Is life really worth living

And if we're so valuable, why doesn't God just make it more clear to us?

Hell we don't even know for sure HOW God exists, because God loves hiding and instead filling our lives with busy bullshit and misery

Can't hang out with mu friends anymore since we're all so busy

My gf is feeling down on her future

BOTH my grandfathers died

Had to deal with an abortion last summer

Cost of living is increasing anywhere and everywhere

A couple of Greys on my beard even thoigh I'm turning 27

Tell me, why shouldn't I just say fuck it and dedicate my existence to finding the truth of God so I can escape this existence?

If we find out what God is we can leave humanity and all the pain it conceptually brings behind


I know I'm all over the place in my post but I know if someone did a spiritual reading on me they can find a couple of issues

I don't know what to do.


All I know is I just want to erase all this suffering from existence so we can experience pure glee

>>40563337 (OP)
>redditfag spacing
>doomerist millenial shit
>suicidal over nebulous nondescript "suffering"
i see in your future... a vial of estrogen and a pencil skirt and thighighs
not paranormal. go to one of the gnosis or any other megathreads instead.

>double spacing
>double double spacing
holy reddit my eyes

>>40563405
Imma be honest, even if you thought everything i typed was gay, I find gnosticism even gayer

>die, get recycled into le soul trap of suffering
>"god" is a retarded lion snake

I mean come on now, that's just Buddhism for doomers

>>40563416
I hope your eyes got burned from it haha

Here

Is

More

Spacing

For

You

>>40563337 (OP)
>Can't hang out with mu friends anymore since we're all so busy
That's not evil, you being busy is good unlike being unemployed and fated to be poor.
>My gf is feeling down on her future
her problem, probably self inflicted. Women love drama. At least you have a gf
>BOTH my grandfathers died
it's natural to die of old age
>Had to deal with an abortion last summer
if you provoked it then you're charging up bad karma
>Cost of living is increasing anywhere and everywhere
yes this sucks
>A couple of Greys on my beard even thoigh I'm turning 27
natural, specially if you're a lazy coomer fag

now get out of here with your reddit bullshit

>>40563518
I wasn't calling my friends evil.
I just find the circumstances evil (like how one friend of mine who got me into psychedelics and got me more into weed had to get a new and demanding security job since rite aid filed for bankruptcy, rite aid was his old store. It sucks too since his mom suffered a stroke, thankfully shes alive but i couldnt stop thinking about how strange it is that it happened soon after what happened to my granddad. He was there for me when my granddad passed, and i hope he knows im there for him in this situation with his mom. Yet another friend got laid off by some governement related tech company (hes vague) and had to go back to teaching to make ends meet. I work often, my gf works often, everyone's burned out)

>abortion
I didn't want the abortion, in fact the day she told me she went through with it that was the worst day of my life up to that point (ironically this is before what happened to both my grandfathers)
I still think about it, I don't mention it because I know its beyond taboo to talk about something like that, plus I've noticed the discourse these days seems to demonize even the fathers who feel emotional about the abortion, as though we're overly dramatic and controlling or something.

As for the greys, I do live with someone who smokes tobacco hut i step outside whenever they do it. Ever since last fall a different buddy of mine gave me a fuck ton of acid and I admit I have been using it more to cope with these life events, but it take vitamin b12. Just did a quick Google search and apparently vitamin b12 deficiency CAN contribute to grey hairs, and I do remember I wasn't going myself a lot of quality rest amidst all kf these life events
I was a coomer in my late teens and super early 20s but I imagine I would've had the grey hairs sooner if cooming causes premature greying

>>40563337 (OP)
>Can't hang out with mu friends anymore since we're all so busy
The horror
>My gf is feeling down on her future
Your tranny gf feels a little sad? RED ALERT ALL ANONS WE HAVE TO STOP THIS
>BOTH my grandfathers died
anon, some people never even get to meet their grandparents before they're born. if it were your parents, maybe we'd care more. grandparents are meant to die
>Had to deal with an abortion last summer
literally your own fuck up. contraceptives are easy, retard.
>Cost of living is increasing anywhere and everywhere
I'll give you this one
>A couple of Greys on my beard even thoigh I'm turning 27
shave
>Tell me, why shouldn't I just say fuck it and dedicate my existence to finding the truth of God so I can escape this existence?
No one is stopping you. And certainly no one on this board would discourage this.

>I don't know what to do.
Stop crying to strangers online.

If you add spacing to make posts easier to read, autists screech and call you a redditor.

If you don't add spacing, autists say it's too long and they're not going to read that shit.

