>>40874195
>>40874221
>Hi /sig/ its been awhile and I would like your anonymous 2 cents.
Welcome back! No need to apologize for long posts by the way, I am thankful for context.
>And I had fun and the city was beautiful and made me cry because there was so much to do compared to the shithole im forced to stay in atm
I'm happy to hear, and I do hope you get to move asap.
>which i guess in the end is still a level of gender dysphoria, idk.
In short, yes, as far as I can tell. You don't want boobs or present as a woman but are uncomfortable with being as masc as you are and want to be more andro, right?
>trying to ana-mode it up as much as possible
Please don't anamode, I understand you wanna get rid of muscle but as tough as it is it is NOT worth it slipping into ED. It will be slower this way but it will also be sustainable.
>collagen and fish oil and vitamins for hair and skin and everything else.
Keep an eye on your macros and micros in general, yes.
>what the heck is the point of all of this is and how/why you all try so hard.
On some level, a lot of working on oneself, very plainly put, ties into microdosing delusion one way or another. That sounds like a condemnation but you gotta remember that nobody ever has the mental fortitude to uphold a nuanced, multi-faceted and very unsatisfying outlook 24/7, and anything short of that to fit in a skull will be too simple to be realistic, and our brains, biologically hardwired to rationalize ANYTHING post-hoc, gotta bullshit the world around us together so we don't go insane over how obviously incorrect we are at all times. As such, pessimism is just as delulu just in a less useful way. You make a good point about brain chemistry. The issue is that we intuit many ways of doing things that lead to spirals. We have to trick ourselves to be happy. Videos like that in maximizing misery in the resources tell the story of how we tend to work if not consciously working against it. Of course, none of this answers "why".
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