sky. Rainbow Dash kicked it. It vanished.
If Rainbow Dash versus a hurricane is an external conflict, then I think Rainbow Dash versus small cloud must also be an external conflict. But I don't see a conflict there.
>a disturbance of the established normalcy
This is /mlp/ in a nutshell.

>>42473873
>then I think Rainbow Dash versus small cloud must also be an external conflict. But I don't see a conflict there.
I think it would be a very small-scale, trivial, and easily resolved conflict, but a conflict nonetheless, by virtue of there being an obstacle a character needs to overcome, regardless of how easily they do it. But only as long as there's narrative focus in it. Rainbow Dash kicking a bunch of clouds in the first episode is not a conflict because that's meant to show her off, there's no narrative focus on this being an obstacle. But if it was something like a 5-second animation about Rainbow Dash flying, seeing a small cloud, and destroying it, you could make a case for that being a rudimentary example of conflict.

>>42473935
Then we have different definitions of "conflict". You're willing to say that any obstacle that a character has to overcome is part of a conflict (with, as you say, some provisos like narrative focus). I'm not. In this instance, I'd distinguish conflict from the plot. An obstacle like a small cloud or a hurricane is definitely part of the plot. But because it doesn't have a will, I don't think it can really be said to be an opponent, so I don't think that the obstacle can really be conflict.

We're really arguing definitions at this point, and I don't think there's a clear answer. Conflict is sometimes defined in terms of opposing groups or forces, and that's how I'm thinking of it. But there are senses where it just means "incompatibility", as in "a scheduling conflict" or "the witnesses had conflicting stories". I don't think that's quite the definition you're using, but it seems closer than the definition in terms of opposition.

>>42458299
I'm irresponsibly reading this knowing it's unfinished and will leave me in pain and I don't give a fuck. What a great ride so far too, I'm so excited for the remaining 16 chapters.

>>42472657
rec me some good hurt/comfort fics, I'm in one of those moods where they're like crack to me

>>42473786
>Of what?
Twilight having to cope with how changelings fulfill their dietary requirements. One thing I was hoping for that would've addressed your other complaint was that the rest of the exploration party had been captured by the changelings and were podded. That would answer the other plot hole of what the hell kind of food are they even trying to preserve in the badlands.
The letter saying that the explorers arrived back in Equestria without Twilight dashed all of that, though.

>>42474119
Isn't that basically all of Scootaloo's existence?

>>42474119
Already rec'd last thread >>42441423

>>42471215
>>42471269
Let me know what you think, if you feel like it. This is a recollection from the previous day, which caused Tempest Shadow to have a nightmare:

Tempest sniffed one of the flowers at Daisy’s stand. It smelled delicious. She was about to negotiate a bouquet for her lunch when she heard a loud noise, and yelling.

A pony rushed by as Tempest turned her head to look, and many more were scattering in all directions. Some ponies were frantically sealing their homes, others were hiding in barrels and anything else that would contain them. Tempest realized she was also feeling the loud noise when it happened again, as the ground shook. A basilisk lifted its serpentine head above the houses with a flick of its long tongue, and Tempest was quick to look away before her eyes met its. It had to have come from the Everfree Forest; like the cockatrice, its mere gaze caused magical maladies such as temporary blindness, and it wasn’t hard to see how death could come afterwards in the presence of the monster. Tempest nearly bucked in surprise when she felt something grab her tail and pull. Her head whipped around to see Daisy pulling her. “Daisy, what are you doing? I need to go help!”

Daisy tried to speak, but that was never easy to do with a mouthful of tail, and she spit her out before trying again. “Are you joking, Tempest? Y-You’re not going to do anything against t-that.” Daisy looked in the monster’s direction before averting and then blinking with a pained look on her face; she continued while rubbing her eyes with a hoof and groaning. “That monster would eat you up, both of you!” Daisy pointed at Tempest’s pregnant barrel, or rather she tried but pointed in a slightly different direction. It was only then that Tempest remembered her son, the reason why she hadn’t bucked Daisy by mistake earlier. Tempest wouldn’t be able to maneuver herself around a swift monster at all with a foal in her belly, and then she’d be a pony in a basilisk’s belly in short order.

Begrudgingly, Tempest guided Daisy and other ponies into a nearby home, where they waited powerlessly for somepony else to face the basilisk. Tempest still watched, careful to avoid the basilisk’s gaze, and soon thereafter saw nopony other than Fluttershy gently flying to the scene while carrying in her hooves a weasel, the natural predator of the basilisk. The weasel was wearing a helmet, and she seemed to be speaking encouraging words to it.

