Thread 41029420

I'm physically "weak" (not to say that I don't train, I run half marathons , I do lift and basically maxed my strength at my current weight) but I am small and because my mother was raised in a culture where you malnourish your daughters in favor of the sons - she passed on her scrawny skinny twig build and metabolism to me - I can't gain weight for shit and I've tried to bulk , I really have.

Plus I'm short , no noble heritage , no particular intelligence or anything (not a numb nut idiot either, I read A TON) , all I have is a little creativity , otherwise crippled with adhd , antisocial personality, etc.

Despite all this , I'm fundamentally very kind even though deep down inside I'm incredibly depressed and feel like I should kms. I have friends but they never reeeally ask about me , they just want someone to brag about their stuff too. They aren't mean to me - but whenever I've tried to talk about myself I get the "yeah yeah thats nice" etc.

>>41029420 (OP)
>Despite all this , I'm fundamentally very kind even though deep down inside I'm incredibly depressed and feel like I should kms.
Then you aren't kind. You're "nice", but kindness extends to yourself.
>I have friends but they never reeeally ask about me , they just want someone to brag about their stuff too.
This is teenager mentality. You are expecting them to ask about you. That's not their job and will only foster resentment towards them. You should want to ask about the because you find them interesting. If not, then you're just keeping them around because you want them to listen to you because you feel they owe you because you did that for them.
>They aren't mean to me - but whenever I've tried to talk about myself I get the "yeah yeah thats nice" etc.
If this part is true, you can't get what you want from them. Make new friends, or make a game of it.

>>41029420 (OP)
Yes there is value in your Mind and Soul
Thoth will give you the power of writing (not reading) you just have to believe in all the things you can do with creation

Recite this:
I am Thoth, the perfect scribe, whose hands are pure. I am the Lord of purity, the destroyer of evil, the scribe of right and truth, and that which I abominate is sin
Behold me, for I am the writing reed of the god Neb-er-tcher, the lord of laws, who giveth forth the word of wisdom and understanding, and whose speech hath dominion over the double land. I am Thoth the lord of light and truth, who maketh the feeble one to gain victory, and who avengeth the wretched and the oppressed on him that wrongeth him
I have scattered the darkness!
I have driven away the storm, and I have brought the wind to Un-Nefer, the beautiful breeze of the north wind, even as it came forth from the womb of his mother.
I have caused him to enter the hidden abode, and he shall vivify the soul of the Still-Heart, Un-Nefer, the son of Nuit, Horus triumphant!

>>41029420 (OP)
>she passed on her scrawny skinny twig build and metabolism to me - I can't gain weight for shit and I've tried to bulk , I really have.
What is your heritage and what is your diet?
>Plus I'm short , no noble heritage , no particular intelligence or anything
Then you're free because you have no legacy to uphold.
>(not a numb nut idiot either, I read A TON) ,
The ability to read doesn't make you intelligent
>all I have is a little creativity ,
Prove it
>otherwise crippled with adhd , antisocial personality, etc.
Excuses

>>41029420 (OP)
Is there any value in people like me? Am I gaining anything karmically by being like this? Or is the whole meekness thing just a cope I've been telling myself to swallow the pain?

Girls call me fag just cause of how weak/small I am. Despite this I never do anything back cause frankly the juice just isn't worth the squeeze. I know this by now. It makes me despise women but I'll never not help one or something if it came too it.

And please no jesus loves me business. This is not about evangelization , this is about those who've seen what the universe is about on a deeper level - hit me with the cold water.

I feel like the line "a hero dies once , a coward dies 1000x times" or something but then I think if I actually a materially success , would I have ever pursued the /x/ path ? So a part of me wants to think , I should just forgo society and just become the wizard

Or is that also a lie I tell myself cause to be a wizard , you need to be adept at the material world as well? It seems like every spiritual hero of old in the past was a "chad" for lack of a better word. None of them seemed to start on first base but rather always on third.

>>41029442
> What is your heritage and what is your diet?
I am half asian (mothers side) half white, i eat rice for most of my meals

>>41029446
Look into the heros journey.

>>41029453
Well there's part of your problem.
White people are the middle ground of races, while Asians have a higher body fat percentage at lower body weights. It's actually so extreme that some doctors recommend warning Asians about things like weight related diseases at lower BMIs. Look it up or ask /fit/ if you don't believe me.
Your best bet is to shoot for keeping your BMI low and prioritizing protein intake. You won't be able to bulk like your white parent, but you also are unlikely to take after your mom completely, metabolically, either.

>>41029442
Actual OP here

> What is your heritage and what is your diet?
kashmiri/paki - i know i know , worst of all worlds , typical omnivore but with more seasoning I suppose , not lots of meat by western standards

> Then you're free because you have no legacy to uphold.

Free to do what though?

