Thread 33456596

Pregnant but I don't want it atm. I dislike kids, I can't help but feel no affection when one smiles at me, touches or hugs me, even if related by blood. Can't abort without destroying my relationship. I'm open to having a kid, but in about 2 years when we're at least settled in our own home we've been working hard for. I know I'll never be ready but at least I will have my own space and privacy.

I feel like I won't be able to control the negative emotions being poured into this pregnancy and it is unfair to the kid. Everyone is pressuring me into having one asap because I'm 34 but I personally know plenty of women who've had kids later, my cousin is 44 and had one perfectly healthy. I'm aware of the potential risks with advanced age and I accept the possibility I may never have one in the end.

This is very stressful, I'm supposedly somewhere between 6-7 weeks, hormone levels ok but no visible embryo or heartbeat on ultrasound. Have another one scheduled for next week but I'm going nuts until then. I'm praying it won't turn out viable, but if it does, how do I cope? Is there anything I can do to up the chances of it being naturally rejected by the body (I'm scared of just doing damage while pregnancy continues)?

>>33456596 (OP)
Learn to take accountability.
You commited an act in which the potential for a human being was created, it's a human life and if you only care about your own satistfaction while having no regrets for your actions you're a terrible person. Simple as. The fact that you secretly hope that this potential for a human being terminates shows that you have no accountability nor any humility, only satisfaction is your end goal.
Sometimes we all have to bite the bullet and get on with life, if you have no experience with this, you're spoiled. Nobody will live forever, why do you even care if you stay in shape for the next couple of years, nothing you do will prevent you from avoiding death, life is limited. Bringing another life into this world is probably the most wonderful thing a human being can experience, and hopefully you learn that.

>>33456596 (OP)
You have to lead the target with kids because by the time you are ready, it is too late. People that love children should have less of them. They are young humans and should be taught to act as such. Not treated as a plaything nor status symbol. Who cares about precious life and birth defects? Feelings got you here. Try out logic, while your hormones are developing. Having a baby sooner is like doing anything else sooner. The sooner the better for any adult who can manage finances with simple math you have known since seven years of age. Secret is that kids are cheap AF and you can even profit from them. You are being a puss about decisiveness so instead, get to acceptance. Enjoy.

>>33456596 (OP)
Does he know you're pregnant? If not, then having it aborted and not telling him is definitely the way to go. If he knows, then get an abortion pill without telling him, and claim you miscarried.

>>33456596 (OP)
Why do you want to murder your baby, I don't understand

Keep the kid. If you still feel nothing after delivery, either destroy your life and marriage by giving the child to your husband and leaving, or take responsibility and raise the child as well as you can.

>>33456596 (OP)
didn't know trannys could get pregnant

>>33456596 (OP)
Look, everyone feels like this. Having a kid is nothing to fear. It's the best thing life has to offer. I promise.
I liked it so much after I had my daughter at 37 that i had a son a year and a half later and my lady is fucking nuts. I'm unsupported and really like my alone time and sleep. I get none of either now. It's actually really blessed. You don't understand love really until you have a kid. Not loving or being loved. And your body will seriously be fine. My wife didn't rip, shit herself, or gain any stretch marks. Breast feeding is optional. Make your own formula from half and half and kefer and liquid folate and go ham. There is literally no downside to becoming a parent the same way there is no downside to leveling up speech craft in skyrim. Be brave.

This is a male-dominated website and most of the replies to your post will reflect that, so keep that in mind. None of the anons calling you a “terrible person” or talking about how “amazing” having a kid is had their entire body stretched and changed and then had to take on the brunt of the work (also see r/regretfulparents, inb4 “no one regrets kids”). If your bf wants you to sacrifice your physical and mental health for him, being permanently chained to him is a bad idea.
You don’t want kids. You clearly don’t enjoy being around kids. This is your life. Don’t force yourself to do this.

