Thread 718035573

why did they make a spider hot

My spider mogs your spider

Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in lvanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæða ecge, a real sexy bitch.

>IS THAT STOYA
>AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH SHE SMILED ONCE WHILE GETTING FUCKED

same reason they made a snake hot

>>718035573 (OP)
>>718035761
>Morrigan turns into a spider as one of her abilities
I honestly think it might just be unoriginality on Nu!Monolith's behalf

>>718035573 (OP)
It was there all along.

>>718037621
This is a Jew with an anglicized name isn't it

>>718035573 (OP)
pitslut

>>718035882
And she was a good friend.

>>718040765
>secretly

>>718035573 (OP)
How else are you supposed to believe she has that many children, if she ain't hot?

>>718035882
She also must not wear shoes

>>718040765
yes

>>718035573 (OP)
Looks bogged as all hell

>>718040765
Rachnera best musume

>>718037621
this is pretty obvious but people still get mad about it

>>718042465
Maybe you're just retarded and a spider is just a spider

>>718037621
>pubes
dropped

>>718042823
even if it's just a spider, shelob and ungoliant are female, which probably has implications in a series with 3 women in it

>>718043129
It doesn't have implications and there aren't only 3 women in the books. What do you gain out of spreading this fanfiction of yours?

What would Tolkein have thought about shilob being played by Stoya?

>>718043973
>there aren't only 3 women in the books
eowyn, arwen, galadriel. Fucking rosie cotton or whoever else might have one line in the whole series
it's a deliberate choice to make the spider monsters female

>>718037621
This reminds me of that one time I read a book about a 17th-18th century French female artist that was written by a stereotypical academic Feminist from America. It legitimately, in every sense of this word, felt like peering into unfiltered schizophrenia. Most pages brought up wombs, uteruses, fertility and other ridiculous, insane and esoteric stuff about the meaning of her art or behavior. I think her name was Mary D. Sheriff.

No idea anon

>>718044376
IIRC most spiders with webs IRL are female because male spiders usually get eaten after (attempted) copulation. So that's probably why Tolkien made Shelob a girl. I don't think it has anything to do with sex past that.

>>718037621
The curtains were fucking blue.

>>718037621
>Tolkien describes a spider-like monstrous creature with a bloated leathery bag body and a stench so foul it nearly knocks Sam unconscious several times
>clearly he's talking about a vagina
>Tolkien describes Shelob as Sauron's cat because he allows it to live in the tunnels above one of the entrances to Mordor and it eats pests for him
>clearly he's talking about sexy women

>>718035573 (OP)
>>718035761
>>718039841
>>718041947
Hot
>>718044485
That’s an old bitch the fuck is wrong with you?

>>718044376
Of course it's a choice, because she gives birth to an entire generation of spiders. That doesn't mean sting is actually a penis and spider webs are actually hymens you sick retarded fuck.

Alexa, tuen on arachnaphobia mode

>>718044762
>That’s an old bitch
And what if I find older women older women? Op didn’t say how the spider had to be not

>>718044762
>That’s an old bitch
And what if I find older women hot? Op didn’t say how the spider had to be not

Mental illness thread

>>718037621
>>718044656
Have you read the book? The battle scene between Samwise and Shelob are pretty sexo, at least to me.
>She yielded to the stroke, and then heaved up the great bag of her belly high above Sam’s head. Poison frothed and bubbled from the wound. Now splaying her legs she drove her huge bulk down on him again. Too soon. For Sam still stood upon his feet, and dropping his own sword, with both hands he held the elven-blade point upwards, fending off that ghastly roof; and so Shelob, with the driving force of her own cruel will, with strength greater than any warrior’s hand, thrust herself upon a bitter spike. Deep, deep it pricked, as Sam was crushed slowly to the ground.
>No such anguish had Shelob ever known, or dreamed of knowing, in all her long world of wickedness. Not the doughtiest soldier of old Gondor, nor the most savage Orc entrapped, had ever thus endured her, or set blade to her beloved flesh. A shudder went through her. Heaving up again, wrenching away from the pain, she bent her writhing limbs beneath her and sprang backwards in a convulsive leap.

>>718048008
there is absolutely NO allegory here you postmodernist how dare you

>>718044376
arwen is not even fucking in it. She has the same amount of lines as rosie. Literally added in the last minute by Tolkien because his wife hated the original ending where Eowyn is Aragorn's ho and died during pelennor field.

>>718048114
Not even memeing. I love spiders and I think they're sexy, so these passages always get me going. Who doesn't love fat bug abdomen?

>>718048008
>>718048114
Why reply to yourself? What point do you think you're proving here?
It's a giant spider trying to use her bulk to crush Samwise and you see penises and pussies everywhere so your mind goes off the rails. We get it, you're insane. Seek therapy, not validation.

>>718048342
it's a giant spider thrusting herself against samwise's prick

>>718037621
Interesting and what does that entail?

>>718037621
and i thought that i am a disgusting coomer

>>718035573 (OP)
I don’t know, let’s ask Christop- oh yeah he died, who runs the Tolkien estate now?

