Ahh yes, this character is a talking tree and has a beard. His name? Treebeard

>>211653082 (OP)
keeping it simple, rustic, finally some good fucking fantasy

>>211653082 (OP)
Better than Rowling naming the Chinese girl Chong Chang

Christopher, did I ever tell you how I came up with names for the characters in my books? You see this character has father issues [looks at Christopher intently for a moment] so I will call him Fathermir. And this one wants to borrow the ring for a bit, but we know what that would entail, so let's call him Borrowmir. All these names are temporary, of course.
Now there's this land that sunk way way in the past, I'll write a notes about that later. It's going to be ruled by Al-Pharaoh. This was an island of numerous men, Numeroreaons.
If you are valorous you'd go to a land of Valournor to mingle with Valourars.

What's that Christopher? If the tyrant Saurus ever turned into a human you'd call him Hellbrand? No, that sound stupid. You'll never write anything of note. Why are you taking a photo of me? Did I give you permission? Don't you know I'm a photo toll king?

Anon youre trying to have a thread we had here a thousand times. Just watch the Youtube Video with all the funny greentexts and stop fishing for reactions. You fags really hate on plebbit for them caring about updoots and then you go and fish for (You)s like its the semen you need to gargle daily to survive

>>211653082 (OP)
>The evil wizard secretly working for Sauron? I've named him "Sauronman"
Quality stuff, Tolkien...

>>211653082 (OP)
>Hmmmm.... a skulking, athetic little creature. He's enslaved to the ring. It controls him, almost like he's some sort of...golem.

>>211653082 (OP)
>The dark Lord who is even darker than Sauron... ah yes...More-Goth...

>>211653189
You're brown.

>>211653082 (OP)
>A tall character with magic powers who aids our heroes... that's is - Grand-Elf....

This wizard is wiser than an elf, kind of like an grand elf really.

I wrote eleven characters that are kinda like fairies but human and ethereal. I'll call them...elf.

>>211653373
Is a race beings versus god sexual experiment lucky accident

Imagine being less holy than the horse

>>211653348
>
No anon I am blonde with A17 eyes and a loving wife. Further, my bicep is bigger than yours.

>>211653445
Your son's hair is brown, not dirty blonde.

>>211653301
That’s not what a golem is.

>>211653474
No, his hair is platinum blonde, bordering on white in summer.

>>211653082 (OP)
>And this character, the fruity elf, looks like a little girl who enjoys playing with Lego toys.
>We'll call him... Lego-Lass!

>>211653692
>let-go-lass and gimpli, the two homosexuals

a bit weird for Tolkien to go that way

>>211653082 (OP)
The elves named him and the elves quite canonically don’t have much imagination

>>211653348
jej

Test

>>211653082 (OP)
>>211653157
Do you have any permission to post these pictures on 4 chan?

>Elephant like creature
>I've got it... olyphant!

Dude is a fucking legend.

>>211653138
actually it's about the same

>Long live the Halflings! Praise them with great praise!
>Praise them with great praise!

you can tell he checked out by the last book

>>211653157
Kek

>hobbits are reclusive
>live in shyer

>>211654504
What's a halfling anyway? If they mate with other halflings, does the offspring become quarterlings?

>>211653082 (OP)
>Ah yes, this ultra sexy spider woman who threw away the phial of galadriel in that one scene
>shelob

>>211653371
>Elf-like with a Wand.
>call him “Wand Elf”

>>211653371
>>211653373
You know Tolkien didn’t name Gandalf or the Dwarves right?
He literally took those from a Norse legend about an Elf leading a troupe of Dwarves to Iceland to retrieve a sword or something. It is the only Norse story which features a man using a shield as a sled, similar to Legolas using as shield as a sled.

>hmmm Aragorn hadn't done anything in a while, how do I make him have an impact on the story?
>guess I'll have him go recruit an invincible ghost army lol

>>211654905
That’s literally the etymology of the name Gandalf. “Wand elf” in Old Norse.

>>211654504
https://archive.4plebs.org/tv/search/text/%22Praise%20them%20with%20great%20praise%22/
>you can tell he checked out by the last book
So have you.

>>211653082 (OP)
>this supposed hero ends up being a total bitch who doesn't actually do anything throughout the books... I know.. Fraudo

>this bumbling servant boy.. SamWISE, get it.

>this hobbit is good at basketball.. by God he'll be called Pippin

>>211655019
how's that?

