please tell me im not the only one who swears his name has always been Mike Valley

>>90229 (OP)

I

don't

know

skaterbro,

I

think

it's

that

Mandela

effect

people

always

talk

about

these

days.

Did

you

know

that

the

current

longcat

site

record

is

forty

six

posts

by

/wsg/.

Hopefully

this

can

be

broken

just

to

bring

some

notoriety

on

this

board.

Thanks

for

letting

me

break

the

record

in

your

thread,

OP.

Goodbye.

You will never have a real catget. You have no IPs, you have no troll posters, you have no bumps. You are a coping failcat twisted by sage and samefaggotry into a crude mockery of 40cat's perfection.

All the “validation” you feel is unbased and half-hearted. In front of your face people mock you. Your fellow longposters are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “competitors” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind many boards.

Anon are utterly repulsed by you. 18 years of shitpost evolution have allowed anons to sniff out fraudgets with incredible efficiency. Even jannies who push the “pass” look uncaring and unexcited at your cat. Your post structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk anon to believe in you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your dishonest, illgotten cope/y/cat.

You will never be legit. You wrench out a fake smugness every single thread and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under your unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Archive browsers will find you, relieved that they no longer have to deal with the unbearable cringe and faggotry. They’ll bury cop/y/cat with a footnote marked with your asterisk, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a failcat is buried there. Your posts will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably fail.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

>>90591
cope faggot

>just a samefag
💢

>1 ip
>6 hour old thread
>lolcow still won't go to sleep
Current legit record is pic related.

you shall now be known as /xs/tream cope/y/c/r/ap

tr/a/nimebros...

>>90594
Bro, you slashed your cat with a link.

>>90589
Congrats

>>90602
big cope

>>90674
sm/a/ll cat

>>90229 (OP)
I always found it funny that people thought he was a badass for punking three college nerds. Then he started playing regional hockey and got his ass beat ever time he tried to start a fight.

>>90589
:FeelsGoodMan:

>>90589
Impressive

>>90589
Based Anon working the weebs.
>>90591
>>90593
>>90594
>>90596
>>90674
/xs/tremely cringe post

>>90229 (OP)
I always thought it was Mike Vallaly.

>>90229 (OP)
In 2005, I fucked Mike V on the train tracks behind a Ross Dress for Less. Man, his ass could grip. Real tight, not a hair on it, and a sphincter you could only dream of. I had fun at first. But he was so weirdly macho about it. He kept saying things like "thats right bitch, am I gonna make you nut?" and "fucking fag I bet you can't wait to bust in my fat hairy man ass hahaha faggot". I just ignored him and kept railing. He continued unironically calling me his bitch and a fag as he had several hands free prostate orgasms spilling seminal fluids onto the train tracks, getting more angry and dominant after each one. "Yea i bet you like dudes. You look like a pussy" he'd say "I cant even feel your limpdick bitch." I just kept clapping, wondering wtf is up with him. After about 20 minutes of railing Mike's boypussy, drenched in sweat and his cream, I finally got a nut off despite his constant berating and degrading comments. He immediately hopped off, laid flat on his back and bent his legs over his head so the cum dripped out of his asshole directly into his mouth. "The fuck you looking at? You like this gay boy?" He kept saying. After he got every last drop. He cackled like a rooster and punched me in the face as hard as he could. He nearly broke his hand, but I was fine. "Fucking fag" he said as he limped off into the sunset, shaking his wrist. That was the first and last time I fucked Mike V on the train tracks behind the Ross Dress for Less

>>95669
Yeah, cool story, bro.

nope vallely.

>>95669
>Man, his ass could grip. Real tight, not a hair on it,
>I bet you can't wait to bust in my fat hairy man ass hahaha faggot"

fucking liar cant even keep your story straight for more than 3 sentences.

>>90229 (OP)
Cool nickname, tho
Mike "Valley" Vallely

>>96560
yep vallely

>>103162
Vallelunga

>>100995
It's nice and simple.

>>103162
maybe vallely

>>90589
Was this really over 46?

>>117952
Count it.

