>>723464712
nta but I legitimately never understood by what people meant by a crush until I was 28.
had legitimately never felt that before that, had been attracted to and lusted after people prior, but never a crush. pretty much all of my relationships were just me hanging out with someone and then things advancing and me thinking they were attractive enough and that was about it.
she had a boyfriend, ended up cheating on him with me and after the crush faded I felt pretty disgusted with myself for knowingly encouraging someone to cheat, for having been fucking her because she was a loon, and was disgusted by her for cheating and for being such a crazy person. legitimately dodged a bullet, shes tried to get back into contact with me a few times but I want nothing to do with her. have legitimately no idea why I felt this way about her, what caused it, or anything, I don't/didn't even find her attractive or anything, just okay, but damn it came out of nowhere and it was such a strong emotion to feel for the first time.
a few years later I did have another, but the more I found out about her the worse it got and the experience from the last time helped me keep things at arms length, I don't think I should have fucked her, should have avoided her in the first place, but mb the next time it happens I will have the strength. was a legitimate goth bpdemon who I also found out was an escort/prostitute (it's legal here). she was a huge weedhead and had friends trying to encourage her into harder substances, legitimately a step away from ending up either coked out or a meth head, she gained and lost like 20kg while I was fucking her and I stopped her from pursuing harder drugs for a while but I haven't had contact with her so who knows whats happened. I at least understand why I felt this way, she was ridiculously hot, 19, and I was 30, the lust was at least reasonable.