You people are insufferable. Keep it up

I was in the presence of my true self beyond this reality on mushrooms once. I was crying and asked if all this (meaning living and experiencing physical reality) was really worth it all and they said yes. No pep talk or speech just "yes". For now I choose to believe them.

>>40564021
she's sowing her own suffering with that choice, and it would probably be a blessing in disguise if she cuts you off

>>40564039
my girlfriend had an abortion at 19 and I didn't want her to. The craziest thing is I remember being in high school roll playing having an abortion in my head one day in class and I feel I manifested it to a degree. I will live with this pain the rest of my life, as my child was killed, and I am sorry this happened to you. I find it hard to ever forgive myself for letting it happen even though it was not my choice. I pray for you. Only a monster would think this is some small trivial thing

>>40564116
We have an amazing relationship
She very much regrets her choice, she was pressured to by her step mother and stepsister

Ever since then she's been fucked up about it and sort of resents that it happened

>>40564138
I hear you, sorry you had to experience that loss too.

No one truly understands until (God forbid) it happens.
The day that she went through with it I remember feeling a feeling that I have never felt before

Similar to what you've experienced I'd imagine.
>>40564050
Im on two tabs of acid right now watching these nba finals after lifting, go figure

>>40564138
>I pray for you. Only a monster would think this is some small trivial thing
It's a small trivial thing to me because you are a literal stranger on the internet to me. People die everyday, anon and I'm not going to collapse in agony at this objective reality nor do I need your reverse psychology empathy. Grow the fuck up.

>>40564262
>Im on two tabs of acid right now watching these nba finals after lifting, go figure

weak tabs

>>40563337 (OP)
It's in the bible, but it ain't gonna read itself.

>>40564288
Or it could be me not putting a full two weeks in between doses and my tolerance is higher than I thought

It has only been 4 hours though, let's see

>>40563337 (OP)
Unironically just troon out anon. You need radical change to appreciate life again.

>>40564392
“And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.” (Romans 1:27)

“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” (Leviticus 20:13)

>>40563337 (OP)
I wish we could dance around in our painless world anon, to experience true freedom, happiness without all the hardships... Maybe one day we will... one day when the ship is steered to the port, we may get rid of all the anchors.. and leave it all behind... to reminisce and remember... what once was.

>>40564382
you really couldn't just wait 2 weeks anon?
why waste tabs for? stick to weed if you really need a vice that bad

I feel you, bro. I’m 27. I’ve been living in my parents’ houses until about a month ago. My mom died a year ago and so did my only grandparents over the past couple of years. I’m balding because I’ve had a man-bun since I was 19. I’m a virgin. I am crazy addicted to porn. I have no friends. My step-dad and step-brother became bad alcoholics after my mom died and I was still living with them for a year. They kicked me out because I stopped working with the inheritance money I’m getting (even though they were pieces of shit as well) but it’s only $1500 a month bc my mom didn’t want me to be stupid with the money. I’ve been living in my car for a month and now I’m in a Christian half-way house for Johnsons, junkies, and ex-cons because what’s left of my family is still looking out for me. It’s better than nothing. But I’m totally suicidal half the time. My post was too long so hold on…

>>40564880
I had a dream right before my mom died where I was in a thrift store and I found a bin of old coins. One really stood out to me. It had the “seed of life” sacred geometrical pattern in the background and a beautiful African woman, who kind of looked like an alien, in the foreground. Her afro was a mini seed of life pattern as well. The top of the coin said, “Fert Financier.” After ruminating over it, I realized she was the Mother Goddess. Divine darkness. Anything external from your individual consciousness - the body, the thoughts, the world - is all the vessel. The bullshit is designed to challenge you and catalyze your character. If you fuss and fight, it becomes toxic and deadly and the fight never ends. If you can shake it, get in the groove, and dance with her, she will give you ecstasy. Divine ecstasy. Not a cheap thrill. I can’t really tell you how it’s going to happen but if you sincerely pray to God, the Goddess, the All, Jesus, the One, and be patient aka don’t play games, maybe even threaten to off yourself if things don’t start looking up, (but be patient and pay attention!) opportunities will arise that will require the right amount of discipline that will build you up and prepare you to be able to handle what you really want and need out of life. She wants to make a man out of you. Keep going. You can get it! Funk gets stronger! Just a silly millimeter longer, funk gets stronger.
https://youtu.be/Sf46q3_x89g?si=VLih4Ltn5LmJ72cl

https://youtu.be/OT-DgodwdF4?si=m5VJXkFj-XuoCVPP

>>40564880
Better sob story than OP's at least.
Guys I don't want to keep berating all of you at your lowest but genuinely, your situation will not be get better talking to people online about it and festering in grief with strangers. Especially on 4chan.

