Thread 40739160

For at least a year now I've felt like an NPC. I'm still conscious and thinking, but it just feels like I'm floating in a dream like state. I don't feel anything deeper anymore, when I look at the beautiful sunset, or a the full moon or meditate to beautiful and good things, it's like I'm staring at a blank wall. Previously I would feel euphoric over things like this, but not anymore.
What did I do to cause this?

>>40739160 (OP)
did you do fucked up things

>>40739294
Not around the moment it happened. Now that I think about it, the summer I noticed this was the same summer I tried LSD for the first time, but from what I read, it should not make you feel like this, at least not for so long

>>40739160 (OP)
You're being attacked by the machine.
They know you know. They only do this because they don't want you figuring their game out. This world is not a good place.

>>40739326
Dissociation probably. Depression probably as well.
Well those are clinical terms.
You are turning into a vagrant because of your nihilism and apathy and are at risk of losing yourself to the Void (sort of, you aren't really truly ever lost while alive I think) but you are kind of slowly sinking into thick black ooze and becoming it and getting pulled in slowly and as this happens, things tend to become dull, you become blinded, your heart is darkened, etc. Like you are living your life in a sludge, because you kind of are.
You need to spark that Light in you by way of some sort of activity be it spiritual, mental, physical (all of the above). Then you just have to learn to wield the fiery Godhand that is your higher-self/soul (as I see it.) That Light molds reality. Shadows run from the Light.

>>40739160 (OP)
Your being gangstalked by mental health

>>40739477
Oh also the Void is just the lack of God made manifest to act as the fertile potential of reality. Where God is Fire, this is Water to speak in an analogy. The Nothing is Everything, just unexpressed. The empty page waiting for the Word.
This is a dance, not a war.

>>40739444

>444

>4 is death, 3 4s is total death(death if body, soul, and spirit)

Zamn. But yeah, this place is a dreammatrix, hence the dreamy feeling. It is also demonic.

>>40739489
>>40739500
Hey look, 00. A reset. We're good!

>>40739444
>Reading off of OPs message
You're a diseased, stupid, fucking bitch. Tell me how that coat of paint to the truth of the situation helps anything. Stop acting like you no better than anyone else who can look at the facts.

>>40739514

>You're a diseased, stupid, fucking bitch

Why are you dissing yourself demon? Eff off, they are at least mostly right.

>>40739477
>>40739484
NTA but I'm also experiencing something similar and I believe I'm demonically oppressed or at least that I'm regularly attacked by the forces of Darkness. Is there a way to heal from this and find the light?

>>40739579
https://pastebin.com/HXZstGgm

I had AI write that awhile ago it will help give some context into what I mean when I say:
>Is there a way to heal from this and find the light?
You have to set your belief, actively, toward God, learn to mold the Void, learn to use both hands and start enjoying life again. Avoid going too far to the other end else you burn out in whatever form that would take.
A dance.

>>40739597
Oh also demons to me are just personified masks of the Void. Shadows. They only get as much power as you give them. A vampire has to be let in.
A lot of "knowledge" in the esoteric realm is meant to instill fear in your mind to cloud your Light.

>>40739160 (OP)
People have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams.

Nobody cares about anything anymore.
Nobody wants to get together anymore.
Nobody does anything without getting paid anymore.
Nobody wants to do anything anymore.

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

>>40739597
Thank you so much Anon, I will check it out!

Surveillance capitalism, it's automating the individual.

>>40739673
You're welcome. It's not perfect or anything but I think it does a pretty good job of setting the overall stage of life, so to speak. As I see it at least.

>>40739514
Go pray to your cube.

>>40739514
>>40739500
Poop worship is disgraceful and disgusting. But ok.

>>40739160 (OP)
firmware update - omega timeline got patched to include weirds
>>40739326
oh nvm - this has happened to a number of friends of mine. first of all, "LSD" isn't lsd anymore, tabs are chemical analogs, designer drugs with weird after effects basically. even if they tell you it's 'pure' it's something completely different and you should prepare yourself accordingly.
second, "should not make you feel like this" will always be your worst enemy regarding hallucinogens. people who believe this are functionally retarded, and usually take themselves out eventually. know thyself and read erowid before doing shit that will fuck you up - luckily, with some focus on mental health, you'll be fine. it's manageable, mostly temporary, and fixed with therapy and/or meditation. also read dabrowski and stop doing stuff you can't handle you dummy

>>40740887
Well it was a stupid idea, I had done some shrooms before which I didn't get any negative effect from so I thought LSD would be the same, my friends told me it's fine. I took 1 tab and my friends usually take like 2 so thought I'd be safe, didn't know my brain was gonna do this.
>it's manageable, mostly temporary, and fixed with therapy and/or meditation
Any particular mediation on this you can recommend? If I get therapy, what do I even tell them?

