Thread 40884987

...fuck.
previous: >>40836388

Goal of the thread: I will not be fucked with that today.
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!

>What is this thread for?
Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/?
Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider:
Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice
Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.

We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!

## RESOURCE LINKS:

Resource link paste: https://rentry.co/sig-resources-2025-07
General advice from Anons: https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04
Posts from other sites (markdown format): https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04

Let's get this dogshit over with I thought I could have a day off but forget it

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

As a reminder, for newcomers, I WILL reply to every post from the last thread I feel I can add something to. So please, if you don't have 4chanx installed which makes it very easy to see whether a post (You) made has been replied to, keep an eye out.

>>40866084
>40866102
>40866174
>I hate having no other options, I don't want to live this like forever.
You're very deep in a "the only way out is through" type of situation, yeah.
>Should I try to reach out to more people that I associate with my field?
100%, i would try to network and see what people have to say, have eyes on your CV, talk to people with experience what employers actually want.
>it is best to customise the CV before I send it off?
yes, 100%. Also, try to have a brief overview of the most important things early on. These people don't actually read, or think, a lot of the time. They skim.
>Any further advice on applying for jobs and working with recruitment agencies.
Sadly not much, it would be great if other anons could chime in.
>I use my phone a lot for communications and to use the internet on my laptop, it's a little hard to keep it away from my without a wifi connection.
Ah, that makes it more difficult. You could try to filter websites at the router level, there are a couple ways to do that and basically block yourself off them entirely, but it would be a radical and very techie solution.
>>40866181
It's nice to catch a break sometimes.
>>40866393
>I’m just seeing my psychiatrist and my dentist, but now my mom has a neat little summary of everything well in advance.
Oh nice, for the sake of redundancy?
>I also did some journaling today with a notebook and pen. I think that analog journaling is better for my concentration and attention span than journaling in the notes app on a smartphone.
That is true in general, handwritten notes are much better for retention as far as I know.
>>40867129
>60% of threads I hide
It's been a shitshow recently and this fucking poltard clownery is overfilling the fucking catalog. I have had it today. Just when we had a good fucking thing going.

i’ve been in a rut for a while where i find it difficult to get past bad habits, explore my interests, exercise, work on transition etc because i don’t have a real social network. If im not part of a community or regularly socializing it is really difficult for me not to be super depressed and therefore inactive.

But the catch 22 is bc I suck from not doing anything, it’s really hard to make friends. Even just having a conversation is difficult if you haven’t had the opportunity to do so for a while. And say you start making some friends, how could you make really substantive changes to your lifestyle, personality, or transition in that environment?

So i’m just not sure what to do. I feel guilty i’m not strong enough to just be great and live normally without any instant gratification or social connection but im not sure objectively if that’s reasonable on myself. I did that for a while been burnt out and haven’t recovered for almost a year. Just dunno what to do

>>40867085
>i dont really see myself living out my life with him, he's too immature and it feels like he never puts effort into anything
Let's start simple, gradual. Does he take critique as a personal attack? Have you ever given him any warning shots about things you don't like? As for lacking friends: for now, for the sake of your sanity, prioritize that. You need a social safety net. I would focus on that with you right now, what options you have to meet new people, what your life circumstances are, etc.
>>40867137
>Thank you, you made me smile
All the effort I put into this general, I put in for each and every one of you. I am glad I can make you smile!
>>40867278
>hey folks, it's that runanon from indonesia.
Welcome back! Never feel bad about taking breaks from here, but please bear with me forgetting about your circumstances and what others and I suggested in the past already, you are always, always, ALWAYS welcome though.
>wasn't able to complete couch to 5k again
Sorry to hear but iirc you did put in a fair amount of effort! I am sure you can do it when life stabilizes a bit.
>i know this sounds selfish, but i don't really miss my parents.
I was raised quite radically on that front, actually: I was raised that the concerns of the parent are none of the child's business, that I oughta deal with my own shit, not theirs. I plan to raise my own kids this way too should I get a chance. But from this pov? It is essential for you to not worry about them for now.
>i'm meeting people who share the same interests as me and i now have a decent support system
It feels so good to hear someone have the exact experiences I actually rec uni for! I'm so happy for you. Shinjinon is also an angel and that cannot be overstated.

>>40884987 (OP)
>>40885003
Change of plans always sucks
Hope you get to relax afterwards
Remember we will be here as well no matter how much time passes between threads

>>40868829
>>40868019
By the way, it really is horrific what happened to you.. so they can put you on antibiotics and it helps but it doesn't get rid of it for good? I really, genuinely wish you nothing but the best. I understand the trust thing of course, but I agree with the other Anon, do lean on people, even if it is scary. Nobody in their right mind will ever blame you for the actions of monsters.
>>40874918
>I was super autistic about numbers at the beginning and grew complacent
Oh yes, it is easy to tell little lies to oneself in that regard. At the same time being too focused on it can end up in OCDesque/ED territory. Neither is fun. But it does get easier, the portion sizes I can finish comfortably shrunk a fair bit over time, did you notice too?
>>40872207
>I haven't posted here in like a month or 2 but I have a couple things have finally happened for me...
Welcome back, Anon! Don't worry about taking breaks, several anons have just hopped in for a visit anyway! Congrats getting on HRT! I'm happy for you.
>I found out that for some reason my classes were changed to monday/wednesday classes for some reason...
Oh I hate that when they rugpull the schedule like that, shit like that happened to me in the past too, it will be fine but i know your pain. Nothing too bad will come of it if my experience is any indication.
>I guess that's it... still not really sure if/when/how I'll tell people irl.
Well I am very proud of you, and while I am not trans myself I will gladly try and help you breaking the news to people in the little ways I can.
>>40873813
I am rooting for you, Anon. It is hard, but the point of recovery is not to have suddenly no relapses. It is lowering their frequency and duration. You are fighting, and you have made progress as far as I can tell.

links to The Adult ADHD Tool Kit: Using CBT to Facilitate Coping Inside and Out, J. Russell Ramsay and Anthony L. Rostain seem to have been disconnected.

Gonna get a few short replies out of the way real quick.
>>40879542
Absolutely commendable results, Anon! I'm happy for you. Großartig!
>>40882220
>I am turning 25 in a few weeks.
You got all the time in the world in that case. Like, when I was a tutor at university, my experience was that people "grow up" at the age of roughly 23. Remember that at uni people have usually spent all their life up to it in school and have little real life experience, and probably have only left their parent's home for a year or two by 23. People that never once had to coordinate a household suddenly get their shit together at that age. I am confident you can at 25.
>Is aiming to get my life on track in 5 years a little too ambitious?
It is a good first approximation. You need to try and make a concrete set of goals, a timeline. Not everything at once but, let's try get the broad strokes started.
>>40883047
>I'd be happy to tell other people, even complete strangers, but not them.
This is interesting, can you articulate why?
>>40882951
> I wish I knew how to be meaner so I wouldn't be alone.
I'd like to learn more about that.
>>40885467
It does. And I appreciate it. Sorry if I sound pissed, I am not mad at anyone here. But I am mad at the influx of sewage in the catalog and the inconvenience it causes all of us.

>>40874195
>>40874221
>Hi /sig/ its been awhile and I would like your anonymous 2 cents.
Welcome back! No need to apologize for long posts by the way, I am thankful for context.
>And I had fun and the city was beautiful and made me cry because there was so much to do compared to the shithole im forced to stay in atm
I'm happy to hear, and I do hope you get to move asap.
>which i guess in the end is still a level of gender dysphoria, idk.
In short, yes, as far as I can tell. You don't want boobs or present as a woman but are uncomfortable with being as masc as you are and want to be more andro, right?
>trying to ana-mode it up as much as possible
Please don't anamode, I understand you wanna get rid of muscle but as tough as it is it is NOT worth it slipping into ED. It will be slower this way but it will also be sustainable.
>collagen and fish oil and vitamins for hair and skin and everything else.
Keep an eye on your macros and micros in general, yes.
>what the heck is the point of all of this is and how/why you all try so hard.
On some level, a lot of working on oneself, very plainly put, ties into microdosing delusion one way or another. That sounds like a condemnation but you gotta remember that nobody ever has the mental fortitude to uphold a nuanced, multi-faceted and very unsatisfying outlook 24/7, and anything short of that to fit in a skull will be too simple to be realistic, and our brains, biologically hardwired to rationalize ANYTHING post-hoc, gotta bullshit the world around us together so we don't go insane over how obviously incorrect we are at all times. As such, pessimism is just as delulu just in a less useful way. You make a good point about brain chemistry. The issue is that we intuit many ways of doing things that lead to spirals. We have to trick ourselves to be happy. Videos like that in maximizing misery in the resources tell the story of how we tend to work if not consciously working against it. Of course, none of this answers "why".
(1/2)

>>40874195
>>40874221
(2/2)
Because "why" is not the right question, ultimately. You do not want to be miserable, and you would like your copes to be sustainable. You are here for a reason. What you actually want is what we all do, trying to make the alleged Right Thing tolerable to execute. And that needs tricks. It is much less about toughing it out than it seems. We are not built different. We only try to rig things that giving up, tempting as it always is until you have for a few months, is just inconvenient enough and whatever sensible thing we have at hand is just frictionless enough that we can push forward. Habituation, medication, social safety nets, accountability, CBT, diet, sunlight.. it is about rigging things to be tolerable.
>my stomach will always be a ''that'' as someone has so lovingly refered to it.
Was that person by any chance themselves dysmorphic?
>it was technically still my fault for using this site
It wasn't. The main reason we treat minors as minors is because they are categorically exempt from expectations of "knowing better". I need to push back against this for your sake and that of others.
>Ill never not see myself as anything other than a fat ugly unlovable faggot that never had parents or family or friends.
That can be changed, and the hard things you do want to tackle should be in service of that. It will take external validation too. The way you talk about your weight sounds like there is some EDbrained stuff in your head already, if that is ok to say.
>If i have no irl friends,
>no places locally that i would enjoy
you are moving to change that, right? Both of these things. Finding people, finding places.
> no career, no education,
it seems like these two are only means to an end, to get the above, right?

