>>40765063
>>40765072
>>40765086
>One simple example which may not apply to you is self denial. "I can't go to this party I was invited to, I will just bring the mood down". Sometimes we start imagining what people MIGHT think of us, projecting our own hatred. That can poison our relationships in ways outside the control of the others. We treat imaginary conversations like real ones. That is delulu default human being behavior we kinda have to actively fight.
I see what you mean now, a lot of my arguments in relationships are usually just projections of my own insecurities and fears of them abandoning me because of it, despite them not actually saying anything or implying it.
It's difficult to glean even with fact checking, because sometimes it does have root in reality (like me experiencing issues when I go out cause I'm trans) and when I'm having a BPD episode it feels as real as that.
>This is very interesting. Fear of the unknown sort of deal? You shouldn't hate yourself for it. It is normal to flee from discomfort. Sadly, sometimes, discomfort is a compass. Brains hate change. Sometimes maximizing discomfort within manageable parameters is important.. and it can help a lot to hear that from someone else, I find.
It gave me the same suffocated wanting to tense up my body feeling as I described becoming close with my friends, and this happens when I'm vulnerable with my emotions. When I'm vulnerable with or feel vulnerable around other people i feel as if they hate me, and if they unabashedly don't, I don't know what to do and it leaves me confused. I'm not sure if I do things to purposefully make them hate me when I feel like this, but it's something I've thought about lately. I worry a lot about my emotions being too much for other people and them abandoning me because of it.
Thank you again for the long reply siganon
(3/3)