>>40739160 (OP)
Imagine the smell

>>40739160 (OP)
Feel this

>>40739160 (OP)
>>40739579
>>40739648
>>40740887
Hi, everyone! Sorry for the mass replies, just wanna help out if I can, thanks for understanding!

Anyways, sounds like severe depression to me, Anon. That's okay, this is treatable and reversible so you can go back to your normal self, okay? First things first, I recommend you get plenty of daily Sunlight everyday, it's important to do this because Sunlight gives you more than just vitamin D, it also gives you important neurochemicals like Dopamine and Serotonin which is vital for treating and reversing depression and other mental disorders as well.

Secondly, make sure you're getting your adequate nutrients from food. For all you know, you could be deficient in vitamins and minerals and that's why you feel mentally unwell. So please eat nutritious food, like leafy greens and carrots and seafood!

Thirdly, please seek medical professional help for your depression. They will help you figure out any other causes of depression with blood tests and stuff like that, and you can also take antidepressants to help treat your depression in the short term until you're able to get back up on your feet again. Anyways, I wish you and everyone else good luck, please take care, and Godspeed everyone! Thanks! And peace out!

See you in september...

>>40739500
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vawWxFna09s

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739160 (OP)

>>40748501
just an idea

>>40739160 (OP)
>Why do I not "feel" anything anymore?

fix your dopamine response system.
sober the fuck up.

>>40739160 (OP)
maybe it is a sign you are ready for bigger things? I remember the age I was too old for my toys, one day they just did not entertain. Perhaps it is the same for you and what you previously considered to be good things? You are a growing being, after all.

>>40739160 (OP)
I realized I've done this all an infinite number of times and now it all just feels pointless. I think sapience is basically just a curse.

>>40748582
I'm not vaxxed

>>40749067
You drink water, you eat food...the nano-stuff can be in everything.
>>40748939

>>40739477
Ok this is a bit weird but last night a had a dream related to what you had told me. I had lots of dreams but this one in particular was more vivid and occurred just before I woke up
>be in our workshop with my brother
>keep talking about some evil gypsy woman and that collects magical amulets
>says the workshop is haunted because of some evil objects
>go in for dinner with another family, don't know who they are but I know them apparently
>there is an evil spirit in the attic related to what my brother talked about
>it's a creepy scary situation but I'm not really feeling scared
>the evil spirit come down while we are at the dinner table and flies towards me
>it's a woman with black hair
>I grab a bread knife from the table and stab her through the mouth
>pin her down while I choke her and try to get the rest of the family to help
>they are useless and I have to tie a noose myself that I put around the demon
>I wrestle her and choke her out with the noose and my hands, lots of blood
>I feel angry but good, it's very cathartic
>once it's done I celebrate with family, smoke cigars
>look out the window and see an old lady with white hair swimming really fast across the ocean
>bother tells me we have to go up to attic because there an old moldy book there we need to burn
>it's still haunted
>grab a cross and some other stuff and start going up
>wake up
I also saw a bunch of other stuff, like tribal people with weird marking doing weird ritualistic things, at one point I was in a place that looked like an old Indian city

>>40739160 (OP)
Vaxx status?

>>40749248
none

>>40739160 (OP)
U a Christian?

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40750173
Why don't you post these in the /ng/ threads?

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739477
Good advice

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739160 (OP)
same desu. i think i'm depressed

>>40739477
>develop severe anxiety attacks on top of lifelong depression
>have horrific nightmare year until I started praying to god and jesus and watching vtubers
>the frayed edges of my screaming psyche chill out and line back up

Still depressed but it's mostly just apathy now. Doctors wanted to put me on crazy pills for it but I think I took care of most of the anxiety attack issues, hasn't been a problem for a year or so.

Now though I've become Christian again and I'm more spiritual than ever so I have this whole other world I've been pretty into. I still don't know jack about anything but I'm back to being open to the bizarre nature of the universe.

Atheism was the worst mistake of my life.

>>40739160 (OP)
Op post vax status

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS-_SIMVCHs

A man is only 1/4 of a being because the whole being was stripped from the Pleroma and fashioned in flesh making 1/2 a whole being and then split into male/female making two 1/4 beings.

>>40739160 (OP)
Been there, reduce screen time and media consumption, try making art without background noise or just taking a walk. Just incorporating more silence into your life and not per se as meditation but just letting your mind wander without distraction. That helped me tremendously while I was depersonalized for years. Effective self reflection and journaling helps too.

>>40748586
Fuck this guy, horrible shit advice.

When I was in a heavy dissociative part of my life I actually wrote a poem on the occasion where I could feel myself and your choice of words and imagery pretty much perfectly coincide. Feels pretty comforting knowing that my thoughts, feelings and impressions from back then overlap with those of others in similar situations.

>>40754932
This has already been answered twice

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739160 (OP)
Nice

Have you been fornicating with vaccinated people?

Stop thinking with your genitals and you will be able to project your magnetism from consciousness again.

