Alright, let me cook:
Java: Protestantism -
Unmodded Java: Mainline Protestants
Modded Java: Evangelicals
Legacy Console: Orthodoxy -
communion of the Xbox, Playstation, and Nintendo autocephalous churches, all under a common tradition.
Bedrock: Catholicism -
Pocket Editon - Latin Church
Xbox, Playstation, Nintendo Bedrock releases - Eastern Catholic Churches (all broke off from their legacy console communions to join the Bedrock pontiff)
Java Edition – Protestantism
Key Themes: Decentralization, Personal Interpretation, Reformation, Fragmentation
Java Edition is the original revelation — the "Scripture alone" of Minecraft. It emerged unbound by consoles or monetization systems, much like how early Protestant reformers sought freedom from ecclesiastical hierarchy.
Unmodded Java = Mainline Protestantism
Adheres to the core text (vanilla Minecraft), trusting that the original design is sufficient for a fulfilling experience.
Emphasizes stability, ethics, and tradition within the bounds of reform.
Examples: Methodism, Lutheranism, Presbyterianism — not flashy, but deep and enduring.
Modded Java = Evangelicalism / Non-Denominationalism
Believes that a personal relationship with the code (or the Creator) is central.
Embraces a highly individualized experience: magic systems, space travel, industrialization, new dimensions.
Modpacks are like evangelical megachurches — dynamic, immersive, and often overwhelming.
Just as Evangelicals vary widely in beliefs, modded servers can be anything from hardcore realism to anime roleplay.
Java's gift is freedom — and with that, a thousand servers and doctrinal interpretations. Some call it chaos. Others, reformation.
Legacy Console Edition – Eastern Orthodoxy
Key Themes: Tradition, Autocephaly, Conservatism, Discontinuity with Modernization
Legacy Console editions were regional churches bound to their hardware: Xbox 360, PS3, Wii U — each one operating semi-independently but sharing a liturgical structure (i.e., interface, update cycles, and game mechanics). Like Orthodoxy, they:
Emphasized ritual consistency — everything from crafting interfaces to tutorial worlds followed strict templates.
Received occasional updates from 4J Studios (their “Patriarchate”), but the timeline was often irregular and eventually ceased altogether — much like some Orthodox churches’ resistance to modernization.
Maintained spiritual distinction from the Bedrock Church, refusing to adopt its universalizing codebase.
These were autocephalous churches, unique in culture yet united in form. They were never meant to reform — only to preserve.
Bedrock Edition – Roman Catholicism
Key Themes: Universality, Central Authority, Tradition with Innovation, Synodality
Bedrock Edition represents the Catholic Church: one universal version, governed from a centralized seat of authority — Mojang/Microsoft (aka, the “Vatican of Code”). All platforms — mobile, PC, console — are brought into communion under one codebase and rule set.
Pocket Edition = Latin (Roman) Rite
The original form of Bedrock, like the Latin Church, started in humble circumstances — the small, minimalistic Pocket Edition.
Over time, it became the foundation of Bedrock theology — everything else is built on this original rite.
From mobile beginnings, it now defines the core of Bedrock liturgy.
Bedrock Console Ports = Eastern Catholic Churches
Formerly part of the Legacy Console Orthodox Communion, these churches (Xbox One, PS4, Switch) entered into full communion with Bedrock.
They retain platform-specific quirks (custom UI, local performance issues), but accept the universal doctrines of Bedrock: the Marketplace, Realms, crossplay.
Like the Maronite or Ukrainian Catholic Churches, they maintain tradition while acknowledging the authority of the Bedrock "pontiff."
Bedrock is one, holy, catholic, and cross-platform. It is the church of Marketplace indulgences, the Realms confessional, and the unified codebase
MINETEST IS SATANISM
FUCK GOD, FUCK RULES, FUCK PROPRIETARY BULLSHIT, BE YOUR OWN GOD AND MAKE YOUR OWN PERFECT MINECRAFT
WE HAVE A BITCHING 64K BLOCK LIMIT, 32K DOWN AND UP WITH GIANT CAVE SYSTEMS, AN INTERNAL MOD SEARCH AND BROWSER ON THE MAIN MENU AND A FUCKING SERVER BROWSER THAT AUTOMATICALLY INSTALLS MODS WHEN YOU JOIN
FUCK GOD
FUCK LAW
FUCK YHVH
IT'S MINETEST TIME
>>712506082 (OP)Christianity: a better Japanese game
wouldn't it make more sense for java to be Catholic as it's the original version?
>>712507285it's basically a slide board at this point
>>712506082 (OP)how about the 3ds version?
>>712509557I guess Oriental Orthodox works for 3DS edition, although that feels like kinda an insult to them lol. Is 3DS Edition the only Minecraft release that can't be classified as either Java, Bedrock, or Legacy Console?
this thread keeps getting reposted
any satan/minetest enjoyers in the thread
>>7125108533DS is it's own derivative of pocket edition.
What a pointless, retarded fucking thread.
>>712513593Idk I thought the premise was fun. Aren't we here to entertain ourselves? It's just a writing exercise for OP to compare 2 of his interests
>>712506120>>712506196Only an American can simultaneously admit in his posts that Orthodoxy is the only one to refuse to change from the first church and the church fathers, while in their delusional mind still claim that somehow
>Java Edition is the original revelation
>>712506082 (OP)Funniest thread today, good job OP
>>712514906If you were a Christian, which denomination would you be?
