>Hi, I'm here for the job interview

>>212441422 (OP)
great. uhh let me see, and whats your name, sir?

>>212441422 (OP)
>ok for what position?
>uh, loyal king adviser?
>hmm, lemme check.... Grima Wormtongue huh?
>not goo-... oh!
>recommendation from Sauronman, you're hired!

>it says here your full name is "Baskin Roberts" is that correct?

>>212441442
Slimy StabBack

>>212441422 (OP)
>Ah yes, Venommouth Backstab, was it?
>come take a seat

>>212441442
>>212441448
>>212441456
>>212441458
Was Tolkien retarded? This is some Marvel shit.

This was a perfect representation of how people with npd think and act

>>212441442
L.L. Pantsonfire

>>212441479
yeah it'd be like if the mayor of new york was caught cheating on his wife and sending girls pictures of his penis, and his name was Weiner.

>>212441442
>The name’s Evil… I.B. Evil.

>>212441479
>Was Tolkien retarded? This is some Marvel shit.

>evil people's base is Mordor (murder)
>big boss is at Mt. Doom (really?)
>place that has a hard time being defended is Gondor (gone door)
>evil sidekick is Grima Wormtongue (ffs)
>Big boss (Sauron) right hand man's name is Sauronman (jfc)
>steward of the throne - Stewart of Gondor (cmon now)
>Character has daddy issues - Fathermir
>Ring borrower - Borrowmir (ffs)
>I am no man - is a woman


Fuck you Tolkien you fucking hack

>>212441422 (OP)
Welcome to the White Stripes!

I don't think Wormtongue was his actual surname. Probably just a local label that stuck with him like Gandalf was referred to as Stormcrow.

>>212441422 (OP)
Ah yes, Mr. Gridi Shekelgrabber

>>212441492
kek

>>212441534
Shitposting aside, it's kinda fun that Tolkien keeps using doom (i.e. fate) when nowadays it is only used negatively

>>212441479
he wasn't born as "Wormtongue" you retard, it was a nickname given to him after he showed his character. Grima is a regular Rohan name, similar to Gram, Hama etc.

>dude is called Eomer
>group of horsemen he commands is called Eored

>>212442103
>son is a greasy, dirty looking dude
>name him Grimey
bravo mr & mrs wormtongue

>>212442103
>name Grima
>he’s grim

BRAVO TOLKIEN

>>212442087
I love learning new words from his stuff
>turn elsewhither!

>>212441442
Noah Antweiler.

>>212441422 (OP)
OH LOOOOOK, what clever resumes! You'll fit right in

>>212442103
>Grima is a regular Rohan name, similar to Gram, Hama etc.
LMAO

For me it's Throwdo Backins.

>>212441513
Ah, the doctors grandson.

>>212442042
No need to stretch for such a name when Vile Shlomo exists.

>>212441422 (OP)
>HHmmm... A dark and gloomy fellow, the original dark lord and master of Mordor...
>I wonder what I shall call him...
>Ah, yes! Mor Goth!

>>212441442
Grimey Kikebastard

>Legolas - A womanly lad (Lass) with light legs
>Gimli - Gimmie
>Aragorn - Paragon

>woman beats the witch king
>eyyy I win
>her brother likes horses
>eyyy a mare

>>212441534
Anon. When you can, discreetly ask your female former classmates what was their nickname for you. Be prepared to lose your selfworth. Wormtongue is the equivalent scenario.

>>212443746
I hate Rohan so much it's unreal. Bitches and whorses.

>>212441492
Best one

>>212443746
My female classmates did not think about me enough to bother giving me a nickname.

>>212441442
Ernest Forthright your honor

>>212443746
>implying I can talk to any of my former female classmates without them remembering I'm still friends with them on facebook for some reason and immediately block me, especially a weird message like this

>>212443744
such a stupid stretch that it's actually kinda based

>>212441442
Slimy Liarmouth, ready for service

Even a name with no obvious wordplay like Aragorn is as on the nose as you can get, Aragon was one of the kingdoms that unified Spain (Gondor) and defeated the Moors (Sauron)

>>212441448
>recommendation from Sauronman, you're hired!
This but unironically. Sauronman was the highest authority in Middle Earth before he sided with the enemy.
A recommendation from him would definitely land you a king's advisor position.

>>212441492
Lmao

>must take a journey walking to complete a mission
>named Bag-gins
>help his friend stay sane and on task for his mission
>named Sam-wise
>comic relief characters
>named Pippin and Merry
BRAVO NOLAN

>>212444057
>Aragorn
Sometimes I just say "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" out loud and giggle to myself.

>>212441442
my name is David Goldstenn, and here are my recommendation letters

>>212444674
>character is poor and always traveling and offers mysterious warnings to the main charcters
>named A Rag Horn

>>212441422 (OP)
Ade due demballa give me the job I beg of you

>>212441509
kek

>>212441422 (OP)
>yes, my real name is Dick Terribleatjobs

>Barliman Butterbur's the name, and I'm applying for the job as a bar man serving butterbeer

>>212444911
Meet your new supervisor: Bud Lyasole

>>212441442
>Gregory Weedsmoker

>>212444057
Sauron's forces are WWI Germans.