>>718041947
Does spider have puss puss?

>>718048960
Some bald manlet who owns a shipping company or stuff like that

>>718049010
her pussy is her weak point actually

>>718037621
we used to send women like this to the looney bin for wandering womb

>>718049172
hmmm... So she's not IMMUNE to aphrodisiacs and restraints :)

>>718042998
Fag

>>718048960
one of the grandkids whose sole interest is in whoring the property out as much as humanly possible

>character in webcomic is a hottie
>does some magic ritual shit and explodes her legs off and grows spider legs and abdomen
okay kinda hot ig
>also grows 3 extra pairs of eyes on her forehead
not hot, my boner is gone now

>>718048456
Yes, to crush him to death, and the 'prick' is a sword.
What do you gain out of trying to reframe this interaction to match your demented fantasies?

>>718050305
why is it so offensive to you to notice the sexual metaphors?

>>718050370
There's no sexual metaphor. There's only products of your deranged mind.
It is offensive because you are disgusting, as are your thoughts.

>>718051082
why do you consider sexual thoughts disgusting?

>>718035573 (OP)
why does she look like milla jovovich

>>718051284
I said you are disgusting, as are your thoughts. That has nothing to do with sexual thoughts being disgusting in general. I understand that reading comprehension is not your strong suit, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation, but please try to keep up.

>pale skinned girl with black hair
>OMG IT'S STOYA
porn rotted brains.

>>718044485
Hag fuckers need to stop existing. This shit is actually repulsive

>>718035573 (OP)
>Human "Shelob"
>Hot
You and all the weebs posting their shitty humans with cheap props glued on have trash taste.
I'd do the acrual Shelob, not the abomination you posted.

>>718035573 (OP)
One, because that had her be a character in the story that you interact with, and talking to a big drooling tarantula face isn't what they had in mind.
Two, because she's supposed to be a dark reflection of Galadriel so they made a pretty woman and goth'd her out.
And Three, because the game wasn't shy about sneaking in a little eye candy. Did you see the ass on Talion's wife?

>>718037621
pages sexuality in lord of the rings exist on wikipedia and then LMMs get trained on this shit

>>718051857
here we go

>>718051943
I find the utterly asexual lifestyles both Bilbo and Frodo led to be a more interesting topic.

>>718051696
you can put your dick between her teeth and rub it on those slimy white towers of calcium
just imagine it

>>718052062
talkien was a good christian boy and wouldnt talk about such things in public

if tolkien being so celebrated gets your panties in such a big twist, then what would jules verne being the best author do to you? kek I can just imagine.

>>718044240
overrated

>>718052220
Nah, everyone else gets married, even if they don't have a specific bit of story about it like Sam and Rosie. Bilbo and Frodo went their entire lives without intimacy.

>>718052270
i've read like 1,5 of his books which is probably still more than 99,9% of the people on this website. 0,5 was about some giant squid on an island and the author kept spoiling the plot in the names of the chapters which was very funny to me.

>>718052469
frodo got kill by the morgul blade and bilbo was one of those 2/3 males that never reproduced in history i guess

>>718052558
actually a better explanation is he was a known weirdo by the hairy foot midget people standards
he probably tried to woo an elf but predictably have failed

>>718052558
Frodo was 50 when he left the Shire with nobody to care (outside of gossipers) except for his four buddies. Bilbo was a wealthy eccentric land owner with a healthy social life, and while being kind of strange is openly frowned on in the Shire, there were surely bitches that wanted to be the lady of Bag End. Both didn't want to do anything but write their memoir and go on walks.

>>718052728
>wealthy eccentric, healthy social life
>never married
hmm

>>718052728
>a healthy social life
where did you get this from
bilbo always wanted to be alone

>>718052808
he hosted famously large parties

>>718052808
He thought hobbits were retarded in general but he was still a part of his community. He threw parties and visited other parts of the Shire and kept up with his relations. Dwarves visited his home on their way through the area and he could give away most of his things when he retired as personalized gifts with hand written notes jabbing at each person. He was a absolutely a socialite even if he didn't have any very close friends outside of Frodo and Gandalf.

>>718052893
yea, one party.
Most he did is social courtesies like sending gifts, just so other hobbits wouldnt kick him out of Shire i guess. Read the book.

Overanalyzing of lotr is just a sign of how shittier any subsequent fiction story has been.

>>718035573 (OP)
>only appears in prerendered cutscenes so there's no model to make porn with
>someone at Monolith has the model
RELEASE IT

>>718035573 (OP)
>>718053196
why did she get buccal fat removal surgery?

>>718053276
mordor has really good health insurance, they even cover cosmetic procedures

>>718053276
It was the style in Mordor at the time

>>718053276
Because depicting a timelessly beautiful person that is both mature and youthful is difficult to do without making them look kinda alien. Also the secret twist they put in is that she's a maiar like Sauron and the wizards, which is the actually dumb departure from the plot that the game snuck in.

