>write yourself into a corner
>invent a magic infinite calorie bread
holy fucking hack

>>211606967 (OP)
>>write yourself into a corner
Tolkien is not GRR Martin. he finished his books and rewrote the whole thing backwards over the course of 19 years.
he didnt just suddenly invent magic bread to get around a tricky plot point.
finish your books you fat fuck

>>211606967 (OP)
Hack writing indeed. For me le time travel and a bigger baddie than the last one appears are the worst offenders

>>211606967 (OP)
it wasn't infinite though.
they barely had enough for a one way trip

>>211609002
And just coincidentally had enough.

>>211609182
they didn't have enough.
face it, you've lost on all points

>>211609002
>magic bread is only enough for a one-way trip
>invent a race of magic giant eagles who only decide to help at the last moment for the trip back
it's time to accept tolkien was a hack

>>211606967 (OP)
Tolkein was a hack, he would never think to write a character called holdor who was destined one day to hold the door

>Sauron has a massive army, we can't possibly win this war!
>just summon the Ghost Army bro, they'll handedly win the battle in five minutes
>oh yeah

>>211609288
>t. didn't read the books
the movies are not Tolkien's work, they were made by peter jackson

>>211606967 (OP)
>invent a magic infinite calorie bread
If there's one thing that Tolkien wrote about extensively it's party's logistics. They get fully stocked in Rivendell, then once again in Lothlorien, then Frodo and Sam get restocked by Faramir's rangers. Along the way they forage, hunt and replenish their water flasks from streams and shit. They run out of regular food inside Mordor itself and survive on Elven tackbread for like a few days tops.

>>211609288
Eagles are messengers of Valar. Valar could easily take out Sauron but prefer to let the people of Middle Earth deal with the problem themselves with only small nudges in the form of wizards or occasional eagle assistance helping and steering them.

What is the caloric count of each bread?

>>211609398
The ghost army could only be used in one battle though and only in defense of Gondor. Though I could be wrong.

>>211608625
make tolkien being a hack more inexplicable

>>211609398
That's movie capeshit courtesy of Peter Hackson. In the book the ghosts can't literally fight, they're just there to psychologically fuck with the enemy and disrupt them.ym4rw

>>211609248
they starved to death?

>ate nibbles of bread each day for months
>was still a fatass
how

>>211609758
Ghost army couldn't actually do shit. Their only weapon was fear and could only be used against low level pirate mobs. They'd be useless against orcs led by Nazgul

>Have a perfect fantasy world
>INVENT a stupid ring and an evil guy name Mr. Evil Ringman just so you can artificially create a pointless conflict in the world where Mr. Evil Ringman's Evil Ring has to be destroyed in Evil Mountain.

Fucking hack writing. Couldn't come up with something more natural and non-forced?

>>211609888
There were jars of peanut butter in shafts along the way.

>>211609834
>Leaking your captcha
doxing underway

>>211609900
for me, it's Sauronman

>>211606967 (OP)
>why didn't he spend several rainforests pontificating endlessly about chickens swimming in butter and rye bread fresh from the oven?
Fuck off, George.

>>211609900
Blame christianity for that one.

>>211609871
no, they didn't

>Long live the Halflings! Praise them with great praise!
>Praise them with great praise!

you can tell he checked out by the last book

>>211609900
what makes it forced?

>>211609182
Yeah because it was handled by the chef of the group dip shit

>>211610041
sounds like they had enough.
face it, you've lost on all points

>>211609573
/thread
also this thread belongs in /lit/

>>211609573
>Eagles are messengers of Valar. Valar could easily take out Sauron but prefer to let the people of Middle Earth deal with the problem themselves with only small nudges in the form of wizards or occasional eagle assistance helping and steering them.
lmao there goes the tension

>>211610112
do you see any lembas bread in this picture? no, because they ran out, faggot.
you don't instantly starve to death when you run out of food

>at the end of the book Tolkien suddenly reveals that none of the characters are actually named what he's been calling them
>Frodo's name is Maura and Sam's name is Banazir or some shit like that

>>211610260
>had enough to get to the literal end
how convenient
face it, you've lost on all points

>>211610326
He had a senior moment.