>>33458186
It doesn't have a heartbeat yet. I'm only postponing the baby

>>33457118
He knows but he also knows it's really difficult for us know because we're entrenched in some stuff and don't really have the space or time for a baby. But for some reason would still go ahead with it

>>33461455
>It doesn't have a heartbeat yet. I'm only postponing the baby
>But for some reason would still go ahead with it
Because he wants his child to live, whereas you don't even see it as a living being. "People" like you should never have kids at all. You're absolute scum.

>>33459808
>If your bf wants you to sacrifice your physical and mental health for him, being permanently chained to him is a bad idea.
I understand that. I fear biology might never kick in for me even after actually having a kid but I'm still betting it on that. I'm curious about a kid of my own just not now.

I don't want to break up with my bf his flaw is that he is overly optimistic in anything (while I'm overly pessimistic lol). We're almost at the final stage wherein we are finally building a house and that is really pivotal to how convenient, easy or comfortable and safe (from multiple povs) would be for us to raise a kid but it will take just a couple of years more to accomplish it.

I'm open to having a child I just don't understand why he would fixate on it now just because. I guess he's a bit immersed into the conservative thinking that you should have kids asap, that bad things happen if you wait past a certain age, that we're both retarded and selfish and we'll need help from grandparents who are ageing fast etc.

But yeah, aside from the comfort aspect, I've been slacking on mentally preparing myself which as a reclusive, introverted and low social energy person I need to do before starting this journey. I feel like he sometimes does not understand or want to accept the intensity of this personal reality, because he's always been the opposite of me (social, affectionate and available for loved ones)

>>33461466
I'm sorry but without a heartbeat he's not a living being yet. Or are you suggesting otherwise? That people or animals whose hearts are not beating are alive?

Strange how psychotic some people get about this aspect just to defend their pov.

>>33459808
>You don’t want kids. You clearly don’t enjoy being around kids. This is your life. Don’t force yourself to do this.

Fucking narcissistic shit. You forget that the actions you and OP do will always affect others. It's unavoidable. You cannot just do whatever you want, life demands accountability and responsibility from adults.

>>33461494
>>>33461466 #
I'm sorry but without a heartbeat he's not a living being yet. Or are you suggesting otherwise? That people or animals whose hearts are not beating are alive?

I'm going to find the nearest nest of rare bald American eagle eggs and smash them to pieces with a lead pipe. Those eggs don't have heartbeats, so they're not viable. They're not eagles.

Ah shit I can't because if I do, I get a prison sentence under federal law. But hey at least we can do it to humans without any consequences.

>>33461455
>He knows
Well, then, have an abortion by pill and tell him it was a miscarriage. It's your body, not his; legally and morally you get to choose whether you want to be pregnant or not. Ideally he ought to know; but ultimately, if he can't handle the truth, that's not your problem.

>>33461532
Is thi supposed to be an argument that an embryo without a heartbeat (btw, in my case, the embryo isn't even visible and the doctor is suspecting it blighted ovum), is a living being?

>>33461532
There are quite a number of animals that are manifestly alive but do not have hearts. The definition of life is cellular respiration, not blood circulation.

>>33461537
It is her problem. Because the she will have to fake being wounded and sad from a miscarriage. She will then have to spend energy into maintaining a lie to her man, and her parents, and his parents and anyone who knows about the baby. She will probably also have to lie to doctors too, because no doubt those concerned will want her checked out at a doctor for any complications of the fake 'miscarriage'.

And they will check. Especially if they think the miscarriage happened due to an ectopic pregnancy, which can be fatal for the woman. And then the doctors will figure out very quickly she aborted.

Stop telling others to be contemptible liars you fucking snake. You'll ruin OP's life if she listens to you. But I guess that won't be 'your problem'.