I feel like you see a point, a goal worth achieving. You just don't think it reachable.

I believe I caught up, now it's time to update the resources to include anna's archive links.
>>40885587
Going off memory they are both libgen links? It seems libgen has been under extremely heavy attack recently ut I didn't look into it. You can see the state of things at https://open-slum.org/. Anna's archive is still up, so I will do my best to supplement all books with backup links to AA. Should be done within the hour.
>>40876754
>I did however give myself a bit to prepare by browsing the fridges outside. Was in there for like 10 minutes, and unbelievably, nothing bad happened! The opposite in fact, as the cashier deducted the cents from my total, making me pay less than I should. But I still was on eggshells the whole time, and felt so relieved once I exited the establishment.
What a wonderful experience overall! I'm happy for you Anon. You did amazing, and.. actually, experiences like those are the key to eventually ridding yourself of your social anxiety more and more. Seeking out discomfort on purpose though.. is hard. This however might have been the first step towards it. I am rooting for you, and happy you shared this.

>>40885835
To that I agree
The board quality only ever decreases these days….

Updated the resources.
>>40886377
I guess it will calm down when the old fart finally keels over and the ... esteemed visitors have to look for their bread and circuses elsewhere. This too shall pass..
>>40885587
Oh I can'T read, you only mentioned one book! I updated the resources. Essentially the exact same link works for it (same md5 so same file unless the url is misleading)
ADHD toolkit: https://annas-archive.org/md5/d3fd9fd15ca84c15f464bdea713e6e00
AA also has an EPUB version though: https://annas-archive.org/md5/d3fd9fd15ca84c15f464bdea713e6e00

Jesus Christ, buddy.

comfy post double as bump

>>40884987 (OP)
Bad day Siganon?.

Infinite kindness

Comfy, plus keep afloat.
Should anyone see thread and not sure what to say, say the smallest thing you can think of you wish was different in your life. Don't have to do anything with that, but try to pick it out!

>>40888031
i wish i was in better shape like i was before this depressive episode hit

>>40888092

What's stopping you?
Why did you stop being in shape?
How many days has been of this depressive episode?

>>40888581
i just hate myself. i'm afraid of getting knocked down. i just stopped goingbto the gym, spending more time on my computer. it started almost a year ago. i was doing really well for a couple years, i almost thought i was in remission

>>40888599

Ah i get it.
Have you tried having a coach? The ones that motivates you to be at the gym and all of that?

>>40888616
i don't have the money for something like that sadly. i don't even have rent money

>>40888626

Well, is there something you like to do that also makes you have physical movement? Like walking? That has done wonders for me.

>>40888092
It's good you want it. Sometimes it can get to the point you don't even want that. I came by again to bump but am happy caused a small discussion of it.
>better shape like I was
It can be really, really hard to get back on the saddle when you used to be able to do so much more before something like the depressive episode. If you even walk around the block once, that's good progress.
I used to just walk...little by little wanted to more and more. It's slow, but try to compare just to yesterday and not where you used to be.
Totally fine too if it's too much to add to the mental plate among rent and other things. I know how that is well...

>>40884987 (OP)
Damm she hot

>>40888757
i used to go for walks but it feels so exhausting lately. like each step is a cinder block. im sorry

>>40888883
i just wish i had that control and mental fortitude i gained a couple years ago. i don't know where it went. i really thought i was on the up and up

>>40885123

You need a vacation, buddy.
How about a Caribbean island?

>>40888907
A lot ofcircumstances in our life may cause changes in other regions of it due to shifts of our support system. Perhaps you had more support in some way or another during that time...Perhaps not. The good news is you can work back up to that....But it will be very hard if the narrative in your mind is returning to where you "already should be" vs healing, or perhaps even growing towards where you want to go.
Not to imply thats an easy mental shift, but its one I struggled through for some time that ultimately was the difference maker.

On that note as well Im gonna head to shleep....I hope it can stay through the night for when Signon may wake...
Deep breaths for all...water before sleep...and when waking if can.

>>40889037
money is the biggest stressor for me right now. i dug myself into a deeper holbc of apathy and i barely have any money anymore. i feel very stupid for the foolish choices i've made. i'm starting antidepressants tomorrow and i'm scared

>>40889037
>>40888907
Qlso realized I didnt say but meant to....Its okay its hard right now. Youre clearly trying your best and thats part of why you even posted.
Im sorry its so hard right now...and its okay that this takes time
>hug, with quiet back rubs
Be kind to yourself, if youre able

>>40889067
You might not believe this but Im honestly right there with you., months of financial neglect catching up with me with a mighty big hole to fill now....
Feeling stupid is at least proof for both of us that out outlook has changed from just not caring anymore at least.
Antidepressants dont change you from you, promise. They might not fix everything but hopefully they help to turn the water up inside you from bonechilling to lukewarm emotionally.
Just like the physical part of things, one tiny walk at a time.

>>40889086
thank you anon. i try to be kind to myself but it's hard when i don't like me. why be kind to someone you hate. it sounds edgy but i genuinely feel so fake when i try to be kind or patient with myself. i only keep going because it'd be selfish to let it all fall apart

bump

coffee is nice

>>40885208
>You're very deep in a "the only way out is through" type of situation, yeah
I'm afraid you are correct there, things are very tough at the moment.
I don't know what else to do really.

>100%, i would try to network and see what people have to say, have eyes on your CV, talk to people with experience what employers actually want
Do you have any advice on how to socialise or network properly?

I have a hard time trying to be amicable with people, professionally or informally.
I don't want to be impolite when I ask people for advice or anything like that.

>yes, 100%.
>Also, try to have a brief overview of the most important things early on
Like a summary of what the CV involves?

>These people don't actually read, or think, a lot of the time. They skim
Understandable, so just try to simplify it down to the most necessary parts? And make it easy to read?

>>40885208
>Sadly not much, it would be great if other anons could chime in
Fair enough, I'd appreciate any advice for anyone at this point.

>Ah, that makes it more difficult. You could try to filter websites at the router level, there are a couple ways to do that and basically block yourself off them entirely, but it would be a radical and very techie solution
Perhaps you can explain the process more or less and then I can see if I can implement it somehow.

Also, do you happen to know of any way to use a tracker app on my voice so I can check myself for how much time I spend on apps maybe?
Or something like that?

>>40888890
Most of them are, yeah.

Goodnight, everyone.

Special thank you to Siganon for keeping up with the thread and the replies once again.

Morning all~!
Drink some water and get some sun in your eyes to help your body know its daytime. Window sun fine too but try to feel daytime warmth.

cozy post

Oraaa stay upper half!

Breaking monotony a bit:
If see this take a walk break, 5 minutes no pressure! But just let yourself breathe some air n get some sunny, it helps thoughts sort slightly.

>>40884987 (OP)
I've finally decided to start caring about skin care. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, so I'm trying to run off of people's suggestions. I'm going to grab that moisturizer that gets recommended, but I'd also like to get an exfoliater and antibacterial wash so I can hopefully avoid blemishes/hair bumps and such, does anyone recommend any specific products of that type?

bump

>>40886271
>>40886255
ty for responding

>Was that person by any chance themselves dysmorphic?

nuh, and before we met they had feelings for me based off my personality, its just apparently the standard for attractiveness is being 5% body fat and having a perfect swimmer body with abs, no wonder i wasnt good enough for a pedo either, any fat means that i am disgusting and ugly, after stopping the psych meds and losing over 100 pounds, all that means is that i have a disgusting amount of sagging skin and noone will ever even look in my direction, ''beauty is in the eye of the beholder'' is just therapeutic cope to make disgusting freaks like me feel better about themselves. Ill literally never look how I actually want to

>you are moving to change that, right?

I have the ability move right now and start a new life if wanted to, but currently im stuck living with a mentally ill family member who cant afford their housing bills, so i stay with them and pay rent to try to help them get by, technically i could move and just loan them money each month but ive already poured thousands of dollars of loans into them and their still awful with money so realistically i wont be able to move for another 18 months when im almost 30 and their circumstances change, and i would prefer to see the loans repaid so this is the most miserable but efficient path forward

>it seems like these two are only means to an end, to get the above, right?

it could help, but currently all i do is hedge my bets, and theres no large economic hub in my state anyways, if i paid 40k for a degree, more than likely i wouldnt find a job locally to use it, or even if i moved to my dream city where i would be happy, if theres already a large amount of unemployed degree holders, why would i ever be a companies choice with a decade+ work gap and no experience, (and having cptsd/tism/bpd)

idk, i feel like i just got born with a shit hand in life and things outside of my control, sucks to suck and all that

I always get super depressed during late summer/early autumn and I don’t know why. I don’t really have anything going on in my life to warrant it.

>>40895669
>I don’t really have anything going on in my life
Maybe that's exactly why

>>40885835
can you not say shit like this, im 28 and i think and act no different to when i was 16. there is no magical age when people grow up.

My depression is killing my transition
Wonder if that is even real
Oh
Well
Might just be old lazy and full of rats instead

>>40895829
Cool it. I could likewise say to you to not say shit like this because I have the reverse experience and outlook.
There isn't a magical age people grow up but it isn't reasonable to say people generally don't have to start learning how to live very differently once they leave college/the education pipeline. Everyone has different experiences of it but they said in their experience not "everyone"

>>40895829
don't worry anon it wasn't about people in general but a very narrow group within that academic setting whose life were characterized by extremely similar trajectories. The point is more about the experiences that make them grow up, which are age independent.

