Thread 96932777

>[regenerates instantly]
>Foolish mortal, only a warrior pure of heart can defeat me!
What would your character do in this situation?

I guess let's put him in a small sturdy box, restrained but undefeated, and keep chopping his limbs off for endless supply of meat.

>>96932777 (OP)
I call (you) a faggot and tell (you) to write a book instead.

>>96932777 (OP)
>[smiles]
>I like my playthings durable

>>96932777 (OP)
>by the power of Adolf Hitler, I smite thee!

said the Cleric, blasting the blackguard in the face with pure light

>>96932777 (OP)
"Ok hold on, time out. What are the requirements for being pure of heart? I wanna know what it is I'm missing here."

>>96932777 (OP)
>Cleric5/Paladin2 smite go boom

>>96932777 (OP)
Show the villain my v-card.

>>96932777 (OP)
I go look for someone born via cesarean section

>>96932777 (OP)
>>96933113

>>96933293
We should let cleric have a try, if nothing else it will finally settle the debate if taking it in the butt makes her impure.

>>96933293
>Google Search: "How do I un-sex myself?"

>>96932964
The barbarian's brazenly chaotic evil. You can't rape, mutilate, and torture for good and stay good, that's evil infighting itself.

>>96932777 (OP)
>You know guys, you wanted to stop me the last 8 times I tried it, but I think torture really is the only solution here!

>>96932777 (OP)
>NE vampire wizard
>turbovirgin that has never laid with anyone
There's a 50/50 chance it will work or he'll let the lich bitch him

>>96933397
Why not? He's only mean to bad guys.

>>96933355
>subtle hazing of catholicism
silence, jew.

Rape

>>96933527
If an evildoer deserves death, the good thing to do is kill them. If they're immortal, bury them in a cell and keep an armed watch at the gate. Amputating their limbs, impaling the husk to carry as a backpack, and shoving its eye up your ass for the sake of further punishing the evildoer is, of itself, evil. Good is not sadistic, it's slow to judge and swift in certainty.

>>96933397
According to Gygax, who is the final word on the subject, it is not evil to be violent and cruel to evil beings.

>>96933546
>immediately associates buggery with catholicism
That says more of you than anon.

>>96933293
>lich doesn't even kill him, it just laughs at him and tells him to fuck off

>>96932777 (OP)
>only a warrior pure of heart can defeat me!
Good, because my heart is filled with pure evil.

>>96933527
Torture is an always evil act in D&D, target alignment doesn't matter. Lethal force is only justified under self defence or defence of others under the good alignment, and torture never qualifies for either.

>>96932777 (OP)
[points tempest cleric at him]
[Tempest Cleric casts 9th-level maximized shatter]
>Sorry best I can do is dumb of ass

>>96933565
Enslaving evildoers so they can make amends is neutral, but maiming, rape, and torture goes over the line into evil. There's no purpose to it save pain, and if the evildoer is wicked enough to need it, the good thing to do is find a sturdy tree and a spool of rope.

"Well, I qualify for the Chivalric bonus. I've got my Religious bonus, I've passed a Humility check and I've just critically inspired my Love (God) Passion. I lower my lance and charge this foul churl."
I love Pendragon.

>>96933573
Wait, aren't you here to save the kingdom?

>>96933638
I call it "a change of administration."

>>96933397
If the God of Good in the setting says it is not evil, then it is not. Alignments (in shitty ttrpgs) are related to the gods, not morality.

>>96933664
I'd argue that this is more the case with bad DMs, not anyone who put genuine thought into their pantheons.
Gods should represent their alignments, not the other way around. I always play that they are paragons, while their demigods pull shit and have to be put in their place from time to time.
Alignment should matter in a real, long term, campaign.

>>96932777 (OP)
I cite the Vegeta precedent.

>>96933664
Not in old D&D. Gods were subject to alignment restrictions just like mortals are. If the god of honor became too much of an ass, he falls and becomes a god of evil.

