Thread 717852884

>Your wish has been granted, Anon!
>I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

How would your wish go wrong?

>"Please... I just want to be normal! Have a wife and kids, a house... what my parents and their parents had!"
>gets wife, house, and kids
>wife divorces you and takes sole custody
>she also takes your house
>back to doomscrolling alone, but now you have a wife and kid and house that you lost and will never get back

How could he possibly monkey's paw my desire to fuck Midna?

I know Calypso is a fuck and don't wish for anything

>>717852884 (OP)
>I would like to access and play all the games released in the future
>wish granted, however as I scroll though the list, there are no games released after year 2034...

>>717853297
>it's the restored version of Midna

>>717853297
*makes you impotent so your dick doesn't work*
>I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717852884 (OP)
1 - Don't be vague.

Calypso only screws you over if you leave room for him to interpret the wish any way he wants. It was only in TM3 where the new devs made Calypso a full blown pest that is out to screw you over no matter what.

Other than that there's instances where he grants the wishes outright, even wishes that actually screw him over.

i wish my balls would stop itching

>>717853615
like when he grants his literal ticking time bomb that the LAPD turned his daughter into her final wish... a hug

What would happen if you wished for Calypso to kill himself?

>>717853684
>I think you'll agree that it's hard to scratch your balls when you no longer have a scrotum... have fun free-balling all the time!
>I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>717853297
>the Midna he provides you with is a fat Arab chick
Well, I suppose it could be worse.

>>717852884 (OP)
Well shucks Mr Calypso, we just want sum bigger tyres for our monster truck.
>wish granted with zero drawbacks because Calypso thought it was funny

>>717852884 (OP)
>i wish for your soul
>lmao here's my sole...
>stops you to death
made me laugh at how fucking retarded it was, also more M rated games need official kid friendly version, imagine a mortal kombat kiddie platformer

>>717853598
God dammit

>>717852884 (OP)
i think the trick is to wish for something simple like "i want trillion dollars" or a means a to end instead of directly getting what you want, for example instead of "take me to that bitch that took my eye" you could say "give me the home address of that bitch that took my eye", that way you are not immediately fucked and put 6 feet under in a casket

>>717853715
With Krysta it is shown how much Calypso is bound by rules too, he couldn't refuse her wish even though he knew she was just a robot replica of his daughter, she won the contest, he has to grant her wish.

Same thing happens in Head-On, Krysta's ghost wishes for the tournament to end, Calypso does and so the everyone is back on coma from the original wreckage that took Krysta away from him.

I just want a stable, high-paying job that I can perform leisurely and competently. Is that too much to ask?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wished for more Twisted Metal. Sorry, fellas.

>ask for massive dong
>can't get hard because you can't pump enough blood to do it even with viagra

>>717853920
Eh, there's plenty of ways he can screw you over if you just go with "i wish for a trillion dollars". Where is the money coming from? Was it stolen? Do they notice a massive sum of money suddenly being transferred to you? Does it just appear as a massive pile of cash on the ground? Or maybe dropped directly on your head. Or he gave you a trillion Zimbabwe dollars. If you want to get anything good out of an asshole genie you need to be extremely specific and give him as little wiggle room to fuck you over as possible.

>>717853920
have you not seen Wishmaster
>wish for money
>you/your family get into a horrible accident and you get the money as a settlement instead of just poofing into reality

I wish I had a working "going into games" machine.

>>717853297
She doesn't have holes, like in the game

>>717854008
You're the regional manager of detroits bmv, your primary function is to tard wrangle uppity aggressive obese black women employees.

>>717854386
congratulations, you now have schizophrenia

>>717854386
>wish granted, enjoy figuring out how to get out of the games

>>717854179
That's actually a real condition by the way.

>>717854008
He puts you in a job that nobody would ever want to work that is extremely dangerous and horrible to perform, but you'll never have your position or salary threatened ever again due to everyone wanting (You) to do it.

>>717854505
>enjoy figuring out how to get out of the games
oh...no...

>>717853615
Calypso from Twisted Metal 1 is a real bro, only after they turned him into a prick

>>717852884 (OP)
...but Calypso-chan, you are my wish

the TRVE ending btw

>>717854153
>Twisted metal IP is currently owned by Snoy
I AM CALYPSO AND THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717853920
>i think the trick is to wish for something simple like "i want trillion dollars"
Spectre's driver in Head On tried that and got crushed/suffocated under a bunch of money.

>>717854386
>>717854505
>the game you go into is Twisted Metal
>you have to win again if you want a "getting out of games" machine

>>717852884 (OP)
i wish i were a woman

>>717853769
He comes back as a ghost. Not a real one, a sheet ghost that he insists is real and only puts on when you're around

>>717852884 (OP)
>"I wish for retards to fuck off from 4chins forever"
>the entirety of 4chan vacates the place and I'm left alone with jannies and bots

>>717852884 (OP)
i wish to be the star of twisted metal

>>717855159
>"...but what IS a woman? Oh, I understand what you mean! Your wish has been granted!"

>>717854505
Get...out?

>>717855227
Sweet Tooth's wish at the start of 4.

>>717852884 (OP)
>wish to not be a retarded autist
>turns me into a vegetable

>wish to be happy
>get hit with permanent joker venom

>wish to not hate myself
>drown in a puddle because i was too busy staring at my reflection

>wish vidya was good
>vidya becomes too expensive to make as the demands to constantly bank roll perfect games destroys the gaming industry permanently

Is there a summary somewhere of calypso wishes?

>>717852884 (OP)
>wish for a bigger dick
>it's way to big and i die if i get an erection

>>717853920
>think the trick is to wish for something simple like "i want trillion dollars" or a means a to end instead of directly getting what you want
Wut? You just actually explained the INVERSE of how to make a wish with Calypso work, what you claim as "simple" is just vague as hell and Calypso will interpret the way he wants.

Asking for things in the exact way you want is how some of the contestants got what they wanted, no strings attached.

>>717855168
Oh anon. ... I don't know how to tell you this. Mostly because it's not in my LLM yet.

>>717855587
Don't think so, watching a youtube compilation of the endings is your best alternative.

>>717852884 (OP)
I WISH ... that you were happy.

>>717852884 (OP)
Calypso I wish for you to be free from the devil's control.

>>717855798
Why thank you Dear Player, now I am no longer bound by the rules of this game and am finally free to wreak death, misery, and destruction across the earth. Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717855394
>wish for games to go back to looking like "ps2" games again
>all new games turn out to be ps3 games

>>717855125
>win tournament in-game
>your new "getting out of games" machine is poofed into your living room outside the game

>>717855960
But wait, how can a new game look like something that doesn't exist?

Oh man, this is easy. Calypso, I wish for a mature rated TV show based on the Twisted Metal Property. No way he'd fuck that up.

>>717855950
I mean, considering what he already does that's really a lateral move at worst.

>>717852884 (OP)
>I want to play vidya all day long
>New job is a play tester for Bethesda

>>717852884 (OP)
Blow up planet Earth

>>717856102
He does so in the guise of a crime lord and influences others to do insane shit like the games. This would be him going full "you stupid fuck alladin, a Djinn is a fucking demon you do not wish for his freedom, Allah put in him in the bottle for a reason".

>>717855587
Yeah on the Twisted Metal wiki

>>717856190
Congratulations Player! You've unlocked "Dobson" Mode. Here is your fur affinity account, and Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717856318
FUUUUUUUUUCK

Nice game you got here...

>>717854687
Anon....I...

>>717852884 (OP)
Calypso I wish for a million bucks

Welcome back to Twisted Metal! I am Calypso....the entire planet is your battleground.....your prize? One Wish. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
>disaster proof by level starts playing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT35_lHNP4E
>>717853715
>black censorship bra
AUUUUUGH

>>717856903
>anon he will materialize literal bucks and you'll get crushed!!!!

