Why is the 17th century so seldom a movie subject despite all the crazy shit that happened in it?

The Early Modern Period in general is one of the times of history that people are least interested in, not just in movies but in general. It's too modern to use generic medieval tropes to film it, but at the same time it doesn't have any particular wide appeal that would make people want to set a romance or political movie in that era as opposed to setting it in the 18th century. I think it's one of those cases where things have just built on top of past things, in the sense that most people's awareness of the wigs and harsichords period of the past is rooted to the 18th century because that's when the most popular works of art about it are set, and then in turn that makes people keep going back to the 18th century because it is relatively popular, etc.

>>212265513
oh

>>212265398 (OP)
Because everyone dressed like absolute fags.

>>212265398 (OP)
Was so long ago it might as well be 500 years go, nobody cares about ancient shit

For me personally, it’s because of the aesthetics. I know that’s incredibly shallow. But it’s easy to get invested in medieval stuff when everyone is tricked out in badass knight armor and cool ornate tunics. The fashion of the 1500s and 1600s was cartoonishly fucking hideous. Even their soldiers looked tacky

pic related
The Devils
Alatriste (very uneven movie but it has good parts)

>>212265595
the 18th century was worse

>>212265717
I think they dressed very dapper back then, with their tailcoats and breeches and whatnot. I still prefer medieval and 19th century fashion, but at least 18th century fashion was relatively practical and unpretentious compared to the 17th century’s hideously overdesigned eyesores, puffy Hammer pants, and faggy elf shoes

zoomers don't watch anything made before 2010, they aren't going to watch a movie set hundreds of years ago

>>212265398 (OP)
Humanity peaked back then so the sheer amount of shit going on would simply be too expensive to adapt

>>212265398 (OP)
what time period was pirates of the Caribbean supposed to be?

>>212265398 (OP)
Imagine the smell.

>>212265398 (OP)
its too complicated for normies unironically, the only knowledge most people have of history is the holocaust and "in the middle ages they had swords and knights". if you make a movie with pike and shot warfare or something, the audience will be utterly confused what they are looking at, let alone the complicated geopolitics back then.
>>212265645
the average person and soldier didnt dress so weird at all in those eras and these paintings are pretty exaggerated most of the time, besides it only looks weird to you because you never see it depicted in media and arent used to it.

>>212266945
Vaguely 18th centuryish.

>>212265398 (OP)
I am re reading Peter H Wilson's excellent book on the 30 Years War to see if I can figure out exactly what that shitshow was all about.

>>212265683
MY MEN HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 28 DAYS!!!

>>212267062
>it only looks weird to you because you never see it depicted in media and arent used to it.
I get what you're saying but it's literally the inverse, it's never depicted because it looks weird

>>212265683
Alatriste has the problem of cramming a bunch of novels into a single film.
Imagine of they tried to do all the Sharpe books in one movie.
Still the costuming is on point.

>>212267166
every class, profession, country and culture had their own styles back then and i've seen 17th century clothes in real life and it doesn't look that strange. nobles also didnt go out like that daily. they still all had trousers and shirts/blouses whatever you call it. it shouldnt be an excuse to not make a movie, so there are other reasons not to, its too complicated hollywood jews and unprofitable.
also people forget jews were consistently getting expelled during this timeperiod.

>>212265398 (OP)
>Why is [literally any century in history] so seldom a movie subject despite all the crazy shit that happened in it?
FTFY

>>212265398 (OP)
It's basically just the one story but it's a big one

>>212267242
>also people forget jews were consistently getting expelled during this timeperiod.
Nope, that was the late medieval period. In fact the jews were called back to England during the 17th century.
>>212267107
It was about christcucks fighting other christcucks, until the French made it about them fighting the Hasburgs (Spain and the Holy Roman Empire).
>>212267062
>if you make a movie with pike and shot warfare or something, the audience will be utterly confused what they are looking at, let alone the complicated geopolitics back then.
This is not more complicated than the rest of human history.
>>212266945
Definitely early 18th century. >>212265717
It was not.
>>212265513
People are actually very interested in the Renaissance, which is why we got so much stuff set there, such as three Assassin's Creed games, two Borgia series and the Tudors.