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40740468
Sex is gross better banish it.
>Oy vey why is our population not hitting replacement levels?
>Oy vey why are the house jews sniffing around our depopulation efforts to sterilize reality?
It must be exhausting to be you assholes.

>>40749114
sounds fun you should of been nicer

>>40749114
Oh interesting. I'm not a dream reader or anything but I kind of know how people think so maybe I can throw some ideas out here:
>be in our workshop with my brother
I assume this is a sort of sacred space in your mind? You and your brother probably get along, maybe have good memories of using said workshop in the past together as well?
>keep talking about some evil gypsy woman and that collects magical amulets
>says the workshop is haunted because of some evil objects
Sounds like a subconscious aspect of your fear of the unknown/magic/void, etc.
>go in for dinner with another family, don't know who they are but I know them apparently
I'm not sure what to make of this honestly.
>there is an evil spirit in the attic related to what my brother talked about
>it's a creepy scary situation but I'm not really feeling scared
>the evil spirit come down while we are at the dinner table and flies towards me
The dreamlike manifestation of that previously mentioned fear I think.
>it's a woman with black hair
TV conditioning your subconscious likely.
>I grab a bread knife from the table and stab her through the mouth
>pin her down while I choke her and try to get the rest of the family to help
>they are useless and I have to tie a noose myself that I put around the demon
>I wrestle her and choke her out with the noose and my hands, lots of blood
Perhaps to symbolize only you were "seeing the monster" and the blood symbolizing your descent into that very energy.
>I feel angry but good, it's very cathartic
You feel the voidlike release of the action. All that held tension, gone in a moment of complete destruction and bloodshed.
>once it's done I celebrate with family, smoke cigars
You feel proud of it, which perhaps you should be in a way because it kind of marks your first foray "into the underworld" that is your subconscious shadow.
>look out the window and see an old lady with white hair swimming really fast across the ocean
As for lady white, she persists.

>>40749114
>>40765044
Also this. Imagine what grabbing her arm and dancing would do instead of stabbing and choking her.
Dance not fight. You just have to lead.

>>40754920
I'm of the opinion that going back to Christianity (as an institution) would just send you on a wild pendulum like path between two extremes for many years or would cause you to try to stand still on the dance floor. Temper the Fire with the Water, use the Fire to make the encroaching Water recede. Don't drown, don't burn.
Jesus Christ spoke the truth though.

>>40739160 (OP)
>>40739160 (OP)
sounds like a classic case of dopamine burnout. get the fuck off social media, including 4chan. go outside. interact with people.

>>40739160 (OP)
Nice

>>40739160 (OP)
>chronic vitamin/nutritional deficiencies
>chronic porn/ai-slop generation and consumption
Stop your hedonism, faggot. If you goon to AI imagery every day then wonder why the fuck a cup of coffee feels like nothing it's your own fault.

>>40739160 (OP)
you could be infected with a mind virus (from the vaxx)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibz-gPkTMDM

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

I'm anhedonic and apathetic. But I'm diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. My emotions are non existent. But for the first time in years I cried yesterday. I cry for the broken little hurt child inside. Fukn can't sleep for more than 3 hours now. There's nothing tethering me to reality.

>>40739160 (OP)
Sounds like ego death which is a false sense of self/identity. Congrats anon.

>>40739160 (OP)
Explained here:
https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

>>40739326
You’re going to hell dude

>>40739160 (OP)
mayb wear a cozy sweater and watch Star Trek Enterprise.

>>40739160 (OP)
https://youtu.be/HAGrKysDX5c

>>40739160 (OP)
Yea

>>40739160 (OP)
Yea

>>40739160 (OP)
Sounds like clinical depression, not everything has a paranormal explanation.

>>40775368
Everything is paranormal in reality...unless you're afraid of it.

>>40739160 (OP)
Yes

>>40739160 (OP)
This is why:

https://youtu.be/kVaolNKt2zw
https://youtu.be/1d925iMSuLY

>>40739160 (OP)
You might have a mild case of depersonalization or derealization. Odds are it'll pass eventually as your body and mind return to their norm.
If it makes you feel better, I've had a similar condition for close to 10 years now. You get used to it.

>>40739326
It's not just drugs that fuck up your dopamine. It's honestly why everyone is depressed. You've over stimulated yourself your entire young life. There is never a moment you're not trying to be online or using your phone or gaming device. You all have fucked your natural dopamine levels to a point where nothing satisfies anymore.

This is the jumping off point for most degenerative behaviors. Don't go down that path. Detox and rehab yourself. You've made yourself sick, ironically, just like a drug addict

>>40739160 (OP)
Good

>>40749114
it means youre winning the fight of evil in your lifestyle/habits/life/household but some will remain out there and risk coming back, and there is yet more to win over to finish the job in your own life.

>>40739160 (OP)
POST SCAT ON VARIOUS BOARDS and make jannies lives a living hell.

Bump