>>717852884 (OP)
Ghostbusters 2016 already happened so I already got mine

>>717856428
I WANNA RACE MY CARS!

>>717856987
That's just her design, a black bra showing through ripped clothing.

>>717855168
>he thinks the latter two groups wouldnt have to vacate either
wish for "all retards to be banned from 4chinz and for every smart person who used the place to have to come back for at least 5 minutes every week"

>>717856987
>bras on normal people are censorhip
mindbroken

Krista <3

>>717856184
You get to play bethesda games before they become dogshit for the general public. Stop being an ingrate.

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish for a turkey sandwich—on rye bread—with lettuce and mustard, and, AND, I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises! You got it?!

>>717857358
Nah I know a festering shithole of a forum that's barely alive by now with the population moving to twitter and co and yet it's still full of government agents and bots. It's not even an international forum, only a crappy video game forum in France.
They're not getting blindsided, anything on the clear net must be influenced and under control.

>>717857859
>it's from a gas station and expired

>>717857264
>>717857523
would have been fine if the bra wasng longer than the shirt and it didnt cover more breast than the shirt did.
you know like how real world bras are.

Calypso my wish is to have sweaty naked unprotected babymaking sex with your daughter Krista for as long as I want.

>>717858440
>wish granted
>right before you stick your dick inside her time bomb goes off and blows you both to smithereens
>I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717856428
AIEEE MINION-SAMA. PLEASE SPARE M-ACKKKK!

>>717857859
>it's a little dry
>gets screwed over because he only forbade weird surprises while dry turkey is a perfectly mundane surprise

>>717858732
Next generation of protecting our daughters? Calypso might be onto something...

>>717852884 (OP)
I would wish for a century of mass crop failures across the planet to accelerate the societal and cultural collapse of this world. He wouldn't monkeypaw this wish because he usually doesn't do it for malevolent wishes. Then I would live out the remainder of my days laughing myself to a slow, painful death as normalfaggots consume the corpses of one another in the streets of their rotting cities.

>>717852884 (OP)

>Me: "I am sick of everybody and I wish to be left alone."

>Becomes blind, deaf, and numbed to touch.

> Me: "Hey, why it's so dark all of a sudden? What's happening? The hell did you do to me calypso? Hey! answer me!!! "

>Calypso: "Anon... Just like I promised, from now on nobody will bother you, and that includes me. But there is a way, if someone says to me the exact phrase, 'Calypso bring me back my senses now' thrice in a row then I just might help out of pity. I can easily guide you on saying the magic phrase but if you can't hear me, how am I to instruct you? and I have a feeling that you're going to need help for a very very long time. hehehe... HAHAHA!!!"

>>717852884 (OP)
>"Calypso, I wish for you to turn into a conventionally attractive woman with big titties and a fat ass, that is entirely subservient to me."
Would it work?

>>717862248
>Since the tournament has killed all of mankind, I guess the definition of "conventionally attractive" comes down to my tastes as the only other human left...
>*face flesh burns off*

>>717862461
Eh, could've been worse.

>>717858732
I think he'd at least have the explosion coincide with your climax. Unfortunately, this would be after about two-and-half seconds.

>>717862248
nah, just say you wish for him to turn into a submissive woman. boom, free wishes and free sex, as long as you ignore the fact that calypso's wishes are probably fueled by the souls of the dead and all of mankind is dead

>>717862890
>I think he'd at least have the explosion coincide with your climax
it was

>>717853297
>have sex with midna in the US
>get labeled as a pedo and become incarcerated
I AM CALYPSO AND I THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717852884 (OP)
"I wish for us to become best friends"

>>717862248
>>717862461
>>717862925
wish for him to turn into that in front of his own daughter.

>>717863179
>"...Why can't you just wish for something normal? Literally anything else!? Money, power, fame, a sweet ride - instead you wanna FUCK ME in front of my DAUGHTER!?"

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish for every Jew to die horribly
>Turns out I'm 2.5% Ashkenazi Jewish
>Instantly explode along with the rest of my long list satanic brethren

How far can he really twist a wish until it stops being a twist and just becomes a whole ass new thing?

>2010
>I wish more people were into video games so I could have more friends!

>>717852884 (OP)
Give everyone the specific brand of aspergers I have.

>>717863647
As Twisted Metal 3 shows, he can outright bullshit his way through your wish and create something horrible. Before that, Calypso mostly trolled people and gave out good wishes if they were simple, such as when two guys wished to have his harem of girls.

Twisted Metal Black gave him a new characterisation. While he still twists wishes, he oddly doesn't do it if they're somehow malevolent. Several characters wish for revenge and get it with no strings attached, while somebody like a cop who wished to go back in time and undo a horrible atrocity he committed gets shot by a guy who suspiciously looks like Calypso.
The only way to win is to wish for something simple, in a way that hurts other people for maximum effectiveness.

>>717863998
>everyone is a sperg but their social circles dont change and you remain a loner

>>717863868
YOU FUCKER
YOU DOOMED US ALL

>>717864304
I didnt knooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!!!!

>>717864241
>Normalfag mentality eradicated
Is this supposed to be a loss?

>>717863868
ANON WAIT

>>717863868
Thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>717863868
So it was you

I wish that you have a long and healthy life, Calypso

>>717863998
No one has sex ever again and mankind dies

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish you not grant me this wish
How would he respond?

>>717854008
Wish granted, enjoy your new role as management of a company about to be absorbed and killed by EA.

>Wish for the next BGS game now
>It's just another shitty Fallout Shelter style game
>A STARFIELD theme Fallout Shelter game

>>717865020
So...the modern world, but with no hoes and no more Africans and Indians.

>as my prize i demand that you let me see my brother
>I will be glad to grant your wish my dear I will let you see your brother
Always makes me laugh

>I wish for everyone’s political orientations to be reversed but have all of their personalities and hobbies remain otherwise unchanged
What do you think would happen lads?

>>717852884 (OP)
>"Calypso, I'm so tired... please, heal me of my illness. I wish to be cured!"

>>717857116
That's exactly what I want thx Calypso!

>>717852884 (OP)
I know this isn't the topic of the thread but how in god's name we had a Battle Royale gold rush and Twisted Metal decided to just sit that one out?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish cute anime girls were real

>>717865791
Literature will become good, sports will become the most faggy thing on the planet and videogames will be in this wierd state where a minority of people demand that (and get what they want every damn time) they get more sexy, harder, with more dept and with ever more competent people directing them(and they do it out of spite) to grift the vast mayority of gamers that only want "true games" like gone home and Celeste.

>wish that the earth was destroyed instantly and can never be brought back and there is no way for humanity to survive or escape extinction
>yeah get fucked faggot

>>717852884 (OP)
I want more Twisted Metal!

>>717854781
I like the humor in that: the only wish that TM1 Calypso fucks over is the wish for a world without Twisted Metal. Then like, half of the other "wishes" in a game are just excuses to get close to Calypso and steal back the demon he uses, reap his soul, gun him down, etc. etc. and effectively end Twisted Metal anyways

>>717857923
kek

>Unrolls a scroll in my pocket after getting out of my shitbox car

Calypso. I would like five hundred million dollars loaded onto a credit card. This credit card will be given to me by you immediately after the wish is made. This credit card can not expire, be stolen or used by anyone other than me. Any money loaded onto the card is legal and in no way can wind me up in trouble.

>>717852884 (OP)
What would exactly happen if you wished to be the star of Twisted Metal? Would you just become a mascot like Sweetooth and be forever condemned to race for all eternity?

