Im a people pleaser who never learned to say no or how to actually ask for what I want out of my own life and im only learning that 5 years into marriage.

What do I do? She's not a bad girl at all but wasn't my first choice, and additionally there's so much stuff I always wanted to be or get or do and there's zero chance she would be willing to accommodate literally any of those things I've kept bottled up for so long. In truth she has me on a leash, again she's not a bad person but ive never really gotten to be totally free and make all my own decisions.

What do? This is tough af

got any kids?
no
I
I
I
ˇ
leave

>>33229892
you can't just break up a marriage like that man. dont you have any respect for what commitment represents? good times and bad

>>33229830 (OP)
Did you actually want to marry her or did she pressure you into it

>>33229830 (OP)
Well - what do you want to do?

In light of what >>33230074 says, it depends.

If you want to travel the world, have sex with other women, start an online business and buy a Ferrari, I'd say you need to be a bit more realistic.

If you want to get a motorbike or join a sports team and make new friends, or pursue a new and interesting career or pick up a new hobby or something, then these things are achievable and you can discuss it with your partner (if it affects her at all). If it doesn't affect her then just do it, obviously.

Need more info on what you want, really.

Also PS I sympathise, I'm a people pleaser too. I was raised by possibly the nicest guy of all time.

>>33229830 (OP)
>>33230129
Also, if you are deeply unhappy, dissatisfied and feel severely limited by your relationship, them this is something for you to discuss with a) friends (they'll tell you if you're being reasonable) and then b) your wife (to try fixing things).

>>33229830 (OP)
Almost nobody married their first choice

The whole highschool sweetheart thing is pretty much gone

Get that out of your mind. Do you think you were the first man she ever wanted?

>>33230123
she didn't pressure me, i raised by really nice people who believe a lot in marriage and i didn't want to disappoint my loved ones

>>33230129
im afraid to admit that my first thoughts are sexual, i didn't date a lot, kept a leash on my sexuality and never really got to explore it, and it's just feels unbelievably awkward to explore any of that with my wife, there's zero chance she interested

basically I'm like "damn, i could have just asked out the girls i had a crush on and they might have liked me? i could have been popular? i could have had the hot sex i always felt ashamed for wanting? i could just go out and ask for things, set boundaries, assert myself, and get the things I wanted? I think I just want freedom to do whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like, without worrying about what my wife or my family thinks of me, I want to bounce around jobs or careers, try living in different cities, etc. I'm approaching 30 and starting to regret my very domesticated, stable life for some reason

>>33230140
I am not deeply unhappy, I have asked my friends and they basically think I have a good thing going for me and don't understand why I'm unsatisfied, and to some extent they just think i should do whatever makes me happy (which i think is bad advice)

I've talked to my wife about it a little bit but can try more, I think she'd help me do what I want to make me happy, but i just can't handle the disappointment in her face when I tell her I'm unhappy, it makes me nauseous

>>33230150
yeah I hear ya. I try not to compare myself to others, it's just I was really happy as a young, single man and I'm less so now.

>>33230185
>she didn't pressure me, i raised by really nice people who believe a lot in marriage and i didn't want to disappoint my loved ones

How did YOU feel about it tho bro?

Not your parents. Not your relatives. Not her. Not her family. Just you

>>33230538
it wasn't a hell yes for me nor was it a hell no, i honestly can't tell you that I DID NOT want to get married, but I wasn't really excited either. idk i just wanted to make everyone happy, which i did at the time and felt good about

>>33230185
How's your sex life? You can try mixing it up. Talk with her about it and roleplay

If you're truly fed up and have no kids, then you can of course get divorce. Life is too short to be unfulfilled. But be certain that you've at least tried (and really tried) to make it work.

Don't give up on life and settle for a routine you don't like. But don't give up on your wife either. Talk it out and see what you can do. Bit concerning that you seem so sure she won't be interested in exploring your sexuality - why not? You can explore hers too. Maybe she has some wild fantasies you never discussed.

>>33231142
idk she's affectionate but very vanilla in sex and i've tried introducing kinky stuff and it was straight nos and "im setting boundary" across the board. she's pretty trad so thinks anything other than piv missionary is perverted

im not giving up on her and im not fed up, i just feel so stuck in a routine and i feel like the only way out is a radical change of some kind, like breaking up (not that i exactly want to), moving to another state, trying a different career, all of which she would fight tooth and nail because it would threaten the stability of the future family she wants

>>33232068
>idk she's affectionate but very vanilla in sex and i've tried introducing kinky stuff and it was straight nos and "im setting boundary" across the board. she's pretty trad so thinks anything other than piv missionary is perverted
Yeah it's over.