Tempest couldn’t see the fight, but heard the cries of the monster, and eventually somepony came to let them know it was safe again.

>>42474171
I once wanted to write a satire of edgelord Shitquestria grimderp fics. And I was planning to make Scootaloo a starving street urchin who survived as a child prostitute. All the stallions in Ponyville were going to fuck her on a regular basis, sometimes paying her just enough to survive, sometimes raping and beating her. Rainbow Dash was going to be her pimp.

But before long, I realized that it wasn't going to work. No matter how dark I made it, it was going to turn someone on. And if you can't distinguish satire from fetish slop, then you haven't written satire. So I gave up. I think you can tell a story where Scootaloo's life is shit, but I think it's hard to make it a good story.

>>42472015
No I am not. Though now that I have finished the fic my opinion of it has improved.

>>42474470
It has to be realistically shit. Her lot in life is to suffer, but not like Rainbow Factory suffer. More like the quiet kid in class who draws at recess and wears old hand me down clothes and doesn't seem to have anyone and kills themselves one day suffering.

The guy who wrote cupcakes is apparently on the board right now
>>42473946

>>42474524
No I'm sargint sprunkles

>>42474500
You just can't pile it on or it just becomes fucking silly, and not in the entertaining way. It's hurt/comfort, not hurt/retard.

>>42474470
>No matter how dark I made it, it was going to turn someone on. And if you can't distinguish satire from fetish slop, then you haven't written satire.
Weak. Some illiterate is always going to miss the point. Don't self-censor for the lowest common denominators.

Someone wants to write the next Shining's Isekai:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/581114/i-took-a-slight-tumble-onto-an-active-roadway-and-got-magically-reincarnated-into-a-different-world-based-upon-the-show-my-little-pony-and-the-game-fallout-in-the-side-fic-of-fallout-equestria-known-as-project-horizons-as-a-stable-99-stallion

>>42474573
huh..crazy cunt actually did it.
well I guess I gotta go read it

>>42474573
Can't wait for ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S to become a regular rec by a schizoanon.

Everyone just kind of wants to torture Scootaloo

>>42474615
I read the one published chapter of ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S. I don't think ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S is destined to be a classic. ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S is tagged as a Dark Comedy, but there's nothing funny. I think ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S is supposed to have jokes, but in ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S, simply making a reference to Fallout or FO:E or PH seems to count as a "joke". Also, ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S suffers from a lot of comma splices. Maybe later chapters of ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S will improve, but I don't have any desire to read more of ITASTOAARAGMRIADWBUTSMLPATGFITSFOFO:EKAPHAAS99S and find out.

>>42474720
what are comma splices?

>>42474615
kek, but like the other one it would probably just become 581114

>>42474470
>>42474566
The real problem with satire like this is: who the fuck is it addressing? The people into this shit are not going to stop consooming it. The people who are going to appreciate the satire probably don't read shit like this in the first place. This is why Shining Isekai is ultimately kind of a pretentious fart at best, and a thinly veiled excuse for the guy to write porn at worst. If you really hate a genre you should try to write a deconstruction, not satire. At least the former will get you engaged in something more intellectually stimulating than just grotesque exaggeration, which is something a child could do.

>>42475161
>t. Has neither read Isekai nor the stuff it's inspired by

>>42475183
>it's not exaggerated, it's all based on real isekai stories... isn't that messed up???
Ok, so? Those shitty isekai are read by brown third world teenagers to cope with their shitty lives. They're not gonna stop consooming slop just because you shamed them for it.

>>42475198
Anon, it's literally written by someone who regularly reads isekai crap like that. There is no deeper purpose or attempt to make people stop reading them. You've constructed a nonsensical idea in your head and are fighting a made up version of reality.

>>42475212
>There is no deeper purpose
So it's slop making fun of slop?

>>42475219
It's good, actually, but you'll never know that because you love talking about things without reading them, and have been mindbroken by American pearl clutching standards into believing anything with sex in it is morally and artistically bad on principle.

