1 year ago I actually managed to get a date and date a woman for about 3 weeks. I did manage to get a kiss but she never became my girlfriend. I am also 30 years old and feel behind in this section of things. I just don't want to make the same mistake again in the future. I don't even know what I did wrong but effectively she told me she didn't really feel a spark. Which is understandable. I am a very restrained person because I have autism so I am basically always running stuff through my head before I say or do anything when in situations like that. I know I probably seemed rigid and stiff when dating her. I was just trying to be a good date though. I realize my failure but I am unaware of how I can prevent it from happening again. What do you think I can even do? When on the dates, things felt okay to me. I couldn't feel the lack of a spark I guess. I feel bad because it makes me think the few dates I went with her on were basically torture for her if she didn't like me.

>>33215616 (OP)
I feel very similarly to you, but I got lucky when I was 26 and managed to get a girlfriend. If I gave up on myself and I never met my ex, there is definitely world where I could be writing your post. The thing though is that you probably arent rigid and stiff and no fun. You just mask your real self because you dont want to get hurt by being vulnerable. So I wouldnt even keep repeating this to yourself, that you arent fun and have no personality or charm. That isnt true about anyone. The other thing is that you really need to keep trying. Its basically just a lottery system. I doubt the last girl you dated felt tortured. She went on several dates and kissed you. If anything to me that signifies that she actually liked you quite a bit. The thing though is that there is a difference between liking someone and "feeling a spark". Its basically impossible to describe unless youve felt it before. It really is chemistry. It isnt a lame metaphor, it really is just like two chemicals bonding together out of irrational attraction. So just keep putting yourself out there. If you can do it already before you can do it again

>>33215653
I will try what you suggested. The one thing that really eats at me is that I rarely get dates. So when I do get one I feel like "Ok Roger, Don't fuck this up." Because I get them so rarely I honestly don't know when I will even get a chance to get another. I met that particular woman through a dating app which I also don't get many responses on. So it felt like I really did hit the lotto like you mentioned. She had all the qualities I typically like in a woman too. And I blew it. I am not upset that I failed and I am glad I did meet her those few times. I really want to try dating more frequently but figuring out how to do that is hard for me. The last date I had before the most recent woman was like 2019. and that was just 1 date.

>>33215688
With the right woman you cant really fuck it up unless you really spill spaghetti and talk about some fucked up shit. It is OK and expected to be awkward. A girl who likes you will not mind that. With respect to getting dates, it can be difficult. There are a lot of threads in the archive here on that. Generally though you could probably make your profile more appealing and try more things with women going to them. Overall though I think you should appreciate the fact you actually have put yourself out there and been on several dates. For introverted, self lacerating people it is not easy. I do believe that it just takes time and effort and eventually most people find a good companion.

>>33215717
I believe what you say. I will keep trying. I am hoping to be able to date more often. One thing I have found about myself is that I wasn't blessed with like the "savant" kind of autism where you are really good at some specific thing/s. I have found that I am very good at practicing and trying. I rarely give up and sometimes I become very fixated on practicing something even though I am currently ass at it. So maybe that is my blessing. There have definitely been times where I thought "Wow, I am trash at this." But the thought never progresses into "Wow, I am trash at this. Better give up."

>>33215796
>I rarely give up and sometimes I become very fixated on practicing something even though I am currently ass at it.
Best autism to have. Never give up on getting the woman of your dreams
Never simp either

>>33215688
>The one thing that really eats at me is that I rarely get dates. So when I do get one I feel like "Ok Roger, Don't fuck this up."
That attitude is what is causing you to screw up. Your dates will go better once you stop feeling like that and *relax*. Women are attracted to men who come across as confident; if you're panicking about screwing up, you will not come across that way.

Something which helped me was realising that if a date went bad, it actually made no difference at all: I hadn't had a girlfriend; a terrible date happened; and I still didn't have a girlfriend. So the worst possible thing that could happen was that absolutely nothing changed. And that's not really so bad!

You mustn't think in terms of changing yourself to make a woman like you; you need to find a woman who likes you the way you already are; and if you haven't found her yet, keep looking.