I genuinely think I might end up roping by the end of the year. My entire life has devolved to walking all day then coming home and seeing my fat ugly disgusting body in the mirror and wanting to die and going on infinite ''restrict food -> binge ->compensate by not eating the next day or doing even more walking (sometimes up to 20 miles a day) -> binge -> repeat''. Im way past the point of no return with twink death; even if i lost the rest of the fat (ive gone from 290lbs to 185~ish off the psych meds that caused the weight gain), id still have extra skin/stomach and be hairy and ugly and masc. Ill never look good cosplaying or dancing and I'll never be cute.

Lately Ive been having nightmares about the pedo that groomed me and idk, his body was much better than mine is now, he got to have a good life, if I was cute enough for him at the time I could have moved in with him and avoided getting stuck in my house where my abusive uncle called me a faggot and pepper sprayed me.

My stomach will always be a ''that'' and I genuinely don't believe I'll ever be good enough after meeting someone and having every limb and body part pointed at and being rated as ''good'' or ''bad'', i am literally an object and nothing more.
If i wasnt good enough for a pedophile when I was a minor and still a (ugly) twink, how am i supposed to ever be good enough now?

Ironically enough when my dad sui'ed it was because some cheating slut left him because he was too fat, so I think it makes sense that I ended up down a similar path, like father like son and all that.

My mind and body are both irreparably broken and I don't see the point of doing anything when I look like this
All I ever wanted to do was be myself but that is not allowed in this disgusting body(pic very much related).