This film is absolute SHIT. I'm done with the franchise. I knew it was going to be somewhere between "okay" and "bad" but it is even WORSE than I could have imagined.

>T-Rex bites inflatable raft
It doesn't suffer any damage

>Amerimutt family shoehorned in
Dad is the only likeable character, muh walled 25 year old "teenager" serves no purpose other than to introduce her annoying comedy relief boyfriend

>Comic relief boyfriend
Didn't laugh once

>Dinosaur bigger than a truck headbutting a grocery store door
They "barricade" the door with an empty cart on wheels

>Show tons of water draining intoan underground tunnel system
Bone dry when they enter

>Introduce a "cute" baby dinosaur
Doesn't do anything, muh marketing to kids

>Searching for THE LARGEST land dinosaur to get a sample in a wide open field
A herd of like 30 of them appear out of nowhere. The whole group was surprised when these things the size of a building, that fucking shake the earth when they step, suddenly appear out of 4 foot grass

>Someone gets eaten on a beach
Run to the spot where she just died and just scream and yell even though there were like 8 of the same dinosaurs in the water chasing them moments ago

There were even more idiotic sequences, but you get it. I am convinced the writers said, "Fuck it, it doesn't need to make sense because DINOSAURS!"

what about:
>d rex changes sizes in the few mins it's onscreen
>we gotta hire the shortest merc on the planet, standing at 5'2'' and middle aged.
this shit was hilarious when she stood next to the rich guy in that museum
>first half is just talking about muh backstory
>raptors are on screen for 10 seconds before getting btfo in the background by mutant winged raptors. because the new thing is superior
>no final showdown between the d rex and the rex or spino
>girl gets attacked on the beach and everyone just stares like 'huh, well that sucks' and they walk away qupping in the next scene
>awful fakeout of the black guy dying
>the d rex moves in slow motion
i bet you could crawl away and survive it's wrath
>the little girl was actually a more accurate dora the explorer than isabela moner. same outfit and backpack
>daughter character attacks rich guy and then is mad when he doesnt risk his life trying to save her. dork fell on her own
>aztec ruins that no one acknowledges, its just there
>le snickers bar wrapper turns off the security system
>zero tension in the whole flick, never felt like the main cast was in danger
>no triceratops
>no stegosaurus

>>212543908
>d rex changes sizes in the few mins it's onscreen
I don't know why, but this shit triggered me the most.

>>212543908
>no final showdown between the d rex and the rex or spino
Retarded take. Not every JP movie needs a "final showdown" between the big carnivores. It just needs a final conflict/chase with whatever's been terrorizing the cast throughout the movie.

I don’t even know whether to trust reviews on here anymore, you people are always such hyperbolic babies that pretend 1 forgettable, mediocre movie is LE WORST DOGSHIT IVE EVER SEEN.

>>212543983
except the d rex didnt terrorize shit until the last ten mins. they dont even know it's a thing until it shows up right at the end

Build an ultra technological security facility
>Defeated by a candy wrapper

Wish I was making it up

>>212543908
>A woman making a bad decision causing her own peril and then lying about it

That's the most realistic thing in the movie

>>212544168
I agree, but again, final showdowns shouldn't be mandatory in these movies and it's retarded to expect that all the time just because JW made it a thing with the Indominus Rex.

>>212543987
OP here, I also despise people who are like "ARRGGG I HATE LE NEW THING" I wanted this to be good, I really did, but it is bad. If you don't believe me, then watch it. But, don't say I didn't warn you.

I’m watching it right now. does the nerd Redditor waxing on about “dude, like, we’re a virus on this planet, profit is heckin bad” die? The holier-than-thou Redditors can’t die, right?

>>212543938
it breaks immersion

>>212543542 (OP)
>still watching dinoslop
When are you going to grow up?