>my primary stressor is something I can't talk about
I'm going to lose it. I'm not supposed to disclose shit online, but I can't tell anyone irl why I'm freaking out because I'm not out, so I just have to sit in it while my whole future is up in the air based on something I can't control.
And I'm sick of the constant fear of discrimination literally all the time, being cis would have made my life so much easier.
Feels like I've already lost and I'm just wasting time on something that can't work out for me, and god i'm so fucking alone in all of it.

Off to the mines for a while. Hope everyone has at least a few minutes of pleasant night.

I have so many things that are lucky in my life, but I sometimes feel like I missed the mark on riding the waves that luck gave me. I hope someday I can ride the waves better.

Floaty up to top

Im a detransitioner and I constantly have to fight it but I still feel as though I just want to be my birth sex. The best way I have to fight it is to just stop thinking about it

>>40886541
tysm. I'm also going through the bpd workbook.

>>40885208
>Oh nice, for the sake of redundancy?
Right, to get us both on the same page.

>That is true in general, handwritten notes are much better for retention as far as I know
I’m not surprised but I am pleased to know there seems to be evidence of this.

So my plan to eat out less last month hit a snag where I needed to buy more groceries. I’m going to take an inventory of all the groceries I bought last month to make a grocery budget and meal plan for this month.

Obvious as it sounds, it helped me a lot to think of budgeting as more than just keeping track of how much you spend and preparing for unforeseen expenses, it’s also deciding in advance how much money you intend to spend and on what things.

Also, PSG season 2 is starting to change my perception of Panty as a character. I feel like there’s been a trend of Panty trying new things and discovering interests that she never expected to appreciate. I feel like this shows that she has focused more on what other people expect of her than what she wants.

I guess you could say that until now, I felt like Panty knew something I didn’t about being yourself and living life to the fullest, and the way she’s being written now gives me the opposite impression. It’s not bad, just unexpected.

Though it does line up with what I know about real female celebrities, and their struggles with being expected to be pretty and little else, regardless of what they wanted.

Rest well all....If can try to turn off phone and put it somewhere out of the room so can wake up without worrying about it immediately...and drink some water of course

>>40896288
You have already done your work. You live in a Western country (-ish. Terf island is still the first world, I hope). You belong there. Don't let anyone take that away from you. It's unfair that when you want to serve your country, people create random arbitrary conditions saying you can't.

[rant]
Sometimes I feel as I start to process shit in my past that my transition was a mistake. And it could have been avoided should I have had access to a competent therapist in my youth, when even being able afford food every day was a challenge.

However I also can't imagine what I would look like as a cisM, except that I... wouldn't dress so different? If I start to think about it, I'd miss my breasts. My ability to wear earrings, and have my hair long, even though I don't really style it - it's just long. And I'd definitely miss having what I currently have between my legs, or at least the fact that I'm not a sex-crazed maniac anymore since I had T purged from my system.

Theymabs don't exist, but I don't feel I could ever relate to fashion or frilly things, either.

So I don't know. Was it a mistake? It could have been. My life would have been easier without it. Double points if I grew up faster and studied military leadership or cyberwar and joined the army like all my family did in time by realizing the army is about teamwork primarily and not (all) hazing like I thought when I was 20. Or that I could just stayed in the army when I did actually "enlist" during covid into Civilian Service (where I live most pogs - army personnel who doesn't fight - accountants, cyber, comms, maintenance, and other strictly rear echelon MOS are civvies), and got "discharged" because I'm a fucking troon.

i think hornygen and the trans gens are the only ones with as much uptime as sig

I love the name I choose for myself
I enjoyed the results of selfcare today
Progress does exist, but I’m shallow and a bit blind so I can’t easily see it
I’m sorry for the bad posts
I’m glad for my few friends

I need to lose weight
I need to cut down on costs
I need to pay off my bills
I need to find time to exist outside of my house and work

I hope you are all doing okay.

wagmi

>>40884987 (OP)
Weh... I need to make some job applications today, but I cannot bring myself to actually do it. Fuck executive dysfunction.

Posting again since the last one was at bump limit.
Down 66lbs.

>>40897889
I feel frustrated. people who are doing better than me seem to have not put any effort in and peoplr who are doing worse refuse to work on themselves.

>>40901927
I want to believe that so badly.

>Life is a learning experience my dude. There is no set timeline. There's no life to compare yours to but your own. There's nobody to compare yourself to but yourself
I understand that much but I do still wish I had spent my life doing more than what I've been doing for a while now.
I need to hold myself accountable and try to do better and be more.
I've already decided that I will be better, I just need to keep at it.

>Everything that happens happens as a consequence of everything that came before it and therefore it is necessary for things to happen in the time they happen. Your life plays out in only one way no matter how many times it plays out.
Don't feel anything for anything but the present
Yes, I need to pay more attention to my current situations instead of day dreaming of wallowing in my regrets.
I keep fixating in how unworthy I feel or much better my life could be if circumstances were more favorable.
But that hasn't helped, so I need to make a change.
And I will, I already am in a way.

>>40902638
Sorry, I forgot the link for this part
>>40882508

>>40902638
>Look at the past only to learn from what happened and think only about the future to keep yourself on the correct course
I will, I have a lot to hold myself accountable for and it hurts but it'll hurt even more if I don't keep doing it.

>Face every day with the goal of trending positively, being some degree better than yesterday.
>The specifics do not matter. For a long time, older than you are now, I was unhappy and aimless. There were plenty of reasons for it but they are not important
I need to be more positive, not necessarily about the world but about what I can do for myself and others.

>I reached a point where I figured out that almost all of my suffering came from my own mind and that I could simply choose to not inflict it upon myself, and the rest I could tolerate
My worries are a lot more circumstantial but I do recognise I am creating more problems than I solve by staying the way I am.
I need to change and grow, and I will.

>>40902767
>Once I boiled my life down to a microcosm everything became significantly easier and I slowly got my life to where it is now and tracking towards how I want to be
If it's not too intrusive, could you let me know how things have worked out for you lately with all these decisions?
I'm always a little curious how this kind of change and development impacts somebody's life for the better.

pg10
going for my meeting at the hospital tomorrow. nervous. not prepared because i spent the weekend eating pills.

>>40905435
All the best, shinji. what's ahead of you?

Updates tomorrow.. I can't believe I slept 3 hours once I got home, after like half a litre of coffee no less

I have not eaten in 52 hours, won't eat until I reach 88 hours. I am cutting from 180 to 155, and will start estrogen this fall once I have a stable job.

>>40906880
Remember to eat extremely protein rich after a fast this long.
Go easy on your stomach, not a huge meal immediately but definitely 0 deficit for that day, and definitely take care to get lots of minerals into you to not accidentally shut down your circulatory system.
Fasting to an extent is perfectly fine but your micros and macros need to be kept in check.

maybe i died after not eating anything for 2 days back in 2022
maybe it was all dream
I hope i wake up

Comfy

Take time where can guys. 60 seconds of cognizent breathing can help slow the spiral. If you feel yourself spiralling mentally, mentally counting to 10 inhale, 10 exhale. Dont have to do it perfect, its just about the intention and focusing your thought on something present. Helps me a lot sometimes.

yeh. I just mostly feel depressed off hrt and have general sense of well being on it. but I refuse to transition again. I would rather die. unfortunately ssris effect size is like 0 so not really sure what I can do to be happy. maybe I'm only depressed because I'm thinking too hard and not doing enough real life physical action to be healthy and socially active

>>40885516
Thanks, but yea I put restrictions on myself but I bypass it because I want to see porn of a man. It isn’t bad as it was before because I don’t really save that much and I have got rid of all the bookmarked porn at times I do save it, but I always just get rid of them cuz it’s not healthy to watch porn for me. I did forget to mention, but I got my wisdom tooth removed and dear god I never knew but whenever I ate would always go back there and the pain is now gone. Tomorrow is my interview for a job and I am a bit nervous because I really never did an interview. There is something I don’t think I mentioned but I stopped going to that place where that guy I liked was because of cost and being broke mostly. I do want to see him and I don’t want to make him think I ghosted him, but I still need to address my own issues and a part of me think that he is straight.

i feel like im going crazy. i feel like im never in the present, i am in a constant unending state of dissociation. i feel like i find myself re-discovering problems i thought i'd dealt with months ago. i think im traumatized, there's so much wrong and i just dont know what to do with myself. my therapist gave up on me, and i have no friends that i trust. being aspd is lonely. i feel like the cope for most of my mental issues is telling myself that i'll just die anyways and when im dead it wont matter. the gentle warmth of human touch brings me to tears. a girl embraced and held me and all i could do was ruminate on how i was so depressing to be around. i wish she could give me constant affection but i also feel like a chore to be around. i dont feel like myself at all. im a broken person. im going months at a time without a break from the OCD-esque intrusive thoughts about my problems or doubting myself until i think i'm schizophrenic or something. i just sit at home and i stir until i crack like an egg. what the hell happened to me. why am i like this. i never had any creativity to begin with. people who are like me lack creativity or the inate desire to create in general. i hate it in myself. i sat there and tried to do something without mirroring someone. something i actually enjoyed which made me happy. everything that i like is just utilitarian, essential for survival or security, or an aesthetic-influence from someone who i want to get closer to. i skinwalk their hobbies and interests to feign eccentricity. i have no soul and i cannot love. i want to be loved but i push everyone away when they want me to be there for them. what the hell do i do with myself
im losing myself in my computer and the bad company i keep here is driving me mad. the people who made me this way will never pay for their crimes.

bump, got my drivers license last week after failing a year ago, better late than never

I cant take this anxiety anymore
Why cant things just work once? And me not having to deal with people who will blame me for things they did wrong and not beig attentive?
this sucks.
I have solutions. Im working on it
it feels not enough and I feel on the cusp of everything going wrong

bump

>>40910710
Congratulations, Anon.