>>33456596 (OP)
Don't count your chickens until they hatch, anon. You may still miscarry, but I don't think you'll actually want that. My niece was unwanted when my sister first became pregnant, and abortion was considered, but after she was born things just kind of worked out. You're going to be losing a lot more than a chance at a child if you have an abortion. You said it yourself, this will destroy your relationship, and having to start over in your 30s, sucks. I'm the same age, and I started over when I was 27. I can't imagine starting now without having the experience of the modern dating market, much less trying to pick someone to have my kids. You're going to be fine, and you will always be thinking of the next financial goal if you think the way you're thinking. Before you know it, you'll be in your 50s, still chasing dollars and with no kids. I'm not telling you how you should do things, but you have to remember that you're going to have a partner in this. That it's not just you, and that you're adding to your family in the best way possible. I understand it's hard, but I recommend talking to your husband about it first. This is the kind of thing you have to decide together. I'm not saying to show deference to what he thinks, but it isn't something you should decide unilaterally. I wish you, your husband, and your potential child well, whatever you decide.

>>33461522
>You cannot just do whatever you want
You literally can. You shouldn’t live life to please others.

>>33461540
>Is this supposed to be an argument that an embryo without a heartbeat (btw, in my case, the embryo isn't even visible and the doctor is suspecting it blighted ovum), is a living being?

It's a statement of causality. Your child is 7 weeks. It's skull and brain is already forming, it has a head and a rudimentary body. It already developed a functioning heart valve a week ago. It's already pumping blood. It's just so small it won't be seen by ultrasound until week 12.

I am saying if you give it four more Sundays, you will see it's heartbeat. But it's developing heart is already there, femanon. Just because you cannot perceive it doesn't mean it does not exist.

You have a child inside of your womb that is growing every single day. And just because it's not 12 weeks right now does not mean it won't be. Because time passes, and reality says that life in your womb WILL be a human being capable of thought and feeling, because it is a human. It's not an acorn, it's not a bird egg, it's a human life inside of you that's already developing it's neurology in its tiny 7 week brain.

Understand that.

>>33461579
>You literally can. You shouldn’t live life to please others
Nor should you live life to lie and deceive others whenever its convenient for (you).

>>33456596 (OP)
>I'm praying it won't turn out viable
Praying the kid turns ou bad? I hope God gives you cancer, but only after you have the kid.

>>33461602
>Continued
Also, please understand this: I understand you, OP. Your feelings of fear anxiety, regret, all of it is understandable even your dislike for kids. Because you aren't alone in that, even parents who want kids understand it.

I don't like kids either. Neither does my wife. Why? Because they're not our kids. Just at work today we got a kid volunteering to work alongside us, 13 year old. Annoying little shit. He means well, I can tell he is a good kid I still don't like him. Because he smells bad and he is annoying and interrupts adults and constantly nips at my heels for validation or to be given a task. It's a pain in the ass and I pretend to like him just because I know he is a kid and I'm the adult. I know how sensitive his little feelings are, and how stronger mine are. I tolerate kids.

But my kids are my kids. And I love them. So does my wife and she had the same thoughts as you during first pregnancy. She even called the fetus a 'parasite'. She was blunt as fuck because that's who she is. Honest to a fault, blunt in speech, a true female sperg.

What she was really saying is she is scared, uncertain, and anxious. That's all. And that's normal. She grew to love the kid after the delivery.

You won't love it until then either. It's a common as fuck thing for a mother to hate her body changes and hate the life in her womb and hate the painful delivery, only for it all to wash away and feel resplendent love for the child on the day it exits the womb. So much love it's almost as if all the bad shit before didn't exist.

That will be you. Give yourself time and patience.

>>33461610
Nobody said OP has to lie. Maybe her boyfriend knows she does not want it yet.

For these anons it's either living life for others convenience or pleasure or being a narcissistic scum who lives for their own convenience and pleasure. How about somewhere in the middle? You don't have to do everything for others or everything for your pleasure, everyone has the right to measure that and act accordingly.

>>33461797
>Why? Because they're not our kids.
r/regretfulparents
>>33461811
Exactly. There’s never any nuance.

>>33461811
>Nobody said OP has to lie. Maybe her boyfriend knows she does not want it yet.
Nobody said it because it doesn't need said, it goes without saying. That's the obvious steps required after faking a miscarriage. People connected to that event will be affected, cognitively or emotionally or both. And they will want to know what the fuck is happening or what happened. And OP will be put in a position where she has to lie.