>>717866626
>"Ah, of course...you're one of THOSE people. Okay, fine, here's your credit card. Thank you for playing, and don't come back."

>>717866626
>wish granted
>car explodes as soon as you get back inside of it

>>717863435
uh, I never said anything about fucking you. You just came up with that on your own. And said it in front of your daughter. And all your minions.

>>717866838
Mfw I am extremely specific and get my wish without any fuckery.

>>717866657
You become the star of Twisted Metal... only for the series to never receive another game.

>>717866508
Your wish is granted player, you have created 'Jews'. Thank you for play Twisted Metal.

>>717866657
Your crucified body on a christmas tree top during the holiday event.

>>717867210
Zimbabwe dollars faggots

>>717867439
I said INSTANTLY. As in right now. This very instant.

>>717867210
>>717867697
>calypso gives you zimbabwe dollars AND kicks you out of the game so you don't try rule lawyering in one fell stroke
kek

>>717866626
Enjoy your taxes anon

I wish Emil and Todd from Bethesda would drop dead right now

>>717852884 (OP)
What if I wish for him to transfer his wish-granting power to me? It worked for Needles, although he asked for a bodyswap.

>>717853598
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>717868186
>gets replaced with committee of women and jews who direct the future of all Bethesda games

>>717867793
Yeah. That 's what I said. Now Fuck Off and Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

I ... I just want somebody to love and be loved by.

I wish that shareholders actually liked and understood video games.

>>717866626
a looney tunes anvil falls on top of your head as he hands you the card
you really don't get that the monkey's paw will literally ALWAYS fuck you over anon, you cannot worm your way out of it with words, the only way to get anything positive out of it is to appeal to Calypso himself and do some dumb shit like wish yourself back into Twisted Metal

>>717868596
I feel like this is one of those rare wishes where the outcome depends on the quality of your character, or at least, how many lulz you bring to Calypso

>>717863868
>this fuckin guy

>>717866626
You never specified the currency, enjoy getting basically nothing

>>717868624
Oh christ anon, that's a really bad wish.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP4wsURn3rw

>>717868596
Enjoy being gay, faggot. Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

>>717867793
>Calypso: Hmmm, this is strange... I can't do it "instantly" as you wish, I'm afraid.
>Anon: I said INSTANTLY! Tell me why you can't do it!
>Calypso: As you wish... I actually lied and I could've done it.
>Anon: ...
>Calypso: Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717868517
If we're still currently on earth then the wish wasn't granted retard. Or are you such a thirsty fucking nigger to go "da joosss" that you don't even know what the definition of "destroyed" is, you moutbreathing monkey.
>to put an end to the existence of
Therefore the wish wasn't granted if we're still here you dumb nigger.

>>717868661
>quality of your character
I murdered a LOT of people to get here. That's why we don't really feel bad for the people getting fucked by calypso, they deserve it.

>>717862925
>wish for calypso to become dumb woman
>all wish grantings become sinister as fuck
>the future races become boring
This is literally just tm3 all over again

>>717868759
I fucking wish I could be a faggot in the modern era. Everything would be easier, provided you live in the decadent west.

>>717868813
I mean, even that's not always the case. Marcus wishes to wake up from the dream, and he grants him exactly that, though he could easily twist it into some nightmare.

>>717868792
Hey anon. You remember the end of Twisted Metal Black where half the endings were the player finding out they've been in Hell the whole time. Yeah. Sorry you had to find out this way.

>>717868841
i said submissive, not dumb
but you're right, now that calypso is a woman, the wishes are 300% more evil

>>717852884 (OP)
I want you to make a sandwich
No I wont eat it
I just want to see you make one

>>717868878
Driving in Twisted Metal. Thank you for agreeing to play again.

>>717868878
>Good news anon, your life's purpose was to play and win Twisted Metal! Now get out.

>>717868497
Still would be an improvement

>>717853598
kek

Two Chicks at the same time.

>>717865171
The elder scrolls legends and blades games had kino art and lore and I miss them

>>717866095
No Fun Allowed

>>717869178
Nice! Just what I wanted! Egg prices are crazy these days huh. Had to run over a lot of fuckers to win these babies, but bitches will be all over me once the egg laying starts.

>>717868981
>You remember the end of Twisted Metal Black where half the endings were the player finding out they've been in Hell the whole time.
The reality is that nothing is actually real, and everything that happens occurs entirely inside Needles' schizophrenic imagination. Marcus Kane, who lost control over the body and is now hiding under Minion's identity, tells you so through secret codes.

>"I must speak in code or he will discover me."
>"This is how he sees the world. How Sweet Tooth sees his life. It is not real."
>"All of us are trapped in his head."
>"We will return to our old world one day."

I want to be an immortal killer clown with a flaming skull who drives in the Twisted Metal tournament. Not Sweet Tooth. I want explicitly to be a separate but slightly more popular version of Sweet Tooth that drives him even more insane to know exists. I want to win every competition we are in, but just by a little bit.

>>717868736
Man that is bad. Now I'm imagining my favorite devs' shareholders being people who hate cell shading and their favorite game is Horizon.

>>717869359
>every square inch of ad space in Tel Aviv is bought out my Mihoyo

>>717869359
Labubu dolls and Dubai Chocolate is now the most popular trend in Israel, even in the death camps they run.

>>717869397
The wish is granted without any strings, because it's bloody hilarious and because it'll keep Sweet Tooth too busy to do what he did in TM4.

>>717869359
>DEI is replaced with trying to insert gacha into every facet of life.

>>717869357
In Marcus' ending in TM2, he wakes up from a coma surrounded by the other contestants who are all comatose. The doctor has Calypso's voice too.

If this ending was made canon, then that's how he knows it's all fake and he's trying to wake up everyone else.

>>717855168
>left alone with jannies
there wouldnt even a single mod left

>>717857264

90's character designs. No fucks given. Chad white dudes. Slutty girl characters. Troon character only appears as a 'joke' character.

>>717868981
The wish was pretty simple I want earth to be destroyed along with everyone on it. You can Thanos snap it. You can blow it up with a meteor. You can let it get sucked into a black hole. You can have all out nuclear war and fallout completely destroy the planet until it implodes or whatever but the wish was pretty fucking clear. And I want it done instantly. I don't want to wait 20 years or 1,000 years or any of that faggotry. Just fucking destroy the planet with no possiblity for anyone to escape or survive.

>>717869658
damn straight

>>717869702
Let me guess, her end is dying in a car crash with a jet or something?

>>717868736
understand AND LIKE THE MEDIUM not a genre

>>717869758
her car goes at the speed of light and goes back in time, then she runs out of fuel

>>717868596
Enjoy your conjoined gf.
you will enjoy hand holding and mutual jerkoff sessions till you die at the same time in 4 months.

>>717869828
Oh, I guess that's better than expected for an ending. I can dig the twilight zone end.

>>717869887
It's weird we're conjoined but not related. Oh well, I still take this as a win.

>>717868736
>first comment is by a commie quotting the author of 1984
dont these people realize frank is crticizing them?

>>717870046
>commies
>capable of self reflection
lmao

>>717868841
They should remake the third game, make calypso a female and dont touch anything else in the game exept graphics and difficulty

>>717852884 (OP)
i'd order him to sing skee-lo's greatest 90s hit to himself

>>717852884 (OP)
>How would your wish go wrong?

I wouldn't have enough blood in my body to achieve an erection with it without passing out.

>>717869758
Her ending is actually happened in the canon tho, as future games confirm.

There just aren't any other franchises that scratch the same itch of "A variety of wacky themed characters and archetypes compete to the death for their heart's desire."

>>717866095
Play Station was busy making Concord.

