The small and mighty board of /xs/ has its own Football squad that competes in an inter-board digital tournament. No players, just computer on computer violence. It's a chance to show the bigger boards that even if /xs/ is slow, our incredibly niche extreme hobbies are cooler than their gacha slop.

After a stale roster for a few years, there's some proposed roster updates. If you want your flavor of autism represented, or what the fuck I'm on about, yell at me in a reply. Or approval if you want a player to stay on the roster.

Proposed Roster:

Punished Hakuho
Aggressive Inline
Brain Damage
Suspension Autism
Collagen Shills
Kimbo Slice
The Earth Rocker Returns (Silver)
Esoteric Nuidist Rapierist (Silver)
He Burned My Patch (Silver)
The Ultimate Martial Art (Gold)
Tony Hawk's Existential Nightmare (Gold)

The "Professor"
/k/ But for Felons
Looking for a new Sport in my 30's
Too Broke for this Shit
Boxing/Muay Thai + BJJ
Street Fight Tactics
>Anime Imitation
Skiing and riding have Fallen
Best Martial Art to Beat Up My Step Dad?
Other SUMO rep for someone to tell me to put in here
Zorb and Soaping General
REAL Wrestling

And remember, you don't have to be a musician to be an Earth Rocker.

And here's the current roster for the team. Most of the players from this roster would be replaced by the ones on the new roster, with some name changes.

Hakuho
Aggressive Inline
Tendonitis
But I'm Worried About Brain Damage
RIGGED
/k/ But For Felons
Earth Rocker
Esoteric Nudist Rapieriest
Pipebomb
He Burned My Patch
Tony Hawk's Existential Nightmare Captain

411 #16 (1996)
Is 14 Too Old To Skate?
Skate Maid
>Braille
Fuck Vail
Is ___ An Extreme Sport?
A Bicycle Worth More Than Your Car
Green Boots
Hot Sexy Girl Climbing Mountain
McDojo
Zorb General
NO WRASSLIN'

>>227015
rest in piss pipebomb

>>227022
Yeah, Pipebomb was an old /asp/ meme, never really saw the light of day here as a fighting strategy. /xs/ has come up with better fighting styles since then...

>>227014 (OP)
After last cup's performance I think it's clear that Hakuho needs to go kyujo for at least a couple of cups. Issue is, the new Yokozuna sucks, so unless you want a player named something like "Kinboshi dispensing machine", which doesn't bode well for a keeper, so if you wanna keep it for another cup it's fine by me, personally I'd suggest Ura as the replacement since he's known for bullshit and would be able to do bullshit saves. As the 2nd Sumo rep I'd say Bikeposting, it's by far the best original content that isn't from the /sp/ threads

>>227014 (OP)
I back this anons proposal >>227246
It's relevant and funny

How do I ollie?

>>227091
>unless you want a player named something like "Kinboshi dispensing machine"
It's "Kinboshi printer" thank you very much

>>227014 (OP)
Put Takayasu on the team. He can't win cups in sumo, but maybe football is his sport.

>>227248
I agree but replace Abi with Z-ACK and use this as the portrait.

>>227394
I don't think PES can accurately represent this 4 breasted beast on all it's glory

can we bring back Bruce Lee? He was my favorite player on /asp/

>>227091
So bikeposting has a static model; you’ll see this on the pitch but right now the legs aren’t rigged up to move so he’ll just scoot around.

I’ll figure out who the next keeper is, but the model likely won’t see a change much outside of the outfit, name, and portrait.

>>227627
Personally i'm fine with keeping Hakuho for a while, since he's the goat for this century at minimum. I fear switching around every few months gonna be a pain, unless onosato somehow rises to the occasion

>>227627
That's a proper bike, now /xs/ is sure to score more wins than losses this cup

>>227630
Yeah, Hakuho was a huge deal, it's okay to keep him for a while more

So, when's the next cup anyways?

>>227721
Qualifiers begin on the 18th, the cup itself begins May 2nd. Match day updates will be in this thread as to not clog the board.

pretty based performance today

Glorious performance from the team, clearly thanks to the bike model they choose

We got a match today, 4-5 pm east depending on SOU handling and general autism. The other plays 1 hour from now.

Adversar today is /vg/ and a win here would not punch the ticket but give a really solid claim to 2nd in the group.

IT'S OUR TURN

GET IN THERE

bad luck lads

Lost 2-1 to the gachas but still a ok showing considering main striker Ultimate Martial arts was purple.

Just win sunday

Amazing game, shame that own goal ended up killing us

>>230417
Yeah. 17th is solid. Just 1 more goal anywhere and we were fine

>>230419
Technically it's not the end of the road, there is a team without manager/caretaker in summer, so if they fail to get someone before the cup starts, /xs/ can still get into summer