>>42475221
You said it had no deeper purpose, not me.
It's a story that casts a typical genre protagonist as the scary inescapable villain and is told from the PoV of what would be a side character in the isekai it claims to lampoon. This clearly implies the intention to make the reader look at genre conventions from a different perspective, and, since it's played for horror, come to the conclusion that it's fucked up. If you disagree with this, what is the real narrative purpose of Celestia's PoV, according to you?
Considering this to be the story's purpose, I am not too impressed by it because the average isekai audience is not going to give a shit about that. They'll just think it's stupid, be into it, or it'll fly over their head altogether. They are not going to think "wow the slop i'm reading is so fucked up, I feel so bad". The purpose is inherently flawed because it's the equivalent of trying to explain to a pigeon why shitting on the street is bad.

Still within 24 hours of the bookclub.

>>42472510
>>42472446
>Using A/Ns for that is poor
My sarcasm didn't come off. I agree, it is extremely poor.
>bugs can have friends, too
With a big boot, definitely.

>>42472592
>acts like Gold Meddle
This is the most hurtful insult I've ever received (no offence, Goldie). For the most part I agree with you, and it's very unlikely the story will go in a darker direction or handle more interesting interpersonal themes. But I'll stand by saying that Twilight is ultimately at Thorax's mercy and can't afford to lose him while he can certainly afford to lose her (in fact, he stands to gain by turning in Twilight). What's more, while we see Thorax's perspective and see that he is genuine, he isn't a pony and doesn't have to conform to pony morality. Changeling kindness may not necessarily be pony kindness. What one may think is a heinous act, he may do with an innocent smile as a part of his nature, and that uncertainty has Twilight in a precarious position.
Obviously this goes against the show and Borax is likely a loyal friend, but regardless, speculation, (mis)interpretations, and differing perspectives are fun to imagine and look back on (more so for multi-week bookclubs).

>they're nice and they keep trading favors
Trading? Like a transaction? (Sorry, a cheap-shot.) But I'm thinking quite darkly of what happens when they run out of things to trade. If they get into an argument, how does that resolve? What does a coward do with power? Flowers and rainbows, always, I'm sure.

>>42472720
>Twilight can also put a hole him him if he ever turns from a friend into a threat
Killing Pharynx's beloved brother is probably not conducive for continued existence, either.

>>42473786
>making the story more "horsey"
But with 109 occurrences of "ear" and "ears"? At least have some variation in the horsiness.

>>42475326
>Borax
Although the Badlands a glorious country, it have a problem, too: economic, social, and Griffon.

>>42475326
>no offence
None taken, and I agree moral relativism applies here.
>>42475331
I'll take "Outdoing Runic" for $1,111:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/161410/borats-adventure-in-equestria

>>42475248
The purpose is being a good story but you're too caught up in political discourse telling you the worth of writing is in its real life implications instead of the quality of the work itself to appreciate art. Xitter is that way.

>>42474739
I hope some record of this place survives long enough to be anylized by historians.

>>42474470
For me it's simple.
>Rainbow Dash is her pimp
Easily distinguishable contrived grimderp. The author venting about his pet peeves? Good for him and his mental health, but not my problem. Mission accomplished: wouldn't read.
>Rainbow Dash tries to look the other way
Hot as fuck, immediate cult classic.

>>42474663
I've noticed that. I mean there are more scootaloo torture fics than rape fics. Kinda worrying

>>42475374
Rainbow doesn't question where Scootaloo learned to eat her pussy so good, or why Rarity knows and teases her about it.

>>42475374
RD being her pimp is way hotter. The other one is the darker option.

>>42474470
>No matter how dark I made it, it was going to turn someone on.
Hello, it's me, your nemesis.

>>42475375
Even our resident scootafag apparently is going to shoot her leg off

>>42475619
>shoot leg off
They’re gonna do that to me one day.

What's your mother's cousin called? Trying to figure out what Swibble and DT are to each other.

>>42475783
First cousin once removed.

>>42475783
Sub and dom.

>>42475820
That I already knew.

>>42471250
After deciding to read the anon fic “a dubious welcome” I’ve changed my mind again about the quality of this fic and of chaotic neutral. I have been reading good fics for to long. I’ve forgotten what REAL mediocrity by fimfic standards is like. At least it started off decently.

Twilight’s world a tally has a precise that is very similar to it; twilight accidentally teleports herself to earth, almost dies, is saved by a human, friends on the other side trying to rescue her, twilight gets close to the human, twilight learns about our world. And twilights world better executed upon the premise in basically every way. Shame it was never finished.

>>42475783
Margaret, why do you ask?

>>42475869
I needed a pseudonym for my humanised femdom fic.

how do you justify alicorn characters anon?