Cozy postt

>>40910710
goooood stuffff anon!!

>>40908801
I will not be able to give a sufficient response to the depth of your hurt. But I did read it all and sincerely nudge in the gentlest manner I can to go walk in nature for a long time. I know that sounds like baby-tier advice bullshit but you need to be away from everything and give your mind enough time to filter through your thoughts and reach your actual self without outside influence. Nature is where our brains were programmed to do that between hunts/general survival.

I’m spiralling again and I think I’m neglecting my friend and he is already mad at me for being a narcissist
Anyway I hope you are ok friend abd everything goes your way.

Starting psychiatry, calling about HRT, getting help looking for a job, looking into gyms..... Things are looking up!

>>40906519
15 more years of disability from the sounds of it... possibly a ptsd diagnosis. easier access to antibiotics. some sort of group therapy course to teach me and the rest of the 'severe' group how to huff copium better set in a building of people studying us. some sort of physical training program. legal counseling. this one doctor who seemed disproportionally concerned about my sexuality. thank you anon.

can we cancel this week?
like
postpone everything to next weeek?

Napped a fair amount when I got home yesterday and today but will try to wrap up most posts from Sunday.
If I manage to reply to a few monday posts today I think I made significant enough progress.
Thank you all for your patience, I will try to post tomorrow as well.
>>40886954
Yeah, wasn't the best state of mind I admit..
>>40888959
Ah.. been too long, really, hasn't ist?
>>40889054
Did have some sips just now, thank you, Anon!
>>40889115
If I may chime in, I 100% know how that feels. It helps to remember that, if nothing else, the person (you) is human, and very fallible. Mistakes are to be expected. Think of it less as kindness and more as understanding. You wouldn't blame a nervous dog for peeing itself or a kid for crying loudly in an inappropriate setting. Anyway.. you must feel alone in all this. Remember that this general is explicitly made for people like you. The second post in every thread, the little goals, are there to roll out the red carpet for people in the pit. I invite you to keep talking to us. You can just ping the OP if you like. We're here to hold your hand and make you feel less alone. We will celebrate your every victory, no matter how small.
>>40892453
And thank you for your patience and reassuring words..

>>40891933
>>40891982
>I'm afraid you are correct there, things are very tough at the moment.
I hope it helps to talk about it, at least.. Do you have people to lean on in your new place?
>I have a hard time trying to be amicable with people, professionally or informally.
Hm.. I need to ask for details here to make sure I understand what specifically you struggle with. In what way do you have a hard time with it? Do you worry about coming off as too distant or what do you mean specifically?
>I don't want to be impolite when I ask people for advice or anything like that.
Oh! Well, I am in the same boat as you, and frankly, most people I have met don't actually care. Like, politeness is expressed extremely differently from country to country but generally speaking people like being interesting. The fact that you turn to them basically puts them in the senior role.
>Like a summary of what the CV involves?
Yes, key points of essential qualifications specific to the job and perhaps a key selling point of you personally.
>just try to simplify it down to the most necessary parts?
>And make it easy to read?
yes.
>Perhaps you can explain the process more or less and then I can see if I can implement it somehow.
Since the details of the setup depend on your router etc I forward you to the right keywords to look up if it's alright. The term you are looking for is DNS filtering. It's something many routers can do, you can even block devices based on the time of day a lot of the time. A more sophisticated alternative is getting a small raspberry pi and hooking it up. Pi-hole is a project dedicated to exactly that, and I believe is well documented.
>do you happen to know of any way to use a tracker app on my voice so I can check myself for how much time I spend on apps maybe?
Sadly I don't know tracker apps and the like very well, people mention them from time to time but I don't have any particular ones on record, sorry.

>>40893991
Sadly I don't have much personal experience with this stuff, I can ask around if it helps though. I know >>>/fa/ has a skincare general but I can't vouch for it unfortunately.
>>40893960
>>40892463
Used these posts to refill my water bottle and brush my teeth for the night.
>>40895404
>the standard for attractiveness is being 5% body fat and having a perfect swimmer body with abs
There are people like that, but I can assure you a lot of people aren't like this. Otherwise the vast majority of people, myself included, would be single. I mean, I am an extreme case, perhaps. I was 123kg when I started dieting and went down to 83-85, and found love before I lost that weight. Of course I will always have a bit of belly as a consequence of having been overweight for a decade, but in spite of that people seem to find me attractive. It's a lot less about your body and a lot more about being exposed to the right people. Which ties into the luck aspect you talked about. A shit hand, as you put it.
For you specifically I think the meaning might come from community and belonging. Your outlook on your weight might also change a great deal when you meet more people that can appreciate you. Do you have a chance to visit the city more regularly, make friends over there?
>realistically i wont be able to move for another 18 months
That's miserable, but at least it is finite. I am sorry to hear that you ended up in a position like that.
>if i paid 40k for a degree
I see what you mean, in the US where there is such an absurd cost tied to education (beyond the time investment) I can see how this is not appealing in the slightest.
>>40895669
Seasonal depression, from my very limited understanding of it, doesn't really have a reason other than brain chemistry. It can be something as simple as vit D deficiency. It's worth looking into that and perhaps other common brainchem tweaks that are commonly listed online to see if anything gives you relief.

>>40893991
I might be able to help here.
which moisturiser are you getting anon? cerave?
>exfoliator
for your body physical exfoliation isn't half bad.
for your face a general recommendation would be getting a milder acid, like glycolic acid, that wont be as likely to leave your skin burning. The Ordinary has one that performs alright
>antibacterial wash
you'll want to look for something labelled surgical soap or antiseptic cleanser. nizoral is another option, primarily for dandruff, psoriasis, and fungal related skin issues

>>40895887
Alright anon, walk me through what it is that needs doing.
>>40896303
I wish you nothing but the very best, Anon!
>>40897889
It's my pleasure. I hope it will be of use to you!
>>40898605
>So my plan to eat out less last month hit a snag where I needed to buy more groceries. I’m going to take an inventory of all the groceries I bought last month to make a grocery budget and meal plan for this month.
Sounds like a plan, I'm a fan of envelop budgeting (which is pretty much what you describe, having an expectation how much you intend on spending in a time frame) for this stuff which is why I like paying groceries in cash.
>I guess you could say that until now, I felt like Panty knew something I didn’t about being yourself and living life to the fullest, and the way she’s being written now gives me the opposite impression. It’s not bad, just unexpected.
It also seems like she has just generally become more interested in other things, in a way. I haven't caught up on the most recent eps but in general it seems like she engages with the world and people more.
>>40900882
I'm proud of you, Angel. I hope you know.

The best way for troooooncels to self improoove is to detransition and go to the therapy clinic.

Alright, I think I need to take a break for today. Managed more posts than I thought I would.
>>40902581
I don't know if it helps to hear but remember that you are permitted to lean on people.
>>40902007
Do you have someone you could contact for a bit of body doubling?
>>40902104
This is still such a glow-up! Really impressive work, Anon. I'm happy for you.
>>40906926
What is it about your circumstances that is so nightmarish?
>>40897848
>>40908691
Assuming you are the same anon.. what led you to detrans? I understand you refuse to transition but I am trying to better understand your circumstances.

>>40917489
ok bottom

>>40917560
Uh, no. Maybe my mom, but she's not the best at... being a mom. God, I haven't started yet. It makes me feel dread.

I'll start tomorrow, I'll clench my teeth and do them tomorrow or help me god I'm not a woman.

HEY HEY Thread STAY ALIVE!!!! Or get ready to go to sleep too totally fine.

Extra:
Remember not to keep your phone beside you while sleep, and try to see sun before your phone screen when you wake up even for a second if ya can!

>>40917560
>>40917028
Eyy glad got some water in ya from it, gotta keep thread's heart in gud shape.

bumpercars

A last lil bump before sleep

EXTRA once more
Should you have trouble sleeping, try to leave your bed for some time while avoiding screens. A quick shower, perhaps some water, reading of course wonderful. Should you stay in bed your brain may associate the bed with stress instead of sleep, return when feel like might be able to pass out, and rinse and repeat after 15 minutes!

Sorry to spout fortune cookie tips but it's stuff that's genuinely helped me

>>40921327
this is true advice

I have accepted there is no path to self-improvement

>>40921353
in what way? i mean it kinda is a path so to say, a process not a goal per se i guess

Finally got back into the gym and had an actual gym workout for the first time in like 2 months. Running was slow but acceptable because my legs arent adapted and boob pain (need a better bra ig). Going to aim to just knock out a few miles a day because if I run/jog back and to the gym I'll be at like 5km a day which is ~respectable~.
Delaying my injection by a few days just while my blood test kit arrives because yeah i should probably do that (I'm on EUn so ~4 days isn't a huge deal and I'm taking some sublingual to bridge).
Oh and I'm finally off nightshifts thank god. Lazy image because i lowkey forget to save stuff for this
>>40899228
I think a lot of like transition regret is more regret of facing discrimination. I sort of ask myself in a vacuum, if I knew I'd still be treated fairly would I still have any hesitance and I wouldn't and that's kinda what keeps me going.
Also just I see older guys at my work etc and abhor the idea of turning into them.

Off topic but as much as I want to get in as fast as possible I half debate if 6 months to sort some other transition stuff and have everything squared away on med appeals would be worth it. Mostly cause I could finish up laser, have a few bits of work done I want doing etc. But then I have to play medical appeal roulette when I have a place already *sigh*, and also having to pay private for hrt really doesnt appeal.
>>40902104
Good effort anon.
>>40908691
Have you checked your hormone levels. I dont have all your background but low hormone levels (E or T) can cause depressive symptoms. Might be an issue if you're detrans.
>>40893991
There are a few ppl ik who like snail goo (whatever it's called dawg, it's just snail goo).
>>40917489
Cheers dits

gonna reply later, my head's full of static

My ambition exceeds my aptitude. I wish nature had given me better equipment.