>>212265398 (OP)
I’m willing to kill for a movie about the Great Conde and the Fronde

>>212265645
>is 400 years ago
>MIGHT AS WELL BE 500 YEARS AGO

>>212267613
look at maps of europe in the 17th century and tell me its not a complicated period, then consider they all had various colonies over the globe aswell.
the average american doesn't know fuck all about this, most people don't even know protestants and catholics actually tried to kill eachother.

The cromwell movie is excellent, can't believe no one's mentioned it yet.

You basically need a Great Man for a film about war or revolution to work, unless it's the french revolution and then you have the obvious les miserables angle with the poor and the starving.
The Great Man also has to be conflicted about something

>>212265398 (OP)
You literally can't prove that stuff happened

>>212265398 (OP)
No filmmaker or screenwriter wants to do anything that has to follow real events. They want to put their own "modern" thoughts and ideas into anything they do.

>>212267767
>https://youtu.be/l3fAcxcxoZ8
>Lutheran

>>212267883
This. People can't remember a time without computers it's absurd to think there was a "year 1600"

>>212267767
>protestants and catholics actually tried to kill eachother.
>tried
No anon, they were pretty successful at it.

>>212268050
they didn't kill eachother entirely dead.

>>212265513
I hope I never meet someone so stupid they associate the 18th century with fucking harpsichords.

>>212267613
It was about the nature of sovereignty in the Holy Roman Empire.
The Emperor thought he was the true sovereign and the Princes and Electors put a lot of blood sweat and tears to duabuse him of that notion.

>>212268108
Anon that's what they did: literally playing the harpsichord allday long waiting for the 19th century to arrive already

>>212267062
>the average person and soldier didnt dress so weird at all
Idk seems pretty gay to me. Apparently fabric dye and baggy clothes became very popular all of a sudden across all castes

>>212265398 (OP)
>all the crazy shit that happened in it?
name a few events

>>212265398 (OP)
The New World, The Devils, The Crucible, The Witch, Witchhammer, Witchfinder General, A Field in England, The Blood on Satan’s Claw

>>212268163
Harpsichords are medieval

>>212268244
The Thirty Years' War. Catholics and Protestants butchering each other by the millions. Literally WW1 with knights. Rome was even sacked for the first time since the fall of the empire. The Great Turkish War was insane too, especially the Siege of Vienna. Biggest cavalry charge in history, and it was pretty much an even more epic sequel to the Crusades

1492 Conquest of Paradise

>>212267406
BOOBA
SUCKSUCKSUCK

>>212268108
NTA but I'm pretty sure Bach was the most prolific harpsichordist and that's 18th century

>>212268303
Rhey're inaninate objects

>>212268232
they had kino looks back then, i think you're just hung up on the wide pants, whatever you call them, but they weren't the default or anything.
there was a huge amount of variety in clothes and aesthetics thats also kind of representative of the era and how turbulent and chaotic it was.
it was really aesthetic in my opinion. windmills and wooden villages, navy ships, fortified castles, muskets and pikes, crossbows, knights with pistols, zweihanders, peasantry and companies, pirates, colonies.. genocide and scorched earth warfare...vgh..

>>212265595
>not cod-piece-maxxing
ngmi

>>212268312
>Rome was even sacked for the first time since the fall of the empire
Notably it was sacked by Catholic Austrians, somthing the Pope never let the Emperor forget

>>212265398 (OP)
>dumb faggot follows you up the ladder to your hanging to rant and rave about jewsus
many such cases

the aesthetics of the 17th century are amazing and you'd be a total pleb to say otherwise, also i know it's 16th century but i want more huguenot kino

>>212267767
>look at maps of europe in the 17th century and tell me its not a complicated period, then consider they all had various colonies over the globe aswell
This was the case in the 19th century as well until Germany and Italy unified.
Ancient Greece was also always divided until they were conquered by the Romans.
>>212268142
It was about that as well but even more about religion, especially at the beginning but the two are not separated issues. Protestants had a national church while Catholics had papal supremacy. >>212268425
>they had kino looks back then
Pic unrelated yeah? >>212268312
>Rome was even sacked for the first time since the fall of the empire.
That was the previous century during the Italian wars

>>212268719
there were a lot more factions with different kinds of interests and capabilities compared to the 19th century, i dont get why one would deny the complexity of the 16-17th century, "ancient greece" spans over 1000 years depending on who you ask and is a single geographic/cultural sphere, we're talking about continental and worldspanning empires rising and falling over the course of 150 years.

