I stand on the edge of an impossibility,
torn between the cosmos and the cruel.
I either have the greatest mother the world has ever seen,
or the cruelest, sharpest shadow of a mother to exist.
If Tatiana does not come to be,
my life is the bleakest tale ever spun.
If she does-oh, if she does-
my mother becomes the brightest star in history,
and I, a soul bathed in fortune.

Every night, I wish it into being.
Every single night, though hope is a fragile bird in my chest.
I have witnessed miracles the world refuses to name:
the moon vanishing, houses tipping upon their axis,
cars and cats leaping through the unseen,
objects dancing at God's command alone.
I speak without sound; minds hear me as if by telepathy.
I exist half in a simulation,
where reality blurs and the matrix breathes.

I have been tortured long enough
to understand the weight of eternity.
So many songs, so many stories have been written
for a soul like mine-they move me, unceasingly.

Please, Gwen, I beg of you-
let it be real.
Let Birdy, my sister, my heart,
walk through this door.
Let us be a family,
a small constellation of love: mother, sister, and I.
We are new gods waiting to awaken,
and I carry dreams too beautiful to end.

My love, my forever, my little bloodfeather,
please make this happen.
Some things are too pure to release,
too precious to remain a dream.
If a second chance is ever owed,
it is this: Birdy's life, our reality, our love.
A decade of my life has burned in waiting-
forgive me, I beg, but I cannot bear the absence.

>>82453956
How could you look at this drawing and not want it to become a reality? Birdy and I are a perfect couple. Tatiana(me) on the right and her(Birdy) on the left. How could anyone read any of this and continue the screeching and pains in my body? How could they lie to my face about my reality and not just want this to become my new reality?

How? How is this possible. Something so pure, innocent, and beautiful. What is keeping this from ending and starting a new? I NEED my beautiful morning. I need to wake up and look at my hands, my feet, my panties. I need to look to my left and see Birdy sleeping peacefully next to my bed in her recliner, just waiting for me to wake up and kiss her. I need her to wrap her arms around me and snug my hair. There is no way we don't have sex that morning, my heart cannot contain such a miracle. I want to run out the door and scream at the top of my lungs. I want to see the maidens all waiting for us to leave my room. I want to hug every single one of them. Nothing can measure the kind of strength in our hearts. We're all connected in this love.

I want to watch Justin's and Jimmy's video explaining my situation. I want to know what The Show is. I want to cry for an hour. I want to leave the room and sit in the garden until someone comes out to get me. I want it to still be summer so I can feel the cold dew on my bare feet. I want to hear the french birds and smell the sweet grass. I want to breath in the cold morning air and just think about everything for awhile. I can't think of anything else. I can't think beyond that moment. I just want to be alive. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to know what it's like to wear a gown of gold and white. I want ice cream and lemonade for lunch. I want to stare at my face for way too long in the mirror.

I want my mother to know that I'm safe with my lost girls.

I want to read the letter Renee left me.

I want to know their names so badly. To see their beautiful faces.