>>33461827
>r/regretfulparents
You keep citing that like a rosary, it means nothing. Regret is just an emotions. Every emotion has an expiry date good and bad. That's life. Regret doesn't mean you sabotage your entire life on a whim. If you think that is logical, then please get a diagnosis for whatever personality disorder it is you have.

>>33461602
>>33461797
My doctor said there should be some visible sign something is there but the sack was empty. Anyway yeah I guess stuff might pop up after just a week

I appreciate your thoughtful response and it's actually make me feel bad about the whole thing lol. Why is it so tragic that I'm postponing it for when I at least have some space where I can keep him comfortably and put him in a bed? As much as I dislike having kids I'm still up for it, out of curiosity at least, for my bf who wants one, just a bit later? Yeah you are never ready, there's always something else to achieve but I'm not thriving as a non-mother at the moment much less with 10x more responsibility on my shoulders. Neither me or my bf would have time or space and I don't want to be that person who leaves the child at my MIL's door to raise for 2 years.

If I am going to do this I want to have some connection, be in control of it as much as I can, and I'm not in the mental space to do that. When I saw the positive tests I literally had a mental breakdown and was bedridden for 2 days. What kind of thoughts and feelings will I be sending to my unborn child in this state? He'll be born with some vague existential dread that he's unloved or unwanted. I felt that all my life and I don't want that for my child

I want to give myself time and patience not sure why this does not qualify as such

>>33461835
For the record, I would feel bad about lying I don't want to lie to my boyfriend which is why I pray this ends naturally. He seemed casually happy and is aware that I might be headed for a miscarriage, that I even wish for that in this case and he does not seem affected. He's a go with the flow guy but I do know it would affect him if he knew I chose to end it despite viability, even I assure him we can try again later. Nobody else knows so nobody else would be impacted anyway

>>33461857
You’re upset because it disproves
>parents only dislike OTHER people’s kids!!
>having kids is always amazing!

>>33458186
Tradcucks coming to this site was a tragedy

>>33461936
15 years ago 4chan was making fun of these people

>>33461943
They grew up.

>>33461870
>I appreciate your thoughtful response and it's actually made me feel bad for the whole thing.

Don't feel bad. I won't condemn you as something bad or evil or stupid. You shouldn't feel bad for feeling bad about being pregnant. It's as normal as hell to feel all of that. Because you are not ready to have a kid. Neither was my wife. I wasn't ready to be a father. Neither was your parents. Or my in-laws. Go on, ask your own parents the truth, ask them did they feel ready to have their first born.

Not a single first time parent in history has felt ready. Not one. It's a whole other life that has yet to be, of course you cannot predict what will happen. And that is scary. But it doesnt guarantee hardship or suffering, it does not guarantee a lack of love.

What I am trying to tell you is not feeling ready is exactly what you should feel, because that's normal. But you will be ready, not before the child, not even during the baby raising part, after it's all done and the kid grows. You become ready, slowly, over time, over growth. Growing along the child. Because that's life. Your life too. We all grow, we all change. Just when we think k we have an idea of what we are or who we are it changes as we grow older.

All you need to do for that child is give it love and time. Love is a choice. You can feel anger or sadness and still love. And that choice will be easy, wait until you see that scan. It's not just the heartbeat you see. You see it move it's legs. Roll over, even yawn and move it's hands. You will see your own child for the first time.

>>33461797
How did your wife deliver? Usually those who call their babies “parasites” have elective ceseareans.

>>33462161
Not op but there's a significant difference between not being ready but wanting a child, even trying deliberately or consistently for one - and not being ready and also not wanting one or trying for one. Tho I can't tell if dumb negligence or what happened that led to op being pregnant

Then there's also personality. Ops clearly more immature and unstable than you or your wife. If just having children and sucking up to it was a miracle solution for people to suddenly start loving and caring for children there wouldn't be so many abandoned ones or not abandoned but neglected and fucked up kids

>>33462293
I believe OP will be a decent mother. And I know that might sound crazy to say, given all that was said. But examine closely why she says it. For example:

>>>33461870
If I am going to do this I want to have some connection, be in control of it as much as I can, and I'm not in the mental space to do that. When I saw the positive tests I literally had a mental breakdown and was bedridden for 2 days. What kind of thoughts and feelings will I be sending to my unborn child in this state? He'll be born with some vague existential dread that he's unloved or unwanted. I felt that all my life and I don't want that for my child

She doesn't want that child to be unloved. Or to have a mother who somehow fucks up. Know what that shows? That she cares. She cares enough to even consider the possibility she may do wrong by the child.