Join a gym and find a career. I know it's the most generic, geriatric advice and the latter half is easier said than done. But that's all it really comes down to. Also find friends, being a virgin at 27 is seriously tragic and it probably means you need to take a serious look at yourself as an individual. This is the /x/ board so someone after me is going to suggest psychedelics and meditation, I wouldn't disagree with them but I would establish the other things first.

>>40563337 (OP)
Not for the moment

>I have friends
>I have a girlfriend
>I murdered my child and am afraid of growing old

Slow the fuck down there chronos

Humanity! No man survives! It's hell cause gods probably out of reach, what r U gonna do?

>>40563337 (OP)
Escaping and finding God is a lot harder than you realize. Your soul is very valuable but you aren't, sorry. Sounds like you have a normal life, I suggest that you just learn to appreciate it and forget about spirituality.

>>40563337 (OP)
Obviously absolutely no, just look at all this suffering and misery, its absolutely not worth it.

>>40563518
>wasting your time and energy on shit you couldn’t care less about to make make some greedy fuck rich is good
I will never understand workist ant mentality.

>>40563518
>you being busy is good
Good goy.

>>40563518
Karma is not real, its all demonic tricks.

>>40563337 (OP)
Learn about and understand the implications of the cybernetic principle, then fix the fundamental flaw in logic. After that you can talk about god, before that you're just a hairless ape yelling about wanting your mommy.

>>40564880
> I’m a virgin.
That least of your problems and fucking used up whore is really not worth it.

>>40564888
>“seed of life” sacred geometrical pattern
Aka hexagram, its one of symbols, of satan and there absolutely nothing divine about him, not anymore.

>>40567539
Anon...

>>40563337 (OP)
>And if we're so valuable, why doesn't God just make it more clear to us?
Because we're our own responsibility and our lives are small part of existence. Also, our value depends on us - the more valuable will find value in living well and the shits can as well off themselves if even they are unable to find or do anything of value.

>Tell me, why shouldn't I just say fuck it and dedicate my existence to finding the truth of God so I can escape this existence?
Do whatever you want but I'll tell you now, the trouble your listed is some spoiled, first world country bullshit. You lived well good enough you take it for granted and I bet that while you can imagine far more traumatic and harsh tragedies, you think of them as of abstract storylines.
If you'll look around there's still plenty of experiences, sights, tales in whatever medium, noble goals and deeds you can pursue to find value.

>>40563337 (OP)
Yes anon, I truly believe life is worth living.

Often when we hear of people with suicidal or destructive behaviours, it's not a physical death the person is craving - it's a spiritual or metaphorical death. It's a deep longing to change the physical or the character we are playing. That is to say, we no longer want to live the fractal we're inhabiting.

I've read a lot over the years of people who attempted suicide and survived (I have a particular interest in NDE's for spiritual reasons). One particular story that stayed with me was of a man who jumped off the golden gate bridge. His life was in a shambles, he had been expressing suicidal tendencies for years and finally built up the courage to end it all, but as soon as his feet let the ledge he described it as the first moment or pure clarity when he truly realised that it wasn't a physical death he wanted but a change to the way he was living. He wrote that "screamed" all the way down and broke both legs as he hit the water. However, so much so was his new found "will to live" that despite his broken legs he meraciously managed to swim to safety, fully clothed. Needless to say, he was one of the lucky ones to have survived.

The only reason I mention this is that within everyone is this same "will to live", as expressed above. I'm a firm believer that our life always reveals our true lifes calling. We are born into this existence as spiritual beings with amnesia, and our true purpose of this amnesia and (through a larger lens) this existence is purely to "learn". Live and learn. Thus, when we get stuck in life, particuarly in a place where we don't want to be, namely the fractals and desires of other people, we get depressed very easily. There isn't much learning in the state of monotony.

(1/2)

>>40563337 (OP)
>>40567724

That is to say, there is a reason why you are in the position you are in now. It is to examine all that you don't like about your life and seek change. The only thing that is likely holding you back is fear. It is natural to want to avoid pain but pain is an important part of the experience. It is the guide ropes. I think of it as the borders of the video game, or kind of like an electric fence. If we find ourselves in place of pain, it's a suggestion to move on.

I don't have all the answers for you but I will say it sounds like you are on the right path because you are asking questions. And it sounds like what you are seeking, per se, is a more profound spiritual exploration.