>>212441492
lost

>>212441534
Any pepe with object on head is a bot post

>>212441442
Fakeus Dirtydoings

>>212444802
>Takes big strides with his big legs
>called Strider
>Wears rags because he's a traveler
>A Rag Worn

>>212444683
>Aragorn has a baby boy
>calls it Araborn
Really, tolkien? Really?!

>>212441442
Anon. Reilly Anon-Ying.

>>212441442

>>212445026
You're confusing LOTR with Harry Potter now.

>>212445192
The object on head pepes are kino, though. Especially the ones that have a relatively clean and crisp image.

>>212445361

>>212445398
Based Akeno poster

>>212441442
>A just question...
>*gives yellowed scroll to interviewer*
>My name is Snakelin McCreepoff. As you will see, I am exceedingly qualified to be your loyal advisor.
>You're here for the dishwasher job.
>Yes, yes... For now.

>>212445361
It's better that Arason. Or Araspawn. Or Aracadabra.

>>212441422 (OP)
>>212441479
He was already the king's advisor before he was corrupted, you fucking retards. He gradually turned into the slimy jew we see in the books and movie. Wormtongue was something his detractors gave him, and not his actual name.

>>212441442
Smogg Naughta D'Ragg-Uon
I am a human male former blacksmith turned political advisor.
I come form the province of Imma Reelhu-Mann in the Middle-Earth region of Deriz Nodra-Gaunear.

>>212441442
Evil McSpeakBad

>>212441442
The name's Serpent. Slimy Serpent the Backstabbing Traitor. At your service.

>>212441442
Simon Laim.

>>212446122
Laim?

>>212441442
Don Al-Outclass

>>212441442
Corr Eyfledm'ann
Ass And Scion Mill And Yum

>>212441442
The name's Noah Tanorc, and I'm just a regular human who enjoys seeing meat on the menu.

>>212441442
I’m CIA

>>212446873
Crust In Ass?

>>212441479
>>212441534
>>212442087
Memes aside, LOTR was written for young audience. The Hobbit was literally Children's fairy tale.

>>212446944
>LOTR was written for young audience.
if it were written for an old audience, it would be stuffy and boring as fuck. No one would ever want to adapt it since it'd be very wordy, talking about politics, governing, and financial policies.

>>212441442
Liar McBackstab

>>212446987
I am not saying that as a bad thing, I am just saying that it explains few stylistic choices.

>>212441448
no1 else wanted the job. Theoden was a pompous dickhead

>>212447195
>Theoden was a pompous dickhead
>Saruman was a pompous dickhead
>Gandalf used to be really good friend with both
It tracks. Gandalf was a dick to Bilbo in The Hobbit.

Frodo, did I ever tell you about Alfrid Lickspittle?

FRODO, I'M EXPLODING PICKLE TOM!!!

>>212447374
Alfrid had some humongous gazongas

>>212441442
Nathaniel Higgers

>>212448671
you're hired!

>Grima Wormtongue you say? What an unfortunate name. Well in this kingdom we don't believe in nominative determinism. You're hired!

>>212446930
You don’t get to bring cocks

>Well, we'll just name you SOLO then HAHAHA GET IT?! HAN SOLO!

>>212449077

>>212446944
>LOTR was written for young audience
No it wasn’t, only the Hobbit was.

I wanted to see Grima helping Sharkey brutalize some Hobbits of the Shire

>>212441534
>kid stories need to be complicated
lol. lmao. yall niggas argue about soi wars the same way

>>212450062
teenagers are young as well. if hobbit was for kids, lotr is for teens and YA. get real

>>212450998

> literally a supernatural angel-like being capable of handling magic, live eternally, creately directly by the hand of the Gods that inhabit your galaxy, and one of the most erudite and intelligent beings in all of Middle Earth
> "you know what Grima, let's just become bandits, kill a bunch of Hobbits, steal their stuff and become basically mobsters"

I get that the Scourge of The Shire was symbolically important for Tolkien and he saw it as a big "fuck you" to capitalism and industrialization fucking over Le heckin English countryside, but it just doesn't flow with the rest of the book, and just sounds silly.

>>212446122
Simu limu

>>212452898
>you know what Grima, let's just become bandits, kill a bunch of Hobbits, steal their stuff and become basically mobsters
>implying you wouldn't larp like this if you had the power and the opportunity presented itself

>>212441442
The name's Beatrice Rayew Backen-Stuben

>>212454495
This
If I was an all powerfull being I would fucking roleplay as batman just for fun

>>212441422 (OP)
>You’re hired! Welcome to the overnight shift!