Only someone who has capacity to care and love a child talks like that. She might not see that, but I do.

The people who have kids only to give them no love or anything don't speak like that. In fact, they often speak the opposite. They pretend to be nice and happy and put-together, they act righteous and all positive and pleasing. Then it's a different story behind closed doors. It's abuse, it's trauma, it's hell. Those who had grown up abused know this well.

I'm sorry for what you're going through OP. I don't know what country you're in but try to find an organisation that provides crisis pregnancy support. Your Obgyn may be able to help with that. Speak with a counsellor, and please don't do anything that could hurt you.

>>33461870
>If I am going to do this I want to have some connection, be in control of it as much as I can, and I'm not in the mental space to do that. When I saw the positive tests I literally had a mental breakdown and was bedridden for 2 days. What kind of thoughts and feelings will I be sending to my unborn child in this state? He'll be born with some vague existential dread that he's unloved or unwanted. I felt that all my life and I don't want that for my child

>Born with some vague existential dread he is unloved or unwanted
>I felt that all my life and I don't want that for my child

This is why you are the most qualified person to be that child's mother. You know exactly what it is like to feel unloved, you know what it is you lacked and sorely needed. You know how important that is, or would have been, for you to have. You know that love is important for a child. Because you were one once too and you felt no love. Do you see how vital and valuable of a quality that is for a mother to possess? The knowledge you have of that? That's why you are going to be a good mom. You actually give a shit.

>>33462371
Her concern is valid desu. Even though it looks like another one of those control freaks fetishes women have about things in life, like with their perfect romance ideas or whatever. They want it to be sacred or special from beginning to end. I feel like op falls into this category and that's why she rejects the pregnancy. I don't doubt she's be a good mother as you say or at least legitimately try to as much as possible. Though she might turn overbearing or overprotective due to excessive fear of failure. But ultimately people have the right to decide or control the experienced they have to the extent that it is possible. She is convinced that she'd be a better mother even from before the child is even born, if she has more time and conditions to mentally open up to this experience, which is something understandable. Since you can never be too sure about an outcome, personally I think it would be ok for op to abort than risk it just for the sake of it and fuck it up or not be totally into it if she had the potential to be. I see some crazed women with mad baby fever and they try to control every aspect of the experience (reduce or avoid any stress, bad thoughts etc) so the baby can feel loved before he is even considered,but some have to ease into it and maybe this is a lesson of some sort to do better next time or be more careful. I mean she can always try again and she won't be able to say that she never thought about this and it took her by surprise(after brushing with this experience) or find some other excuse

there's a prolife anon here who talks real sweet don't fall for it OP. yess be the perfect mom the anon sees in you but do it at your own pace when you are ready. nobody can tell you or force you to be ready for motherhood. it's ok to be wrong or make mistakes so long as you learn and grow. stand strong OP

>>33462591
>But ultimately people have the right to decide or control the experienced they have to the extent that it is possible.

I agree but with a caveat. Not only to the extent that is possible, but more importantly, to the extent that is reasonable. I don't want to debate a portion laws and legality or morality, but rather, clarity.

Clarity is this: She had the right to decide/control the experiences, three times. Same as anyone, particularly women. Right #1. Choosing not to have sex if they don't want a kid. Right #2. Choosing to use protection if they insist on sex but don't want a kid. Right #3. Choosing to use the morning after pill, plan B, if they insisted on having sex and insisting on refusing contraception.