>>212265398 (OP)
>too late for stereotypical medieval knights
>too early for stereotypical Redcoats
>Americans aren't interested if it takes place before 1775

>>212268719
>It was about that as well but even more about religion
Peter H Wilson is the subject matter expert and he says that's wrong.
His book on the subject is really good. He also wrote a more general Military history of the German Speaking people called, naturally, Iron and Blood.

>>212268719
>Catholics had papal supremacy
That was pretty heavily disputed, especially in France. In fact that was one of Cardinal Richelieus main points.
Basically only Spain accepted total papal supremacy over their national church.

>>212268288
This, OP is a total pleb

>>212269132
>Basically only Spain accepted total papal supremacy over their national church.
And to be clear, this was mostly because Spain had a ton of influence over the Vatican at the time.

>>212265398 (OP)

Historical epics are dead. When was the last time there was a good one?

Because it’s sandwiched between renaissance/reformation kino and enlightenment/revolution kino

>>212265845
this is how all Americans should be required to dress to enter a 7/11.

>>212268108
The pianoforte doesn’t come into its own until late 18th early 19th century, then you get your Liszts who are one man shows

>>212268847
>dont get why one would deny the complexity of the 16-17th century,
Nobody is, all of history is complex. See eg the 100 years war or the Italian wars,
>"ancient greece" is a single geographic/cultural sphere,
Lots of cultural variation depending on the epoch, and it was always divided in states warring against each other.
>we're talking about continental and worldspanning empires rising and falling over the course of 150 years.
That's basically Greece from Alexander until the Roman conquest
>>212269030
>Peter H Wilson is the subject matter expert and he says that's wrong.
It sounds like he is downplaying the importance of religion in the war, which means he's wrong, especially in its first phase
>>212269132
The council of Trent decided in favor of papal supremacy, but in practice the pope could not control the Catholic great powers, they did have enormous influence on their courts tho

>>212267140
>MY MEN HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN 28 DAYS!!!
My men haven't for 28 years

>>212269730
Even most catholic powers distrusted the Jesuits.
Ferdinand IIs problem was he gave one of those little turds his ear and made him make dumbass decisions.

>>212269030
Modern atheists are incapable of appreciating the importance of religion or the fact that the private/public dichotomy is a modern innovation. Everything was religion, it wasn’t separable from public life

>>212269730
audiences are more aware of and exposed to what a knight or alexander the great is, i just wanted to say that its hard to digest as a period for normie audiences, if you just want to sperg history facts then whatever i guess.

>>212269923
Atheists would be more likely to blame religion for the conflict though.
Look the book is pretty dense and I'm not going to be able to effectively replicate his arguments here.
Im at the point where they just had to bring Wallenstein out of retirement.

>>212265398 (OP)
the same reason they wont show teenage cunt in movies anymore: showing the period of time when whites were winning withtheir based monarchy and imperialism might awaken somethingin the white man and that would be dangerous for our democracy.

all western media is propaganda designed to either demoralize you against traditional values or socially engineer you into accepting new progressive ones.

>>212270045
The problem is they have a materialistic worldview and so ascribe ulterior motives to everyone in the past. “Nah there’s no way they believed in that stuff, it must have been political/economics.” No, they did believe in that. Every single person before the modern era believed in magic and religion, full stop. These historians will look at witch-burnings and conclude it was about getting revenge on your neighbours of whatever. “Nah there’s no way they actually believed in witches, it must have been something else.” Modern historiography is really tainted when it comes to dealing with religion. They just don’t take it seriously, but it was quite simply the most serious thing before our time. It’s the skeleton key to history. No, Pharoah didn’t get the pyramids build because he wanted to exert control and monopolize political power. Sure it might have had that effect, but they weren’t piling rocks for 20 years for economic reasons/public works projects. They believed those were magical rocks that would house the spirit of Pharoah. Everything else is an after-effect.

