>>40928723
You're gonna have to figure it out for yourself eventually. Remove all the outside forces in your life and really think for yourself if this is something you want to do. Whether or not you transition the world will still go on as it has before. You've just got to learn to love and accept your body whatever happens, and not get too wrapped up in all the brainworms about how you "should" look. This website (and to a wider degree society but it's absolutely horrendous here) bombards you with information that either explicitly or implicitly attempts to reinforce certain body/beauty standards that cause people to go crazy trying to match.
You can stay a boy or you can be a girl, or you can be non-binary or whatever other thing sounds right to you, and the wheel will keep turning. What matters is just doing what you think feels right. There are cis people on HRT, there are trans people not on HRT and it's all cool. Some people will be dickheads about it, anything public facing like the infamous bathroom issue is trouble waiting to happen, but those close to you (and those who will become close to you) should have the emotional maturity to see you for you, not for whatever labels you're attached to.
>>40928857
I had some similar feelings as you, and the dick thing is certainly a concern, but there's nothing stopping you from just stopping HRT if you don't like the effects. You also don't need to experience stereotypical trans events to be interested in experimenting with your gender identity. The bigger question is if you relate to the present lived experience of trans women instead.