>>40916758
>I hope it helps to talk about it, at least..
It really does, thank you.
>Do you have people to lean on in your new place?
Other than my father, not really, my social skills have atrophyed a lot these past few years.
I message my connections back home a lot.

Today though, somebody did invite me to go practice Cricket with them, so that's kinda something. Maybe I can try it out?

>Hm.. I need to ask for details here to make sure I understand what specifically you struggle with.
>In what way do you have a hard time with it?
I don't socialise with people very much, outside of asking them if there's any work I can do for them.
I've never been that comfortable meeting new people, even networking doesn't seem to go anywhere for me.

>Do you worry about coming off as too distant or what do you mean specifically?
I'm pretty distant by nature, due to my fear of getting attached to people on that level, I'm afraid of it if I am being honest.

I'm worried people will think I'm a freak, and give my a bad reputation in this small town.
Which will make looking for work even harder.

>>40922052
me 2

overslept and missed my blood testing today. trying to make sense of everything.
thank you to all the anons who have spoken to me over the past year and a half or so. let's try our best again tomorrow.

An other day were I wasn’t useful or productive
I did finish up all the work required of me for the house at least
Now just need to work on myself
Fuck forgot to set priority for tmr

>>40922897
>! Well, I am in the same boat as you, and frankly, most people I have met don't actually care
>Like, politeness is expressed extremely differently from country to country but generally speaking people like being interesting
That's good to hear, I prefer to check in either way since it's a little hard for me to pick up on these things sometimes but thanks for the perspective.

>Yes, key points of essential qualifications specific to the job and perhaps a key selling point of you personally
Okay, that's makes sense, anything else to consider?
>yes
Understood.

In sorta related news, I'm working on my learner's permit for this place too, if all goes well I'll have it within a week or so.

I really gotta get my life together, my career is basically comatose at this point.

>>40924608
Sorry, I messed up my posts again:
>>40916758

I've been feeling sad again. The world around me makes no sense unless I see humanity as fully and intentionally evil. There are so few people I don't hate interacting with. There's one guy in a server who encourages everyone to be sexual around his underage gf and that's one of the most uncomfortable experiences I've had yet. It's so hard to find anyone who isn't crazy but who's also willing to talk to a loser like me.

Hatred outlives the hateful

>>40925666
You have 666 trips and say this?

>>40925671
Must be a sign

what guns does sig carry in-self-defense

>>40925716
Nigga we know you glow

>>40925716
TT-33
No, I will not answer questions about the skin table.
>>40925700
Yeah my ability to focus is lost and I have been summoned by 666 numbers.

>>40900882
>prefix growth
I am saddened that my favorite meme language doesn't have a method to do that out of the box, so I need to resort to
"Angel".inits.toSeq.reverse.tail
res6: Seq[String] = List("A", "An", "Ang", "Ange", "Angel")

Hi /sig/, Panty here. As usual, I’ve been busy.

I made a screentime log to track TV and computer use, and a reading log to record what I read when.

I made a bunch of private playlists on YouTube and grouped the videos I want to watch by topic. The goal is to watch YouTube more intentionally instead of doomscrolling or playing recommendation roulette.

I dug through the clothes I kept from when I was gaining weight and pulled out some fall clothes that fit me again now that the weather is changing. I’m also going to look into getting some clothes I wore last year that are a size too big now altered, instead of just buying something smaller.

I recently started using retinol cream to heal some acne scars on my face. My doctor was nice enough to write a prescription for retinol because you can get it over the counter but it’s kind of expensive. Retinol basically just intensifies the skin’s natural healing process, and I can definitely see a difference in my acne scars.

I’m going to start looking for a remote job in the near future.

>>40917482
>It also seems like she has just generally become more interested in other things, in a way
I think it’s a combination of the creators using the show as an outlet to explore whatever interests them, so they’re not limiting the stories to where the characters’ motivations would lead, and wanting to develop the characters because the fans care about them.

>>40908936
>being aspd is lonely.
I'm sadly not super familiar with ASPD, and rarely talked to people with it. How does it manifest for you? Though, at the same time, I guess I can't give a satisfying answer given my ignorance. But I at least wanna try to understand your circumstances better. You said your therapist gave up, could it be they were simply not a good fit? Or what was the reason?
>i skinwalk their hobbies and interests to feign eccentricity.
The question is, do you feel fulfillment from mirroring people? Would you see any value in making aspects of others a permanent fixture of yourself? Because even I have oftentimes done that, and quirks of others have stuck with me for longer than the people I inherited them from.
>but i push everyone away when they want me to be there for them
How does it feel moment to moment? Do you feel overwhelmed by it?
>the people who made me this way will never pay for their crimes.
It is shitty, and I often mourn the lack of comeuppance in the world.. my cope is to try and do what little I can to mend. All we can do is try to find comfort in what we can control.
>>40910710
Congratulations, Anon! Humans are persistence hunters after all, and you provided a prime example of what is meant by that.
>>40911160
What are your circumstances like, Anon? It sounds like we talked before?
>>40915244
I'm alright Anon, sweet of you to ask.. do you need any help with engaging with your friend?
>>40915292
Happy for you, Anon! Make sure to treat yourself to something for your victories from time to time, you earned it.

>>40917348
>which moisturiser are you getting anon?
That "The Ordinary Natural Moisturising Factors + HA facial moisturiser" from one of the rentries.
>The Ordinary has one that performs alright
For an exfoliator? How's that compare to like Cerave SA Cleanser?
>you'll want to look for something labelled surgical soap or antiseptic cleanser. nizoral is another option, primarily for dandruff, psoriasis, and fungal related skin issues
Well the specific goal isn't dealing with a current skin condition, but to prevent open hair follicles from getting infected after waxing.
>>40921811
It's ALL snail goo.
>>40917028
I've thought about checking fa but I thought I'd ask here first since I'm using a product recommended by the board in the first place.

>>40916388
I'm always happy to hear from you, shinjinon.. goodness, what a mess. I don't remember what you expected from that appointment, it has been ages since we first talked about it. How do you feel?
>>40916571
It's like with looking down while climbing a ladder.. it is so easy to get overwhelmed if you look at the whole thing. It's hard for me, too. What is the next rung to reach for in your case? The next individual step?
>>40918126
>I'll start tomorrow, I'll clench my teeth and do them tomorrow or help me god I'm not a woman.
Goodie! I would like you to report back to me either way tomorrow, alright?
>>40919814
>the thread's heart
you're too sweet. I keep pumping but you all are the lifeblood.
>>40921327
As stated in the OP, there is worth in broad, generic advice. I don't think it's "fortune cookie" if it has merit, which it does.

>>40921811
Glad to hear the night shift nightmare is over. Definitely go sports bra shopping!
>>40922052
Tell me about your ambitions, Anon!
>>40923691
Wanna walk me through what needs doing?
>>40922897
>>40924608
>Maybe I can try it out?
Do it, generally attend such things if you can help it. Talk to people.
>I don't socialise with people very much, outside of asking them if there's any work I can do for them.
So it is something
>I've never been that comfortable meeting new people, even networking doesn't seem to go anywhere for me.
I understand that discomfort, and unfortunately there is not too much that will wear this discomfort down other than seeking it out.. we do have some books on talking to people for various purposes but I never had the energy to read them so I can't vouch for them.
>I'm pretty distant by nature, due to my fear of getting attached to people on that level
I see, you fear opening yourself up to vulnerability, or is your fear more tied to being clocked as some flavor of lgbt?
>I'm worried people will think I'm a freak
Being too isolated will do you no favors on that front though. Better a sociable than a hermit.
>Okay, that's makes sense, anything else to consider?
Nothing I can think of right now other than "have other people read your CV".
>In sorta related news, I'm working on my learner's permit for this place too, if all goes well I'll have it within a week or so.
Oh nice, fingers crossed!
>>40925666
trips of truth!

Bedtime.
>>40925407
>The world around me makes no sense unless I see humanity as fully and intentionally evil.
Sometimes it is also simply that directing our attention to exclusively those things is.. profitable.
>who encourages everyone to be sexual around his underage gf
It boggles the mind that some workplaces use discord for their work chat, given this kinda stuff has reached meme status.
>It's so hard to find anyone who isn't crazy but who's also willing to talk to a loser like me.
Well, we can start slow. Tell me about your offline surroundings, how grim is it? Rural area? LGBT unfriendly country?
>>40926877
I'm excited to catch up with the show again, I might bug you once I do!
>>40927981
I'm glad other anons chimed in, the friend of mine that is knowledgeable on these matters usually directs me to pharmacies for my own cosmetic needs (she often calls me a moid for how little I take care of my nails and such, and I mean, I am, but her care makes me take better care of myself recently..) since the stuff they sell tends to be no frills.

>>40925666
hm?

>>40885516
Why are you congratulating people for getting on debilitating drugs?

>>40915292
>calling about HRT
Bad idea.

>>40921811
>having to pay private for hrt really doesnt appeal.
How so? Do you figure the taxpayers should be paying for it instead?

>>40927556
>Make sure to treat yourself to something for your victories from time to time, you earned it.
This is textbook enabling, also known as not helping.

Pg7 Gm sig, 4 lancets for a vial of blood is totes normal right. Anyway injection later (4 days late cause i was waiting to do bloods - may be borked anyway cause bridging sublingual who knows)
>>40928105
Over for 8 days at least lol. Still in paperwork hell outside of work
>>40929552
I mean yea desu, because I'm in the UK and pay for everyone elses care as is so think my needs should be met as well (not on a 7+ year wait)
But was more referring to the cost of DIY vs like gendergp (and well the nhs are infamous for hondosing so I actually like diy for that).
Certainly bloodwork should be available which it isn't (hence doing my own).
>debilitating drugs
Which drugs do you mean?