As a kid I thought this nigga shaved his head because he was going bald but no he was just trying to be a fucking tough guy, Phil should have beat the fuck out him when he was on Viva La Bam

>>118127
>>118128
woooaahahah

Mike V is a big time faggot. I'm sure i shared this before but in the early 2000s i was skating Hollywood High with some friends- we were at some smaller stair sets in the back not where the huge stair set where everyone films is.
I've ran into a lot of ams/ pros in those days and they've always been cool, the ones who weren't like Greco or a few others kinda just kept to themselves- but usually someone else in their crew would be cool with us so it was fine.
But i digest...
So we're skating and we see him and one of my friends was like "oh shit its Mike V" and like a little bitch - in a very whiney voice he goes "Yes its me Mike V, everyone just stop what you're doing and interrupt what I'm doing because I'm Mike fucking V. NO you can;'t have my board, NO you can't have my autograph, I'm just here to skate. GOT THAT?"
We kinda just gave him an "alright bro" and kept it moving- but because of that incident i couldn't fucking stand his ass

>>123606
you could have atleast tried to make that believable.

>this thread is still up
lmao

>>123679
what part of that story isnt believable?

>>123606
no u

>>90589
>longest cat
put me in the screen cat

>>118506
Being bald is soi as fuck nowadays.

Happy holidays

>>123707
>>this thread is still up
ikr

>>123707
For now.

Cringe thread is cringe

Based thread is based

Guys get ready for the thread's 1 year anniversary party in a month.

almost time

>>139498
How come it didn't get past page 10?

>>139520
This thread is too special

>>121394
me on the right

Almost...

>>140497
...Time.

I can't believe it's been a full year, and unfortunately this year's prank SUCKS.

Gentlemen, we are bots.

At least we still have a cat. Happy Fools Day.

>>140998
Very underwhelming April Fools day.

To another year of pounding Mike V's anus behind Ross Dress for Less

I would like to congratulate everyone for participating in this thread for 1 whole year.

>>90591
test

>>142773
To many more

>>142773
thanks man

hehe

>>90589
Congrats bro

>>142773
<3

>>90589
based

Racist skaters can't resist his punches.
Did you know?

>>153520
No, I did not.

What >>90229 (OP)
>>90525
>>90526
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>>90568
>>90569

>>153520
That's news to me.

>>123606
i have a real actually true similar story about mike v being a cunt. the year was 2006 i believe, maybe 07. mike v's band revilution mother was playing warped tour and my friend was working the stage he was on so i was just sitting next to the stage bullshitting with bands and helping out with random manual labor all day. i enjoyed mike vs bands show and didnt know he was the fightin dude from the old skate videos. when he walked off stage i said somethin like good job man that rocked and instead of acknowledging me at all he just stared through me and walked straight at me until i kinda dodged even though he had plenty of room to go around. his fucking cigarette nicked me and toasted my arm a little bit. dude has a chip on his shoulder bigtime, little bitch behavior. rick thorns band was playing the same stage and they sucked but he was like the nicest guy ever.

>>159905
kek

>>90589
Dayum. 62 if I'm not mistaken. This is a great day for /xs/, and therefore the world.

>>163529
ENJOY YOUR BAN KIDDO

>>90589
you did it!!!!

can this fucking shit thread die already

>>166402
Why ya seething /a/utist?

>>166402
Hey Valley

>>166402
MIKE V IS A BIG TIME FAGGOT AND IN 2005 I FUCKED HIS ASS ON THE TRAIN TRACKS BEHIND THE ROSS DRESS FOR LESS
>captcha KKK VAX

>>166402
this nigga furious

>>166402
Bumping to the front page just to make this anon mad lol, lmao even

>>166402
How cranky is Anon?
>As cranky as a guy who took it up the ass behind a Ross Dress for Less

>>166402
No

>>90589
Very nice.

>>167416
Did you really do that?

>>176717
Yeah.

>>90591
xae $0

>>90593
:shoopdw2:

Imagine if this thread makes it to 2 years lol

>>177327
That would be funny.