>>212543542 (OP)
I didn't even watch it
the trailer already looked shit and gareth edwards has NEVER made a good film

>>212548557
It was his dream to make a Jurassic Park movie.
>makes the dumbest one with the ugliest dino designs
>somehow even worse than all three world movies

>>212545878
He lives. The only ones who die are three no-name mercs nobody cares about and the obvious villain.

They should keep Gareth Edwards who's a real treasure and drop Koepp who has nothing else to give to the franchise.
It's a mediocre movie but looks like it will still beat Superman at the box office.

The only way to save this series would be to lean into horror side of things.
They keep trying to capture the wonder of the first movie and it's never going to happen.
Also the hybrid shit is retarded.
No more ex military either. No shoehorned la familia. Should be scientists only.

>>212548641
as soon as I saw the mutant dino in the first trailer, I lost all interest, and the cast look like a lineup of literal whos
even scarjo looks old and busted, and the dialogue already pissed me off in the 3mins they decided to show

>People are bored of dinos
This pisses me off the most. If I had infinite money and time I'd go see a T Rex eat a goat at Jurassic World every fucking day until I die. Whoever came up with people being bored of goddamn dinosaurs needs shooting.

>>212548861
Them doing the hybrid retardation is "lean into the horror side of things". The franchise doesn't need to become horrorslop, it needs to return to its intellectual roots and actually be about something other than "rawr dinosaurs escaped their cages". Some of the best scenes in the original movie don't even have any dinosaurs in them.

>>212548909
Same. We are getting a few more Scarjo JW movies too. The nightmare never ends.

>>212549003
This, who the fuck thinks anyone would get bored of dinosaurs

>>212543908
Don't forget
>No giantess Scar Jo vs D-rex fight

>>212544292
Yes this movie is bad, but not to the same extent Fallen Kingdom and Dominion were bad. Those two movies seemed to constantly test your tolerance for stupid bullshit, this one at least feels like stuff that could plausibly happen in the world set up by the first Jurassic Park... most of the time.

>dad visibly fractures leg on boat
>”I can’t move my leg!”
>5 seconds later running around the boat, jumps off, swims to shore, walks for awhile and then they remember his hurt leg so he casually uses a stick like a crutch and that’s the end of that

Pajeets on Youtube make better JP videos that are actually tense/scary. This franchise is an embarrassment. Hollywood needs to die.

>Blue? Better at hunting than ME? Oh please, Anon.

>>212543938
Didn't 17 years pass?

>>212543908
>aztec ruins that no one acknowledges, its just there
"what is this, some kind of ancient temple?"
Never answered or acknowledged by the other character, never mentioned again. What the fuck

WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IS THE GIANT DOOR AT THE START. WHY DIDNT THEY JUST BUILD A MAN SIZED DOOR THAT D-REX COULD NOT FIT THROUGH. THEN THEY COULD JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND THE SCIENTIST CAN JUST WALK OUT????????

>>212543542 (OP)
To be fair, the production was rushed because Universal wanted the movie for this year. The mutadons replaced the raptors at the last second, as evidenced by the marketing. They also changed the designs of most of the dinos after the reactions from the first trailer, like giving the spinos slightly larger necks. All the bad stuff is likely because of the rushed production

>>212549942
100% needed to be in

>>212551154
The mutadons were such a stupid decision to add

Why doesn't any AAA production ever compete with JP/W? Everyone I talk to wants an overthetop rated R gore fest dino movie

>>212543542 (OP)

> T-Rex bites inflatable raft — It doesn't suffer any damage

This scene likely leans on the established trope of "tense near-miss" rather than realistic physics. The T-Rex might bite around the raft or clamp down without applying full force. Films in this genre prioritize suspense over perfect realism. Similar stunts happen in Jaws and even earlier Jurassic Park entries. Suspension of disbelief is a given with a creature that hasn't existed in 65 million years chasing people with boat-grade precision.

