>>24812089
>if you looked at the story I posted
I did. It was fucking ass. I had mixed feelings but I don't like being discouraging so I withheld because you didn't seem open to criticism
>dude it's meant to be retarded and shit because uh it's first person of a retarded guy
>We abide; stand around the pissoir, breathing the passage of beer, watching Max cut sloppy lines across his screen. He does his and Doug does his and I do mine and it felt fantastic, sharing lines with Doug.
garbage. But others put it better. I mean, I guess it sounds realistic because morons do narrate their thoughts like this but doesn't mean it's good. It's shit, but it's shit on purpose and yet it's the prose you want critique on? The substance is even worse (which is meant to make up for your realistic style)

Narrative styles like this are such hacky nonsense—so cheap.
>"Fuck," The guy says.
Wow it's like you've transported me to Berlin. This could be the next trainspotting I'm sure!

"Any druggie retard could write this," was my first thought.

>Not-Putin i charge of the US
>Has his own PMC army
>Wants to faleflag attack against the Europoors to make them pay or sum shit
>McMercs actually rebel