>>33232068
Seriously, man, how can you not see it? Kill yourself you hedonistic fag. You’re acting like one of those girls who says she wants to break up because the relationship was “too perfect.” It makes no sense

>>33233442
>>33233448
the duality of man

>>33229830 (OP)
>>33230185
>>feel like i didn't explore sex enough
>tranny dating profile as your thread image
What are you trying to tell us OP?

>>33229830 (OP)
>23

>>33229830 (OP)
Doesn't look trans

>>33233448
there's nothing "perfect" about a girl shutting down his sexual advances and her disinterest in exploring kinks. That's lame af, whats wrong with you?

>>33233588
you really think the op pic aint worth exploring?

bump

If you found a really hot tranny that you also liked would you give up pussy for xer and marry her? Pic related has me thinking

>>33229830 (OP)
I wish I could help you anon, im in the same boat although not quite as deep. Going on 4 years of dating, except I atleast have the option of blaming the military for my desire to break up.

You only have three choices, im afraid.

>Get the thought of experiencing all you want and live a unfulfilled life
>Tell her this is something you cant stop thinking about, and potentially divorce. (This will 100% hurt her and even kill her perception of men and love in general)
>or the morally bankrupt option, cheat.

Unfortunately most will not sympathize with you, as they arent so people pleasing, they enter a marriage with someone they dont particularly like and then keep it going purely because its not problematic enough to break up.
This is the part of people pleasing people never consider could happen.

>>33229830 (OP)
>>33237152
does she shave? does she do anal? does she swallow cum and piss? does she cum quick? how often do u fuck?

I have two stories:

1. My dad had the exact same inkling about your age.

Wanted to party, wanted to fuck around, wanted to go to uni and get a real job.
He left his wife and her two kids to do just that. I don't know whether it was worth it to him, I don't really care either.
All you need to know is that right now he's drinking two bottles of gin a day, lost his wife, and his kids aren't talking to him. We're all basically waiting for him to die.

2. I dated a girl for 6 years and left her. Tried to break up with her 2 years in because I wasn't happy and she convinced me to keep trying and I just... kept putting it off. I wasn't miserable, but always knew I wasn't actually happy, but kept thinking "well if it's been this long there has to be *something* there". Eventually I realised that ultimately doing it years down the line would feel exactly as bad as doing it now; so I might as well do it now and save myself time.

Couple of wisdoms I have from these experiences:

Firstly, single life isn't the fuckfest you think when you're in a relationship. You're used to every flirt landing and physical affection (if not sex) on demand. IRL you have to work for it way harder, and honestly likely won't get laid all that much until your next relationship.

Secondly, it sounds like youre unhappy with the way you approach your relationships and I think that's something you should get professional help for. Therapists talk to dozens of people in your situation every day. They've heard it all. If nothing else, you can learn what won't work.

Lastly, whatever you decide to do, you need to fucking commit to it. If you REALLY decide leave your wife, it's for good. Don't hit her up 3 years down the line about how sad you are and you regret leaving. Don't let her talk you out of leaving. You decided, that means it's happening. Sure she's going to be miserable, but if you pussyfoot around and refuse to commit to an outcome you leave her dangling in the wind and she doesn't deserve

Why do you assume she wouldn't support you?

Want to start asking for what you want? Start here.

>>33229830 (OP)
Just be lucky you have even that. You'd miss her if she was gone. Try actually communicating you ingrateful fuck.

>>33233448
>too perfect
what a mentally ill thing to say

>>33229830 (OP)
You nutvup and deal with it. All men who get married young go through this. Good men sacrifice their selfish desired for the good of his wife's happiness. Dumb men that sacrifice their marriage in pursuit of hedonism always regret it.

>>33230185
you are entering a mid life crisis and there is no guarantee bouncing out of your marriage, job and personal values will change how you feel, just FYI. The grass is always greener and all that. I'd personally start smaller, maybe picking up weight lifting or something before you burn down your established relationships chasing a possibility. Especially if it's purely sexual in nature. your sex drive is not forever and not THAT important unless your wife is straight up frigid.

>>33229830 (OP)
I am a people pleaser to an extent, but like I am not a bitch. You need to establish boundaries.
You want to do a thing, do it. If your bitch doesn't like it frankly she can fuck off.

>>33242836
OP wants too fuck trannys, he's a lost cause.

>>33237983
this is really good, thanks

>>33229830 (OP)
I'm in a similar situation but almost 15 years in
Just kept going on autopilot, gf "became" wife, life is not hell but I'm not happy either, very dissatisfied
I completely failed myself because I don't make decisions for anything critical in my life and realized way too late, now I feel too old to act. Feels pointless.
I guess some people learn faster, others have more courage, while I simply lack these qualities
>>33237983
The first part of this post is irrelevant because everyone is in different circumstances, making different choices
But the second part hits hard.
With these in mind OP, whatever you do you better fucking stand by it.
If you leave you god damn leave and live it, and if you stay, give all your heart and soul to your wife. Just don't never make decisions like me.