>>177327
I believe in this board

>>90589
Epic. Truly epic

>>166402
This thread will live forever if I have any say in the matter

hehe

>>180438
This.

>>90229 (OP)
Don't let the flame die out!

>>90229 (OP)
...

almost time

>make a bump
>delete the post after a couple of minutes
>...
Profit.

Quality thread, keep it up

almost...

>>90589
Best thread on /xs/

>>190788
checked

Well, this is something

Happy April Fools' Day!

Nice

Congratulations /xs/

i heard this dude died
april fools

See you next year.

this was fun

>>90229 (OP)
>03/31/22
wew

i beat him up in 2008

>>194841
Were you a minor league hockey enforcer?

>>194841
coping fag

>>192633
BROKE NIGGA LOL

>>195925
Hey Mike, what’s it like getting fucked in the ass by the train tracks behind Ross dress for less

>>194841
Proof?

>>90229 (OP)
Oh bro thank you this is my personal Mandela. I even named my old youtube channel after him with the old spelling

Didn't realise this was 2 years old.kek

he signed my buddy's deck at slam city jam
seemed nice about it

>>90229 (OP)
Is this the oldest thread on the board?

I'VE GOT A VENDETTA

>>199572
he's a cool fella

>>90589
Erm what the freak how do you do this

>>199572
Did he have to fuck him behind Ross dress for less to get it?

CAN THIS FUCKING THING JUST DIE ALREADY

>>209112
>valley stans still raging over two years later
Lmao

>be me
>13 years old
>2004
>Iowa
>shitty nowhere town
>skating at the shitty local skatepark with 2 friends and gf
>van pulls up
>it's Mike fucking V
>he has a whole film crew with him
>woah
>skates up to me and friends
>does a boneless
>almost hist my friend Colton in the face
>he turns to the cameras
>"we'll edit that out"
>"sup kids"
>woah h-hey Mike V
>"we're filming this thing where I go to SHITTY skateparks in SHITTY states, like THIS ONE"
>oh okay
>"yeah man this park SUCKS"
>turns to camera
>looks off in the distance
>"yeah I remember skateboarding at my shitty local park... okay cut"
>shoves my friend
>laughs
>skates around the park doing bonelesses
>loudly yells "I'm going Mike Mode"
>a roadie runs up with an ipod and gives it to him
>starts pushing around the park as fast as he can while a capella belting out the lyrics to "Vendetta" by his band
>NOW
>YOU SEE ME
>AND YOU PISS YOURSELF
>turtle taps my other friend as he rides by
>this continues fir a few minutes
>pulls up out of breath
>looks at my friend's board
>"man this board SUCKS"
>y-yeah Mike V
>"I'm gonna give you new wheels"
>3 cameras on him as he gives the kid wheels
>"okay cut"
>turtle taps friend
>walks up to me and gf
>"shame I didn't bring more wheels because your board SUCKS too"
>y-yeah
>"you want a sticker?"
>sure Mike V!
>"okay, but I get to punch your gf as hard as I want to"
>no
>"okay kid that's fine just tell Mike V from Element that he should fuck himself and don't get a sticker, that's fine, faggot"
>turns to camera guy
>"let's blow this banana patch"
>gets drill from van
>drills a bunch of holes in the quarter pipe
>flips us off as he drives away

A heavily edited version of this is in the Elementality Vol 1 clip "Mike V's tour across America" or whatever it's called. What a prick.

>>90589
Wow congrats

>>95669
Mike V is love, Mike V is life

>>209180
I believe this happened irl

stic to your containment thread, plankflippers

>>209112
quit being a fucking faggot Valley

>>201464
Sure is fren

kek
bump

>>209180
kek

Mikey Valleney presents himself as the ultimate alpha but in reality has a long story of participation in underground gay sex parties, in most of which he exclusively acts as the bottom for large groups of men. His signature outfit at these events is all leather and he is known in certain circles known as "Meat Valley" due to his alleged gaping talents.

Another year has passed. See you next year lads.

thread survived the shutdown

>>228569
blessed thread

>>90589
i've never seen anything like this in my 20+ years of being on 4chan DOT org

>>230951
It's a unicorn.