>>96933787
>not becoming god of the other honor

>>96932777 (OP)
My dick may be dirty, but my heart is gold!
*jerks off in his eye*

>>96933803
If you fail to meet your alignment requirements, it's GM's choice what your new domain's were.

>>96932777 (OP)
>What would your character do in this situation?
She runs away.

>>96934290
Gladebottom?
Like her bottom is an open space in a forest?

>>96934290
When being chased by a bear, you don't need to outrun the bear, you just need to outrun other people fleeing.
- old Russian saying, roughly translated

>>96934115
Hold up Steve, I don't know what "yiffing" is, but I'm pretty sure I don't like it.

>>96933634
Pure kino is a white knight vanquishing great evil

>>96932777 (OP)
Put down my weapons obviously

>>96932777 (OP)
I would "Kurama" his ass like Kurama did to elder Toguro.

>>96934393
N-no! Her family builds treehouses down near the roots!
>>96934395
Excellent proverb

>>96932777 (OP)
I introduce him to the flesh golem I made out of only hearts

>>96933397
>You can't rape, mutilate, and torture
When did he do that?

>>96932777 (OP)
"Encourage" the rest of the party to take a stab at it. If they can't make a dent in him consider betrayal or fleeing.

>>96932777 (OP)
It's time for some shibari. Out sorceress would really like a proper chair to style on her colleagues.

>>96932777 (OP)
Mind control.
He's still undefeated, but now he does whatever I want.

>>96932777 (OP)
Kick him in the balls.

>>96933546
>he thinks that christianity isn't just a philosemitic off-shoot of judaism
P a t h e t i c

>>96932777 (OP)
A pure heart in what sense?
A completely kind heart? A completely innocent heart? A completely evil heart?
There are different levels of purity!

>>96932777 (OP)
If Japan and Russia have taught me anything, its that any warrior who is 100% covered in armor is actually an easily embarrassed tomboy or a twink with an insatiable asshole.
Either way, immortal waifu get.

>>96939415
Clearly we need to test it. For SCIENCE!
Get a couple thousand people with different levels of heart purity, a wizard or cleric with regeneration spells and way to pull the guy from the brink of death, and a good sword to stab him with. Check which purity levels and types actually work on him, which don't, maybe there are partial effects, and so on. It would be fun.

>>96932777 (OP)
Depends on the game.

>>96933603
All that probably works wonders to intimidate potential evildoers into not evildoing. If I was some down-on-my-luck mercenary, and I knew that if I get evil enough the Satan in loincloth erroneously called a barbarian would probably tear off my figgin and place it upon a spike, I'd probably retire to farm root vegetables instead of becoming a bandit.

>>96932777 (OP)
Sucks for him since im just the guy they sent in to see if the "pure of heart" one can actually beat his ass.
He's pretty cooked since now my job is just to keep him there til Mr.Big Dick Hero arrives to finish the job in a few minutes.
The least he can do is make it entertaining til Bestie arrives, I suppose.

>>96932777 (OP)
Go be immortal somewhere else.

>>96932777 (OP)
I go to the city-state of Pure Heart and pay someone to come and kill that bitch, obviously.

>>96932777 (OP)
Shatter her hymen repeatedly forever.

>>96932777 (OP)
I know it's shitposting but sometimes I wonder if in these threads there actually are posters who don't know that pure hearted is a term for a soul that hasn't been tarnished with sin

>>96932777 (OP)
>My heart is pure.
>PURE EVIL!

>>96940605
Anon, if that were true, no one south of Jesus himself would qualify.
Needing the messaiah to kill every resurrected demon lord would get old fast.

>>96932777 (OP)
i roll to purify my heart.

>>96933397
Did you see what Kevin the Paladin did to that orc?

>>96932777 (OP)
>warrior
>pure of heart

Murder is a sin therefore his statement is an oxymoron. And this is what will proceed the 20 minute debate I have with the GM before he finally let's us kill the bad guy out of frustration at rules lawyering.

>>96932777 (OP)
teleport him to the bottom of the ocean, bound in a lot of chains

>>96932777 (OP)
Trolling, off topic, spamming, low quality.