Prey was 17th century

>Sack of Magdeburg
>Soliders are beating a rich man in front of his family to get him to give up where their valuables are
>Turns out they are lake the party and the house is pretty well gutted
>the rich man's toddler son comes up and tried to give the soliders his pocket money so they will stop beating his dad
>The soldiers feel bad and escort the family to their camp for safety.
Kino moments lost to history.

>>212265645
plate armour peaked in the the 17th century

>>212270153
He has a pretty balanced approach in my opinion.

>>212265513
This.
To add onto that, any historically accurate depiction of it would run into the Tiffany problem almost immediately and audiences would complain and seethe.
I can already see the /tv/ shitposting asking about school shootings in the 17th century and asking dumb questions like "why didn't Charles just launch a nuke at Cromwell?"

>>212270300
I haven’t read that book so I don’t mean to criticize it, but I’m just referring to a major problem with a lot of modern historians. They are simply not capable of entering the mind of pre-modern man. Religion in their analysis is an afterthought, window-dressing to what are rational policies. In reality, religion is the first factor and deeply irrational. People are not rational, we are not billiard balls. No, Colombus did not venture into the ocean to expand trade routes or to prove that scholasticism was bullshit, he did it because he was a religious zealot and wanted to go on a crusade.

>>212270307
>why didn't Charles just launch a nuke at Cromwell?"
Because he was gay, like all Stuarts.
>>212270426
>No, Colombus did not venture into the ocean to expand trade routes or to prove that scholasticism was bullshit, he did it because he was a religious zealot and wanted to go on a crusade
That doesn't make any sense.
If he wanted that he could have just gone off and fought the Turks, they were right there.

>>212270307
>What the...? Erm... is that a knight? In le full-plate armor?? With a le GUN?? What is this alt history Warhammer shit? This movie isn't even TRYING to accurate...
I'm gonna be real man, I thought the same thing when I saw horses in the Battlefield 1 trailer

>>212270153
"Atheism" is and always was an anti-Christian movement.

>>212270555
It's a Christian Heresy, like Islam or Judaism

>>212270525
> That doesn't make any sense.
Of course it does, he just wanted to go the long way around. In the same way the Portuguese went the long way around Africa to India. And do you know what the name of the Portuguese gold coin was called? Cruzado.

>>212270426
What? He sailed to find an alternative route to the East because Constantinople was taken over by Turks blocking the Silk Road.

He died without knowing he had discovered a new continent, he thought he had reached India. Thus the word Indians for natives.

The whole let's evangelize the new continent came later.

>>212270609
The Spanish/Portuguese were as much motivated with linking up with Prestor John as they were with anything else.

>>212265398 (OP)
I literally know nothing about the 17th century. Tell me about it. What was cool?

And yes, I am the ultimate history know-nothing

>>212270578
It is a superior feeling they get when questioning something they don't want to actually learn about

>>212270609
>He died without knowing he had discovered a new continent, he thought he had reached India
That's a common myth, he eventually figured it out.
I do think it's funny that Europeans were mostly disappointed with the existence of the Americas.
They treated the whole continent like an obstacle getting obstacle the way of their real goal, the far east.

>>212270609
No it's true, Colombus should not be understood as a 'modern' or a 'Renaissance man,' he is essentially a Medieval man.

>>212270639
The Catholics and Protestants went to war with each other.
England had its own French Revolution and beheaded its king.
The Ottoman Empire got revenge for the Crusades and invaded Austria.

>>212270931
Here's some more literature for the interested.
>Christopher Columbus and the Millennial Vision of the New World, Leonard I. Sweet. The Catholic Historical Review , Jul., 1986, Vol. 72, No. 3 (Jul., 1986), pp. 369-382
"Christopher Columbus is one of history's more elusive figures. In spite of recent scholarship which depicts Columbus as a figure of transition, with one foot planted firmly in the medieval world and the other in the modern world, a stubborn aura of mystery surrounds his personality and psychology. One reason why Columbus the man eludes our comprehension is that attention has focused primarily on Columbus the mariner. For example, Samuel Eliot Morison, in the prologue to his magisterial study entitled Admiral of the Ocean Sea (1942), disclaims interest in Columbus' "psychology" and "motivation" and concentrates instead on the actions of the "Discoverer" and techniques of discovery.2 A second reason why such an historical haze shrouds the figure of Columbus is that to venture into the attitudinal dimension of the admiral's life is to take a medieval journey into mysticism, dreams, visions, poetry, monasticism, crusading ideology."
>Columbus and the Recovery of Jerusalem, Abbas Hamdani. Journal of the American Oriental Society , Jan. - Mar., 1979, Vol. 99, No. 1(Jan. - Mar., 1979), pp. 39-48
"The beginning of Columbus' voyages to the New World coincides with the culmination of the Spanish Reconquista and carries over the latter's crusading zeal. Columbus' Diaries reveal that his empresa de las Indias had involved a master plan of contacting the Mongol and pro-Christian Grand Khan in the East, circumventing and encircling the Islamic lands of the Middle East, opening a new trade route to the East that did not have to pass through Mamluk territories and combining the forces of Western and Eastern Christendom in an enveloping movement for the recovery of Jerusalem and its casa santa."