>>718053454
That's way less dumb than like, anything in the Amazon abortion. Ungoliant's nature was always a mystery, she very well could have been an ainu of some kind.

>>718037383
I am now using this image as part of my local model

>>718045349
lmao

>>718053504
The Amazon show is its own thing entirely, it actively rewrites things and dramatically alters characters. These games are mostly pretty faithful, it just gets a lot pulpier than Tolkien ever got and went really far into its own what-if scenario.

>>718035573 (OP)
That's a human though.

I want to fuck the spider.

*over here*
*follow me*
*come on hurry*
*they took my baby*
*gives you creepy hell hallucination*

>>718035573 (OP)
Because hot women are based.
>>718035761
Your spider gets a single shot. Stoya is in multiple cutscenes. But yes, Quelaag does mog Stoya.

>>718053196
maybe with AI they can get a 3d model going

>>718035573 (OP)
Many such cases

>>718041883
Wtf Monolith are /ourguy/s?

Castlevania spider woman

>>718048960
that cuck Simon, i think

>>718039841
remember anon, if you ever see a woman wearing an outfit with pit windows, you are given permission, nay, you are OBLIGATED, to stick your dick in her pits and give them a righteous fucking in public in full view of everyone. that's just how it is.

>>718054529
what if shes standing up? im only 6'1 bro

>>718054529
So women wouldn't find it weird if I asked to sniff/lick their pits?

>>718052062
>>718052220
99 out of 100 hobbits have large families. Hobbits are prodigiously fecund (even if most don't quite get to Sam's level) and child mortality is far below average. Bilbo, meanwhile, never found a woman, and never started a family. He clearly craved a family, which is why he adopted his nephew/cousin Frodo, but never settled down with a nice Hobbit girl despite being the richest man in the Shire by an order of magnitude, as healthy and attractive as he was at 33 in his 90s, and presumably being able to choose any mate he so desired. Frodo was in the same situation after Bilbo left him everything he owned, and yet he spent his days reading poetry and hanging out with teenagers instead. They were both too prodigiously autistic to ever truly consider romantic or sexual relations, and once Frodo got back from Mordor he was too scarred and traumatised too.

>>718053454
>>718053504
>Ungoliant, the Ainu of... Spiders, who gave to Creation all of the... spiders... and cobwebs...
Good enough

>>718035573 (OP)
Making her a HOT BITCH raised the attractiveness of an already great game.

>>718054597
find a nearby knee high object to stand on, or if that is impossible, ask her politely to kneel down. she will understand.
>>718054691
no that's the whole point of the pit windows.

>>718054791
But they weren't autistic, which is what makes it so strange. If they were asocial weirdos that recoiled from physical contact and screeched at loud noises and couldn't grasp social interactions then it would make sense why they were single all their lives. But they are both kind, pleasant, friendly people who just happen to be intelligent enough to find most of their kindred to be kind of..bumpkins. They never address their bachelor lifestyle, they aren't the kind of men who were too busy with a scholarly pursuit or their work to have time for love, and there were surely plenty of hobbits OFFERING their sisters or daughters to the Shire equivalent of aristocracy (even more so in a society that obsesses over familial relations). I personally think that their single lifestyles are one of the most out of place and strange parts of the story that Tolkien never tried to explain.

>>718055193
I'm tempted to play it again now. But I've already done so three times and it becomes such a grindy slog in the end.

>>718035573 (OP)
i love how much she looks like me

>>718051840
>Two, because she's supposed to be a dark reflection of Galadriel
Which is monumentally retarded both on the face of it and the implications it creates about the entire nature of evil according to Tolkien.

>>718036027
what the fuck are you talking about
who are you even calling soi when you're the one with references to coomer stuff nobody else understands

>>718048008
>sex is action
>therefore action is sex
socrates' cat does not want to fuck socrates

>>718055284
What implications?

>>718054252
GET A 3D MODEL GOING!

WE HAVEN'T HAD NOTHING BUT MAGGOTY PRERENDERED CUTSCENES FOR EIGHT STINKING YEARS

...

what about ai? that's fresh!

>>718055198
>But they are both kind, pleasant, friendly people who just happen to be intelligent enough to find most of their kindred to be kind of..bumpkins.
if you look at this archetype in real life you will find many men like this live alone, happy, as true volcels
quite often there will be a single meaningful relationship in their life, for the sake of experiencing love in full
if they marry it tends to be a lifelong marriage
but if that relationship falls apart for any reason, it is unlikely they will pursue another
consider the cognitive gap between a gifted person and an average person is larger than between an average person and an animal
you might love your dog and genuinely enjoy playing with him and petting him, but you can also think of more attractive things to do with your life than to play fetch all day

>>718037621
This reminds me, Sauron did have a gf, but it was not Shelob, it was some vampiress.

>>718048290
Ah, so we have to thank a woman for included race (species) mixing...

>>718055198
They just didn't want and gold-digging whores.
Simple as.

you people need to stop posting pictures of my wife

So correct me if I'm remembering this wrong, but was Shelob's desire for revenge in this game motivated because she got dumped by Sauron? Why are women such spiteful and vindictive creatures?