>>717866095
They wanted to ruin Twisted Metal with a streaming series before they make new games using the actors from the series.

>>717870338
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3YqSR4hZlU

Kill atheists & communists
Nuke California
Blood Eagle to toxichair devs & /tv/makers
Burn trigger & tranimators with flamethrowers
Burn beaner pedo scum
Kill cringe 10% of whole population
also nuke whole India & china
Now that's my brave new world

>>717869549
First I've ever heard of Labubu, Social media can sell the most hideous shit.

>>717870376
The series where they made Sweet Tooth good and both Crimson Fury drivers evil?

>>717868878
https://vocaroo.com/1cIgvHcVGmu9

>>717870574
It's ugly, but not in the way they want it to be, it's ugly in the way that I expect the result of a AI request for "soulless chinese funny doll for childless western adults" to be

>>717867006
>>717868652
Monkey's paw wishes aren't just random bullshit. They have to be a direct result or interpretation of what he wished for. Calypso would shove the credit card through his skull.

>>717870607
>Tooth good
I fucking hate the show, the niggers, the anti white horse shit, etc. But I don't think they made him good. End of season one was him outright murdering the buddy buddy audience viewpoint

>>717862925
>FemCalypso cucks you both sexually and wish-wise
>Have to spend eternity watching Chad pipe femCalypso and get all his wishws fulfilled.

>>717854505
>Go inside fields of mistria
>get to bang hot witch lady and live in a place where everyone values me as a person and contributes to a functioning society
>can also do magic and shit
Why would I want to leave?

>>717869549
>>717870574
>Labubu dolls
Now THAT'S a wish to Kalypso.
>"I wish that Funko pops will go away"

Cute foxgirl gf that my dick can fit in. Thanks

>>717870716
Monkey's paw might be, but Calypso also just randomly pulls some bullshit depending on the game entry sometimes. Like the other Anon said, the goal here isn't to outsmart the wish terms, it's to wish for something he'd find funny enough to just grant. Case in point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd8Kvf-_fHs

>>717870859
Here comes the gigantress and unbirth tags!

>Wish to live freely on earth until I turn 100 in in earth years.
Checkmate. I'd be pretty much immortal until I turn 100.

>>717870859
Anon, are you even trying? Your dick just became even smaller than it already is. Also, that GF? Well you're about to find out foxes have scent glands not dissimilar to skunks.

Fools, Calypso will always fuck your wish up unless is revenge or going to sleep for eternity...for some reason.

>>717871021
He strands you in the Sahara or the arctic and magically pulls some bullshit where you constantly get turned around and lost. Feel free to go in any direction you want. My name is Calypso, and Thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

Just wish for Calypso to kill himself. He cannot deny you your wish.

I wish everyone who died in the previous twisted metal tournament was brought back to life, so we can play twisted metal again!!! Round 2 fuckers!!!

>>717871021
By saying "live freely," you will made a homeless person who cannot physically bring himself to pay for anything. You live for free and you eat for free (from trashcans). But, hey, you'll be able to get used to it in your 100 years of life!

>>717853941
Wat? No, Krista's ghost wishes she never died...now she is in coma and Calypso visits her constantly.

>>717871080
The sleep one was him trolling the dude too!

>>717871174
Your wish is granted Anon. Twisted metal credits play with thrash metal over a background shot of you playing in a giant free for all with all ever contestants.

>>717871174
You sound like the main character of the legendary arcade game Carnivel, after defeating the final boss he...put the coin in the clown statue again fully knowing what will happen.

>>717853941
No, Calypso is bound by that event when the near dead exoerience made him meet a demon who would grant him his powers.

>>717870653
Nice one.

>>717869357
Thats not really in code. Its actually pretty obvious.

>>717870653
Nice

I wish that every contestant who was playing for revenge is strapped to a table, or otherwise restrained by the people they were planning on getting revenge on. And that those people know exactly what the now trapped contestants were going to do if they had won and not me.

>>717869702
I like her handling
she should handle my stick

>>717870008
Sadly incest was banned recently so we have put a short stop to imouto wishes

>>717871267
Thank you Calypso!
>>717871330
Man I haven't thought about Carnivel since 2003. Where does the fucking time go!

He doesnt ALWAYS monkeypaw, but he can.
>guys wish for tires for their monster truck
>uh... you sure?
>sure am brother!
>ok, sure. Thank you for playing

>>717866413
Why does sports remain unchanged?

What if I wished he had his family back?

>>717866095
Sony is genuinely one of the dumbest companies out there when it comes to using their existing IPs

I wish for Calypso to have a more masculine name.

I want the entirety of mankind to be reverted into children and perpetually hunted by their most nightmarish fears, cursed to experience this fright for all eternity.

>>717870653
Thats not how you pronounce anon

>>717852884 (OP)
I'm unsure how to monkey paw "No more wishes for anyone"

>>717872217
i bet you don't even pronounce /v/ as "vuh"

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish for the good guys (germany) to win WW2

>>717872490
Fucking goy, its pronounced vèy

Calypso just give me more MegaMan games a couple of every saga but zero at least....the drought is too much

>>717872204
>I am Ocalypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717872490
If you dont say vee
itll make me go ree

>>717872595
Not civil war?
you wish for socialits to win instead?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish you wouldn't grant this wish

>>717852884 (OP)
I assume you're hard of hearing, so I wish for a 9-inch pianist.

>>717871080
>Fools, Calypso will always fuck your wish up unless is revenge or going to sleep for eternity...for some reason.
No, Twisted Metal has three distinctive canons and as such how Calypso grants wishes vary accordingly.

- Original Singletrack canon: TM1, TM2, Head-On
Calypso is slimy bastard that will take chances to screw any contestant that doesn't word their properly, but some contestants get exactly what they want by being outsmarting Calypso and being clear on their wish, or just pure luck.

- 989 Studios canon: TM3 and TM4
Calypso and Sweet Tooth are out there to completely fuck you over, no wish is ever granted the way the contestant pictured.

- Incognito canon: Black and Reboot
In Black Calypso only grants wishes about revenge, since all of it happens in Needles head that makes sense as it glorifies murder. The Reboot had Calypso replace Minion outright as a Satan-like being who just wants to spread chaos so he screws wishes over like 989 Calypso but in a much more straight evil way.

>>717873058
Granted. Oh what? Did you think you were being clever. Fuck off. My name is Calypso and Thank you for Playing Twisted Metal. waste of my fucking time

>>717873116
Granted. The twist is good fucking luck finding a piano that size, and he refuses to play synth.

>>717873163
What about the kid friendly twisted metal?
>>717871950
google cant find a game called carnivel
can you give me a link?

>>717852884 (OP)
Why is he such a faggot? His ebin monkey paws are like middle school level of trolling at best. What's his problem?

>>717873309
>What about the kid friendly twisted metal?
From what i remember he twisted it but in bullshit ways that only a shitty kid bully would think is clever, like a Sid from toy story kind of way. Like wishing to be a rockstar means you join a boy band.
>google cant find a game called carnivel
He meant CarnEvil, light gun arcade shooter

>>717873410
This anon is right. My bad.
>>717873309
https://youtu.be/JEVIGdQC-XY?t=182

>>717873405
He's a Faggot. And he's a faggot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFhpctuUwb4

>>717871330
Man it's weird to hear people bring that up, I watched a playthrough yesterday for the first time in decades.

I wish for you have my prize and use the wish for yourself Calypso.

>>717872710
More Collections you say? Hope you enjoy Star Force and Command Mission!

>>717873204
But you granted my wish when I said not to grant it.

>>717873405
He made a deal with the devil to get power. Trickery and evilness is his MO.