> Amerimutt family shoehorned in

Character archetypes in blockbusters are often broad to appeal to wide audiences. A “fractured” family unit is common in Jurassic films — think of the divorced parents in Jurassic Park III. The daughter and boyfriend serve as proxies for younger audiences. If the boyfriend is annoying, that may be intentional — he's comic relief, not a hero. And the "25-year-old teenager" critique is fair, but Hollywood does this often to balance labor laws and on-screen maturity.

> Dinosaur bigger than a truck headbutting a grocery store door —

This scene is likely playing with irony or desperation. The cart isn't expected to stop the dinosaur — it reflects human instinct to "do something," however futile. This mirrors scenes in horror where survivors block doors with chairs. It shows panic, not logic.

> "Cute" baby dinosaur — Doesn't do anything

Mascot characters serve brand value and emotional resonance. Think of Babu Frik (Rise of Skywalker) or Baby Groot. The baby dino might not do much, but its role is marketing, comic relief, or emotional grounding for kids. And it can be set up for a payoff in a sequel.

>>212543542 (OP)
Just watched it and it was full of this shit.
>we need live dna
Why? They have all that shit on file somewhere, and at the end they're going to "give it to everyone" which isn't possible unless they get the data from it and give that to everyone, and then the same fucking data that already exists should have been fine.
>le corpo guy is le bad
It makes no sense that the company would want to make it so they can't sell the thing that literally everyone would want and only sell it to a handful of people.
Also he does basically nothing wrong, he didn't try to kill whatshername just didn't save her after she fell but somehow she and everyone else just know he meant to kill her?
>le baby dino
Wasn't the point that these would die outside of that environment?
>stupid family
Why were they sailing around the illegal dino waters again? Why does it not occur to them to not pick fights with the crew who saved them when they are all breaking the law just being there? Why is it a big deal that the girl falls off the boat when they all jump off it and are fine? If she is bad at swimming why are they making her cross the river to get the boat instead of letting her stupid boyfriend do it? Why do the main group not keep these idiots away from the secret mission plans or detour to get rid of them first, they are not actually on the clock.
>muh flares
Why does he not shoot the fucking flares which is how you're supposed to use them?
>ending
So they leave in a tiny boat through dino waters with illegal cargo including the baby dino, after a bunch of people died and they lost the boat, and they'll just hand over the sample data to "everyone" and no one will ask any questions?

>>212551668
coprophile detected

>>212551110
Don't get me started on the fucking wrapper causing the entire system to malfunction.

The only good scene was the dino herd with the dino couple nuzzling. Fuck it, just give me good dinosaur scenes with no humans.
Only funny moment was "pedestrian detected" and it was immediately ruined by repeating it several times.

Why do you poopsocks hate fun

>>212551002
there is absolutely no way those stairs would still be visible instead of buried under a fuckton of dirt and plants

>>212543542 (OP)
still going to make a 1 billy

>>212551154
Not my problem

>>212551668
AI faggot has entered the chat

>>212551668
>This scene likely leans on the established trope of "tense near-miss" rather than realistic physics
Anon, no one with a functional brain thought for even a second the kid was in any real danger. The movies have not and likely will not ever have the balls to kill a kid on screen. The closest we ever got was the kid in TLW getting attacked by compies and Erik getting pecked at by baby pteranodons in jp3. This was a scene that wholly missed the mark of near tension due to the choice in who was in “danger”

>>212551899
I’d argue the spino scene on the beach was solid. Captured that cold sweat down the spine feeling you get seeing a crocodile drag something into a river. Every thing else was forgettable.

>>212551908
Jewish hands typed this

>>212549942
>tfw no spunky sentient velociraptor trying to prove she's the BEST GIRL

I'd unironically watch that slop just for that.