>>718055503
I like that Talion has a bit more of a cro magnon look to him in the second game. He's a descendant of an earlier, hardier breed of man and they've got him with a big caveman skull compared to the other humans.

>>718055640
I get that there are people like that, but they aren't typical and would be even less so in the Shire. There's nothing to suggest either of them ever had that one relationship, and outside of the one year they each spent abroad they didn't do much with their lives. Sam, Pippin and Merry all went on to be leaders of the community with families and reputations. Frodo and Bilbo both kind of just idled away.

>>718055724
They were never as rich as their reputation suggested and hobbits aren't very good at being greedy for wealth to begin with.

>>718044240
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3AZYQh2e0k
>>718052423
nah, just too pretty for porn

>>718051413
Pale skin, black hair, blue or green eyes - best aesthetic.

>>718055820

https://youtu.be/xhBn2afZn5Q?si=E0HZOXhctQZ1U02Z&t=1414

>>718053276
Some people have that look naturally.

>>718035573 (OP)
is that kate beckingsale

>>718055820
Sauron's true love was she
https://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Thuringwethil

>>718055465
waste of a DLC.

>>718056075
No, that's a spider.

>>718053827
>The games are morw faithful.
Yeah no, fuck off. They entire plot of shadow of war 2 is about making snothrt master ring, like wtf is that fanfiction.org writing.
Atleast ff.org crap usually features funny insights into the weird fetishes of the author.
Shadow of war 1 and 2 show us the following:
>Warner Bros. managed to hold a gameplay mechanic hostagr with IP laws, fucking niggers.
>The writers who made Shelob a hot goth bitch are mentally challeneged and on the same level of stupid as the russian author who wrote a tolkien fanfic how Sauron is misunderstood and orcs are dindus.
>Niggers in Gondor lol.
>Bamham combat is great when made good.
>Sauron and his ringwraiths job to a lesser wraith.
>Celebrimbor is a whiny nigger, without the swagger of his grandfather or the unbridled ambition.

The games are ass, you are stupid and should rounded up, cruicifed and tossed into acid with the rest of developers.

>>718056075
No, not slutty enough.

>>718056139
Yeah, it's a fucking mess. Also, didn't one of those games make Helm Hammerhand into a Ringwraith, or did I mix it up with retarded amazon show lore?

>>718056190
yes they also gave him a hammer instead of his namesake hammer-hands

>>718055198
See >>718056139 is what actual autism looks like. If Frodo and his uncle behaved like that I'd understand why they never looked at girls.

>>718056103
not as pretty
what a downgrade

>>718055271
Is it narcissistic if I save every picture of a woman who looks kind of like me?

>>718056271
>>718055198
Frodo and Bilbo were not weirdos, lol.
Tolkien never explained it, because he was a man of anothet age. Bilbo is very much the victorian bachelor who didn't give a shit about obligations because why would he? His parents passed away early and his mom was said be the same kind of "strange" hobbit that liked to travel and go on adventure. Since there disn't seem to be anothet crazy hobbit gal at his age, it never happened.
Frodo stayed single because he basically becomes a priest in all but name after his journey with the ring. What the fuck is a woman gonna do with him?

What do you think of Nintendo character's family trees?

>>718055465
eltariel a cute

>>718056562
no

What would sex with a spider be like?

>>718056454
Pretty sure there is no official art of her, so she can be whatever.

>>718056614
Pauline took Kong's banana?

>>718055820
In nature, female spiders often devour their mates. I think the book mentions Shelob eating all of her hundreds of mates and the contempt she felt towards them and her inferior children. So the actual reason why she's angy is that *she* wasn't the one to dump *him* (and then eat him).

>>718055869
>I get that there are people like that, but they aren't typical and would be even less so in the Shire
Huh yeah weird
Sounds like very odd and unique individuals
Might be the kind of fellows you write a book about

>>718056614
That image js hilarious

>>718056613
I was suggesting that they weren't weirdos, obligations aside it doesn't explain the complete lack of interest in women, and Frodo was only back after the ring for a year before he fucked off to Neverland but that wasn't an issue for FIFTY years before he left the Shire. Its strange.

>>718056614
Hyrule is Great Britain??

>>718056139
>another master ring
If Celebrimbor succeeded and dominated Sauron's will, would that make him the Lord of the Lord of the Rings? If you believe the weirdos who say that the "Lord" actually refers to the One Ring (being greatest of and master of the Lesser Rings) rather than Sauron, would that make Celebrimbor the Lord of the Lord of the Lord of the Lord of the Rings? Food for thought!

>>718037621
>"Incels are the worst, they just want everything to be about sexuality and sex"
meanwhile...

>>718056139
>Sauron is misunderstood and orcs are dindus
I think you're missing the point. The fanfiction uses Lord of the Rings as a base for a story about Victor's Justice/history being written by the victors. The author doesn't actually contend that Tolkien intended Sauron and the Orcs to be the good guys.

