Following the world's most pathetic incubus in,
>/FSBC/

Was there ever a more "eh, it's OK" story than this? I cannot think of any. I don't think it'd be an exaggeration to say that almost every aspect of this fic lies somewhere between 4/10 and 6/10 on a 1-10 scale. Well, no—it gets bonus points for show compatibility. The one good thing about this story is that it is very close to FiM's setting and not too far in tone, either. But even that is not a clear win, as the tone of the story in the first few chapters oscillates wildly, and the fic only clarifies what it wants to read like somewhere ~25% into the story.
I know some will say the writing is bad, but what happened is that we've just had a few above-average stories in a row. This fic's words are not great, maybe not even good, but they are adequate, and the errors are not so common as to make it distracting. They are mainly typos, wrong punctuation, and capitalization errors—none of which are too awful. Some words and idioms are used in spots that don't seem right to me, which felt worse, but it's still not that common. The light-ish tone of the fic helps a lot there. Even though I'm not loving the fic so far, reading it wasn't a chore.

Then there's the matter that the fic is usually consistent. Only 'usually', and even without reading the comments, every other chapter has a very visible "time to explain/retcon small error from the last chapter that the commenters pointed out". Please don't do that. Thorax and Twilight are OK. It is probably difficult to write Thorax in a way that would be impressive while keeping him in-character, but no such excuses exist for Twilight, and her depowered, helpless state is too much. Uncharacteristically unprepared, too. Yes, yes, she's written like that for Thorax to look better, but that is not an elegant solution. This is much worse than what Voltaire's fic did to Celestia. Oh, and several scenes have a "but somehow, he just knew that wasn't true" moment that smells of very blunt steering of the plot. And if I had to guess, this Thorax feels a little self-insert'y as well.

To its credit, the fic doesn't waste your time. Each chapter sets out to achieve something and does that in relatively few words. There are exceptions—such as Twilight explaining in detail the characters of all her friends and Spike as well—but it does okay++ on that front. Am I impressed by the fic? No, not at all. But I acknowledge that I prefer when stories at least try to do something great, even if they have to fail at that. This one doesn't do that. Doesn't try, I mean, but also doesn't fail. Maybe the second half will make more of an impression.

Next week, we're finishing the fic.
[Voting]
Recycling some ideas. Suggestions are always welcome!
fimfiction.net/story/57463/twilight-sparkle-night-shift
fimfiction.net/story/375944/one-white-unicorn
fimfiction.net/story/57956/integration
fimfiction.net/story/434003/the-archetypist
fimfiction.net/story/519321/sorry-we-missed-you