>>41090344
Checked
I used to lucid dream as a child, including one weird dream where some people came into my dream and attacked me, bur I fended them off. After that dream I have hardly ever remembered my dreams, and now Im 35. I also used to sleep walk and talk, or wake up and have the dream overlap with the waking world. Now I will vaguely remember maybe 1 dream every 6 months and it will usually be something violent or like something someone else came up with meant to shock and disturb me, but it never does and ǰust makes me feel weirdly good like after a good movie or some kind of relief.
The "real world" constantly fluctuates in how real it seems to me, usually not real at all, and then sometimes waaay too real which causes me panic attacks. I've had times where I seemed to enter Silent Hill type of situations. I've also had multiple near-death experiences where time got really funky and things turned out differently than I remember. For instance I recall being hit by an SUV, but the moment it hit me, suddenly I was jumping out of the way again and made it (the driver thought he ran me over, too, and gave me his case of beer as an apology).
Overall, I've found I can't seem to make any meaningful positive changes in my life, but some force keeps things from getting too bad, including by sending me money. For instance I haven't had a job in almost 5 years, and when I ran out of food one time, I was suddenly summoned for jury duty and they paid me for showing up. This reminds me of the SCP Foundation, tbhonest (picrel)
I wish I could somehow leave this reality, but it doesn't seem to be any use and pulling myself in and making things seem real is kind of painful. If the trick is to make things seem fake, then I should have been successful by now, I think. That's my default state.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.