>>718056693
i play for she

>>718056707
Yes, my favorite story is the one about No Bitches Frodo and the war his friends fought in.

>>718036027
Smiling during sex is a turn off. If she is able to smile during it, you're not doing your job.

>>718056139
Tbh, yeah, most Tolkien related stuff, be it official or mods, are not as great if not downright bad also.
Really, you should just read books if you want actual Tolkien experience.

>>718035573 (OP)
Cheap whore, shit game.
Enter: THE CHAD FANFICTION GAME
>Saruman steals a gondorian soldier, brainwashes him to follow the fellowship and steal the ring.
>Dude murders Orcs and picks up a few frens:
>A dorf who shoots magma
>a qt Elf who heals, gives you super buffs and shoots waterballs.
>A Gigachad dunedain that kills wargs while sleeping.
>A hot foxy rohirrim crazy bitch with DOUBLE AXES.
>A random Rohan rider who spears orcs and gets off on it.

Their adventures include:
>Murdering every Orc, Uruk-Hai, Snaga, Uruk, Easterling, Mumakil, Troll and other crap from Eriador all the way down to gondor.
>BTFO the watcher.
>Genocide Moria of Snaga, so the dorfs can resettle there.(Fuck drummers, total drummer death)
>Help Gandalf heroically defeat the Balrog by kissing the dirt.
>Genocide every Uruk-Hai in helm's deep personally.
>Fight in Minas Tirith during the Siege, commit even more Orc, Easterling and Troll genocide.
>Help Aragorn and his Ghosts genocide the Pelennor of Sauron's minions(ghosts only watched, they like to watch :) )
>Sauron get's turbomad and summons the party to his Eye-tower and gets defeated by the party, despite having space laser bullshit powers.

Gigachad game, gigachad cast and as a bonus you can replay chapters from the Orc pov and try to defeat the hero party for epic loot.

>>718057231
>rohirrim warrior woman
>angsty about being a foid
>wishes she could be one of da boys and ride around on a horse and shiet
>wields duel axes and delivers gaping axe wounds
>in revenge for being born with one
GENIUS

>>718056913
Okay Ivan, no back to your trench. Only a niggerbrained russian would defend that book lol.

>>718051943
>the close bond between Frodo and Sam is a subject of much discussion
This is what someone who spent his whole life without a single friend would think.

>>718056821
well if zeus is the god of gods does that make his war cry "god for the god god"?

Did anybody else play War in the North back in the day? I played through it 4 or 5 times, mostly couch co-op with my cousin. Andriel is my wife.

>>718057397
Real homies hold hands and kiss each other on the brow and muse about how beautiful each other looks while sleeping. Some people just don't get it.

>>718049367
And all because he's jealous of his granddad.
>>718035573 (OP)
It's a pretty big shame they turned her into a woman because the short moments she's in her demonic/evil form you can tell the artists did an incredible job staying faithful to the book description, and it's by far her best depiction in any visual media.

>>718036027
Once this guy describes himself as "I am a cyborg" because he read some Donna haraway once and thought it made him sound intellectual, I knew he was the ultimate psued.

>>718057517
that was before faggots ruined male friendship by making every gesture in to an invitation to explore their aids ridden hole.

>>718057371
The game is from before culture war shit. Pic related was called Morwen and she killed Orcs because they burned her home and ate her family.

>>718057489
I played it recently solo. Surprisingly decent 6/10 game, even if you just mostly mash attack button. I used the ranger for my playthrough and liked him. Tried the elf but the bots are retarded, ranger was better for solo.

All LotR games are flawed, because they use kitchen sink movie aesthetic with plate armor, when everyone should look early medieval.

>>718057489
Shame it's not on the store anymore. I'd like to play it co-op.

>>718058393
The books didn't have an early medieval aesthetic but I agree that the movies ruined this setting.

>>718058393
>everyone should look early medieval.

It's Middle-earth, you fucking retard.

>>718058591
..."middle-earth" because it's in between heaven and hell, retard. It comes from the old english Middangeard.

>>718058564
>The books didn't have an early medieval aesthetic
Maybe not Shire, but that because it feels like Tolkien plucked rural England and his childhood experiences into it. But Rohan is for sure Anglo Saxon England, therefore early medieval. So make all factions early medieval. Gondor could have been Franks + Italians from early medieval period, and so on.

>>718057902
Nah bro, men being affectionate with their bros wasn't some gay agenda plot twist, it was literally how dudes acted before modern schizo paranoia melted everyone's brains. Frodo and Sam were ride-or-die homies, not Netflix-approved "discover themselves through friendship" bait. Let bros be tender without thinking it’s a Pride float ffs.

>>718058676

>>718058697
>But Rohan is for sure Anglo Saxon England
why do you think this?

>>718056614
>Zelda and Link
bullshit, we know theyre all Ganon and Links buttbabies

>>718058393
>kitchen sink movie aesthetic with plate armour
"There beryl, pearl, and opal pale
And iron wrought like fishes' mail,
Buckler and corselet, axe and sword
And shining spear were laid in hoard."
By the time the War of the Ring took place, plate mail armour had been around for a long time, and would be readily available to an advanced culture like Gondor (even in the deepest days of it's decline).

