And I don't quite know why.

I am nearing my mid-20's having never had any real relations with a woman. It's funny how it got to this.

High school, was a goober and made fun of. Fought my way out of that with extreme changes. Then women of all ages started to notice me and come to me. And something would always happen. I would not reciprocate, or seek, or for whatever reason it would not happen.

I don't know exactly what it is certain women find attractive about me. They say I'm handsome and big but none of that matters to me.

And I have healthy desires and am not some freak. Is it an ingrained conscious / unconscious conclusion that the juice isn't worth the squeeze? Protecting myself? Or is it a psyche block? An inability or aversion to forming relationships? I haven't had regular contact eith anyone in 5 years. I don't care for those things anymore. I became the "cool guy" everybody likes, but have no use for any of it except for daily highs and lows.

I just wonder if I'm going to regret these actions (inaction) or if life sucks regardless of what I do.

Bought my first suit today (navy / white shirt / no tie), thinking of Wagner while smoking a cigarillo. Life is a mediocre experience.