>>42475998
Two is all you need.

>>42475783
They'd just be cousins, since that's her mom's sisters daughter

>>42476005
That's what the paperwork says.

>>42475792
At which point is it okay to marry them?
Asking for a cousin.

>>42476016
I think third cousins?

>>42475374
The most in-character option at that point is that RD is also a sex slave. Pimp makes no sense, and she once tried to jump Nightmare Moon at a moment's notice when her nebulous religious icon was assumed missing.

>>42476016
To my limited knowledge third cousins. At that point people are genetically different enough for children to not potentially be fucked up.

>>42475338
>The purpose is being a good story
That's not what I asked. You're avoiding answering the question about the purpose of framing the story the way it is because my assertion is correct and admitting it would hurt your argument.
>instead of the quality of the work itself to appreciate art.
You can call it that, I'd rather call it intellectual masturbation. I would have more respect if it at least bothered to disguise itself as a regular isekai story to attract that crowd and then pull the rug from under their feet. But as is, it's hollow screams of outrage aimed at no one.

Are there any greens featuring Twilights massive marecock?

>>42476110
We serve food here, sir.

>>42476122
food like Twi's ponut in my face while I jerk her marecock?

>>42476122
And Twilight's fat meat rod doesn't count?

>>42476122
Sucking on Twilight's marecock is better than food

>>42476070
If anything, Dash would be trying to get used the most to ease Scoots's load, and play it off as trying to be the number one sex slave.

>>42476141
If anything she'd TRY to stop it but because she's always the character that gets beat up she just gets pushed aside. Then her friends would tell her some bullshit advice about how Scootaloo needs to be free to explore herself.

>>42476105
Xitter is that way.

>>42476110
there are not many good fics with hyper dong futa twilights.

>>42476155
Wrong, she would win and save the day.

>>42476357
Look you can rescue the filly from her abusive pimp and MAYBE you can kill like, twenty racists tops. But it's like Vietnam. She'll never really be home.

>>42476405
Why did it autocorrect to racists from rapists.

>>42476110
her marecock is small. Stop spreading misinformation.

>>42476405
>Scoots needs Rainbow to rape her to cope with her trauma

>>42476496
It's not our fault she's fate's punching bag.

>>42476498
Your face is my punching bag.

I remember as a boy that my dad would always refer to diarrhea as "the scoots". It's really all I can think about during the foal episodes..

Futaloo get!

>>42476529
Wanna know something REAL fucked up?

It's Scoot, not Scoots.

>>42476571
Same, but I'm not changing it now.

>>42476571
I wasn't aware the show ever shortened her name at all, I just assumed it was a fan thing to call her scoot/scoots. Huh.

>>42476615
Most of the nicknames Dash gives her are in the show, but I think people seized on Scoots versus Scoot because it's like calling Celestia Tia. It just flows better in your mind. Expanded Horse Lore is fucking wild.

>>42476630
>Tia
>not Celly
I thought we'd exterminated your kind already. Hold still.

>>42476640
Celly is shit. It's one step above CeCe.

It ARRIVED

>>42476704
Cute kot.

>>42476698
Whores have sex, friend.

>>42476704
Speaking of which, should someone order a spare copy to bring at Galacon for the charity auction and get it signed by the featured writers who'll be there?

>>42476731
Not necessarily. You can legally be a lawyer and never be hired, I think.

>>42476734
Gonna have to be someone else, I'm afraid.

>>42476630
milf gilda real

>>42476790
So, do griffons lay eggs or give live birth?

>>42476734
That could work at Mare Fair. That would be pretty neat, actually. Hey printFag, what do you think of contributing a signed copy for the charity auction?

>>42476807
Back half is a lion, innit

>>42476822
>he doesn't know about lion eggs

>>42476640
Celly is better than Tia because of the nickname Celly belly.

>>42476852
Do you have a reason that isn't a fetish reason

>>42476852
Wood

>>42476630
Gilda has a daughter?

>>42476857
Yes, but nothing so strong.

>>42476884
Apparently

>thought i was getting sick of horsewords
>turns out it was just fics that weren't very good

What’s the most insane deranged thing you’ve read in a fanfic?

>>42477183
I once read about two ponies holding hooves.