>>717874019
That's more than what what we got. The real monkey paw curl would be "granteed, enjoy your new Megaman trilogy made by Neil Duckman!...made with tax payer money of course so even if you don't buy it, you already paid for them"

>>717874067
No I didn't. I granted that I would not grant it.

>>717873302
Damn, I thought he'd grant me a 9-inch penis.
its a variant of this joke https://fart.com/joke/15114

>>717853615
>>717854781
It might be because the game is in Sweet Tooth's mind, but he was very accommodating in Black providing somebody got murdered:

>gets exactly what they wish for, the contestant does not get fucked over because they murder someone in revenge
Junkyard Dog
Mr. Grimm
No-Face
Raven
Dollface (she even gets a second wish granted)
Axel (though it doesn't end up satisfying him)
Cage (plans to kill later)

>gets exactly what they wish for, but it was Calypso granting a wish to stop murders, so Calypso gets killed instead lol
Sweet Tooth

>doesn't have a wish
Black
Minion

>gets killed but the wish was actually granted exactly as requested
Preacher (kills self when he can't handle the truth, not Calypso's fault he did that)
Agent Stone (wish granted exactly, even successfully achieves his goal, it just costs his own life, may not even be Calypso's fault)
John Doe (wish granted exactly, but then Calypso shoots him before he can react on remembering that he's there to kill Calypso)

>Calypso remembers who he is and remembers to twist the two wishes for a happy non-killing ending
Bloody Mary (but she's allowed to drive away after killing the brainwashed guy in rage)
Charlie Kane & Son (the only one completely and intentionally fucked over for daring to wish for the real Charlie to come back from the dead)

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish Calypso would thank me for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717852884 (OP)
I've seen this image dozens of times over the years but this is the first time I realize it's not from One Piece or some shit

I haven't played twisted metal yet but I'll start with the series this weekend beginning to end. So this calypso guy is some genie demon that monkey paws your shit. Sometimes some people get exactly what they want sometimes they get what they want but in a fucked up way... of course assuming they win the game therefore the only way to get what you want is to be painfully obvious and self explanatory in what you want or wish for nothing at all. hmm.. let's try it
> I wish for 3 milion american dollars that are untraceable, valid, in no way shape perfored ilegal. The source of the money should no afftect me, the world, my family or anyone in any negative way unless I wish to, this wish shall not end in my or anyone's demise unless i want to. The pile of kmoney should be in a bank account that I can acess only, no one should know of it besides me, nothing bad should happen to me to make me forget, the ecnomoy should not crash before or after I get the money, the world shall not end and the world shall not go southin any way shape performed past what I described. The bank can not go down until i get all my money out.
Nothing needs to negatively change before or after i get the money. any kind of death that I believe to be your fault or me dying would be considered monkeypaw on your end and as such I'd rather wish for nothing if you are disingenious.

>Calypso, make me a giga chad!
>he just turns me into Chad, Africa but wider

>I wish to be the winner of the next Twisted Metal
And then just keep wishing for it again and again

>>717853615
>>717854781
>>717866542
lol, you do remember that in twisted metal 1 spectre wished to come back to life and calypso unprompted and for no reason just shot him with a gun the moment he revived, real bro my ass
the only wish he grants straight and simple without any bullshit in that game is hammerhead if im not mistaken

>>717869758
that would be funny as shit, i wish it was that

>>717876648
>Granted. See you in a hundred years. I am Calypso, and thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>I-I wish for peac-ZAAAAAAH!!!
>Pizza? Your wish is granted
Axel's wish was hilarious, Calypso's delivery was the icing on the cake.

>>717852884 (OP)
I WISH THE TWISTED METAL VIDEO GAME SERIES HAS ACTUAL GOOD GAMES RELEASING AGAIN...BUT FOR PS5 ONLY

You now remember Twisted Metal's underwater sister-game

>>717878103
What's the plot for that?

>>717878167
Advanced alien race tests humanity in an experiment to see who can decipher their underwater teleportation gates they left behind when Earth was new. Lots of governments, thrill-seekers, secret agents, and greedy bastards fight in the depths of the ocean, seeking the alien technology for their own reasons. When they win, the aliens give them a Calypso-esque wish-granting cutscene, usually a humorous, disturbing, or ironic fate depending on the champion's mindset. Some endings are horribly dark and others are hilarious, just like Twisted Metal.

>>717852884 (OP)
Mosquitoes bites now do nothing to me, and you can’t tack anything stupid on to fuck with this already very inconsequential wish.

>>717876135
Your wish is granted driver! I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UVilCoJHgOY

I wish to die.
>dyes my hair black
Thank you that was my intention all along, idiot!

I wish for Mr Clean to go bankrupt

>>717876250
Honestly, Twisted metal the games are .... ok. If you're into it. The reason it has cult status is cheesy FMV/CGI/Etc endings depending on the era in question. You might have more fun just watching that shit on youtube. But if you do play one, most people agree Twisted Metal: Black is the best one.

>>717878167
Hunt for mystic treasure undersea leads to summoning cosmic horror aliens who grants "wishes" for whoever manages to summon them.

>>717876250
Your wish is not fun or entertaining in the slightest and he tips the balance of the game too make certain you get wasted. I always imagine people trying to rules lawyer the games are the same ones driving the mini-boss tankers/helicopters he makes certain die. Yeah yeah you're real clever, but you missed the point of the insane half demon serial killer running shit.

>>717878525
PAINT IT PAINT IT PAINT IT
PAINT IT BLACK, YEAH

>>717878103
>>717878424
Thanks, watching this now.

>>717878717
I am talking of this clearly from a hypothetical perspective. logically if I didn't even knew shit, even if i would win the twisted metal games I wouldn't wish for nothing on the principle that calpyso doesn't respect his word or himself. But, if the game somehow allows you to learn about the nature of his system then i'd probably ask for something big while also make it worthwile and entertaining for him not to scam me in the process.
>>717878590
wasn't that from the ps2 era?

>>717878793
Just a head's up, the aliens' voices can be hard to make out. Here's an ancient Gamefaq that has the scripts for each ending:
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps/196996-critical-depth/faqs/33484

>>717871171
>wish granted, i will let my body kill me and die of old age, i am calypso and i thank you for playing twisted metal!

>I wish I could finally make my dream game!
>game literally consists of fragments of my dreams and ends up an incomprehensible mess

>>717878939
>https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps/196996-critical-depth/faqs/33484
Cheers mate

I wish Calypso would cut his own penis off with safety scissors, in front of a camera projecting to every television on the planet. Also he has to keep saying "I'm a faggot" throughout.

>>717879034
That still sounds pretty damn good to me. Especially if it's you're own half remembered dreams, the deje vu would be incredibly mind fucky.

I wish for Sweet Tooth to be stuck in a time loop where the loop resets right as he's about to win in Twisted Metal and remember each loop.

I wish I had the greatest, fanciest, most beautiful hat that ever existed or could exist in all of mankind's history.

>>717879268
Boo, twisted metal black 2 did that to outlaw

>>717879294
Your wish is granted. However, right after obtaining your ghastly gibbous you are both transported into the TF2 universe.

>>717853598
wtf I like Calypso now

>>717870892
But him shoving the credit card through that guy's eye socket would be a pretty funny way to grant that wish.