>>212270932
Yah, I just did the obvious thing and looked up the 17th century on wiki. Man, there is so much I do not know lol

>>212271070
>this nigga was so retarded he thought it was preferable to sail 22,000 miles than it was to walk 2500 miles

>>212270931
>woman author
Disregard

>>212267406
based minoan nudists

>>212271146
Well the land route was blocked by a horde of stinky muzrats

Warhammer is this period right?

>>212269796

The problem was that the mission of the Jesuits was to lead the Counter-reformation. But they never succeeded in eliminating protestantism and most living Jesuits are probably too liberal to even believe in heresy.

>>212271319
Yeah Warhammer is the only fantasy thing I can think of that uses a Renaissance fantasy world instead of a medieval fantasy world

>>212271319

Somebody need to make a film about the battle of Lepanto.

>>212265398 (OP)
Swashbuckling movies fell out of popularity. Fewer actors learn fencing nowadays, so I suspect the comeback of the genre will be difficult.

>all the complaining about 17th century fashion in this thread
You wear jeans and a hoodie. Shut the fuck up.

Three Musketeers is kino

>>212271319
More or less
Bretonia is more 14th to 15th century.

>>212271412
GOT really should have firearms considering the general technology levels.

>>212271489
Believe me, if it was socially acceptable to dress in nothing but a comfy minimalist colorless peasant tunic, I would

>>212271563
medieval fantasy like GoT typically has rennaissance tech without guns or cannons, it makes for good stories and aesthetics.

>>212271563
>>212271628
"Renaissance minus the guns" usually works as a setting because they have magic, so the demand for guns never arose as it did in our world. But I don't think that applies to GOT since magic is so rare it would have a negligible impact on warfare

>>212271489
Jeans and a hoodie is (was in the late 00s/early10s) /fa/ as fuck.
Replace that hoodie with a flannel shirt and yeah, now you're rocking B)

Pike and shot warfare is kino and deserves to be shown more. I don't know if there are any movies or show that do justice for cavalry at the time and their two hundred man pistol drive-bys.

Also scrappy clothes plus a metal helmet is a cool look.

>>212271719
Sometimes I wear a silk doublet and a puffy shirt to the club and people love me for it. Generic safe fashion is boring and signals that you arent worth talking to. Renaissance fashion can still be pulled off in the right context.

>>212271827
>You will never be a humble hardworking farmer who inherits his father's pike and helmet so you can defend your homeland and serve your lord
Fuck this gay world

Reminder Age of Empires III also failed even though it's an extremely well-made game. Normies simply don't care about that time period.

>>212271871
worst timeline, no doubt

>>212271827
what the dog doin?

>>212267406
gib big tiddy minoan gf

Cromwell had it right with the armor and collared shirt combo.

>>212272084
You've got bulletproof vests now but they're not as cool as full armor.

>>212265398 (OP)
because nobody wants to watch a bunch of europoors genociding each other lol

If only the American Revolution was 80 years earlier, pike and shot warfare would be fresh in the American consciousness and we’d have tons of Hollywood kino

>>212272122
They had bulletproof armor back then.
Bullets just weren't as good

>>212272414
What I'm saying is vests don't look as cool as the full armor. You need the shoulders and sleeves covered too. Pic related looks way worse.