>clop fic
>pussy juice tastes different depending on the mare’s color scheme

>>42477027
This, plus similar thoughts about the show itself but that's just because I'm slogging through season 6 (I stopped at 5 as a kid). I'd burned through most of the best-looking fics on my short/one-shot readlist, so I finally broke into the longer readlist. This one was one of the shortest on it at 25k words, but it managed to fill my afternoon between chores.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/446354/circles
A horrorfic where Luna opens up to Celestia about how something was up there with her during her time on the moon. Celestia suspects that her sister isn't bringing it up for no reason...

I quite liked the atmosphere/intrigue here, as well as the way Luna was written. The way she went back and forth between certain mannerisms in the flashback portions (such as whether she called herself Luna or Nightmare Moon) felt intentional and like it did a well enough job illustrating a certain level of mental instability in the mare (especially since that was actually relevant to Luna's retelling), and all the NMM angst gives a certain line later on more weight. Other little narration quirks like sentences running on as characters get more frantic could've easily been annoying but I felt were pulled off well.

Not much I have to say about the plot without spoiling it but I enjoyed the twists near the end.

>>42476704
I was gonna be upset if you got yours today and I didn't, but then I got mine. I'll put it in my bookbox__ right next to CiG's Completely Safe Stories

>>42476704
What story was your cat's favorite?

>>42477543
Cats can’t read silly

>>42474897
A comma splice is when you don't form a correct complex sentence, the independent clauses are just bolted together without the conjunction connecting them. It's a type of run-on sentence.

>>42475998
I only use the ones from the show. An "alicorn country" has that "Why doesn't the advanced alien species help?" problem that leads either to a final solution or prime directive shit, and an "alicorn pantheon" just gets too autistic too quickly.

>>42477183
Twilight being called a faggot, then going on a psycho lesbian rampage around Ponyville, culminating in skinning Pinkie alive and her viscera collapsing into a bloody pile. Don't ask for a link, because I can't find it. It was a shitty oneshot posted back in 2012.

>>42477899
>Why doesn't the advanced alien species help?
Cause they all are dead, Emberian style.

>>42472411
>Doubly so given the average slop tolerance Yugi fans have built in.
I really think that the series was, until VRAINS, much above average for a shounen anime.

>>42477724
That's why you read /to/ them, silly.

>>42477027
Same, sometimes I read a bunch of bad fics in quick succession and it kills my drive for horsewords for the next month

>>42477947
Wrong.

>>42475792
Why the fuck can a "1st cousin once removed" be either old enough to be my parent or young enough to be my kid? This is bullshit!

>>42476852
Right. I had no dog in this fight, but Tia it is.

>>42478460
If you don’t like it then invent a new relative categorization system.

>>42475863
>Twilight’s world a tally has a precise
Did I have a stroke while writing this?

Well I finished https://www.fimfiction.net/story/539441/a-dubious-welcome and it was better than a lot of anon shit out there though still an anon fic. The pacing was actually pretty good.

>>42477724
You're just looking at the wrong color cats.

>>42477899
>A comma splice is when you don't form a correct complex sentence, the independent clauses are just bolted together
Half of my rewrites are because i keep doing this to myself

>>42478460
Because it's designed to be symmetrical. If you're someone's cousin, they're your cousin. If you're someone first cousin once removed, they are your first cousin once removed. In this case, if someone is your parent's cousin, you are their cousin's child, and vice versa, and "first cousins once removed" is the descriptor for the relationship between you two.

>>42478538
You do it to yourself, that's what really hurts.

>>42478468
They really weren't lying, Ohio really is that bad.

>remember that I read several starscribe stories and try to remember the plots.
>that bad feeling I get from starscribe stories comes back that I cannot find a word for.

>>42478950
What sets off that feeling

>>42478865
Ohio sends authors to the worst places.

>>42478982
That's not Ohio. That is, may YHWH forgive me for uttering this word, France.

>>42478995
France is the Shire?

>>42478953
Every time I try to describe it to myself it’s never quite right. My description here still isn’t right.
It’s something about the worlds they write that I reject on a primal level. That I hate and would rather face death than live in such a world. The human characters always seem to lose their humanity and individual human souls, being subsumed into something bigger. And not writing the story as if it is an explicitly bad thing. Implying that things are good or better like that, or at least that some characters in the story think to. I have never gotten the same vibe from other stories with transformation. It’s an undertone that’s always there warping the way all the characters behave even when the writing doesn’t explicitly say anything about it. It’s like a shit test. It’s a feeling I really hate, it’s like a spirit that haunts me. There are a bunch of moments in the stories I read that stand out in regards to this feeling.
Maybe I’m just a schizo that needs to take his meds.