>>718058449
You can just download it from cs.rin or whatever.

>>718058761
>why do you think this?
Names alone, Rohirrim is inspired by Anglo Saxon, which is not surprising that Tolkien used his own homelands history as an inspiration.

>>718058856
>mail
Mail is not plate armor, mail as in chainmail.. Nothing here says anything about late medieval tech.
Also, LotR setting operates differently on tech, some areas stay depopulated for thousands of years, and Middle Earth is also mostly stuck on that level of technology, Elves even more so.

>>718057231
>as a bonus you can replay chapters from the Orc pov and try to defeat the hero party for epic loot.
Do you get to play as Lurtz or Legman?

>>718058856
>And iron wrought like fishes' mail,
mail, not plate
lord of the rings is consistently early medieval, with lots of one handed swords and shields, spears, mail, and helms.

>>718059034
It says corslet, which is the breastplate of plate armour. The word was first used in the 15th century. Tolkien would know this and the implications of the word because he is a linguist.

>>718058697
Gondor feels more like High Celtic/welsh to me.

>>718055149
Is that Stoya?
>>718055524
Is that Shelob?

>>718059234
Eh, maybe you are right on that one. But then, it lowers my opinion of LotR. Kitchen sink setting.

>>718059036
Don't remember Lurtz, as you go directly to Rohan aftet Moria and no detour to Amon. But you can:
>Tentacle hero party as the watcher.
>Try to defear Gandalf as the Balrog and go mad because the fucking ol nigger heals himself all the time.
>Do Uruk Hai Haka chants in Helm's deep.
>Use rancid mumak breath to fight the hero party.

>>718059234
It can also just be a piece of metal strapped to the chest more than any properly made chest plate. Its hard to say without Tolkien to clarify. But then the end of the Third Age is also society pulling itself out of a dark age. Gloin mentions that the dwarves lost the knowledge on how to work metal like their ancestors could, but have improved in mining and construction. Surely the dwarves can manage making armor at least as good as the humans can, even in Gondor, so if they're pumping out plate armor from the shadow of what they used to be able to make, then you have to wonder what dwarf forges were producing that was so much better than plate armor.

>>718040765
mmm love me some spider sex

>>718059441
im so turned on right now

>>718035882
Based pasta poster.

>>718059563
how spider?

>>718058676
It's Middle-earth you fucking idiot. Stop using real history as a backdrop for discussion about what's right or wrong in a fantasy world, you stupid fucking nigger.

Stop trying to sound smart and grab a book or two to improve your reading skills.

>>718035573 (OP)
One of the biggest tragedies in gaming history is that the game never provided a full 3d model for her to be used in lewd content. She was only in cinematic cutscenes.

>>718035573 (OP)
Spiders?

>>718060682
the only thing shed get would be blacked shit
maybe futa
its not a tragedy at all

>>718060925
>blacked
I think you mean ORCED

>>718035573 (OP)
I never got why people said she looked like Stoya, her face, resembles Milla Jovovich much more

>>718060612
>Tolkien: Letter #165 - 'Middle-earth', by the way, is not a name of a never-never land without relation to the world we live in (like the Mercury of Eddison). It is just a use of Middle English middel-erde (or erthe), altered from Old English Middangeard: the name for the inhabited lands of Men 'between the seas'. And though I have not attempted to relate the shape of the mountains and land-masses to what geologists may say or surmise about the nearer past, imaginatively this 'history' is supposed to take place in a period of the actual Old World of this planet.

>Tolkien: Letter #183 - I am historically minded. Middle-earth is not an imaginary world. The name is the modern form (appearing in the 13th century and still in use) of midden-erd > middel-erd, an ancient name for the oikoumenē, the abiding place of Men, the objectively real world, in use specifically opposed to imaginary worlds (as Fairyland) or unseen worlds (as Heaven or Hell). The theatre of my tale is this earth, the one in which we now live, but the historical period is imaginary. The essentials of that abiding place are all there (at any rate for inhabitants of N.W. Europe), so naturally it feels familiar, even if a little glorified by the enchantment of distance in time.

>>718055820
>see thing in some fantasy story with poor writing
>"Damn, why is real life like this"
I swear 4chan's average IQ has fallen about 25 points in the past decade.

>>718060510
this is her real form

>>718035573 (OP)
In terms of book lore, I actually have no problems with a humanoid Shelob, if you go with the theory that Ungoliant was a Maia.
Lúthien for instance inherited powers from her mother, such as stealing the shape of a vampire, and her granddaughter Elwing had the potential (with the initial aid of a Vala) to shapeshift into a bird. So it wouldn't be crazy to think that Shelob, a daughter of a Maia, could morph into a sexy goth bitch.

>>718059347
Do /tg/ faggots feel cultured and high-brow when they call something they don't like muh kitchen sink? Tolkien is bad now but MY super special OC setting where every character is a queer sentient amoeba is WAY better!!