>>40927981
>The Ordinary Natural Moisturising Factors + HA facial moisturiser
I see, yeah that one is nice too. HA's effect depends a bit on your local climate but urea and ceramides are pretty universal. Some people don't tolerate them that well, however, so that's worth keeping in mind if you suffer from allergies or sensitive skin.
>For an exfoliator?
Yes, chemical exfoliation is generally preferred over physical on the face.
>How's that compare to like Cerave SA Cleanser?
SA tends to be a tad more stripping than glycolic, and seeing as this is a cleanser rather than a toner-like exfoliation liquid it's going to be better at cleaning out dirt and clogged pores (at the cost of being less effective at chemical exfoliation).
>to prevent open hair follicles from getting infected after waxing
It might sound like overkill, but Antiseptics/surgical soaps are generally quite good at doing exactly that. You can also use it to remove smells easily and take care of body acne. If you need something extra you could go for a mild chemical exfoliator as well, but that tends to leave the skin more irritated than the soaps

>>40927990
It feels weird.
Like somebody's looked me straight in the eyes and declared me dead.

>>40884987 (OP)
I'm going to fill my weekends from now on with studying for my professional engineering cert and drawing(right now my own hentai manga).
IDK how to avoid burnout despite already having work burnout though.

I genuinely think I might end up roping by the end of the year. My entire life has devolved to walking all day then coming home and seeing my fat ugly disgusting body in the mirror and wanting to die and going on infinite ''restrict food -> binge ->compensate by not eating the next day or doing even more walking (sometimes up to 20 miles a day) -> binge -> repeat''. Im way past the point of no return with twink death; even if i lost the rest of the fat (ive gone from 290lbs to 185~ish off the psych meds that caused the weight gain), id still have extra skin/stomach and be hairy and ugly and masc. Ill never look good cosplaying or dancing and I'll never be cute.

Lately Ive been having nightmares about the pedo that groomed me and idk, his body was much better than mine is now, he got to have a good life, if I was cute enough for him at the time I could have moved in with him and avoided getting stuck in my house where my abusive uncle called me a faggot and pepper sprayed me.

My stomach will always be a ''that'' and I genuinely don't believe I'll ever be good enough after meeting someone and having every limb and body part pointed at and being rated as ''good'' or ''bad'', i am literally an object and nothing more.
If i wasnt good enough for a pedophile when I was a minor and still a (ugly) twink, how am i supposed to ever be good enough now?

Ironically enough when my dad sui'ed it was because some cheating slut left him because he was too fat, so I think it makes sense that I ended up down a similar path, like father like son and all that.

My mind and body are both irreparably broken and I don't see the point of doing anything when I look like this
All I ever wanted to do was be myself but that is not allowed in this disgusting body(pic very much related).

>>40916758
>Since the details of the setup depend on your router etc I forward you to the right keywords to look up if it's alright
That'd be pretty handy.
>The term you are looking for is DNS filtering
Okay, I understand now.

>It's something many routers can do, you can even block devices based on the time of day a lot of the time. A more sophisticated alternative is getting a small raspberry pi and hooking it up. Pi-hole is a project dedicated to exactly that, and I believe is well documented.
Awesome, I'll make a few notes for all these things so I can get some of this down over my weekend.

>Sadly I don't know tracker apps and the like very well, people mention them from time to time but I don't have any particular ones on record, sorry
No worries, I'm sure it's something I can find around If I pick out some key phrases first.

>>40932841
sleep usually helps me recover, but that might just be me

>>40928105
>Tell me about your ambitions, Anon!
There would be no point. I must overcome my delusions of grandeur. I will aspire to aponia and ataraxia: live a quiet Epicurean life according to the tetrapharmakos.
A desire for worldy achievement is an unnatural and unnecessary one.

>>40932943
>Sleep
If only I had time and didn't need that.

bump

too sleepy to post

>>40928105
>Do it, generally attend such things if you can help it. Talk to people
I will seriously consider it then, never played that sport before though.
>So it is something
How do you mean?

>I understand that discomfort, and unfortunately there is not too much that will wear this discomfort down other than seeking it out.. we do have some books on talking to people for various purposes but I never had the energy to read them so I can't vouch for them
I understand, I geuss it's not a problem I can try hink my way out of really.

I need to be more practical about things it looks like.

>>40933012
same, holy shiznit I am super tired gonna go sleep

>>40884987 (OP)
I'm starting to think I'm a bad and self-destructive person.

Why is it so hard for me to change?

>>40936471
It’s frustrating to fail, and tempting to identify with failure — to think that you failed because you’re you. But thinking that will only discourage you from trying again, which is no way to succeed.

Mistakes can be a constructive part of learning and problem solving. This idea that making mistakes can be a part of learning is a helpful attitude but hard to find because memorization and repetition are faster and easier than promoting creativity and independent thinking. I recently heard the process of making a mistake and trying again as an emotional skill called “frustration tolerance.”

It’s also important not to think of learning as doing something right every time after a minimum of instruction, instead of performing inconsistently with ups and downs as you practice a skill.

If you want more specific advice, tell us what you’re trying to accomplish, what you’ve tried that hasn’t worked, and odds are good someone will talk you through the details of doing what you’re trying to get done.

But you’ve got to be willing to try again first, you know?

>>40936940
A different anon but what you said struck a chord inside a bit.

It sounds incredibly stupid but, I feel so much more motivated doing things like improving at courting others, or improving at easily applauded improvement such as my body in workouts, sports, video games. But find applying that same drive towards things that have no such fanfare like grinding rock for water.

There will be no benefit to doing it, I simply am supposed to it feels like. Be it career, or hobbys at times. I recognize that ultimately the drive needs to come from within but I am struggling to nurture that drive. Would you have any advice for building that flavor of drive?

cat is this real

>>40937566
Hot foods give people the same pleasure chemicals in their brain as erotic pain and bondage.
Not related but I thought you should know.

>>40937093
I recently watched a great video about motivating yourself. Here’s the link:

https://youtu.be/SJ2d1GVPHCc

But to summarize if you can’t listen to a video:
>Once you start doing something, it’s easier to keep doing it
>You can make starting a project easier by lowering the stakes
>Set small initial goals, like only working on something for a small interval of time, or doing a small amount of the work
>Aim for making it not feel like you have to be ready to embark on this massive undertaking before you can begin

page 9 bump

>>40928135
>Sometimes it is also simply that directing our attention to exclusively those things is.. profitable.
Except that I mean the humans with whom I interact directly. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of banishing the monsters by turning off the news.
>given this kinda stuff has reached meme status.
I read the tos recently and it was surprisingly open. Various forms of harassment are perfectly fine unless you can prove intent to cause real world harm (but if you could do that, you'd already be filing a lawsuit...), even explicitly neonazi servers don't have many issues. It's still the best option, unfortunately.
>Tell me about your offline surroundings, how grim is it? Rural area? LGBT unfriendly country?
All of the above. I pass, but I don't pass to where nobody would notice after spending hours around me and picking up tiny faults in my stealth, and it's over an hour to the nearest lgbt group or the nearest club. Anything else would require forcing myself into a new hobby. And now that I think about it, there isn't much less than that hour from me regardless that isn't explicitly religious.

I was born to be unemployed (hurt myself at work again but still have to come in to work).
Anyway I'm now (iirc - can't recall exactly when I started again) 5 months HRT.
>>40886954
>Yeah, wasn't the best state of mind I admit..
Sorry I didnt see you'd replied. Hopefully you're in a better headspace now.
>>40937566
Yes, which is why I find it frustrating that crying is difficult for me because it makes it harder to pull myself out of low mood etc.
Actually idk if any other anons have takes on this or do this but I tend to basically hit myself with a flat object (my phone normally) to try and get that chemical release. Idk if that qualifies as self harm or not.
>>40938080
Noted.
>>40936471
I think the belief that you are bad can drive self destruction more than the sort of reverse (ie "i am self destructive so I'm bad"). It's a bit of a feedback loop

gotta take care of some stuff, I got so much on my fucking mind, man

>>40942655
What has been on your mind anon?

hello
they will literally cut up my butthole and into my anal canal next week
thought you should know

>>40935537
I don't think sleep can fix this kind of tired anymore.
Well, I hope I just can wing it and make the H manga I have only made 4 pages for and bow have to make story and foreplay around. I went about everything ass backwards.

>>40942821
Is that what people meant by having your gut rearranged?

>>40942821
sorry to hear it anon, that sucks

>>40884987 (OP)
Gotta go to sleep again, good night and I love you.

>>40942821
did something happen, or is this part of some sort of SRS?

i threw up again

>>40943065
It's pretty kinky, yes. Might be too vanilla for this stuff.
>>40944365
Thank u. It won't be that bad I hope. Just a week or two of pain I assume.
>>40946044
Anal fistula...

>>40923245
told some of my friends.
what's the word for when things are falling into place and starting to make sense but the realisation and knowledge of what has happened and what will continue happening leaves you less willing to fight for anything healthy and good than ever before. the more I'm reading the more i feel like taking it out on someone or doing things to increase the risk of dying an early death because theres no major "what ifs" anymore it's all just varying degrees of continued pain with little to no room for pleasure or growth or achievements. the thought of going back to the clinic disgusts me. the thought of applying for disability aid disgusts me. their dumb fuck pamphlets on how to live as normally as possible disgust me. that I am trying to reject them out of a sense of emotionally dysregulated hopelessness isnt lost on me. I dont want them to touch me or look at me or talk to me. I want to call an old friend and tell him to hit me.
I'm not going to do that.
think the least damaging option would be drinking and staying up late working until I can distract myself with the workout group, if i'm sane enough to go. bought some stuff today thats coming in tomorrow to help me from slipping up and doing worse things to myself.
i dont want to hurt my friends or cause them any discomfort.