>>42478553
That makes sense and I hate it.

>>42478588
One of the most hurtful but true critiques I've heard of my writing was that while my characters were great and the story and plot were well executed, the overall presentation was hampered by my poor sentance structure and fundamental grammar issues. It meant that I'd have to put alot more effort into my work to make it good which I do want to do. Writers don't get enough credit

>>42479026
So, like the epilogue of Fine Print where it's "teehee you wouldn't survive in human world anymore anyway because MAGIC also it was a bet between discord and cadance because that's totally a twist and not a way to undermine the whole story"?

>>42479037
>sentance
>alot

>>42479037
I feel like that's an easy issue to fix if you aren't against using programs like quillbot or grammarly or prowriteaid.

>>42479038
No that’s not quite it. A bit it but also not. It’s a really schizo feeling. It’s spread throughout. Like a frequency combined with a bunch of others. It has peaks and troughs in its intensity throughout the story but it’s always there even if other frequencies are louder at times. It’s the way characters behave throughout the whole story.

>>42479026
It's called "the writing is rushed so the characters are sacrificed for the plot".

>>42479066
That's how it goes when you're paid by the word.

>>42479037
You know that there's this thing when you type that underlines all those big words you're spelling wrongwise, right?

>>42479026
>>42479069
All of the Starscribe stories I've read followed the exact same formula of continuing to expand the setting and the plot seemingly without any consideration for the story's length, until a sudden and very obvious point where he switched into the "time to wrap this up" mode and rushed out the ending. The remaining chapters abandon all of the side plots and focus solely on getting some kind of (usually poor) resolution. Conflicts disappear, mysteries get solved on their own, and the Big Thing at the end turns out to be simple, after all. In this mad dash Starscribe discards or tramples on any parts of the story that were clearly going to be essential but have not reached that point yet.
I'm not familiar with the details of how his patreon works, so I can't say if it's caused by money or him losing interest, but this pattern has been really easy to spot. They're never really bad fics, either; he has cool ideas and knows how to write in a way that efficiently captures the readers' interest. But I'm not especially looking forward to the next fic of his that I get baited into starting.

>>42479092
So he doesn't plan his stories.

>>42479092
>a sudden and very obvious point where he switched into the "time to wrap this up" mode and rushed out the ending
he just like me fr

>>42479061
I might have to end up using one of those just to make my life easier. I suck at proofreading

>>42479096
planning your story is for pussies

>>42479121
Bro just come up with an ending whenever you get to whatever shit you wanted to write it's not that hard to just finish a character arc

>>42479096
He does plan them. Many elements are foreshadowed dozens of chapters in advance, and he's a decent enough writer to know that he should plan his fics. He occasionally talks about those plans in A/Ns. Even when rushing the ending, he still tries to at least mention all of the plot points that /should/ have led to this ending.
But whether it's due to a fading engagement (for himself or the readers) or simply just the money running out, he soft-drops all his fics the instant he decides they're no longer worth writing.

>>42479127
So I am sure all your stories have finished up conclusively, huh?

>>42479136
I only write one-shots, so yes.

Fics that have no business being as good as they are?

>>42479375
LIAL

>>42479375
RaF in the sense that it might actually be one of the best novels within the Cthulhu Mythos.

>>42478950
>chad stacks have all the spines facing inward so you need to play jenga every time you want to browse your collection
Kino.
The Starscribe Special, IMO, is the sinking feeling of having a great premise and setting gradually squandered by a clear lack of planning. The pacing starts out strong, and the characters are set on an interesting path towards some distant objective. The story continues to develop at a good pace over the first few chapters, slowly increasing in scope. Later, despite some hiccups and retcons, you hold out hope that the characters will make some satisfying progress towards their goal. The plot continues to sprawl, always developing but never nearing a resolution. Finally, once Starscribe loses interest i.e. once the patron stops feeding him money to continue, the story has its throat slashed and rapidly bleeds out over the course of ~3k words of a pitiful excuse of a "conclusion".

>>42479945
>>42479130
He'll definitely foreshadow stuff far in advance and isn't afraid to let plot threads simmer in the background, but that smacks more of "leaving room for the story to expand" (if he's still getting money/attention) than having an idea of how everything will eventually get wrapped up. It's like having "plans" plural vs. "a plan" singular for the whole story.