>>718056103
Npcs really are desperate to insert romance into everything

>>718057489
A woman. A WOMAN!

>>718061129
Middle earth was obviously inspired by Zhongguo, aAragorn was actually an allegory of a Cantonese freedom fighter

>>718035573 (OP)
Kate Boginsale.

>>718061008
as if theres a difference

>>718061368
you are a pretender. you sicken me. you want the woman not the spider, otherwise you wouldve posted the spider first

>>718061602
Nah, Tolkien is great, and I get it, he was more interested in different things, like linguistics.

it's funny because in the movie the spider is retarded and even loses to a midget
in the game not only she's hot but she's somewhat smart, she can even speak good like we do

>>718062175
That's an insult to orcs.

>>718062292
In the books it's made pretty clear that both Sam and Frodo get help from Erú Illuvatar

> Even as Sam himself crouched, looking at her, seeing his death in her eyes, a thought came to him, as if some remote voice had spoken, and he fumbled in his breast with his left hand, and found what he sought: cold and hard and solid it seemed to his touch in a phantom world of horror, the Phial of Galadriel... ...And then his tongue was loosed and his voice cried in a language which he did not know:

>A Elbereth Gilthoniel
>o menel palan-diriel,
>le nallon sí di'nguruthos!
>A tiro nin, Fanuilos!

>And with that he staggered to his feet and was Samwise the hobbit, Hamfast's son, again. 'Now come, you filth!' he cried. 'You've hurt my master, you brute, and you'll pay for it. We're going on; but we'll settle with you first. Come on, and taste it again!'. As if his indomitable spirit had set its potency in motion, the glass blazed suddenly like a white torch in his hand. It flamed like a star that leaping from the firmament sears the dark air with intolerable light. No such terror out of heaven had ever burned in Shelob's face before. The beams of it entered into her wounded head and scored it with unbearable pain, and the dreadful infection of light spread from eye to eye. She fell back beating the air with her forelegs, her sight blasted by inner lightnings, her mind in agony. Then turning her maimed head away, she rolled aside and began to crawl, claw by claw, towards the opening in the dark cliff behind"

>>718059347
>kitchen sink
Huh?

>>718062457
dont you have one?

AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE SAVE ME BALROGS

>>718062457
It's when you mash up different, distinct time periods into one for your fantasy setting, essentially. So you have early medieval peoples living next to late medieval, or even later.
Most of fantasy is like that, sadly.

>>718063980
this is why summoners will always beat warriors.

>>718064054
>sadly
Why sadly? Its fantasy.

>>718064325
It's boring to me when almost all fantasy settings are the same - generic kitchen sink. I want a bronze age or iron age setting, but one where all technology is on that level (or lower with some stone age), but no plate armor.

>>718064325
Nobody seethes and despises fiction more than history autists. The idea of a setting where things don't work and play out exactly the same way as they do in the real world sends them into a frothing tantrum.

>>718064486
Kind of, I am history autist, yes, but I don't need 1 to 1 setting that matches history, for one, setting would have magic in it since it's fantasy, so right out of the bat different.
It's more of aesthetic choice, where I don't want late medieval setting (or anything afterwards).

>>718037621
Amnesia team used some of these for that arabic game

>>718035573 (OP)
Monolith devs were just based like that.

>Stoya's popularity distantly dropped after she fucked that one black dude
Zozzle

>>718065345
face dirt is my cryptonite

>>718063980
who is that nigga

>>718065769
those are moles my guy

>>718066108
I know. And I like them all over the body too. But it's funnier to call them face dirt.

>>718035573 (OP)
People complaining about this are retarded. Shape-shifting is literally the most common supernatural ability in the setting, both among creatures of good and evil.

It's the fact that they so shamelessly made her Stoya that is the most ridiculous. Maybe they could have sold it if they made their own character but they made Shelob literally just Stoya

>>718044762
>>718044485
HAGO SEXO

Spiders are icky

>>718056139
I have commented this previously but they should hire the guys that made the one ring RPG if they really want to create a Tolkien videogame. The tabletop game is probably the most faithful Tolkien adaptation of the last 20 years. Anyway I feel like a big problem is that everyone is still trying to adapt the third age, instead of going back to stuff like Númenor or Beleriand which has a very wide range of possibilities that aren't so restricted.

>>718059034
>>718059234
If anything the movies fail to show how"advanced" some cultures in Middle-earth are. Sauron and Dunedain should have cool shit since they have been crafting weapons and machines since the second age.

>>718035573 (OP)
They picked an attractive hag and the uglification technology didn't exist yet

>>718054791
>>718055198
They're gay. Tolkien had a gay homie from the war and wanted to tastefully depict the solitary lifestyle he enjoyed without being explicit about it. What is so hard to understand about that.

>>718062213
ok then post videos of you fucking 5 real spiders if you're so great

>>718069989
Aren't the Silmarillion rights tricky to get or something? Like how LotRO or the Games Workshop LotR game can't actually reference anything from it for example.