How many more is necessary? An adult should know by right #1, #2, #3 whether they want a kid or not. But life is complicated, people are complicated. We can take this same set of steps of rights and apply it for us men. Like how many men have fear or anxiety or doubt before proposing to their girlfriend. And they do it anyway, then they feel pangs of regret after proposing, doubt they will be a good husband, or doubt they picked the right woman. All the while feeling contradictory moments of happiness.

So what's the lesson? Lesson is change is scary, especially big milestone ones like getting married or getting knocked up. If we all did this:

>personally I think it would be ok for op to abort than risk it just for the sake of it and fuck it up or not be totally into it if she had the potential to be

We'd all be extinct. Because everyone doubts, everyone fears, everyone sees risk. If we never took risks, we'd not truly live.

What OP needs is encouragement, presumably. A place or people to tell her she will be okay and that motherhood will add to her life, not destroy it. And show her the evidence of that by example.

>>33462629
All said by a man. A man who had few minutes of fun, got his woman pregnant and that is basically it. While a woman endured pregnancy for 9 months just to get traumatised during labor. After a baby is born, the man still does bare minimum while the woman does everything on top of working a job presumably. Don’t assume for a woman that motherhood and pregnancy is all sunshine and rainbows when all you did was fucking and holding a baby from time to time.

>>33462659
They argue that it is what the woman was born and built to do and nothing can ever go wrong. And it's her burden to carry all that because woman weak, woman lower IQ, woman more emotional etc

>>33462659
You presume too much. You show your hand. You are angry at the man who fucked you over. Or the men who did. And I'm sorry they did.

>Don't assume for a woman that motherhood and pregnancy is all sunshine and rainbows
I don't. I am not blind, femanon. Nor am I deaf. You don't think I saw her body changes and the pain she was in? The constant fatigue? The sharp pains in her legs, her back, the constant fevers and headaches? The inability to sleep at night? The constant hunger and hormonal spikes? The nausea? Her whole body working against her, going from mobile and active to something resembling and aching and enfeebled elderly person who needs help to wash her hair and slowly raised up from sitting down?

I'll always be grateful for what my wife went through on top of having to regulate her own emotions and keep a cool head. It was hard fucking work for her, very hard work.

And no I didn't just have my fun and fuck her and do nothing. I am secure in knowing exactly what efforts I made and still make for my wife and kid, and I don't give a fuck about petty pride to prove that to you.

Not every man is whatever or whoever it was who failed you.

>>33462688
Boohoo, and you just mentioned the pride. What was so special that you did for your wife during her pregnancy? I can assure it was nothing compared to what she was going through.

>>33462699
I don't need your assurance, I got my wife's. Find a different man to vent your frustrations towards

>>33456596 (OP)
>I'm 34 but I personally know plenty of women who've had kids later, my cousin is 44 and had one perfectly healthy.
Damn, that's some serious cope. Grow up. The time for you to have a kid was legitimately a fucking decade ago. Modern women are absolute trash...

>>33462727
Really? Wasn't it 2 decades ago?

It's always the turbo incels or femcels thrashing a thread as soon as any real discussion ensues

>>33462705
Typical answer from a guy who thought he did a lot but didn’t do much.

34? fucking hell youre ancient get on with it, time is fleeting af you have another 34 before youre practically dead, there is never a good time to have a kid. If you really dont want the kid then prepare to break up with your bf. Be an adult and if you dont want it get it actually aborted, dont start doing weird shit to fuck up the potential kid, imagine if you started doing stupid shit then had it anyway and it comes out retarded. Grim.

>>33456596 (OP)
>wanting to have a kid at 36
You're going to give birth to someone just as retarded as you are.

>>33456596 (OP)
Shouldn't of been sexing then. Guess u gotta do it now

Just get an abortion and stop being emo

Raising a child is the easiest impossible thing anyone can do. It will drain you, then cry, then drain itself onto you. You will hate it, but with all things that have time and effort put into them, you'll learn to love whoever they are naturally, eventually.

I'm sorry, and I hope that you remain hopeful.

>>33462744
I bet you have a nig baby don't ya hun?
Lol as if that's anyone's fault but your's.