Also Grima Wormtongue's real name was Deceptico Liarmouth

>>211610393
logfag

>>211609888
checked, it's the Sam Genetics

The main thing I don't like about LotR is that the world feels less magical than it did in The Hobbit.
I know it's a theme that magic is leaving the world in preparation for the age of men, but it feels like LotR is set a thousand years after The Hobbit rather than 50 because the world already seems dead.

>>211610540
what specfically feels more magicl about the hobbit? apart from the dragon.

The books were good but the final fight between Saurman and Frodo is straight out of a Benny hill comedy
>Frodo: you have to leave Saruman!
>Saruman:... ok!
>Grima then accidentally stabs Saruman and then gets swarm shot by arrows

>>211610540
Don't care. Hobbit feels too childish. LOTR feels like more grounded adult magic. Things are respectable and tasteful. People are still very awed by it since it's subdued and rare. I prefer that far above it being everywhere and in your face showy

Samwise was Tolkein’s educated upper-class take on the British working class. He’s a dumb servant, can’t read maps, happy and stupid and dependable. Just wants to sit in a pub and drink beer. He’ll come with the rich and powerful people on their insane quest to meddle in world politics (e.g. world war 1) and suffer endless hardship, but it’s all worth it for his lord’s approval. Even if he has to do the actual heavy lifting in the end after Sir Winston gets greedy. He just eats it and eats it and then goes back home without complaining. Then at the end of his life he gets to be Duke Penistone’s gardener in Heaven.

>Siege of helms deep is a couple of pages long.
>Tree politics is 1/2 the book in 2 towers.

>>211610540
Probably worth remembering that Thorin's Company travelled from The Shire (already an out-of-the-way place) northeastwards into increasingly remote places on their way to the Lonely Mountain whereas the Fellowship travelled southeast and southward into the more developed lands of Men. One of the major themes of LotR is Tolkien's criticism of industrialisation, whereas The Hobbit is a fairy tale, I think the change in tone from a romantic, more whimsically magical setting to a more tragically semi-grounded one was very deliberate. This is sort of highlighted in the epilogue Shire, post-scouring, when the Mallorn trees that Sam plants have grown. You get the impression that The Shire has become an even more magical location than prior to the adventure, further divorced from the rest of the world that is becoming increasingly mundane.

(Frodo and Sam rest on the obsidian foot of Mount Doom after destroying the ring)
>Sam: I don't know, Frodo. Don't you find it all just too convenient?
>Convenient? We're starving, Sam. My feet ache with cuts and bruises, my lungs sting from the hot ashen air, and my throat and cracked lips are as dry and sand.
>Well yes, mr Frodo, but how did the elves just know how to give us exactly enough calories?
>They didn't, we just got lucky.
>Oh and I suppose we just got lucky that Gollum just happened to trip and fall into the lava at exactly the right time.
>Yes.
>And- oh my, is that the eagles I see? There, in the sky. How... lucky.
>We're saved, Sam!
>Aye, Mr. Frodo, but not from bad writing.
(Many months later at the shores of the sea)
>Sam: Gandalf, before you go, a word?
>What is it, Master Samwise?
>Well I just can't wrap my head around it. Why couldn'r you send the eagles to mount doom with the Ring ?
>Ah... Hmm...
>Or why couldn't you just take the it with you into the West?
>Oh.. Well...
>Actually, why didn't God just prevent the ring from being made in the first place?
>Ah... But that's...
>Gandalf, honestly, have you even heard of the problem of Evil? Has God?
>B-but my dear Sam, surely-
>Oh sod off. Go back to paradise, I don't care. Nobody fucking cares. About me. All that awaits me is my fat aging retarded wife and my soon to come retarded medieaval offspring. No eternally young elven maid for me! No infinite calorie lembas bread here! Oh no, I have to sow the wheat fields and reap the harvest so I can barely avoid starving to death come winter. You know what? Fuck the red book. Fuck all of this. Who's gonna read the slop anyway? Medieval literacy rates are abysmal! I might as well just kill myself.