>>211654968
This is.made up AI shit.

>>211654968
good point

>>211654504
In the midst of this literary discussion there's something I really have to ask that's always bothered me. At the end of The Return of the King when the hobbits return, the King and the people all chant "Praise them with great praise!". Is it just me or is that and incredibly retarded thing to say? Is there something I'm missing that makes it not retarded? Especially considering they chant it fucking ten thousand times.

>>211654504
The Silmarillion is better than LOTR

>>211653445
Post body

>>211655526

>>211653082 (OP)
his proper name is Fangorn you mongoloid

>>211653157
SOVLfvl af old british dad desu

>>211653082 (OP)
The corrupt advisor to the King of Rohan? Grimy Worm-Tongue naturally, who better to trust

>>211655446
Return of the King is incredibly badly written. Tolkien was clearly the golden goose by then and no editor dared to correct him. That's why every page of the battle of the pelenor fields contains "fell" as an adjective three times and every sentence begins with "And lo!"

>>211655827
errr anon are you taking this L? Fangorn is the forest they live in

>>211655915
>contains "fell" as an adjective three times and every sentence begins with "And lo!"
we can both pretend that isn't kino

>>211655943
His real name is something that would take days to say. The elves call him Fangorn and men call him Treebeard. It’s mentioned in several chapters.

>>211655720
its ok if it filtered you, no need to broadcast

>>211656055
Its trash. In fact, its so bad that I wonder whether there is a Brian Herbert situation going on.

>>211655720
one of the worst written books I have ever read. The "heckin' epic lore and world building' is boring trash too, everyone can do it
>The Sneedels were the eldest of the Feedlings. They loved the sea and gems, and they collected lots of pearls all day under the stars. The Chucklets were of slightly smaller build, though likewise children of Seederim. They also loved the sea and gems, and they would spend their time under the stars, singing about gems. The Sneederiots lived on Chuck's farm, under the stars, for three ages longer than the Sneedariums. They feared the sea, though they too loved gems and they quickly became masters of crafting beautiful works from the gems of the earth under the stars. They looked like dew drops on leaves, under the stars.

>>211656239
Kek that’s actually pretty accurate to how much of the Silmarillion sounds.

>Jew R.R. Talmud
Reminder LoTR is anti-Christian, there's no Christ or Trinity implied in his books at all and he would have been persecuted by the inquisition for writing them in an era dominated by real Catholics. LoTR is instead about Chosenites (Dunedain) and their unbroken blood-transmitted connection to God, with outsiders divided neatly into good goys (Hobbits/Zogcattle) and bad goys (Orcs). Culminating in Aragorn (Jewish messiah) and his prophecied world conquest finally "scouring" the entire world of "anti-semites". Palantir and Anduril indeed.

>>211653189
Hola Ignacio

>>211655446
I think his brain might have been high on Oxford. "With great praise" is a direct translation of the Latin honour "magna cum laude" so he might have took the phrase as an adjective.

>be Theoden
>"My king, the wizard Sauronman sent you an adviser named Liar Deceitface."
>"Well, I shall heed every single piece of advice he gives me!"

>>211653157
It’s funny how jezza and Chris ruined the ip by just ignoring their kids so they don’t give a shit what Disney does to it in exchange for a payday

>>211656090
this man read Beren and Luthien and said this is trash

>>211653157
>photo toll king?
pfft

>>211656239
its not boring per se, but it doesnt account to much without a story and how you present. if you ever think of stuff yourself, you will find that coming up with shit like this is really fun. you can also easily fall into a hole and only work on the dressing/lore instead of your story, which usually requires a lot more finesse, if you want to do it right.

>>211653082 (OP)
what should his name be instead?
philbin?

>>211659674
this was a common criticism of tolkien, about the lack of story. Once you appreciate that there is an over-arching story (morgoths rise and fall, and the Noldor blood curse against him) its all hold together. But he couldn't flesh it out into a real novel, you have to fill some stuff in. but the barebones of the Silmarillion are worth more than 98% of what a person will write lol

>I need a name for this character who won't listen to reason
>he won't even open his mind to it
>he's like...a sealed door
>...by jove...

>>211659851
Don’t lol it isn’t funny it’s shit

>>211653082 (OP)

Ah, yes, an absolute hack. Martin would have probably called it Shavedrock to subvert your expectations.

>>211660665
Cope

>>211653157
kino

>>211655069
>this hobbit is good at basketball
fucking kek