> The ability to read doesn't make you intelligent
What I meant by that was I'm not someone whose deep into social media or "BRO" this or "BRO" that worried about pussy , sporting events, cars , etc -- I'm more about philosophy, how the world works, etc etc

You've been fitted with a depressive system, apparently this is a thing and is sometimes attributed to gangstalking and the government: although sometimes/most of the time it's God moving people into your wheelhouse to mold you. Sometimes, as I've been made to know through the Holy Spirit is that people get hurt or trapped to prevent them from growing in one way and then growing in another. Keep going, and be decent to yourselves and others while worshipping Christ.

>>41029438

Thank you for this , this is what I'm actually looking for , practices and actual mindsets I should be rocking in order to play to my strength than always being on the back foot

>>41029446
>Is there any value in people like me?
There's no inherent value in anyone. Only value in yourself and the relationships you care about.
>Or is the whole meekness thing just a cope I've been telling myself to swallow the pain?
It's cope.
>Girls call me fag just cause of how weak/small I am. Despite this I never do anything back cause frankly the juice just isn't worth the squeeze.
Women aren't a prize or reward for certain behavior. Don't lift for women. Don't learn or improve yourself for women. Do it for yourself.

>>41029473
>kashmiri/paki - i know i know , worst of all worlds , typical omnivore but with more seasoning I suppose , not lots of meat by western standards
You have it even worse. Southeast Asians have the highest body fat percentage at lower BMIs among even the Asians. You're hat higher risk of diabetes and heart disease because of it.

>>41029498

I work out A LOT , I don't eat junk , if there's anything I've achieved , its some discipline in this area. It's a problem for my parents but I think I have a lid on it.

>>41029473
>Free to do what though?
Whatever the fuck you feel like. I could give you ideas but I'm not a guru. I'm just an oldfag who's made a lot of mistakes and I'd rather they not go to waste so I hope other people can learn from them.
>What I meant by that was I'm not someone whose deep into social media or "BRO" this or "BRO" that worried about pussy , sporting events, cars , etc -- I'm more about philosophy, how the world works, etc etc
This is typical chuuni behavior and it's cope. You're looking down on the "Bro" guys because you have to believe you are in some way superior to them, that their behavior is indicative of some moral failing. It's not.

>>41029517
Stay low fat, eat an ancestral diet, and watch your testosterone. Low testosterone is a silent killer.

>>41029446
>if I actually a materially success , would I have ever pursued the /x/ path ?
>is the whole meekness thing just a cope I've been telling myself to swallow the pain?
I have been wondering about this myself. Am I going on this journey because I lost at the material-game and I'm simply looking for another game to play? Then it is simply driven by ego.
I think that being adept at the material world does not mean you are attached to the material world. You can acquire material wealth while being on the path to becoming a Wizard or a Brahmachari or a Saint. The question is - what will you do once you 'become adept at the material world'? Will you forgo your path and chase worldly pleasures you've been "deprived" of, or use it for good?
Getting rid of the feeling of being "deprived" of material goods or pleasures should probably be the main goal. To realize that nothing in this world will bring true peace or happiness.
But then again, is it just blackpilled incel cope?
Only one way to find out, if you ask me. Chase material wealth without being attached, while also going down the Wizard path. If you stumble upon wealth, here's you ultimate test. The last temptation.
This is what I'm doing.

>>41029564
The very rich and the very poor both seem to end up here, or on other paths to the esoteric. Something human drives us.

>>41029420 (OP)
Spiritually you go a lot further back than just this life.

May maat bring balance to us all

>>41029564

very based take and yeah it touches on the heart of what I'm really asking , thank you anon

You're female your worth is to be able to have kids.

>>41029420 (OP)
Yes, you do have a lot of value.
And please don't kill yourself, kind friend.

>>41031197
>You're female your worth is to be able to have kids.

im not a woman though which is what pisses me off the most , my build is essentially a womans build - but nope , I like women so why would women ever feel "safe" or "small" with me

can anyone give me examples of "ordinary/plain" wizards / saints / holy people that weren't born on third base ? That were beaten / downtrodden by society but still served "God" / the higher powers at work and ascended?

>>41031414
Why don't you just invest in some weights or gym equipment and work on yourself for a bit? Maybe watch some Baki instead of one piece and get into boxing or MMA

Came back to see if this thread was still going.
>>41031414
You don't need to be big. You need to not be fat and not be weak. You are weak right now. >>41031486 is right.
As an example from my own life. I used to cope by saying "I may not be strong, but I have a strong will!" until one day I realized if I really DID have a strong will, that I would be able to use it to control myself into becoming physically strong.

>>41031453
Do you want examples, or do you want recognized names? Do you want real spiritual growth, or do you want to be seen as spiritual?

>>41033373
>Do you want examples, or do you want recognized names

I want to study them and their lives. It's just learning bro , not that complicated.

>>41033368
ok so change the self talk , got it

>>41034390
>I want to study them and their lives. It's just learning bro , not that complicated.
It's actually very complicated.
Look at the Buddhas, for example.
Everyone knows Siddhartha Gautama, but what about the others?