>be me
>23
>last year of undergrad, prepping for law school
>joined the army, have friends and make friends easily
>was homeschooled, was rough. Family didn’t let me leave the house on my own for years
>parents discouraged sex and dating, now find it hard to talk with women outside of a platonic setting
>pretty sure I have latent trauma, will sit and mull over being isolated and that I lost out on my high school experience for hours or days at a time
>hate myself, sometimes to the point of suicidal ideation, feel like I could’ve done something to get out sooner and had been able to live a life

What do anons? This has been affecting me for years now and though I made a lot of progress (I used to be a complete NEET who couldn’t get out of bed) I feel like it’s not enough, like I’m doing all of this in spite of being homeschooled and sometimes it feels like I never left.

I’m especially bitter and angry about how it’s affected dating for me, sometimes I shake or shiver when a woman is even close to me or touches me even if it’s not intentional. I feel very nervous around women a lot too and I think it’s directly because of this but I can’t move past it. I’ve lost my virginity last year but even then I don’t feel like I’m comfortable around women.

What do I do? Can I fix this or am I fucked?

>>33234999 (OP)
You’d whine the same if the opposite happened.

>>33234999 (OP)
I just graduated from law school, feel free to message me if you want any advice about it. Discord: favelour

>>33235210
Hardly, things were going well before I got put into homeschool, good grades, was social. I was on a good trajectory prior to being taken out of school

>>33235210
that's good advice

>>33234999 (OP)
>>33235366
i think therapy would be good for this
there's nothing complicated about therapy, it's very straightforward and mechanistic at this point
just gotta find a decent therapist

>>33235381
Thanks for the advice man. I’ve been attending therapy off and on for about a year and it had been successful in some aspects (got work, moved away for university, lost my virginity, etc.) especially compared to where I was. Bringing this up has been harder to tackle however. She said I might have cptsd or something of the sort and has offered coping strategies (box breathing, grounding, etc.) but I feel like I’ve hit a roadblock where I can tamp down the feelings for a time but they often bubble back up and recently has caused me to feel angrier and more pissed off or bitter instead of just being sad

>>33235472
Forgot to add this but it also hasn’t been as helpful around women practically, she’s nice but I still feel scared around them with her and family being the exception

>>33235472
sounds like a mediocre therapist, honestly
this sounds like counseling more than therapy
therapy is supposed to resolve shit from the past, while counseling is supposed to help you be more responsible and not fuck your life up more

i shouldn't have said that
maybe she is a good therapist but this stuff is just particularly difficult to resolve
but if ALL she did was give you those techniques, it might be better to shop around for another therapist

>>33235494
>>33235500
Thank you for your input anon. Yeah a lot of it is organized around the latter, instead of the former. We talk about my past stuff sometimes if I bring it up and she listens but for the most part she will say something to the tune of “remember that you’re not there anymore” even though some days I FEEL like I’m still there, like I can’t relax or feel content.

Perhaps looking around for someone else would be a good option, at least as supplementary if my benefits cover it as she has helped and I feel like she actually does care to some degree, which I haven’t gotten from therapists in the past

>>33235518
>We talk about my past stuff sometimes if I bring it up and she listens but for the most part she will say something to the tune of “remember that you’re not there anymore” even though some days I FEEL like I’m still there, like I can’t relax or feel content.
you could try bringing this up with her if you feel comfortable doing so
it may be worth a try before looking for other therapists, idk
>Perhaps looking around for someone else would be a good option, at least as supplementary if my benefits cover it
that sounds good too