How do I survive a bear attack?

>>33204768 (OP)
Depends on the bear
Lets see if I can remember the rhyme

If its brown, lie down
If its black, fight back
If its white, good night

>>33204828
I heard these things will like rip the skin off your scalp

holy shit

>>33204859
yea, they get pretty violent when they don't get their lolis.

If youre going into the wilderness carry bear mace with you. Talk to the forester or ranger when you go to a park about bear sightings.

>>33204768 (OP)
nothing

the black ones are pussies and if they're just "curious" and haven't attacked you can charge and make noise and they'll break

but an actual ATTACK? doesn't matter what bear it is, your life is in God's hands. nothing you can do

>>33204859
Polar bears can literally determine your location based of scents from up to 20 miles away

>>33204887
>doesn't matter what bear it is
even the black ones?

>>33204934
if a black bear has actually started attacking humans it's literally life and death hungry and will not give up

you are going to fight because that's instinct but it's a roll of the dice

Statistically the most dangerous bear is the sloth bear

They look nasty too

>>33204869
kek

>>33204768 (OP)
By going armed for bear.

>>33205736
Can you go armed for cat?

Be the bear, eat a chocolate raisin off the ground, follow the MAP

>>33206224
What...

>>33206337
My reaction too. You know you can go into the name bar and be any name you like if you want: Zach, Jim, Bob, Ryan, Nick. No one is stopping you. All in the good name of anonymity.

I'm not a bear expert but you should probably carry bear spray

>>33204828
If its black its probably in your dumpster.

>>33204768 (OP)
Don't worry, femanon. Man attacks are what you really need to worry about.

>>33204768 (OP)
Ok this is an /out/ question but I am a humble outdoors gear merchant.

#1 .45acp accept no substitute. A gun stops the bear with out its concent. When it comes to loud noises a court ain't going to hang you for putting a warning shot into the dirt.

#2 flairs and bear bangers. Simulation shotgun round best for mid- long range stand offs.

#3 bear spray. Lays down a cloud of spray it is good for close range spook encounters when the bear is not dedicated to the attack. You will gas yourself too but is more than enough to get most bear encounters to end.

#4 what you should already be doing, bear safety know your surroundings and control food smells. Best way to survive a bear attack is to not be attacked.

>>33204768 (OP)
Always travel in the woods with someone else. Then you don't have to run faster than the bear, just faster than your friend.

>>33207050
I've always found this joke to be very funny but very dark and grim at the same time.

>>33204768 (OP)
Throw him a loli to distract him :3

>>33208556
dark but very funny

>>33204768 (OP)
You gotta make the first move and kill it first. Brace a spear in the ground and get him to change at it before you sidestep.
Less retarded, if there’s a downhill at all, run like hell in that direction. Bears are fatasses and get a real shoulder workout trying to get downhill in a hurry without stumbling over themselves