>>40795976
I cant say much of anything about my situation - Ive already said probably too much and there are people on this board who would get an ambulance to my front door if they spotted me.
My situation is hopeless. Job market is shit. Too much debt. No love in my life. Ostracized anyone and everyone I could ever hope to truly lean on. Truly and utterly alone. Everything is too much all the time. So depressed I can barely do more than the bare minimum while the daily clock ticks down another day towards the destined day. Every route I could take out has drawbacks that are just to big. The best most "happiest" end for me involves me toiling without love or support until my body gives out and dies anyways. Every other remotely reasonable window has closed. - and all of the unreasonable doors are slowly closing as well until all that will be left is the revolver on my nightstand.
Transitioning was the break point for me. I awakened to my despair and became so crippled by it that I was unable to make decisions. I built a fucking guilded cage of misery and by the time I woke up to live my life, I was entombed. With enough grit I could have kept that cage tolerable, but now I yearn for freedom that will never come and love that will never be. My paralysis caused everything to fall apart and now the only thing standing between the only good things to ever come out of my miserable fucked up life and maybe having a shot at not growing up on the streets is a single bullets and a scrawled letter about how my job drove me over the ledge permanently.
I dont know why Im here. I cant improve. Maybe a desperate plea to the vast empty that some angel will spare me. Maybe because I need to scream it out somewhere just to keep myself from tasting lead right now.
You dont have to try to save me. Its okay to ignore me and let me scream. Thats what everyone does anyways.