>>212552442
that was clearly an ai post

>>212551110
idk maybe they wanted a way to transport the d-rex out
haven't watched the movie btw

>>212543983
Dont act all high and mighty and pretend this shit isnt treinta to appeal to the common denominator. Not adding a final fight is an insult to the audience

>>212554074
>Transport the D Rex
>Through doors so fragile that a wrapper fucks the entire system
>Down a flight of stairs
>And through suites of computers/expensive equipment
I mean I'd like to see them try, it'll be funny

>>212544204
That was such a bad fucking sign. Why would you design a security system that, when it encounters a problem, reboots and unlocks everything? The default state for ANY security system should be to lock down when a problem occurs. It makes no fucking sense.

I thought the candy bar wrapper was going to be more of a Rube Goldberg machine, causing a chain reaction of smaller failures which eventually leads to one important part of the system being compromised. But they just skipped all of that and had "lol the entire facility security rebooted just because the electronics on one door was implausibly fried.

>>212543983
There's a difference between saying this movie needs a final dinosaur fight, and every JP needs a final dinosaur fight. A lot of people, myself included were simply underwhelmed by the ending, and during the lead-up to the film's release, people were speculating on exactly *what* would happen to the D-rex. Gojicenter on YouTube, for example, speculated that the D-rex was going to get swarmed by all the spinosaurs, and that, to me, sounds WAY better than what we actually got, which was nothing.

It's not like this movie was ever going to be a masterpiece. It's slop, and a slop fight scene at the end to bookend the slop isn't going to ruin anything.

Why can't i find a cam rip of this film?

>>212549925
I know the one. Ali something. I do like his videos.

>>212548557
The last three were dogshit, idk why people suddenly thought this one would be any different.

>>212550957
No, it goes from huge one scene, and then only a few minutes later in actual time, it suddenly shrinks down.

>>212555435
The first half of the World movies were slop, but dumb fun slop. The franchise properly died with the Brachiosaurus during the volcanic eruption, before Fallen Kingdom turned into a Resident Evil movie, and Dominion just went full retard.

If the World movies were human-made slop, Rebirth feels like AI-generated slop. It's literally just a hodgepodge of recycled ideas which are thrown together in ways which don't make sense.

>>212543542 (OP)
I can't believe that literally every single big dinosaur set piece resolves itself by ... the antagonizing dinosaur(s) simply leaving. The humans never get away or do anything clever. The dinosaurs just leave.

>The Spinos
They just decide to stop hunting the rest of the humans who stay on the beach for far too long, despite their friend being eaten on the beach minutes earlier.

>The T.rex
After following the raft from the river bank, it can't fit its head through a gap in some rocks ... and it just turns around and leaves. It could have just waded back to the river bank and walked around the rock - which is how it had been hunting the humans moments earlier - but no, it just leaves.

>The Quetzalcoatlus
It's pissed at the humans for disturbing its eggs. It eats one of them, and chases some of the others ... and then leaves the movie. Everyone loudly ends up at the base of the cliff, right under the eggs it is trying to protect ... but it never returns.

>The D.rex
As the humans are escaping by boat, it makes one swipe at them ... then just gives up and goes home.

At least Zora kills one of the Mutadons ... but even they don't really get a full pass, given that they're introduced in a scene where they kill some raptors which are stalking Pissing Boyfriend, then simply leave without bothering him.

>>212543542 (OP)
I thought it was fun, like a theme park ride. I really like the photography, it almost looked like it was shot on film. Didn't watch any of the World movies. As far as summer blockbusters I've seen worse.

D-rex goes from a gigantic 50 meters tall Kaiju in one scene, to just a big T-rex in the next. WHAT.
You can just replace the mutants with actual dinosaurs and it would be better off.
Someone calls the first dino a brachiosaurus on the news and it's obviously an Apatosaurus
Professor states the Titanosaurus is11 tons, and next you see it's as big as a skyscraper.
The ending is also a mess. The spino pack was supposed to save Kincaid and battle the D-rex but they cut it. Then he was supposed to die but they cut that as well. Now D-rex is 2 meters away from him and he magically survives.
Scarlett Johansson is such a horrible actress. Her character is just a hollow shell. You can't name a single characteristic of her, not one.
The music is ASS. Action scene going on and for some reason there's a clarinet blowing 1940's music. The best scenes were those without any music.
Movie feels like it's directed by 3 different people. Before they reach the island, on the island during the day, and the last part during night. 3 completely different vibes.
Movie is just moving from one setpiece to the next.
Fuck ALL these characters. They're either extremely annoying, or just completely forgettable. Can't name half the family members, or even the bad guy.You also don't care about any of them.


