>>42472255
>this seems like Thorax's fic more than Twilight's
For certain, but the intended conflict seems to be more about him wanting to help Twilight at the expense of the hive (and at betraying his brother, who'd been his only ally). Basically what Rariflag suggests here:
>>42472446
>that slightly more ambitious path
Of what? Thorax wondering if he's even capable/allowed to have friends? The other lings seem to get along just fine; if we do see this path, it'll probably be along the lines of "can a changeling have *pony-style* friends" i.e. who don't haze each other, but I don't see how the story as it's set up could go there.
>burn her cutie mark into the parchment
Twilight's ass isn't that hot and you know it.
>>42472457
>ear movements
These are important ways of making the story more "horsey", though.
>>42472479
>miasmic fog
That was nice; it underscored how the changelings perceive things differently than ponies (despite all of the awkward idioms and irrationally shared culture).