Thread 717803213

What would you like to do as Jesus Christ in this game?

>>717803213 (OP)
hack n slash the jews at the temple

Go on /v/ and pretend I am heckin' based Christian. Christ is King or however the burger is flipped.

turn the entire town drinking water supply into wine

Crash the fish industry

>>717803307
This guy has the right idea, I just want to LARP as a Christian, post scripture, and tell people to turn to Jesus in one thread, then insult people the most heinously I can in another.

>>717803213 (OP)
Not exist

Run directly towards the Mediterranean dip my hands in and turn the world's oceans into wine. Complete ocean ecological genocide, the great dying of Christ extinction event. Start duplicating dead fish to create a new thick layer of biomass in the worlds wine oceans, just huge amounts of soon to be rotting meat everywhere.

Kinda just let things play out after that, Schedule the second coming for about 500,000 years in the future and see what kind of cool shit evolves.

I will be rabbi that seeks to reform the jewish faith and make sure every european boy and girl have hebrew names for millennia to come

>>717803213 (OP)
Unironically Top Down RPG like Disco Elysium

>>717804107
>Jesus-as-PC game
>good/evil/CUNT choices
Okay, I’m sold.

>>717803213 (OP)
End hunger. End war. End need for everyone.

>>717803213 (OP)
Screw that, give me a horror game where you play Moses evading God's murderous wrath. To win you need to circumcise your son.

>>717803213 (OP)
Curse trees without any godamn figs

>>717804107
>walk into village
>quicksave
>just start fucking turning everyone into wine

Make life better for the righteous, and slay the shit out of the rest

>>717803213 (OP)
i wanna do sick combos on jewish people

I have trouble reconciling the existence of christ, of God made flesh, with the existence of the universe

>>717803213 (OP)
Make appearances on toast and inhabit the body of various schizophrenics.

>>717804107
>fuck around god complex game as Jesus
>walk into child’s hospital
>head straight to cancer section
>turn the cancer to wine
>entire ward is cured but absolutely shitfaced
>parent’s genuinely happy and crying but want to beat my ass

>>717803423
Don't forget to jerk off to obscenely perverted porn

>>717806050
We know from Josephus Flavius that Jesus was some dude in Judea who got rekt by Pilate. Flavius also describe how Jacques, brother of Jesus, got rekt by some tard priest in Jerusalem for clout. We know Paul of Tarsus existed, and a bunch of his epistles (the first few ones, the later ones may be fake) talk about meeting Pierre and Jacques. From a historical PoV, some Jesus preacher guy was around, got crucified, and a bunch of his apostles went apeshit and never backed down despite intense persecutions. I don't believe in the Bible, but I dont believe you would accept to get tortured to death for a lie either. Surely these guys witnessed some wild shit.

>>717806332
lel
moustache twirl

>>717804107
Scientifically accurate Revelation

>>717803213 (OP)
mary magdalene

The original grifter.

>>717807807
Entirely not-/v/ but even at my most sympathetic to religion I never understood the "wouldn't die for a lie" apologetic argument. Throughout history people have gone to their deaths for basically any ideology you can think of, including both the provably false and the unfalsifiable-but-mutually-exclusive-with-Christianity. The fact that people are willing to get tortured horribly for what they believe is more a testament to the power of belief than the truth of any particular belief system.

Would make it a highly restrictive mission structure like a rockstar game. Whenever you do something slightly wrong, a jew like saul says "I must be misremembering, that's not how the prophets said it would happen." The game is framed as saul telling a story of jesus and trying to convert goyim slaves.

Bump

>>717810132
the difference was the apostles were forced to reject the divinity of Christ, and reject his miracles, or suffer terrible deaths
it's hard to imagine why anybody would choose to be flayed alive, burned to death, or crucified, if all they had to say to stay alive was "he didn't rise from the dead" or "he didn't perform miracles"
in certain eras, people would be persecuted for even saying Jesus existed at all, to which they would be spared if they rejected his mere existence, but the supernatural miracles they proclaim to have witnessed were so real to them that they chose death

it's hard to not believe in the divinity of Christ if people were faced with the conundrum of
>if you say he rose from the dead, and is God made man, we will burn you alive
>>i saw it with my own two eyes dude, he's real
why would they lie about that?

>>717803213 (OP)
Would Jesus actually look like that?

>>717810132
Yeah the human mind can be fucked up hard. I like to believe that they were so calm/confident/suicidal because they did witness biblical events of some kind, but in reality maybe they were just unhinged fanatics. In that case, I wonder what they were fanatics about since a guy claiming to be above death just dying on a cross (which was seen as a shameful embarassing death) is not really epic. I've seen better Gmod servers.