It's a B movie with 200 mil budget

>>212543542 (OP)
No movie needs to make sense unless it's like a documentary about a true story. Is it actually bad or are you just mad about muh heckin' plot holes?

I know you had a few other complaints but how bad are they? Bad enough to ruin the good parts? There must be some good parts because if there wasn't that would be all you needed to say, but instead you're saying negative things to try to give it minus points. Please tell me the good things.

>>212556079
>After following the raft from the river bank, it can't fit its head through a gap in some rocks ... and it just turns around and leaves.

This movie is ass but at least this one provides a simple reason. By sticking its head between the rocks it hurt itself and figured it wasn't worth the hassle anymore. You can clearly see he's hurt. The scream, his head shaking and CLEARLY big visible scrapes on his mouth and head by the rocks. Scrapes that werent there before

>>212543983
>>212544255
Final showdowns started since the first jurassic park. Jurassic park 2 and 3 dont have final battles. Dont let the stupid moronic jurassic World trash movies ruin the concept of a final fight. They didnt invent it.
>>212548641
Doesnt even feel like he directed this one. Felt like he was given a bunch of footage and he had to make a movie out of it.

I have no idea why they continued this after the third. The first was iconic and a true masterpiece, by the third, it was almost unwatchable. They shold have let it die there.

You can list 50 negative things about this piece of shit movie. But that T-rex looked amazing. Great bulky design and actually amazing CGI

>>212556178
>Pic Related
>>212556451
You have eyes, right? Read the thread. Of course the movie is shit! Also "no movie needs to make sense" is extreme cope. You are also
>Pic related

>>212548687
>obvious villain.
The illegals that stole American jobs and boat?

I watched the HDTS torrent today and thought it was pretty good, way better than any of the JW movies and on par with TLW and JP3.

>>212556384
>Movie is just moving from one setpiece to the next.
I have that feeling about most modern movies. It's like film makers completely stopped giving a shit and just hop from marketable scene to the next.
Superman is even more extreme.

>>212556079
What other dinos are in the movie?

>>212560069
ankylosaurus for 4 seconds
compys for like 5 seconds
raptors for 10 secs in background
something that looked like a snake with no scales, just smooth skin, do not see its head
some triceratops-esque thing with no horns thats the size of a cat

>>212560069
They start with an old escaped Apatosaurus in the city. The movie instantly puts on the first red flag by naming it a brachiosaurus.
Queue 40 minutes of 'charaxter development', in which you realise these people cant act for shit and every character is an empty lifeless husk.
Mosasaurus, spinosaurus, titanosaurus, quatzlewhatever, raptor getting absolutely dogged by mutadon, dilo and dead para, trex, drex. The little mascot of the movie, and several super minor cameos like an anky that arent worth talking about

>>212549003
The person who thought regular people would get bored of dinosaurs needs to have his shit beaten out of him. Literally just have someone punch them in the face.

>>212560237
>something that looked like a snake with no scales, just smooth skin, do not see its head
Wasn't this supposed to be the end of one of the titanosaur tails or no

>>212554074
The d-rex grows like 5 times bigger later on, so what the fuck?

i'm watching CAM version of this today

what am i in for?

>>212560906
The quality was surprisingly good and audio was horrendous, also see: >>212558642

>>212561018
cool, i'm doing it

>>212561018
>>212561079
meant audio was NOT horrendous for being a cam. definitely watchable.

>>212544292
fuck, I'd really like to have me some chocolate right about now...

>>212543987
wtf is wrong with that hand?!?!