>>96933293
I suppose my barbarian orc is pure of heart then
>>96932777 (OP)
time to die evil force

>>96933397
In monster mash he seems to literally transform before the dracula

>>96938174
he blew an unwilling spirit

>>96939930
Hey buddy, think you got the wrong thread. Filename thread's two blocks down.

>>96933397
>You can't rape, mutilate, and torture for good and stay good
We call it "crusading" genius. And you rape the women so the next generation abroad has your holy seed and will turn to good, instead of the women bearing more heathens. Perfectly justifiable action according to IRL lore.

>>96932777 (OP)
I'm counting on it.

>>96933397
It's not evil if he only ever does it to evil things, because they are evil
your dumb take is like saying an executioner is actually a murderer if he enjoys his job

>>96932777 (OP)
Seduce him and over the span of a lifetime convince him to stop being evil and just come back to bed :3

>>96932777 (OP)
Relinquish my father's sword over to my son who has yet seen 10 summers. His clumsy strike bears true for the motivation in the violence is purely that of self preservation and protection of the people and lands he loves.
The foul knight can not bear the purity of his effort and crumples under the inherited blade in a wicked hiss of splintering sinew and cracking bones.

He is smote.

>>96932777 (OP)
Does pure EVIL count?

>>96933557
"Something Vimes had learned as a young guard drifted up from memory. If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.

They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar.

So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.”

-Sir Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

>>96940148
Someone with a pure heart would not accept the money.

>>96946615
Someone pure of heart would understand that a job is a job.

Everyone here would be fine since you're all virgins. Don't lie.

>>96933527
Means and intent matter.
The idea of "imprison a lich to keep it from escaping" isn't evil. But selecting your method based on how much pain it will inflict is evil. And to be clear - he makes these decisions based on the pain it will inflict. He takes a sadistic joy in fantasizing about the agony his victims will be in.

But to really put the nail in the coffin, let's talk about deal with the Lich. The lich revealed his phylactery. You can end the threat here and now. It will not only be safer for everyone involved, it will also be easier. And he doesn't choose it. He chooses to the option that is harder and less safe for himself and everyone else. All so he can feel pleasure from torture.

His alignment is evil.

>>96946643
Nuh uh. I've made love to my Kerfur many times.

>>96932777 (OP)
I turn him into a little girl that is now my daughter, get adopted idiot

>>96933573
Isn't this a Vegeta plot element in Dragonball at some point?

>>96950062
He went "Ultra Ego" where his pettiness literally lets him steal energy or some shit.

>>96946643
The pure of heart don't jack off nor make racist comments online so no

>>96950062
Sorta. Vegeta says his heart being pure evil is what allows him to become a super saiyan. But it really seems more like he just hit some kind of threshold and broke through it.

>>96934395
>fuck others, only thing that matters is I've got mine
Explains a lot if this mindset is common enough for a proverb.

>>96946610
God pratchett wrote such fucking drivel

>>96951331
Too bad, those ancient fairy tales never made issues over those. They care if you had sex. >>96933293 Sex havers GTFO.

>>96932777 (OP)
>Business oriented Merc with modest body count
>But also a virgin
He'd give it an honest try. If that fails, groom some poor kid to do the job for him a few years from now.

>>96945851
Executioner is a murderer regardless of his personal feelings.
Just like any killer, cop, nigger or soldier.

The motivation to do so defines it being evil or not.

>>96942867
Killing animals is approved, necessary murder.
So is killing evil beings.

The act of killing is neutral by itself. Morality/alignment is contextual.
>>96942223
>Anon, if that were true, no one south of Jesus himself would qualify.
Well, yes, that's essentially how it is.

Making small, honest mistakes without evil intent does not constitute a sin.
Though society with normalized sins(adultery, buggery, tolerance of evil) is a society of sinners.

>>96955561
State-approved killing is not a murder.
Accidental killing is no a murder either.
Murder has to be both deliberate and extralegal/condemned by society.
Church is generally fine with it as well, they literally invented whole new expression "malicide" (slaying of the wicked) to keep it separate from "homicide" (slaying of the people).