>>212271319
The Empire of WF is yeah

>>212271869
Generic safe fashion is the cornerstone of feeling comfy though. Life isn't about constantly getting as much attention as possible. When you grow up maybe you'll understand that

>>212272877
>sometimes
>in the right context
Maybe you'll learn reading comprehension when you grow up and stop dressing like a middle schooler.

>>212273096
>Generic safe fashion is boring and signals that you aren't worth talking to
Did you just forget what you wrote or are you literally retarded?

>>212272464
That is true

>>212265513
Yeah this, it lacks an easily caricaturable cultural/aesthetic identity. It's like a more advanced 16th century, or a more primitive 18th century. However it was also a time of great transformation and transition for Europe, with what was left of medieval warfare being replaced by early modern warfare, feudalism giving way to centralized governance, and generally what was left of medieval ideas and institutions giving way to cold rational modernity. So you could make various end of an era-type stories set in it, like what the The Last Samurai does with feudal Japan and the Meiji Restoration. A knight coping with becoming obsolete, some Quixotic story about a king or someone who tries to live by medieval ideals in the first century where they're completely outdated, a Catholic priest dealing with political power completely usurping the Church's authority, etc.

>>212273733
>some Quixotic story about a king or someone who tries to live by medieval ideals in the first century where they're completely outdated
Medieval RDR2. Yeah I'm thinking based

>>212267406
>Titty dresses
>Myths about their women fucking bulls and giving birth to monsters
>Known for god tier archers
Ancient Crete must have wild.

>>212273819
Basically this.
After the 30 Years War calmed down everyone decided the Polish Lithuanian commonwealth had had it too good for too long.

>>212269923
30 years war was Catholic French paying Protestant Sweden to fight Catholic Habsburgs in the Holy Roman Empire to prop up Protestant German princes.

>>212274118
All because some guys got thrown out of a window in Prague.

>>212274247
Sort of, that was the first part of the war. The 30 years war was essentially multiple wars, the first was an inner-Empire civil war about rights and religion which was pretty much resolved in the 1620s. When the involved parties where close to coming to terms foreign power started to intervene for their own interest and kept escalating the war in order to weaken the Empire as much as possible, which is what caused most of the destruction.

>>212274118
Calvinist Transylvania would occasionally pull some bullshit if they felt like they weren't getting enough attention.

>>212274424
Ferdinand II had this boneheaded plan to take back all the formerly Catholic land and Pappenheim let his troops rape everybody in Magdeburg.
Tensions were still pretty high when Sweden made landfall.

>>212274546
yes but before the swedes arrived he had to basically fully backtrack and things were settling down.

>>212274660
Gustavus Adolphus had to snag Pomerania before things wound down too much.

>>212265398 (OP)
I agree it's rarely used but not zero. There are 15 versions of the Three Musketeers and 6 movies on the man with the iron mask, quite a few adaptations of Moliere, Cyrano de Bergerac (1990), etc.
Pic related is one of the very best comedies on film.
Captain Blood (1935) for something not French.
I don't know why anons ITT want movies of the thirty year war in particular.

>>212266945
"Golden" age of piracy especially in the Caribbean was 1710s to 1750. The ships are also from that period.

>>212270426

You vastly overestimate how religious were people back in the days and how zealous and pious the average Joe was.

>No, Colombus did not venture into the ocean to expand trade routes or to prove that scholasticism was bullshit, he did it because he was a religious zealot and wanted to go on a crusade.

This is just plain stupid.

>>212271469

Shame it will never happen.
Galleys aren't just as good looking as Galleons. If you compare the galleys and ships used at Lepanto and Galleons like in Master and Commander, the first look like rafts.
Which is a real shame because naval battles in the Mediterranean were fucking brutal, less cannons barrage and much more arm to arm combat, arrows volleys, sailors on fire because of Greek Fire and people trying to ram into each other.

>>212265398 (OP)
I find it somewhat more bothersome that there’s hardly any decent big-budget movies about the 15th century siege of Constantinople by the Ottomans.

Only somewhat, though.

How about one of the Ottoman attack on Vienna?

>>212271827

> "you know what, if I get shot I'll probably die anyway due to sepsis or some nasty flesh eating bacteria, so might as well dont even try to wear any kind of protection and go to battle wearing my pajama, at least I'll die comfy"

grim

17th century was absolutely kino

but too complicated for retard americans

>>212276521
hes a shooter, he has no need for armour, try to have a thought in your head once even if its hard for you.