>>717879294
Granted!
My, that has to be the most desirable piece of headwear the world has ever seen! Bystanders freeze where they stand, slack-jawed in awe at the mesmerizing patterns and shimmering material.
All glare in envy at your stunning new chapeau. Perhaps with a little TOO MUCH envy...
[A random, hysterical man violently pushes Anon to the floor, grasping at the hat. He places the hat on his head, an obsessive, crazed smile on his face.]
[A huge mob gathers around the man, assaulting him. A deadly riot ensues, with people grasping at the valuable hat as they struggle to keep it for themselves.]
[The camera zooms in on a single limp hand, trampled by the mob of crazed, obsessed hat-fanciers. It's Anon's hand.]
[Calypso laughs, looking down on the crowd from his rooftop.]
Hat's off to you, Anon...
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>717872650
/o/ /v/, you're not supposed to spread that around.

>>717877318
I see this is the canon wish from the last game.

>>717878590
Are you retarded? The car combat was the best in the industry. Most fun couch coop car game ever.

>>717852884 (OP)
As F2P, I wanted some way to get some of the skins, even if it involved grinding it's been granted in a terribly greedy manner and would take 11 months of grinding to earn it for free

>i wish the holocaust never happened!
>wait why hasn't anything changed?
>I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>717852884 (OP)
>How would your wish go wrong?
Fuck you

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish to be your best friend that you have complete trust in, Calypso!

>>717882692
Holy shit that devolved quickly. lol.
What was the donors' reactions to this?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish you were gay

>>717852884 (OP)
>I
>I wish you could swim
>like the dolphins
>like dolphins can swim

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish that calypso has a happy birthday.

THREAD THEME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLFok2t605k

>>717871518
The dialogue is presented in a code in the game.

9415141520 20891411 208919 919185112
>I do not think this is real.
913211920 19165111914 315451518 852391212 491931522518135
>I must speak in code or he will discover me.
2351185 20181161654 9148919 8514
>We are trapped in his head.
2089199198152385 1955192085231518124 8152319235520 2015152081955198919 12965920919 141520185112
>This is how he sees the world. How Sweet Tooth sees his life. It is not real.
1121215621191185 201811616549148919 8514
>All of us are trapped in his head.
91391919208515124 31512151862112 231518124
>I miss the old colorful world.
2352391212 185202118142015 15211815124231518124 151454125
>We will return to our old world one day.
9142085185112 231518124 1325141135919 1311832119 111145
>In the real world my name is Marcus Kane.

>>717883819
Seriously hate how TW has been handled since 3

>>717875427
Oh, you wanted a 9 inch penis? Well, granted!
*bends u over and spreads u*

>>717852884 (OP)
minion used his wish to btfo this retard in TM2 for being a faggot

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-umN4Hmx9E

>>717885514
This is how TM ends as a series.
Everything else is fan fiction.

>>717853297
In Soviet Russia Midna fucks you.

>>717853598
Jokes on you faget

>>717852884 (OP)
WHAT THE FUCK.

Ive been watching old Giant Bomb videos and im on an episode of of UPF where they watch some twisted metal endings. weird.

>>717852884 (OP)
Could Calypso monkey paw the Laughing Salesman?

>>717863868
Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

>>717852884 (OP)
>How would your wish go wrong?
wasn't Calypso fairly honest, as far as genie bullshit goes?

>>717852884 (OP)
"I wish for the rise of censorship in Europe to diminish and disappear."
"Hehehe, wish granted!"
>all jews are also gone

>>717885341
>i wish for more beautiful god rays in vidya

>>717885514
ackchyually he just used the tournament to get close to calypso, he didn't need to use a wish

>>717852884 (OP)
>I will not make a wish. I only wanted to feel the the thrill of the hunt, And for that I thank you *leaves*

>>717853615
Nah. If you truly wish for something with all your heart he grants you your wish, see emo goth gf from Black.

>>717852884 (OP)
>"I want a 10000 bitcoins transferred to my account right now here's my address"
What now?

>>717857859
Okay, you just caused billions in property damage and killed tens of thousands of people for a sandwich
you happy?

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish for a 12 inch dildo to be lodged into your rectum for the rest of your life without the possibility of removing it by surgery, and no, I will not be turned into that nor any dildo.
>fuck you Calypso

>>717853026
>now with child support
>the kid grows up hating you
>everything is always your fault

>>717863647
Ignoring TM 3 and 4, not very far. Or, at least, he chooses not to twist wishes if he likes them in some fashion or thinks how it'll naturally play out will be amusing, destructive, or simple. If he had full control over shit then Minion would never be able to steal his powers back

Why was every single TM3 ending dogshit, bros?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish you to become kyubey, and turn everyone that made a wish for you into a magical girl, including everyone before this thread.

>>717887669
Because the devs made the exact same mistake some of the people in this thread are making, they thought Calypso HAD to monkey's paw every wish which turns into absurdity quickly when half the wishes are so fucking stupid in the first place.

Wishes!? I wish I knew that earlier!

>>717852884 (OP)
>dong gets bigger, but its because of cancer
>bank account loaded, but its from stolen funds
>women find you irresistible, but they are cannibals
>you get a big house on a massive property, but its cartel land
>animu girl becomes real, but hates your guts
>game girl comes to life but its still just made of lights so cant touch or interact

How fucked you are depends on which game you're in:
>TM1
The contestants that got what they wanted all wished for tangible things (money, tires, proof of aliens, etc), wishing for anything abstract is a terrible idea.
>TM2
Surprisingly not as many dick head genie wishes as its reputation suggests. TM2 is far more infatuated with endings where hubris is punished. Wish for what you will as long as you're not practically setting Calypso up for some "haha you should have wished for a head to go with that youthful body" type shit, just make sure you're not getting too caught up in your wish.
>TM3
You will get the Calypso dick, it doesn't matter how you word it he's just going to tack on some completely unrelated bullshit just to fuck you over.
>TM4
Either be a member of law enforcement or Rob Zombie.
>Small Brawl
Assaulting the child Calypso consistently results in the best outcomes for the drivers, and I'm assuming you're a child in this scenario so you probably won't get arrested for it.
>Black
Just wish for revenge, anything else carries too much risk of Calpyso just deciding to be a dick and murdering you or your zombie father. Not even as a twist, he's just going to fucking murder you because it gets his cock hard.
>Head-On
Crapshoot, this is probably Calypso at his most pure "dick head genie". If you want to survive either don't play by his rules at all or put him on the backfoot in such a way where he can't come up with a twist on your wish.
>TM (PS3)
Not a big enough sample size to say for sure, but considering all three drivers four if you count Preacher die your odds don't look great.

>>717852884 (OP)
>I WISH YOU HAD A FAT ASS AND A FLAT CHEST, CALYPSO

>Calypso... make me the most powerful being in the entire universe
>>717862925
If the wish is too bullshit, Calypso will murder you like the cheating asshole he is. It's like that time someone wished to kill Calypso.

Calypso wtf do I wish for?! Any suggestions?

>>717876825
>spectre wished to come back to life and calypso unprompted and for no reason just shot him with a gun the moment he revived
The live action endings were cut for a reason. Retail Spectre gets to drive home to his family, overwhelmed with joy.

>>717862248
Unironically probably, if Sweet Tooth's Head On ending is anything to go off of. There seems to be some sort of time limit on him coming up with a twist before his magic just sort of kicks in on its own, so really anything that mindscrews him would probably work.
That said there's a non-zero chance that he's still going to just find an opportunity to stab you in the back after he transforms. There's also a non-zero chance you end up with a dick girl.

>>717866626
>here is your five hundred million dollars
>in zimbabwean dollars
>HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thank you for playing my game

>>717885514
missed chance for "I AM MINION AND I THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL"

>>717889318
>your zombie father
Embracing the painful truth is better for the boy than clinging to a hollow hope.

>>717869271
>The monkey paw was that retarded anon really doesnt know how fucking high-maintenance chickens are to keep
The first time you are going to open the Coop you are going to die of all the birdshit decomposing into poison, and your chicks might do so too.
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

i wish for unlimited wishes

I wish for you to monkey paw my wish

>>717890267
Wish granted, but you must compete in unlimited tournaments to cash each one in.

