>>82206898
>nigga doesn't know that this peace is what all true warriors strive for

It's a lot easier to lay the foundations for a life that truly brings you joy from a position of stability than one of excited distraction. Chances are you'd still have the same underlying issues causing this sense of malaise if you were living the lifestyle you thought you 'should' be living, only it would ultimately fester because said lifestyle would only do enough to distract you from it for 15 years max, and when you come out the other side and reality hits you'd end up in the same position you are now only worse and 15 years older (not that 34 is old mind you).

I'm worried I'm starting to sound like a normie but it's a false economy to worry about the passage of time like you currently are. Not saying 'just b urself' and things will get better but don't be impatient about the changes you want to implement taking a while to come to fruition.