Lembas bread looks yummy. I would eat it all in one sitting.

>>211610632
References to giants and other magic stuff we don't see, half animal shapeshifting dudes like Beorn, talking animals, more elves and dwarves, other magic practitioners like the Necromancer made the world seem more alive before he was later retconned to be Sauron, because everything has to be about Sauron now.

>>211610779
>Then at the end of his life he gets to be Duke Penistone’s gardener in Heaven.
Sam has the best ending of all characters. He gets to marry his crush, have thirteen children with them, is gifted the huge Bag-End Estate to house them, then is elected mayor for seven 7-year terms. Then finally when he's old and grey, he gets to go with the Elves across the water to reunite with Frodo.

>>211611109
So talking trees are less magical than talking animals? Trolls? Nazgul? The eagles? A necromancer becomes less magical after he's named? The story cutting to the inner monologue of a fox wasn't magical enough?

>>211611107
Calm down there, Pippin

>>211606967 (OP)
They made stew, though. Even on the outskirts of Mordor, they were catching fish if they rolled a high enough Survival check.

>broccoli for hair
>nonsense slang
>doesn't like Tolkien
Hack generation.

>>211611109
>like the Necromancer
I agree that shouldn't have been Sauron. That was such a dumb change. Having a spooky Necromancer in that area was way more scary and fits with the idea that there are spooky undead kingdoms in that region

>>211611319
>They made stew
You mean they ruined the meat! Give it to us raw! And wriggling!

>>211611054
kek'd

>>211611402
*zip*

>>211611162
Yeah you're right that shit is all better than being the magical new king of the continent's one remaining superpower and executing the mating press on Liv Tyler every night

>>211611054
>>Well yes, mr Frodo, but how did the elves just know how to give us exactly enough calories?
they didn't, and they didn't
also the rest of what you wrote is a bunch of post modern deconstruction nonsense and it drips with cynicism.

>>211609182
>what a MASSIVE COINCIDENCE, they just HAPPENED to plan out the precise rations they'd need for their trip while minimizing weight, as though some centuries old master of army logistics had planned that out for them, how UTTERLY CONVENIENT

>>211606967 (OP)
lmao, posts like this is why I come here

anon! continue watching! something happens but i wont spoil it!

>>211611504
ew, she's like 3000 years old. I don't want that old hag

>>211609182
>>211611705
They didn't have enough. They didn't anticipate Sam's greedy hunger

>>211609888
They hunted and foraged for food along the way, like literally anyone else would have done.

>>211611816
3000 year old virgin pussy. You'd be lucky to a 14 year old virgin nowadays. I'll take the pointy eared gal.

>>211606967 (OP)
which they rationed so they could use it primarily in Mordor where a campfire would mean death. the cooking scene with the poe-tay-toes line was supposed to clue you in that they've been foraging during their journey.

>>211611579
t. still mad that simple logic disproved benevolent god

>>211609393
Fucking kek so funny what normies think is genius

Midgets and magic is for queers.

>>211609393
HOHH DEH DHOOR

>>211609932
Bet u know a lot about peanut butter shafts

>>211608625
ITT: Brown Tolkien lovers trooning out

They spent over three days walking through the darkness of Khazad-Dum. Can you imagine that? Cold, dark, eerily silent and you need to be as quiet as possible. Creepy as fuck.

>>211612207
what a coincidence that it was 3 days!

>>211612207
And they call it... A mine! A MINE *posts it on /r/spelunking*