>>40924255
>think of yourself instead as an individual ontologically
If I look ontologically at myself as an individual, I only ever see a male individual. Ignoring looks, I definitely act like a man, I think like a man, I feel like a man, everything about me is male. This is a immutable part of me and it's not something I've chosen, despite it fitting me like a glove

>just follow what makes you feel joyful and self-actualized
I'm not even trying to doom here, but what if nothing I've ever done was able to make me joyful and make me feel like I am myself? I have very put in a ton of effort when it comes to being a man, having had a healthy social life with plenty of friends, a gf, a well trained body, etc, and nothing of it ever felt tangible?
Everything I do only ever feels like I'm playing a character and everything that ever happens in my life feels completely irrelevant and transient. Call this dissociation or whatever, doesn't matter, since I never ever felt an alternative to it.

>you can just be whoever you want to be in this life
I feel incapable of wanting. Everything feels disingenuous, like a farce, because it feels like I lack a self, so wanting is just cost-benefit analysis to me