*breathes in*
LOOOOOOOOOORD OF ALLLLL NOLDOOOOOOOOR

I think many are forgetting that SoM / SoW were intentionally designed to be a bit more genfenad so they could be enjoyed by a wider audience that were not originally fans of LotR
caragors and graugs aren't even real creatures in the LotR universe, shelob obviously isn't a human woman and most of that which takes place in SoM / SoW never happened otherwise
but it also doesn't retcon anything, it just exists as its own thing that has LotR themes

>>718071696
DON'T FEAR THE EYES OF THE DAAAAAAARK LOOOOOORD
Morgoth, I cried, all hope is gone BUT I SWEAR REVENGE
HEAR MYYYYYYY OAAAAAATH

>>718066746
>Shape-shifting is literally the most common supernatural ability in the setting, both among creatures of good and evil.
Only Maiar get shape shifting, which Shelob isn't.

>>718072226
The problem people have is that it alters the perception of the setting, much like the movies did.

>>718070912
Christopher never sold them the Silmarilion rights after the shit they made with the movies.

>>718037621
>cobwebs are pubic hair
>no no cobwebs are her virgnity
Talk about reaching

>>718066091
Ungoliant asking Morgoth for the shiny rocks

>>718074007
Christopher didn't sell them the lotr/hobbit rights either, Tolkien himself did to provide for his children.

If it was up to Christopher no one would be able to touch his dad's work.

>>718048008
idk man seems pretty sexual to me

ANGLO SAXON MOMMY
MOMIEEEEE

https://youtu.be/Tlvrsra17iA

>>718076405
>dying in press dodge to win - the game

>>718076929
If you play in Gravewalker difficulty you disable it and is only available in on-line siege modes.

Anon, we need to seize the Palantir.

>>718077121
disable what?

why would a woman as gorgeous as Stoya do porn
god damn

>>718065345
>stokes
more like strokes my benis (i wish)
>>718065769
same
love me some beauty marks

>>718077996

In normal difficulty you have an option called “Last Chance”.
If you have zero HP you have a moment in the game like in the video where an orc is going slow motion and about to kill you, but unlike in the video where nothing appears, in normal difficulty a Quick Time Event appears. You press a button at the exact moment and you survive and maybe activate some perks depending on the gear you have equipped.

In Normal Difficulty you have two last chances.
In Nemesis Difficulty you get one.
In Gravewalker mode you don't have any.

The interesting thing with the game is that when you die you finish your turn like in a tabletop game and the uruks and ologs in the region have their own turns and missions they complete or fail, they can die and be replaced by other new uruks so when you die you rotate new creatures in the region you can recruit with new skills and aspects.

>>718051943
>Sam went across the world to defeat the great evil, just to finally muster the courage to ask his crush out, marry her and have a bunch of kids together
>"ACKSHULLY THEY WERE FAGS ALL ALONG"

GALADRIEL I LOVE SO MUCH
UUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>718072886
>Only Maiar get shape shifting
What about that bear guy from the Hobbit?

>>718051943
>>718051857
We need to go back.

>>718055820
>Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
kinda based tho

>>718071696
>>718072292

Next time I play Shadow of War I am going to be listening to Blind Guarding.

Thank you anon.

>>718078239
because women are retarded

>>718078891
Oh, I was more referecing the fact that you are virtually immortal as long as you keep spamming the parry/dodge button since it auto counters and moves and kills people for you.

>>718079572
it's just a single guy who is a very obvious copy paste from norse mythology that Tolkien used before his world was as developed as it became.

You shouldn't take the Hobbit as anything too serious regarding the rules of the world, since Tolkien himself went back and changed the text when he started working on LOTR.

>>718079762
Based

>>718035573 (OP)
why did they not put the model in the game files so we could make the spider do sex

>>718081137

The parry function exists to give one second breathing window to the player so he can think what is going to do next, fight or flight. The parry does not generate Might or Elven Wrath and the player also has unparryables like defenders of berserkers.

The most interesting thing about Shelob in the game is that she protects the canon against a meta force trying to alter the fate of Middle-Earth creating new apostatic timelines with the main objective of producing profit for their masters.

It is a very interesting character.

well stoya is sexy
if I could insert stoya into my game I would

>>718083870
If I could insert my game into Stoya, I would.

The other interesting character of course is old man Celebrimbor, who wants to change a fate clearly unfair for him in the canon, pushed by an unstoppable thirst for vengance, but he is blinded not by the pain of losing his family but sheer classic elven arrogance. It is interesting to note how time has diluted the memory of his family. He never lies about it, is not the main force behind his will to take control over middle-earth. He is so old that he is just absolutely desensitized.

He is a great characters greatly depicted in voice and form. He has the presence of a real elven King.

>>718058735
You kind of can't when faggots are allowed to run amok for all the same reasons you can't leave your doors unlocked when your country has millions of niggers in it.

Is it not well documented that Frodo and Sam's friendship is a reflection of the bonds forged on war?

Her DLC deserved better.