>Mum has another one of her bi-weekly emotional breakdowns over something.
>Literally howling and shaking with misery on my shoulder as I hug her.
>Tells me to never have kids and that this family line should die with us.
Often I get so lost in self-pity thinking about how her attitudes have turned me into a poorly functioning loner with no ambitions that I forget that she's the way she is because she too has had a life full of disappointment. It's something my older sisters never tried to understand before they pissed off to live normal lives far away. She has such awful deep seated trust issues that I'm effectively the only social life she has at this point. It really bothers me how every time she has these breakdowns my mind is somewhere else entirely, daydreaming about video games or dinner or something whilst I clumsily try to acknowledge her pain. Is that bad? Am I a bad person for this? Shouldn't I be feeling more emotional, seeing my own mother in such a state so regularly? I didn't feel sad about my cat dying until around nine years later, it just hit me one evening that in his final days he spent a lot of time around me because he knew I wouldn't bother him. He was very warm, you know.