Pregnant but I don't want it atm. I dislike kids, I can't help but feel no affection when one smiles at me, touches or hugs me, even if related by blood. Can't abort without destroying my relationship. I'm open to having a kid, but in about 2 years when we're at least settled in our own home we've been working hard for. I know I'll never be ready but at least I will have my own space and privacy.

I feel like I won't be able to control the negative emotions being poured into this pregnancy and it is unfair to the kid. Everyone is pressuring me into having one asap because I'm 34 but I personally know plenty of women who've had kids later, my cousin is 44 and had one perfectly healthy. I'm aware of the potential risks with advanced age and I accept the possibility I may never have one in the end.

This is very stressful, I'm supposedly somewhere between 6-7 weeks, hormone levels ok but no visible embryo or heartbeat on ultrasound. Have another one scheduled for next week but I'm going nuts until then. I'm praying it won't turn out viable, but if it does, how do I cope? Is there anything I can do to up the chances of it being naturally rejected by the body (I'm scared of just doing damage while pregnancy continues)?