>>212441442
Luther Boggs

>>212452898
>literally a supernatural angel-like being capable of handling magic, live eternally, creately directly by the hand of the Gods
Did you not understand the part where after Isengard was defeated, Saruman's powers were removed by Eru? He became a normal old man. He's now outcast from everywhere and welcome nowhere. He's doomed to diminish into withered old age and dementia. All he has left is essentially his master/slave relationship with Grima, who is also unwelcome everywhere. So Saruman wanted to get revenge and the only people he could assert any power over were the Hobbits. And it's not against capitalism, it's more: there are no happy endings. You don't go off on these huge epic adventures and return unscathed to your innocent old self. Nor does your home remain the same. It changes without you. It's a decent lesson for children since they're used to happy endings where the bad guy is defeated and everyone goes back to what it always was. Plus it shows how much the main Hobbits have grown since they kick Sharkey's ass.

Hi, I'm here for the job interview.
>great. uhh let me see, and whats your name, sir?
Lon Suder, Sir. Ex-Provisional Officer aboard the USS Voyager, at your service.
>Ah yes.. *finds resume in pile* You were here for the position of loyal advisor to the King, right?
Affirmative.
>It says here you were a Maquis. Did I get that right?
Yes, Sir. Resistance fighter, Sir. Against the Cardassian occupation.
>Cardassian?
Galactic East, Sir.
>East, huh? Never liked them easterlings meself. What brought you to Rohan?
Treatment, Sir. For my strong violent tendencies.
>Well, you were a resistance fighter, after all. Some violence is expected. The only good easterling is a dead easterling, I always said.
Yes, Sir. Holographic therapy and targeted synpatic therapy were unsuccessful, so my doctor suggested a change of lifestyle.

>>212445192
>>212445366
Which board even started them? It feels like /biz/ to me but I'm not sure, could be any one of the /b/ clones.

>>212452898
>Gondor is LOCKED THE FUCK IN
>the elves have revived old alliances
>Rohan got its shit together
>Orthanc destroyed
>Gandalf el Blanco probably fucking up what's left of Mordor
Legging it to the Shite makes perfect sense, it's far away from all the action

>>212441442
Stabbi Inbakki

Frodo, did I ever tell you about Alfrid Lickspittle? He was a servant to the Master of Laketown in TA 2941, and later assisted Bard during The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. He had more screentime than me and Gandalf. He was created by Peter Jackson and was his attempt at creating a comedic relief version of Grima Wormtongue(who is a good friend to the king of Rohan). His own attempt at Jar Jar Binks, perhaps. He later dresses as a woman in order to flee Laketown with many plundered riches and hides in a catapult attached to a dead Troll. However, one of Alfrid's coins slips off his corset and falls on the catapult lever. The coin acts as counterweight, throwing Alfrid inside a troll's mouth. Both Alfrid and the troll are asphyxiated. He died a hero's death. And he was a good friend.

>>212448671
>Hathaniel

>>212455157
From what I remember they were supposed to be viral marketing for some shitcoin on /biz/ but I also have no idea why they thought that would work

>>212445192
Why would you say that?

>>212444683
That's the fun part, no matter how deep you go all the characters are named like that. You'll get Elves with names like "Finrod son of Finarfin son of Finwe fathered Findis, Fingolfin, and Finarfin". Sam's dad was named Ham, with his first son named Hamson.

It's the one series where, if suddenly, you made up a new character with a name only one letter removed from the source it'd be fully fitting in the world. Gimli's dad was Gloin, son of Groin.

>>212441442
Michael Hunt

>>212441479
he was a hack

>>212458679
>Sam's dad was named Ham, with his first son named Hamson.
That's funny considering Middle Earth is supposed to be Europe before the biblical deluge.

>>212441534
>>big boss is at Mt. Doom (really?)
it's funny to see people shit on GRRM's names for places but defend this

>>212441422 (OP)
>giant walking tree
>his name is Treebeard
how come nobody ever remembers that one?

>>212445151
But Tolkien's side was the one that brought in slave soldiers from the east and south

>>212450998
>>212452898
the scourge was dumb

especially since sauronman knew aragorn was coming back north

>>212441442
Darth Imabadguy

>>212459429
Tolkein gets a pass as he frames LOTR as a translation of a story from Westron into English, so all the names are made more "understandable" to us as readers.

>>212451952
It wasn’t written for teens retard, it was written for a general audience including adults. Tolkien did not initially set out writing the novel thinking “I’m gonna write a novel for teens” unlike The Hobbit which was always a children’s tale.

>>212452898
You’re dumb as fuck

>>212459294
They're the Halfbrews, the Shire was promised to them 3,000 years ago.

>>212462077
Kek

>>212447252
kek I thought this as a kid as well, he treats Bilbo like a tool in the Hobbit.

>>212441442
Adam Friedland

>>212458406
Makes sense

>>212441534
>Rings of power stole this meme and called him Grand Elf

>>212455420
kek

>>212459429
Shartin can't even developt or create a new language from zero and need to relly on another to do this, so yeah, fans can shit on him for this

>>212442874
lmao

>>212459429
Mount Doom is a very reasonable nickname that people would give to a violent volcano. Look up indigenous names of famous mountains, they are equally retarded.