>>717803213 (OP)
I would rather play a Joseph Smith game, desu.

>>717811065
If they were crazy enough to believe that story they might have been crazy enough to die for it. That doesn't mean they were right.

>>717804332
Mr. Herod is helping me find my gun.

>>717811304
would they be crazy for believing something they can honestly say they witnessed?

>>717803213 (OP)
Game where Jesus returns to the modern time and has to fight conservative Christians that has preverted your teaching for their personal gain, and you have to bring people back by preaching love, tolerance and a rejection of the prosperity gospel.

You then have to fight off the entire conservatively control media coming after you and your name being added to the Epstein list by trump and maxewell in attempt to discredit you.

>>717811459
I unironically believe that Donald Trump is an anti-Christ.

>>717811117
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shroud_of_Turin
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depiction_of_Jesus
Yes.

>>717811438
They can honestly say they saw something, in that they might honestly have been hallucinating or caused by some other mental break. But in that case, they wouldnt be lying, they'd be deluded, and there's no iron law of human psychology that states people wouldn't die (even horribly) for a delusion.

>>717811529
meds

>>717811529
He would be the final boss too, once you unmask him.

>>717804107
Jesus wouldn’t need to dip his hand in it to do it.

Lot of people wanting wine in here.

>>717811641
>how could anyone doubt Donald Trump pbuh?
Keep worshipping your idol as he sells you out.

>>717803213 (OP)
Fisher of men minigame

>>717811857
>implying i'm a trump supporter or live in amercia

>>717803213 (OP)
Get wasted and fuck bitches

>>717811660
I don't give a fuck about the yellow-haired nigger, but list all of the evidence of anti-christ sign that he did

>>717807807
Do Americans really think that people during that time were named Jacques?

>>717812550
I think >>717807807 is just French since Jacques and Pierre are the equivalents of James and Peter.

>>717811065
the christians did the same thing to pagan romans once they took control

>>717811459
Do you know how fast a 5'4" nappy-haired Palestinian in rags telling people (assuming he learned English) to give their money away to the sick/poor would be driven out of the bible belt? They might just kill him.

>>717813128
i just know you're an indian

>>717803213 (OP)
Save game.

>>717813193
What makes you say that?

>>717813402
because you can't afford to local gen in 1024x1024 your ai slop is only 512p

>>717803213 (OP)
>flip tables
>yell at and curse fig trees
>sending bears to maul people for mocking the bald
i know he didnt directly do that last one, but its still crazy that its in the bible.

>>717803213 (OP)
Die on a cross I bet. They like to hammer that one in

Out of bounds glitch to go to America for the Mormon% run.

>>717803213 (OP)
Soulslike with bible monsters as enemies.

>>717803213 (OP)
Fuck Mary Magdalene. She's practically begging for it.

dialog system where you fail if you don't say "salvation is of the jews" and other ridiculous shit that's in the bible and christcucks don't acknowledge

>>717803213 (OP)
Stomp some hebrew fucking shits. Flip tables over at my local usury building. Condemn the synagogue if Satan. Get killed by my (((enemies))) but get good again 3 days later

>>717803213 (OP)
Time attack challenge.
There's gotta be a glitch to skip the 40 days desert level

>resurrect on the third day
>turn to the camera
>say "If I came back from death itself then I didn't really die for your sins at all, did I?"
>TF2 conga into the sunset with the apostles

>>717811117
Yes. Jesus was not a Jew.

>>717813509
If you could go back in time and have baby Stalin mauled by a shebear, would you?

>>717803213 (OP)
Roleplay as the king of Jews and the creator of the offshoot sect of judaism that is now known as judeo-christianity by everyone and as 'christianity' by self-hating anti-white cucks who worship a dead kike on a stick as well as israel and hate their own pagan gods

>>717811459
>conservatively control media
>Trump and Maxwell
Why are you so anti-semitic?

>>717811065
Spite can be an incredible motivator.
"More stones"

>>717812550
Do retards not understand names are localized but are the same shit as they were several thousand years ago?

>>717814976
how expensive is conga dlc? do you get a christ discount

>>717815275
That example doesn't count as spite. Without entering a plea his land went to his son instead of being seized by the government.

Turn everything to wine especially vatican-mexican pedos & atheists

>>717803213 (OP)
whats this game in japanese?
jesus christ desu?

>>717815367
They think one guy was named Mark Anthony while everyone else had names like Gaius, so yes they really do not understand