I feel calcified
When I was a teenager, I witnessed paranormal phenomena, ghosts and so on. Until a few years ago, I regularly had synchronicities, my sigil spells worked from time to time and I felt a presence in my prayers. But since then I've grown older and I feel as if I've totally calcified and solidified. My view of the world is eaten away by scepticism and materialism, and my prayers ring hollow, like empty theatrical formulas. I feel depressed and lethargic. One morning I thought I saw larvae clinging to me. I'm depressed, I can't meditate any more, my spells don't work, I dont have synchronicities anymore, I can't feel the divine, I can't charge a sigil, I feel totally cut off from the source, I'm brooding, I'm feeling empty, tired and aimless. Some people say that this solidification at least has the merit of protecting me from infernal influences, but in the meantime I can't feel anything, not even positive influences. I feel anaesthetised, numb, calcified. My 3rd eye is the only thing I can still feel if I concentrate, my last link with the supramundane. Every day, I go to my shitty job, I take the bus, I come home and I lie on the sofa, totally cut off from any transcendence, any meaning, any sensation, any blessing. I pray for help, I try to invoke, and nothing works, I've run out of fuel.
What can I do about it? Seriously I feel like I'm becoming a stone, a living dead, a hylic.
What can I do about it? Seriously I feel like I'm becoming a stone, a living dead, a hylic.