>>212274092

> according to Wikipedia, Poland comparatively suffered more civilian losses and destruction during the Potop than during WW2 against Nazi Germany and the soviets
> also by the same standard Germany suffered more deaths and material losses during the thirty years war than during WW2

Jesus.

>>212265398 (OP)
>Baron Pussfuq converts to Protestantism following a visit to Pope Fag XXXIV and realizing that they're cynical power players too
>The the Duchy of Ducky twelve countries away declares war on him for this betrayal and for buying spices from the Ottomans
>The Duchy of Ducky teams up with the Ottomans to fight him
>One city on the edge of his territory is besieged for twenty years before the siege is broken and everyone goes home having accomplished nothing
>3,000 dead from battle wounds
>5900282828 died from disease
>Fifty towns full of Protestants are exterminated

>>212276755
A seige without a breach is just camping aggressively.
Ostend wasn't a proper seige because the harbor was wide open most of the time.

>>212276618

Lmao try to have pussy in your hands for once nerd

>>212276836
ok retard

>>212276755

You forgot the part were all the jew population of all the major cities was tied to bricks and thrown in the nearest rivers, because of bad luck or good luck or not enough rain or something.

>>212276836
whats with the redditspacing?

>tfw no good films set in restoration england

>>212267184
>>212265683
>you all portuguese are the same; half jews.

>>212276990
(((Lisbon)))

>>212277019
UK's (((oldest ally)))

>>212267184
Alatriste is a gorgeous movie, I really wish they had done at least 2 movies instead of the cram

>>212277135
I saw they were trying a series, has anybody seen that?

>>212269923
>>212270045
if there was ever a setting where you could go all out on "dude le religion BAD look at how BAD these people are with religion as an excuse" the 1600s would definitely be it

>>212277135
>Philip III looking like a weird Bug Eyed Ginger surrounded by midgets.
>Olivares is the guy actually getting shit done.
This was really the Golden Age of Trusted Advisors just de facto running the country.
Richelieu in France, Oxenstierna in Sweden

>>212277172
No. The series is abomination. Don't ever mention the series.

>>212276741

>>212265398 (OP)
For me, it's Shogun

>>212276397
Fuck, I know this is /tv/ but it would be great if we had an assassins creed set in spain based entirely around mediteanean ship warfare, lots of fights between turks and shit.

>>212267406
Hello yes operator, beam me up to BOOBONIA

Why no movies about the fall of the Aztec empire?

>>212278399
I will not masturbate.
Masturbation is le petit mort that brings total obliteration.
I will face my urges, I will permit them to passs over me and through me.
And when i have turned my inner eye upon the bath behind me i will see that my horniness is gone.
Only I remain.

>>212278725
You ok, anon?

>>212265398 (OP)
Too complex for movies, but it will do well in TV series format. I'm sure the French have whole series on the Sun King and the Japs have series on Tokugawa

>>212279969
moar
Show me her tits anon, bonus points if it's on some kind of a ceremonial altar

>>212280508
Anon this is a blue board

And we need to discuss how kino the fall of the Aztec empire was

>>212280961
I am the anon you responded to
absolutely, it's yet another criminally underrated period of history. The aztecs in general need more represenation in pop culture, essentially the closest we've gotten to a real life 40k chaos cult in human history.

I think a mini-series about the entry of Sweden into the 30 years war through the death of Wallenstien would be pretty kino. No way you could cover the entire 30 years war.

>>212280961
>>212281017
what's the big deal about them? weren't they just human-sacrificing savages?

