>>64122313
>be bouncer
>watch two guys get into yap fest in the parking lot
>guy A barely gets shoved and immediately goes onto his back into a rearguard
>guy B holds up his hands confused
>guy A starts kicking at guy B's ankles
>guy C,D,E,F run up and start kicking the shit out of guy A
>guy A looks like Sissy Spacek at the end of Carrie by the time we break everything up
>guy A starts sobbing and hugs me
>mfw next few weeks waiting for every blood test to come back negative

Lesson: Stay on your feet in an uncontrolled environment and don't touch stanger blood

>be at festival on friday with gf
>queue up for shithouse and gf gets to go first
>some girl comes up behind me minute later
>runs her hand down my lat and says "hey I'll go after you"
>reply with "uhh sure thing"
>don't even turn my head to see how she looked
>go take nastiest turd sponsored by the festival's vegan hotdogs I had earlier