The guy I mentioned earlier from the golden gate bridge went on to work in suicide advocacy. Our life reveals our true lifes calling. I don't know much but whatever you're going through right now, will be important building block to you one day. The question you probably need to start answering is "Is being human really worth it?", I think once you break from your monotony, you'll very much find that it is.

Good luck anon, I'm rooting for you.

(2/2)

>>40564710
Its not a big deal, had a good trip last night

Don't worry about it

Ironically enough the weed makes it longer

>>40563337 (OP)
>Is being human really worth it
You are basically a play tester for the murder DLC in the 4th dimension

>>40568995
Sounds like something from Grant Morrison haha

Scary part is its kinda true

Truth be told the reason I'm so upset about this is the WAY that it happened.

My grandfather raised me, he stuck by my side when my father walked out of the house when I was 12, leaving me and my little bro.

He slipped on a a bathroom rug and hit his head in January.
Hut because of a car accident in 2001, it made tmhealing from that complicated.

Eventually we had to take him to get surgery to fix his neck and the nerves in his spine, and then rehab to have him regain his walking ability.

Everything seemed good in March when he was staying at the senior rehab center, but it turned out that the workers on the night shifts fucked up his care, he caught a massive bedsore thatgave him sepsis.

The rehab center was then forced to rush him back to the hospital because be was unresponsive.

Turns out the geniuses at the rehab center were supposed to administer antibiotics sooner, and the hospital stagg were shocked.

One of the doctors told me that the bedsore was large enough to fit your hand into, and when I saw it it looked like something out of those /b/ rekt threads

Im.not looking for sympathy with this, I only made this thread because of me pondering karma and all that shit, he didn't deserve to go out like that, even if he was 76.

He was ironically the first person I told when I got my gf pregnant.
My grandfather was like my best friend, woth a vibe of Mr Rogers, warm and friendly to everyone on our block.

I pray none of this happens to your loved ones, you can call my story a sob story or whatever but I'm still pissed at fate that his life was mishandled by moody ass lazy ass "nurses".

If you're not going to deliver care why bother working in this field?

I admit deep.down I have so much resentment for those fucks

>>40563337 (OP)
It's what we deserve because 6000 years ago two people ate a fruit they weren't supposed to!!!

>>40563337 (OP)
>why doesn't God just make it more clear to us?

>>40570949
“The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.” (Deuteronomy 24:16)

It's not a matter of "deserving", it's a matter of cause and effect. If you drink during pregnancy, you get a FAS kid, and this is no different:

“Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” (Romans 5:12)

>>40570519

All of your feelings are valid, anon. I'm not going to pretend I understand what it was like to have gone through.

To address the idea of Karma - Karma isn't "purely" a transactional concept. It's a resonance. I think of it as the grass is greener where you've watered it. So doing good things makes your own personal world a better place. It's not as if the whole universe bends to your will because you've lived a good and moral life. (Having said that, the more pure and in-alignment you live, the more we cultivate an inner-confidence and higher frequency that does outwardly effect others around us. That is to say, honest people hold no fear and live healthier lives.)

So, if I'm to speak to your grandfathers "Karma", I'd say in the way that you feel so strongly about what happened to him speaks volume more about his Karma than what actually happened to him - that's an important distinction i think you need to make. That fact that you're willing to stand and defend him after the fact is his karma. His effect on you and your life will be generational, and what a incredible legacy that is to leave.

We cant' control the world or what happens to us. Good people unfortunately die everyday, and yes it's true that the world is full of inefficiency, incompetence and stupidity - that will never change. The reason for this, is not that humans should be despised, it's just that none of us truly know what is going on, and we're trying to find our way in the metaphorical darkness.

Yes, we should all move with love in everything we make or do (and bring our light to the dark), however, the world we live in, is just not built this way. It is built on survival. People who are just trying to survive are living a very internal experience. It's living in subconscious fear.

(1/2)

>>40563337 (OP)
If you're taking flak it means you're over the target.
You're gonna escape this shit, bro. The shadow souls know they're doomed and will do anything to keep you from seeing it.

>>40570519
The Nurses are working those jobs so they can survive. Not because they love their work - I'd be surprised if their were more than handful of nurses that loved their job on each ward - thus their negligence isn't personal. They need the money to survive. Probably overworked, underappreciated and stuck. Unfortunately this lends itself to negligence.

I don't expect you to see what I'm saying right now, I'd ask you keep exploring these ideas internally.

(2/2)

>ITS HAPPENING GET READY
>THE WORLD IS ENDING
>it was in fact not happening,go back to work and growing old and alone
I resent this place just as much as the real world at this point,at least the real world doesn't give me hope