>we wuz half blerd prances n sheeit

He's not an american black though, brownoid zoomer. It would be more like this:
>Oi, Pottah, Weazlee. Tree-fiddy points dashed from Gryffindor, wallahi! Ayo, Draco, my bredda, you’re bless, roadman. Tell your geez to fling over anothda spliff, akh, don’t sleep on it. Fifty tingz to Slytherin, inshallah.