>>40946133
>Anal fist-
WHOA
>ula
Oh

update tomorrow

goodnight!

>>40947730
:)

alone, purposeless. binged cocaine during the past two days. can't quit smoking. i just want to be put down.

>>40950760
it's okay to fall down as long as you get back up
why are you alone and purposeless?

>>40950760
Maybe you can take a break from drugs for one day? No coke tomorrow. You can keep going after that.

upsies!

pagina 8

>sick yesterday
>sedentary today
>have to mini-move places tomorrow
I will rest until tonight, begin anew tomorrow
>>40954007
hey that's possibly the language of my land

>>40954135
>>hey that's possibly the language of my land
Esne cives Respublicae Romanae? Imperium magnum, imperium eternalis... aud es cives Respublica Italiana, nova Roma. Lingua italiana non loquor, sed paululum latinum...

>>40950760
>binged cocaine during the past two days
Please try to stop.

>>40954007
and again

>>40927990
>The next individual step?
done with it
all of it
im not satisfied or even rewarded
just how anxiety works

Don't worry everyone, I'm not dead, I just needed a bit of a break. Will be back in full force on Sunday I believe.

>>40957610
heck yeah!
rest well!

>>40917560
>what led you to detrans
two major reasons. lots of other smaller reasons but these two are really why I decided to detransition. Number one, was that it didn't feel like me becoming my true self, and felt like me trying to run away and become someone else. And I wanted to just try and be myself and accept myself. Number two is because I thought long and hard about what I truly wanted in life, and me meeting someone, who also led to heartbreak (but that's a different story), made me realize that what I truly wanted in life was to fit be in a cishet relationship and to have a family. I feel this one more strongly now.
>>40921811
>Have you checked your hormone levels
I have not. Checked them while on hrt but didn't care to when off it, but I this is probably a good idea ty anon

>>40957610
Blessed anon

How do I make positive changes in my life when I have debilitating social anxiety, debilitating fear of negative evaluation, and have been isolated with my family my entire life (partially due to being homeschooled)? Therapy is my only conduit to the outside world, and even at home I don't do anything productive. The internet should be my pathway to social interaction, but I have avoided it there too.

give me attention

>40960981
wrong place, anon

>>40885003
thanks for keeping making those.
thinking out loud here, goals for today:
just prevent the cat from dying
eat first to have enough energy
clean up what's necessary
water the obvious plants
start the laundry
plan tomorrow

that's it, now I'll go airplane mode, buy food, and get started
thanks for giving me the place to do this

>>40960981
What brand of undies is that?

>>40884987 (OP)
This weekend was a total bust for productivity, at the very least I'll be able to get my sleep schedule back on track so there's that at least.

How are you all doing?

>>40962458
started getting sick on thursday, proper sick on friday, weekend's been a wash so far, but maybe I'll be able to do a load at the place I'm catsitting at for the last day so I don't have to deal with the usual housemate disaster at my place

Certain cumulative events in my recent life plus the unevenness of my own have made me realise transitioning was a mistake. I’ll silently stop and come out of it stronger. Better. It was a slight mistake nothing I can’t fix.
Thanks for the years in and out everyone. Cya

>>40962453
it literally says it on the wasitband.....

>>40962453
Element stuff I got $6 for a 3 pack at ross

mediocrity

>>40929552
Hey, without wanting to come off as dismissive, is this a digital self harm post or your sincere take?
>>40932283
>Like somebody's looked me straight in the eyes and declared me dead.
Jesus Christ.. I can't imagine what that is like, it reminds me of the feelings I had when my mom went into palliative care. Are things gonna change for you because of this appointment, going forward? Maybe a stupid question..
>>40932841
>drawing(right now my own hentai manga).
That's rad, not gonna lie!
>IDK how to avoid burnout despite already having work burnout though.
You will have to pace yourself, which means forcing yourself to adhere to an upper limit of how much time you spend on it. Creating a fixed time window would serve both efficiency and sustainability. The other Anon has a point that you will have to, sometimes, convince yourself that finishing a task eventually is more important that progressing quickly. That can mean resisting temptations such as finishing a draft in 1 week working 8 hour shifts sat and sun in favor of finishing the same draft in 2 weeks working 4 hours at most on it per day.
>>40932977
You know, you make a very important point. Achievement in a vacuum does not make a good goal at all. It's like wanting to be on a mountaintop. There's a nice view but it would not make up for an unenjoyable climb. Let me ask something else then: what skills did it involve, do you enjoy the process itself? What things do you like to do for the pleasure of doing them?
>>40936471
I have come to believe that the reason change is hard is because if it wasn't, if we didn't resist changing, we would be so fickle and unstable in out behavior that we would not act cohesively as individuals or as a group. However, this inertia becomes an obstacle when we are in a bad spot. What is it you want to change?

>>40963459
post more goon fuel its my fav part of the threads desu
you know your stuff

>>40963493
As far as I'm concerned, those are all just pictures of /sig/anon

>>40963546
/sig/anon being a guy makes it even better desu

I am disgusting i think
ill do better

>>40932899
Welcome back, Anon! I am sorry that I will have to be a bit confrontational but let me preempt by saying you look healthy and normal weight. I will be honest, from what I see you don't look unattractive. I could imagine you in a cute outfit. Your arm fluff is quite light and easily removed. The friend you mentioned earlier, I believe they know you wanna cosplay, right? Crossplay, perhaps? Do they encourage you?
Your uncle was a piece of shit though, holy shit. Speaking of pieces of shit
>after meeting someone and having every limb and body part pointed at and being rated as ''good'' or ''bad'', i am literally an object and nothing more.
I need to emphasize that this is not normal human behavior. If someone had tried that with me they would walk away with two to four glowing palm prints on their cheeks, especially if unprompted.
>All I ever wanted to do was be myself but that is not allowed
Tell me about the parts of yourself that you consider verboten, Anon.
>>40937093
One of the reasons I made this general was to add fanfare and external encouragement to those non-glamorous aspects of self improvement. Keeping loved ones posted on those little successes, with the context of what they mean to you, is also a wonderful experience. It might ease your burden.
>>40963493
I'm a man of taste, I admit. And always happy to share as long as it doesn't bother anyone.
>>40963546
To be fair there's a reason people here often think I'm a girl. It's funny for me to think that there are some people who might think of me when they see moths or cute demon girls.
>>40938080
To add, I have seen capsaicin prescribed to help people snap out of flashbacks and such, and to help with emotional regulation in lieu of self harm.

>>40945869
Hope you rested well, Anon!
>>40938395
I think it might be a good addition to the resources since it explains why I tend to harp on SMART goals so often.
>>40942193
>Except that I mean the humans with whom I interact directly.
Ah, my bad! Of course, plenty of places are actively hostile to anything lgbt at the best of times, which is part of why I asked about the IRL situation you're in.
>It's still the best option, unfortunately.
At least it is the de facto only option as network effect makes people very unwilling to install another app or log into another service for a couple mates.
>All of the above.
I was afraid it was something along those lines. I assume that moving is not a medium term option.. tell me about the hobbies you already have.
>it's over an hour to the nearest lgbt group or the nearest club.
I think it would be a good idea to see if you could find people there to get their online contact. This way, if they are gregarious, you could find more people through them from the comfort of your home, people you might even meet up with!
>there isn't much less than that hour from me regardless that isn't explicitly religious.
That's just fucking depressing to me to the point most of my cishet friends and acquaintances from my student years would fucking wilt in such an environment.
>>40963611
I don't see anything disgusting ITT at all. I think you are good, Anon.
>>40963558
Well, I am glad to be of service!~

>>40932934
>>40935523
>never played that sport before though.
A good conversation starter, learning new things!
>How do you mean?
Oh lord, I fucked up the post! It was meant to say: "So it is something general where you feel like you are being a burden when you are not of direct use yourself?"
If that is the case then a good thing to keep in mind is to not try too hard to protect people from you, if that makes sense. Don't preemptively assume people have something better to do than lend you a hand, is what I mean.
>I understand, I geuss it's not a problem I can try hink my way out of really.
It's more something you just desensitize your way out, unfortunately. That takes training basically, and can't be speedrun. You gotta be patient with yourself on that front and accept the frustration you feel not as a sign of you failing but a sign of you wanting to live up to your potential.
>>40942655
Take care, Anon. We're here for you when you need us.
>>40946064
What happened?

>>40942821
>>40946133
I remember us having talked about those a few threads ago, hope the surgery will proceed smoothly. Could you do me a favor and boop us when you made it out?
>>40923245
>>40946203
I... understand, to the limited extent that I can, I believe. So there is now a certainty to it all, from what I gather. Do you feel like those pamphlets, those procedures, the people you deal with are all sorta.. condescending? It's something I hear often discussed when listening to people who end up with disability. That they feel talked over, sometimes spoken of in third person while in the same room.
>>40950760
Welcome back, Junko. Sorry to hear about the relapse but remember.. it is about increasing the time between them, for now. And it is about filling the hours that substances consumed. That's a process. Tell me, you used to have some contacts you relied on in the past, what happened?

>>40915292
Things are not looking up. I feel like garbage. That other anon has a point about getting HRT through official sources being shit.