>>717890107
Proto handsome jack face

Someone please post that gif from twisted metal black where if you put in a cheatcode, the goth chick will pop out of her car and flash her tits.

I wish Twisted Metal got its own TV show!

>>717868736
>Proves him right
The young guys he refers to are gate keeping faggots that hate music.

>>717890502
>16 year old goth girl
What did David Jaffe mean by this?

>>717852884 (OP)
The only way to win is to not play

>>717891309
Oops

>>717891309
Considering the "extra tight" remark in >>717869702 he was just horny
Now post the damn gif

>>717891346
>hqdefault
>hq

The thing anons here forget is that while calypso does try to screw you over, he isn't omniscient.
If you can predict the twist he'll do, his trick can be planned upon and countered.
Case in point: Jamie

so, why didnt Calypso just screw over Sweet Tooth's wish by the time of 4 instead of losing his throne and proceeding to seethe about it?

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish for you to get fucked to death, painfully, while losing your ability to grant wishes, over the course of the next 3 days at which point you will go to hell and get fucked for all eternity metaphorically and figuratively in the most painful ways, with absolutely no harm or negative consequence to me or anyone else besides you in the entire universe. Fuck you Calypso, get fucked.

>>717892097
Calypso has no power other than grant wishes.
4 changed the lore so the ring was the one that did.
In 1 he was using a demon he stole from hell but then he just can.

Calypso, grant me the strength to deny my mother when she tells me to go to the bathroom!

>>717892485
Not yet.
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717863868
Don't be too hard on yourself, I wished remakes were more common after playing RE1's.

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish you were gay calypso

>I wish for the hand of your daughter in marriage
Would he have the guts to desecrate her corpse just to marry me to her corpse's severed hand?

>>717863868
So you were to Blame!

>>717892256
t. Minion

>>717892682
>corpse
Anon...you are married to a woman in a coma.
Damn I miss playing Head On with my best friend.

>>717892682
Yes. Once a wish is made, he MUST fulfill it.

I wish for peac-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Watch the show

>>717893339
I'm going to but I'm dissapointed calypso's face isn't burned

>>717852884 (OP)
It's weird, as a kid I played Twisted Metal 1 and 2 religiously when they were new, the first game was the reason I wanted a Playstation to begin with. I beat both games as every character.

Now every time I try to revisit either game, I struggle to play them, I just can't adapt to the controls and barely manage to get halfway through them.

Everyone get an N word pass

>>717894048
Everyone in the world is now black.

>>717893993
Classic Twisted Metal controls are notoriously awful. The 2012 reboot got ripped apart for sticking to them.

>>717855761
>>717855798
Wish granted. The new Twisted Metal tournament begins and this time, it lasts forever. I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717893339
Fuck no! It's horrible in every single way it can.

KABOOOMMMMM

THE LAPD THANKS YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717863868
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717865105
He will shoot you in the face. He's not Duophanes - that trick won't work.

>>717866626
>did not specify the currency
You are going to get literal shit coin.

I WISH FOR A GF

>ITS A TRANNY


>Your wish has been granted, Anon!
>I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717871174
Your wish is granted with zero strings attached.

>>717894764
Nah. He'd just interpret the "friend" part literally and spawn a girl that friendzones you.

>>717894892
>wish for a gf

Calypso: I'm sorry anon, out of many wishes that is one I simply cannot grant. Here have a chocolate bar instead

I AM CALYPSO AND I THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717889486
Granted. You become the entire universe, but are so spread out you are effectively mindless and cannot do anything. I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

I wish Twisted Metal 2012 had been actually good.

What do I get?

>>717896050
Your wish is actually granted but the future of the franchise does not change.
Thank you for playing Twisted Metal 2012.

>>717894378
The story is utter trash but the characters are pretty faithful except Spectre and Krista being gooks

They should've rebooted this series during the battle royale craze

>>717892485
>Granted. But you have so much strength that you accidentally kill your mother just by touching her.
>I------- am Calypso! And I thank you for playing --- Twisted Metal!

>>717852884 (OP)
Not a single person in this thread is under the age of 30

>>717853026
>Your son is born retarded/defected and you'll have to take care of him is entire life
>Your wife becomes so mindbroken because of it she becomes one of those fanatics about religious/occult shit
>Your parents and grandparents all die in a accident so you inherit the house(s) they had
>Thank you for playing Twisted Metal

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish twisted metal never happened

>>717896284
I think TV-Sweet Tooth is pretty funny, though the origin story was a bit cringy.

>>717896605
>Granted. But Rabid Metal is released instead, and all the games are exactly like Twisted Metal!

>>717896461
I am!
29 years old...

>>717883519
>Calypso's cake is Red Velvet
>DAMN YOU ANON, DAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUU

>>717852884 (OP)
I want them to stop killing games...
>Your wish has been granted! You shall have everything you asked for and none of what you wanted!

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish your monkey pawing of my wish blows up in your face instead and I get away unharmed

>>717876250
Nice try >>717867210
You already fucked your first try. No secondsies!

Everytime I want to piss, a girl will open her mouth to drink it willingly

>>717891715
They did her and her brother so dirty in the show. If anything, they should be the leads instead of John Doe and Donut Steel. Stephanie Beatriz would have been a good fit for Jamie. In this case I wouldn't have even been so mad if they were step-siblings to raceswap Carl if they really wanted to keep Anthony Mackie as the other lead.

>>717854386
Wish granted. If you walk near Malon or any other npc in Ocarina of Time they smell like SHIT.
I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

One of the funniest endings is the two stoners wishing to fly, and then they jump off the roof thinking it's already been granted.
And then Calypso is stood there with two airplane tickets astounded by how dumb they are.

>>717866626
>or used by anyone other than me
The card is completely unusable because stores can’t use it.

>>717853715
I'd slam her Tight Teen pussy.

>>717852884 (OP)
I want a pizza.

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish that dying was possible.

>>717879034
So you make a spiritual successor to LSD: Dream Emulator? Could've been worse.

>>717865169
>cash out and leave ASAP
thanks mr cal

>>717852884 (OP)
I wanna have sex with you Calypso but make yourself into a woman while we do it.

I wish i did a particularly smelly fart so noxious its scent entered the nostrils of every blonde teenage girl, reaching their brains pleasure receptors.

>>717901276
He'd probably be so disgusted with you he'd just kill you on the spot after granting the wish. No tricky twist wish, he just kills you because he hates you.

>>717856428
>>717885514
when my mother found out I was up playing video games when I wasn’t supposed to be

Mortimer’s ending in TM2 is so good

>>717901509
Worth it

>>717852884 (OP)
Sorry Calypso, but I can't be tricked and I won't be bought.

>>717901261
She has every std known to man, even some not known to man

I liked the ghost wishing to go back to eternal rest and not taking Calypso's bait for revenge and calypso just reads a story to him in his crypt

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish for a red velvet cake.

>>717898290
>>717902740
>it's actually a generic sponge cake dyed red with covered with fondant
THANK YOU FOR PLAYING TWISTED METAL

>>717902060
But I'm a bug chaser so this is a win for me

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish for all cosmic Dragon Ball Z threats to become real, with earth getting a giant mark that pulls all the bad guys to it

>>717866626
>the hundred million dollars are made up dollars from a schizo living in a war-thorn nation who's now aware that he has to give you the credit card but he's about to get blown by a granade
>if that schizo wasn't worried about how to pay you his made-up dollars he would've saved you from an impeding doom
>HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thank you for playing my game

>>717889759
That's still a million US bucks.