>>42478950
Starscribe once ran a story where every chapter ended with a vote, with each option having a percent chance of succeeding chosen by a random number generator.
It felt identically structured to all his other stories. Despite essentially being randomly generated

>>42476808
>a signed copy for the charity auction
That could be cool. I'm only selling on Friday, but any authors who are at Mare Fair and want to sign a charity copy can come by the vendor hall then.

>>42480076
Hell yeah. Figure out where we're going to sign in the meantime, and with what, I guess.

>>42479975
So in other words he does the same shit Andrew Hussie does where he introduces plot elements, keeps track of them, then picks and chooses which to pursue off the seat of his pants and it makes people think like he planned it.

>>42480188
This but he's bad at it.

Looking for two fics I don't know the name of, figured here was a good place to ask.

The first:
>read it on eqd as a kid, probably 2013–2014
>something about some sort of evil(but maybe not "evil" evil) entity escaping from containment and possessing some stallion, I think his dad was one of the guards who failed to keep it contained
>doesn't feature canon characters much at all but there's a scene where possessed protag kills twilight's favorite professor or something and hides the body before she shows up to visit him
>only other scene I remember is something about the evil spirit thing being hungry for meat and forcing the protag to order meat at a griffon restaurant, which he said tastes like cardboard and all the griffons are staring awkwardly at the pony eating meat
I don't remember the overall plot other than whatever was possessing protag was less "muahahaha" and more "well guess you're stuck with me dickhead, get used to it", and it definitely wasn't finished back when I read it. I don't remember enough about it to know if I'd even like it now, and back then I was mildly interested in a "well, it's something to read" sort of way, so it's no real loss if nobody remembers it; I'm mostly just curious what it was.

The second was a fic that a friend told me the premise of but never the name (I tried asking once or twice but he didn't remember or never went back to check or something), but it was about some stereotypical gary stu stallion showing up and all the mane 6 love him and everything revolves around him, except the fic follows Discord who seems to be the only character completely immune to whatever special snowflake OC bullshit is going on. Sounded interesting.

>>42480496
No idea about the first one, but the second one sounds like Not The Hero.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/217108/not-the-hero

A story where Linky is always called stinky so she accepts it and becomes a superhero with, you guessed it, gassy superpowers

>>42480531
Go back to the sharty and post your coal there basedteen.

>>42480531
Kys Zuken

>>42480531
A story where some ponies beat this guy to death with a sack of hammers.

>>42479189
Minor league

>>42480621
And then beat all the scootabusers too

>>42480859
And then they beat Scootaloo.

>>42479026
No... I think you're on to something.

>>42480621
"Okay, okay. Let's kill this guy. Let's beat him to death with hammers." - Sunset Shimmer

>>42480899
...off

>>42481402
I beat that the other day actually.

>>42481506
You beat the new remake like the bandwagoner you are.

>>42481564
Yeah, anon, I beat the original years ago.

>>42481581
Sure thing.

>>42481650
I literally have the conversation logs of me helping with the local fan translation.

>>42480859
There's too many of those and not enough hammers.

>>42481795
She deserves it for being a rainbow dash fan

>>42481795
You mean there's more than 40'000 scootabusers?

>>42481977
Look how popular rainbow factory is

>>42481977
It's so popular they canonized her having abusive parents.

>>42481993
That's toxic yuri.

>>42481215
>clear and obvious genital area
Even the faint crease on the paper looks like a slit and a clit

>>42482019
Toxic yuri can be abusive, look at Trixie.

>>42482380
It's not yuri if there's a guy involved in the throuple.

Bread, plox.

>>42482411
Sunburst doesn't count, he's an unwilling participant.

>>42482428
>unwilling
He may be a bit of a fag but not enough to turn down ffm threesomes.

>>42482464
The Crystal Swingers keep him on a tight leash.

Who baking

>>42482511
Pinkie Pie

HOLY SHIT THE THREAD IS ABOUT TO DIE

>>42482979
There will not be another. See you never, space cowpony.

What would each pony's fetch modus be?

>>42482979
Why would you go on the internet and tell lies?

Alright, I'm on it.

>>42482370
Yeah, but that's too long a filename so I just call it lewdna in a forest and _s for smaller because the original is 5MB.

>>42483166
Nice

>>42483166
Mine's ready to go when this one 404s, and has all of the changes from >>42456596

Do not believe his lies.

>>42483187
>>42483187
>>42483187
>>42483187

>>42483184
Should've had the thread up in time.