>>40884987 (OP)
>male, bi(ish) lean gay
>play a lot of sports
>lift but not as much as i should
>do alright on the dating apps
>but feel like my physique sucks
>average at best
>still feel way too skinny even when i try and bulk up
fucking sucks anons ):

>>40950091
Ended up a day late but better late than never right?
>>40954135
>I will rest until tonight, begin anew tomorrow
Wishing you all the best, Anon!
>>40956507
A mad dash of productivity between incredibly stressful periods of inaction that feel out of your control sorta deal?
>>40959350
>And I wanted to just try and be myself and accept myself.
>I truly wanted in life was to fit be in a cishet relationship and to have a family.
I understand, and as such you had to choose between self actualization needs and dysphoria.
Thank you for indulging my questions by the way! I have to pry a little on the subject since people are so often pressured externally.. if I remember your other posts correctly you are currently trying to find healthy ways to cope with dysphoria to make it easier to work on your goals?
>>40960981
What is it you wanna improve, Anon?

>>40961933
I'm rooting for you, Anon. Feel free to keep us posted about your progress!
>>40959557
Overcoming social anxiety is a difficult thing, and the question is, especially that you are homeschooled, what your current situation is exactly. I assume you wouldn't be able to pursue a career or move right now as things are but I am sure you plan on those things. Negative evaluation is immensely scary to you probably because of your past experiences, but that like social anxiety will slowly die down as you make new experiences. Here's a QRD for things you gotta know in advance:
1) you will feel guilty/bad for no reason a lot. It means it's working, sadly.
2) whenever you feel like retreating, do not do it for too long. It must have a hard limit, otherwise resting becomes self isolation and THAT is dangerous.
3) A lot of online friendships don't work out because most people don't vibe amazingly with most other people. This is not about you being broken or wrong, it is the default experience. There's billions of us and each of us can maybe juggle a few hundred at a time.
4) sometimes you will regress, it's part of the process, the trick is to realize that and ring the alarm bells, for example speak up here.
With all that said:
>The internet should be my pathway to social interaction, but I have avoided it there too.
do you already have online places where you would like to contact people?
Do you also have places IRL you wanna look into?
>>40962538
>Certain cumulative events in my recent life plus the unevenness of my own
Mind going into detail?
>>40962458
Reasonably well I suppose, but I needed a lot of rest

>>40964006
>I remember us having talked about those a few threads ago, hope the surgery will proceed smoothly.
Thank you... I am Tim btw.
>Could you do me a favor and boop us when you made it out?
Actually, I only have an examination tomorrow, and I'm thinking about asking them to move the surgery to December maybe. There's no date yet, I just assumed that they'd do it next week because it's a minor thing. But December would be more convenient for me. Drawback is that I'll keep stressing out over it. I dunno. I'll definitely keep y'all up to date on the state of my butt tho. Thanks for asking.
>>40963459
>Achievement in a vacuum does not make a good goal at all. It's like wanting to be on a mountaintop.
That's true. I guess I just keep wrestling with myself because I have very few achievements to show. I tend to think of myself as an underachiever – but maybe I'm not, ya know? Maybe this is just everything I'm capable of.
>What things do you like to do for the pleasure of doing them?
I guess I like writing down my thoughts. Journaling. Anything you can do with a piece of paper in general, not too big on drawing though. Learning new things. Communicating ideas to others to some degree, as long as it's an impersonal kinda deal. Used to be into debating but have entirely soured on that.

How've you been doing, Anon?

>>40964445
>Feel free to keep us posted about your progress
headache, some fever, so I've cancelled the laundry thing. I'll go feed the cat and start moving things to my place to also charge up on energy, cleanup and final inspection after

>>40964479
cute pic

>>40964438
>What is it you wanna improve, Anon?
i want abs, a gf, more money, a better living situation and jews to stop making life hell for the working class

>>40963863
>A good conversation starter, learning new things!

>Oh lord, I fucked up the post! It was meant to say: "So it is something general where you feel like you are being a burden when you are not of direct use yourself?"
Yes pretty much, I feel worthless and unworthy if I'm not working in service to someone.
I hate being and feeling like a burden, my circumstances make it sting even more now.

>If that is the case then a good thing to keep in mind is to not try too hard to protect people from you, if that makes sense
I'll try to.
It's really hard for me put myself in a situation where I could inconvenience them.

>Don't preemptively assume people have something better to do than lend you a hand, is what I mean
Oh okay, I suppose that's a small adjustment I can make.

Thank you for all the responses, it is very much appreciated.

>>40963459
>>40964006
>Are things gonna change for you because of this appointment, going forward?
I guess they already have.
it isn't going to kill me. improvements are possible for a small percentage of patients but even if I luck out it's not going to last. it's just going to continue worsening as I age.
I'm going to have to apply for disability.
with all of the restrictions that bring.
>Do you feel like those pamphlets, those procedures, the people you deal with are all sorta.. condescending?
it's... more like I'm being thought of as a chunk of meat. a rough, mostly useless piece of meat. something you have to cook for 8 hours to eat. "here's how to start a family", "here's how you can contribute to society", "here's how to be the least expensive member of your category".
I'm worthless unless I procreate. I'm worthless if I can't contribute something else for the world to eat in my stead. stay positive. eat your veggies. get your financial aid and wait, patiently, until the day you die, watching everyone and everything surpass you or grow distant.
I'm sorry siganon. you don't have to provide any advice. you've done plenty. thank you.
I'm going to go to work tomorrow. at least for a few hours.

>>40966546
>it's... more like I'm being thought of as a chunk of meat.
Have you ever heard of the game mouthwashing? I heard it explores that and other heavy subjects, there's a video essay on it focusing on the disability aspect by a known youtube b lister, if you can't stomach the game
might be the last thing you need to see right now, but maybe it makes you feel seen, too.

>>40966583
thank you anon. the fact that you saw what I wrote and offered a suggestion to make me feel less alone is
making me tear up a little. thank you.
Ive heard it should be pretty good... I think I'll give it a try.

>>40966707
I sadly can't hug you tight right now but, I want you to know you are seen. You are valued. You are so much more than the parameters by which we are measured, or the characters we put on the screen. I hope to have built a place of warmth and comfort here, to the extent such a place an exist here.
In case you want the video essay too (spoilers, of course), here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogLJapz3oik

Pg9. My knee pain is acting up. Dysphoria getting to me, idk. The inability to actually talk about the things that are stressing me out is really getting to me.
I can't exactly explain to anyone, even irl, that like (and this is being vague) "oh yeah having to answer extremely personal questions about my sexuality is actually stressful for me because my sexuality is not conventional".

I hope Seldarine's okay. I haven't seen her active as much recently.

I’m making a Tinder, fuck it im becoming a normie

Goodnight and goodbye everyone

>>40968162
Heh, cool picture.

Hey /sig/, took a break from posting.

These last few weeks have been... rough. Like, really rough. No place got back to us before our leave date, so we had to move in with a friend of ours and her parents. They have a pretty big house and its not as bad as we thought it would be, but its obviously Not Great. My husband and I are used to having separate rooms (both of us like to have our own space plus my sleep schedule likes to randomly fuck itself), so its taking some adjustment.
We got an extra week before we had to turn our keys in, but that was just to clean everything, which we managed to get done, but fuck, its not great to clean out every little last trace of yourself from your home for the last 7 years.
My husband is worried about money and we actually had a bit of a fight today, but we talked it through.
The silver lining is that a place got back to us and wants us to do an in person appointment and interview in the morning, so fingers crossed that goes well.
I also got to help my mother move which is... extremely stressful. This entire situation has revealed to me that my mom has hoarder tendencies. We originally planned on sharing one of the bigger storage lockers around town with her, but she has more than twice the stuff we do and there wasn't enough room, she had to get her own, and even then. Its not great, I had to secretly toss some stuff behind her back and its honestly eating me up a bit. I love her but she has so much shit she does not need or have space for, like yards and yards and yards of fabric she doesn't need or boxes and boxes of my old clothes I keep telling her to just toss. Not helping is how much of this is soooo last minute and remembering how many times she lectured me as a child over procrastination and inconveniencing people.

Good news: Haven't been on twitter in over a week.

coffee not needed but appreciated....
maybe a nice Ethiopian

>>40968154
>having to answer extremely personal questions about my sexuality
therapy, or friends/family or?

Bumping before i go to sleep

>>40914834
No I do know that I just really haven’t been myself for a long time now just escaping from reality and just listening to what others think of me. To be honest I always wanted to say this is me I know I who I am and what I actually want in my life. I know for a fact that I won’t be able to live like other people with everything that’s happened and all these problems that I am now realizing that I just can’t live like this anymore. It’s like I know the things I want to do like going places, riding the subway, looking at the stars, movie nights, and much more, but it’s like I don’t know how to get there. I don’t know how to say it but it’s like the doing work from a to b seems a lot, but I know that it isn’t but it feels like a lot. I just have to do things step by step even if they are small in order for me to get somewhere.

>>40964445
>what is your current situation exactly
Firstly, you're right in assuming I'm not in a good position to attain a job currently, and certainly not to move out.
My situation is difficult because I have so little external experience that basic conversation, as well as taking action without major guidance, is very alien to me. Therefore I'm in a spot where I have never known much outside my own mind, but I don't know how to escape because I'm overwhelmed by the machinations of socializing and society in general. Fortunately my parents are supportive, but they can't fix my dysfunction.
>do you already have online places where you would like to contact people?
A couple, yes, one was this general actually.
>Do you also have places IRL you wanna look into?
No, I've no clue what's near me or how to get involved in stuff like that. My therapist has suggested both meet-ups and group therapy, but I'm kinda nervous about researching the former and am uncertain about the latter.
Also, thank you so much for the response and advice.

>>40971638
Also to answer I do take walks at night and I do like it just walking and listening to music it always feels nice. Maybe I should plan a visit to a national park one day I read about it for a college presentation and it sounds like fun visiting and taking pictures.

>>40968162
Wish I weren't too socially anxious AND ugly for Tinder.

I wanna catch up on some replies but I have a lot to do before then