>>717852884 (OP)
I'd wish for calypso to blow his own head off and die

>>717894152
Twisted Metal: Black

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish you have a good day :)

>>717854386
granted. the games don't gain any level of detail when you enter them. textures, sprites, models, it's all the same. characters speak and behave only as they have been scripted. you can only interact with anything in the ways programmed in the game.
you still don't have a "get out of games" machine

When are we getting Black 2?

>>717856903
>A million clones of Nick and Matt Jackson appear before your very eyes.
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>Never played Twisted Metal
>Check out the ending videos to see this dickass genie man twist wishes
>It looks like an indie game with these cheap comic strip images
>Calypso sounds gay
I am Anon, and I thank you for reading my shitty post.

>>717852884 (OP)
>How would your wish go wrong
It already did

>>717869658
we'll return to it, probably not in my lifetime

>>717871174
guy in webm reminds me of donkey kong

>>717852884 (OP)
>I wish to know why the hell so many anons here want to fuck you

>>717896284
>doll face grows up with a doll mask/helmet locked on her head with no way to removal
>wants to win twisted metal to have it removed
>upon removal since the mask/helmet was locked on during her growth period it deformed her skull/face making her a freak
>she decides to keep the mask/helmet on
in the movie its a holloween mask and she runs with a squad of chicks with the wish of putting it to the man

>>717871330
>>717871950
>>717873584
trying to duck what game "Carnivel" is but can't do it, all results are unrelated. either carnival photos, random clown statues, or Lies of P

>>717875089
https://youtu.be/vk9YOkgfVaM

>>717871080
Nah, there are certain wishes that Calypso had to grant that screwed him over. Mortimer and Minion in 2. Sweet Tooth in Head On. Not to mention how some fellas got their wish with no ironic punishment. Sweet Tooth in 1. Axel in 2. Mortimer in Head On.

>>717879181
Wish granted!
>Finds some random guy named Calypso and forces him to do those things.

>>717910145
sounds like complete garbage, good thing i didn't know the show existed and may now forget about it again

>>717857264
>>717857523
>>717853715
>>717900378
Man I remember as a kid I once had an extremely hard boner over Grasshopper, I mean REALLY HARD that it physically hurt to maintain. This was prepubescent so I couldn't nor never knew how to fap, so I couldn't make it go away for a long time.
From that day forward I used to avoid passing by her in the character select screen and in any game that had her I'd focus 100% on eliminating her first so that I wouldn't hear that crappy lossy quality yet sexy sounding "YEEHAA" and risk another fabric tearing erection.
When I grew much older I saw the endings on YT and after I learned that her plot is actually tragic and that she's just a poor kid (forma de la robota) I couldn't feel attracted to her anymore, and became a character I'd sympathize with and want to protect, not goon to.

Still, that was one of the most intense boners I've ever had in my life. Literal diamond-cutting hardness. I'm thankful for playing Twisted Metal.

Thanks for reading my blogpost about a psychotic demonic game master's daughterfus

>>717896284
axel was race swapped

>>717911151
she wants you to be attracted to her anon

>>717901932
Reminder Crimson Fury and Shadow have never been screwed by Calypso.

>>717908482
Kek.

>>717910154
Probably because the game is called "CarnEvil"

Hey, we're making a tv show based on a video game about violent car derbies featuring Heavy Metal, Goth/Punk/Rockabilly vibes, and dark horror elements.

I know! Lets fill the roster with niggers and make it all about fighting evil whites! Well not all evil whites, gotta make certain there's a pathetic white male everybody takes advantage of.

>>717912612
damn it, since three people were talking about it it didn't even cross my mind that all three just used the wrong name. thanks anon.

>>717913149
he still got more pussy than you ever will

I liked the 2012 game

I wish calypso was a cute girl

>>717916046
it is pretty underrated, that sweet tooth ending was among the best

I wish for Calypso's head to be shoved up through his anus. Permanently.

>>717916935
Wish granted. Now he's really gonna get cruel.
>>717914795
He.... he doesn't exist anon.

>>717861053
he would probably do the opposite just to piss (you) off

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish Calypso to be raped by Satan in hell while the soul of his dead family watch.

>>717861053
Granted but you are the very first person killed and eaten

>>717905498
Granted. But they all gravitate to you as the "protector of Earth" and the first person they will kill. I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

>>717900697
Granted, but the pizza is filled with pineapples, various wild vegetables, tofu, and has zucchini-based crust. I am Calypso and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

>>717919603
As long as the earth is fucked im alright with this
Though i think this is one of those wishes Cally would grant with no extra strings attached just because it would be very funny (or malicious, if we go by his bald version)

>>717887483
The 10,000 bitcoins are transferred from a set of corrupt politicians, gangsters, and billionaires wallets who are closest to your location and they all know its you who's got their money.

>>717911198
I know this is a shitpost but Axel has always been black

>>717908747
Zoom zoom

>>717908747
Faggot post.

>>717866626
>CREDIT card has $600m in debt on it
You wanted a DEBIT card you FOOL!

I remember that ending with the kid that turned his dead father into a remote controlled zombie, Calypso broke the control and kidnapped the kid because he needed a "succesor". Also the kid was Sweet Tooth's younger brother.

I find funny how a powerful and scary big demon is called "Minion".

>>717852884 (OP)
TM4 was the best Twisted Metal
HOWEVER, play it in the original hardware since the emulated version is so fucked for some reason (enemy AI)

>>717852884 (OP)
I wish for a gazillion buckaroonies, a lotta cheddar, I wanna be rolling in the dough.

I wish your ugly face was back to normal

>>717853297
you become midna and anons plap you

>>717852884 (OP)
>TM2
>All those endings where he's a cock to the winner
>That ending where Grasshopper reveals herself to be a bomb and he just sadly embraces her, knowing he'll die regardless
I actually felt bad for Calypso.

Rogue Trip remaster pls.

>>717852884 (OP)
>I want new Twisted Metal
And all we got was that faggy tv show. Fuck you Calypso.

>>717924491
He uses the flesh on your face to repair his face back to normal. You live and now have his fucked up face

>>717920761
so black

My favourite Twisted Metal ending is TM3, Club Kid's ending, where he wants a party that lasts all night, but "too bad the rave is in Alaska, where the nights are months long". Me and my friends had a dumb inside joke about things being Alaskan that we tried to force inspired by Twisted Metal 3. Good times.

>>717927415
"You fucked up my face"

>>717928309
https://youtu.be/WpsQZsO-RKA?t=2183
had to look that up...
oh noooo a super long rave, what a cursed destiny. what kind of wish is that anyway lol. guess it was without heat though since the 3D shows him in ice cubes?
boy that 3D looks bad, must have been subpar even for 1998

>Twisted Metal III
>Jamie and Buzz Roberts wish for a safe, clean world
>Their wish is granted, and the only downside is... they need to get a new job.
Oh, the horror. Cruel, cruel twist of fate.

>>717853297
You cum so fast you don't even get to fuck her.

>>717872490
slash-vee-slash

>>717923528
>TM4 was the best Twisted Metal
"the best" is a stretch, but it's really a fun game and feels very polished compared to how raw TM2 feels.
Even TM3 felt and played fun at a silky smooth framerate compared to TM2, but it felt very sterile and "bland" in comparison to the other games, and in retrospect it does look quite shitty.
>HOWEVER, play it in the original hardware since the emulated version is so fucked for some reason (enemy AI)
In what way?
I played on both original and emulated and they both feel the same, though they seem more aggressive in the latter

>>717901261
he only turns halfway through the sex

>>717887491
Fuck those people, it was a good sandwich and that's not on my hands, Calypso did that shit.