>>212276133
> This is just plain stupid.
Stay ignorant, what do I care

The little apocolypto girl is all grown up

>>212265398 (OP)
red coats control hollywood, and this was the century of the french, dutch and spanish, not bongoloids

>>212265398 (OP)
Because it wasn't that long ago

>>212265398 (OP)
too much killing over christianity and they can't show that

>>212268964
>Americans aren't interested if it takes place before 1775
We had some settlers movies

>>212265398 (OP)
>Cromwell (1970) has entered the chat

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sOGIf1txjoo

>>212281908
based

>>212281595
why?

everything went to shit after agriculture. civilisation is stuck in an endless loop of causing problems and having to solve them, but this is entirely missing the point

>>212281908
has a great poster

>>212265398 (OP)
too much religious autism. 30 years war was legit the first world war prequel though, most brutal fighting and legitimate world wide

>>212281908
*clears the table of popish nonsense*

>>212283349
>30 years war was legit the first world war prequel though
No, the Napoleonic Wars were the WW1 prequel. The Thirty Years' War was a prequel to that. And the Seven Years' War was an interquel spinoff

>>212281354
It's the closest thing to alien first contact that we will ever see. Their culture was extremely different and weird, evolved in total isolation from the rest of the world, so it was even more removed from Europe than say Japanese culture.

Imagine being a Spaniard first setting foot on those lands. You are surrounded by strange animals, plants and birds nobody has seen before. And a weird empire of people that has massive stone cities bigger than anything in Europe, and elaborate nobility and rites but they also don't know basic shit like gunpowder, plate or the wheel. Instead they wear cotton armors and obsidian knives.

And of course their religion is tje most shocking thing, demonic vile shit where they sacrifice thousands of people a day do the sun could rise, personal bloodletting rituals, priests that wear the flayed skins of people and a particular God that only liked the blood of small children.

>>212281354
It's the closest thing to alien first contact that we will ever see. Their culture was extremely different and weird, evolved in total isolation from the rest of the world, so it was even more removed from Europe than say Japanese culture.

Imagine being a Spaniard first setting foot on those lands. You are surrounded by strange animals, plants and foods nobody has seen before. And a weird empire of people that has massive stone cities, bigger than any city in Europe, and elaborate nobility and rites but they also don't know basic shit like gunpowder, plate or the wheel. Instead they wear cotton armors and obsidian knives.

And of course their religion is the most shocking thing, demonic vile shit where they sacrifice thousands of people a day so that the sun could rise, personal bloodletting rituals, priests that wore the flayed skins of people and a particular God that only liked the blood of small children.

>>212283770
I never thought of like that. Truly incredible.

>>212283419
true. I like to think 30 years war was the IP they all ripped off later, it has so many moving pieces

>>212283831
Ya the discovery of the new world is by far the most consequential and interesting event in human history

>>212284108
Any advice for learning about it? Or just start some books and docus? And I imagine there is some bias within the history.

>>212284321
Just read some books. Conquest by Hugh Thomas is a classic; ditto Conquest of the Incas by John Hemming. Gotta start somewhere.

Also the 17th century where Caribbean piracy kicked off properly and people love stories in that setting, although most of what we see is more 18th century piracy.

>>212283770
based post

>>212265398 (OP)
17th century Scotland. Wars of the Three Kingdoms. Royalists vs Covenanters. Clan warfare. Blood Feuds. Cattle raiding. The first Jacobite uprising.


Follow individual families of Lairds, petty barons, tacksmen.

Imagine a posse of dudes in belted plaid rolling into market towns with broadswords and pistols, picking fights with rivals.


The largest cattle raid in Scottish history happened in this period.

>>212285010
The highlands are lawless, so it's basically a western movie but with kilts and black powder, awesome accents, and better scenery.

>>212267406
it really is a shame how there's no Minoan booba kino. It's a cool setting with great outfits. At least there are some eurocomics.

>>212267587
>mfw I watched this movie when I was sick as fuck and doped out of my mind on nyquil and painkillers

>>212285290
What would the plot be?

>>212286088
tiddy tiddy tiddy

>>212283770
fuck i love mesoamerica bros
so much untapped kino potential

>>212286088
A horror movie about the Minotaur

>>212265398 (OP)
It belongs to the French. Three Musketeers and Cyrano de Bergerac are set in the 17th Century. Apparently Cardinal Richelieu is very captivating to them.

>>212267668
I think they made one starring Mike Meyers

>>212286088
Young aristocratic tomboy is captivated by bull jumpers and wants to be one herself. Add in some drama about her family being against it/disguising herself as lower class etc.
Bouncing tits are mandatory and bonus points for a foreign character who isn't used to Minoan nudity but gets ENF scenes until she's used to it too.

>>212287073
Sounds retarded